Friday, August 16, 2019

We Don't Trust Ourselves. With Anything. #BB21

It's Day #59 today, but it feels like Day #159 to me at this point.  I think we need to give Julie credit for being so invested in this, because she seems to be more caught up in the game than usual this summer.  And she's on a roll now with her styling team, and she knows it, too.  You don't pose like this unless you know it's close to your personal best.

Even the slippers work here.  But I think I would be wearing flip flops in this situation, because isn't it hot in California?  And wouldn't Julie have a fresh pedicure to consider?

I started writing a new post at some point early this week, even typing up "conversation starter" bullet points as I uploaded the pictures so I could remember what the house guests' conversation was all about.  This post is going to be easy, I told myself.  But then the week just sort of melted away.  It started calmly, with a plan, and then I made the mistake of letting other people's actions and attitudes impact me to the point where I did almost nothing that I planned to do.  Like eat.  And sleep.  And watch live feeds, I guess.  So now I just asked myself, so what DID you do then?  And I can't come up with anything.  What the hell.

I think I'll keep the now-old pictures but shove them to the bottom of the post.  Once I get started maybe things will flow.  That always happens, even when I don't like the season.

I wanted to get a picture of Julie's full look, including her tilty heels, but Comcast apparently won't let me fast-forward or pause this show now, even though I saved it on my DVR.  Maybe because I already watched it live?  In any case, I can't watch it again with all the commercials, just to snap a few pictures of Julie's look and the HoH competition.  I just can't.  I won't.

Before I forget, this is what appears on my online DVR with regard to the saved Big Brother episode.

I wold like to point out that David Alexander is listed right there as one of the stars on EVERY episode of the season.  Because the alphabet works that way.  The A's go first.

Those shimmery stripes on Julie's dress are actually zippers.  Zippers that might even function normally, at least in the lower part of the dress.  Simple, yet special, fitting Julie like a glove.

There were A LOT of game rotations last week, as the house guests blew up connections, and then reformed them almost immediately, once again being unable to keep a secret, or use common sense about what to say to whom, and when they should be saying it, or just keeping their mouth closed for once.

And I just can't take the CONSTANT RAMPANT use of the word LITERALLY.  Did you notice that on the live show?  Analyse says it in LITERALLY EVERY sentence, and Holly and Christie are not far behind.  It makes me sick.  I just can't take it.


Before I abandoned the fast-forward-free playback of the live show I took two more pictures.  Tommy's HoH reign was pretty good for his game, I think.  He strengthened ties with just about every person, and I think he feels okay about losing Christie, because she will have a hard time getting to the end with him.

And let's face it, she's a solid vote for Tommy to win, so there's that.  I just watched Nick ask Tommy if a male gay house guest has ever won Big Brother and both Tommy and Nick thought Kaycee was the only gay house guest ever to win.  Sorry Andy.

Tommy's compulsive habit of ending EVERY conversation, no matter how perfunctory or minor with a proclamation that he LOVES you, is OBSESSED with you, and/or is AMAZED with you is so annoying and fake.

LOOK:  If you love EVERYBODY, you don't love ANYBODY.  And you know I'm right about that.

Oh, and did you HEAR Tommy making a VERY LOUD disturbance after Kathryn's EXCELLENT eviction speech, basically dragging Cliff's accomplishments out in front of everybody so they don't forget what he's accomplished in the game so far?  Tommy went FULL GRANDE trying to let everybody remember his last few minutes as the HoH.  Take a seat, hon.  We heard you.

Tommy's OTEV PoV win was crucial, because it allowed him to take Christie off the block, saving her ass in the game FOR REAL.  And it came off rather naturally, with him saying he wanted his HoH nominations to stand, without interference from Christie's Field Trip twist nomination.

And I want to point out that the PoV Stash Box is unchanged from last season.  I'll bet it smells like a glass pipe inside that thing.  And I'd like to apologize to the crew for accusing them of wanting to steal it for their own purposes after last season was over.  Maybe they are just doing that to make me crazy.  Because I don't think the green velvet look is iconic enough to be the norm every year, is it?

I just spent a lot of time I didn't have looking through last year's posts, looking for a picture of Tyler closing the PoV Stash Box that I remember writing, guessing where Tyler's own stash box was stored in his own living space.  But I couldn't find it, but I did find this close up of Kaycee closing the box after one of her many PoV wins.  And after scrolling through a few of last season's posts, I'm even more unhappy about this season.

I loved last season.  It really had it all for me.  I should have stopped after that, actually.  Going out on a high note.

So I'm sure you know that Kathryn was voted out with only one vote to save her, from Jessica, and six votes going against her.  She hugged only Jessica on her way out, and that seemed planned, as there were no obvious snubs or sour feelings left behind.  She got a big cheer as she left the house but was way too concerned with what appeared or did not appear on the show, frequently addressing the audience and referring to things we might not know because it wasn't covered on the 60 minute CBS episodes.

Um...Kat....don't forget about the 21 hours each week the live feeds air directly on Big Brother After Dark.  I haven't heard ANY of the house guests even mention that, actually.  And Kat doesn't even know about us watching the live feeds obsessively.  And documenting it.  With pictures.

Both of Kat's interviews with Julie were messy, and jumbled, and frantically self-obsessed to the point of skewing the truth about the action.  But Andy Herren sums it up best, I think.

I'll say it:  I'm over Cliff and wanted him to leave this week.  I don't like the dancing and the constant self-promotion.  I see you, Cliff Hogg.  I respect what you have accomplished, but I'm ready for you to sail on out of the front door holding that smelly owl.  Sorry Orwell.

And Jackson won the Slip and Slide HoH, of course.  His win became obvious when the competition was about halfway over, because he had the stamina it takes to keep going once the adrenaline of the live show is over.  There is a slight slope to that course that the house guests have to navigate, and that is the killer for most of them.

I live tweeted the competition, which lasted for about an hour, I think.  You should read the tweets from the bottom to the top, if you are concerned with the proper sequence of events.

And then:

Right after Cliff made that big proclamation about how he was going to stay out there until he finished filling up his beer stein, dangit, the feeds went to FISH while I'm positive Production told Cliff that their budget tonight did not include keeping a staff of dozens, maybe hundreds, on the clock just to suit his ego.  And I'm sure Cliff, a seasoned businessman, was well aware of that and knew he wouldn't have to finish.  I think he was just flexing for the players who had already collapsed on the sidelines with water after Jackson was proclaimed the winner.  Which was everybody else besides Cliff, actually.

Jackson and his watermelon were a common meme thing, of course.  This is just one of several I saw floating around out there.

The next series of pictures were taken while I was sitting down to write this post.  And you can see several watermelon displayed proudly on Jackson's little table there.  But why though? Is he worried that the house guests will eat it if he stores it downstairs?  Surely he knows he's trained everyone in the house better than that.

And look at how Holly sits at his feet beneath him like he's her master or something.

Holly knows when the cameras are on them, because she hears them rotating and focusing on their conversation.  She's been going into Frontier Land mode lately, acting like Kitty on Gunsmoke, (or whatever....I've never seen that show but I know Kitty wore off-the-shoulder tops, still looking pretty while slinging drinks in the saloon) standing by her man with homespun platitudes written by the interns who want to make it to the Writer's Room one day.

Here you go, kids.  But don't get me wrong.  This show is WAY WAY WAY before my time, too.

GET THIS:  The Tee Vee shows used to be in black-and-white.  Yep. It's true.  And this guy's hat and vest don't look like the sort of wardrobe The Hero would have, do they?  They look like machine-washable garments from Sears.  No shame on Sears, but this was a popular show, because there were probably only two or three shows on TV back then, anyway.

ALSO:  TV stations used to go dark, to static, when the program day was complete.  Like at 11:30 PM or so, after the local news.  And you couldn't just switch over to cable, because cable TV either didn't exist or wasn't widespread, because you had to have cable lines installed in your neighborhood before you could subscribe to cable TV.  When infomercials were invented decades later, those 30 minute commercials started airing on the local stations instead of the static, because it was money out of nowhere for the TV station owners.

Everyone is sore today after that competition, because they had to use muscles that are only announcing themselves now, like the hip flexors.  And all of the bumps and bruises on the players who fell.  Jackson and Holly chortled about the fact that neither of them ever fell out there.  Holly did very well, actually, coming in second, I think, with Nick in third place as far as beer levels in their stein, of course.  Because just like Cliff, they didn't actually finish the mission.  Allison Grodner had tape to edit and a Sunday night show to get in the can.

Jackson already told us he planned to put Christie and Analyse on the block, because he wants to be sure that Christie is the one to leave this week.  Now, WE know that he should have put Tommy on the block next to Christie instead, but Jackson doesn't know what we know about that whole situation.

This situation, in case you forgot.  Not only did Christie date Tommy's much-older aunt for seven years, the two of them had apparently been friends way back in school.  So they knew each other before Christie started up with The Aunt, a much different issue, I think we can all agree.

I thought that was David Schwimmer in the lower left CAHNAH of this picture, but it's not.  At least, I don't think so.  I think the sharp-eyed Redditors who find this stuff would have let us know if Christie and Tommy were also friends with one of the FRIENDS.

Everyone sat around waiting for nominations to begin.  Even Jackson and Holly came in the room to wait and the group seems so small now.

Cliff told some story in excruciating detail about how he got naked in the shower and walked out holding Orwell over his junk, supposedly on the way to a meeting in the house.  But he said he worried that everyone would be offended if the meeting was serious, so he changed his mind about moving forward.  I'm guessing this was before the feeds went live, and he was trying to be like people who have streaked in the house the first week in prior seasons.  (Like Ian Terry and Jase from BB17, I think.)

I can't stomach a Cliff Hogg AFP, ya'll.  He will arguable deserve it, but that doesn't mean I will have to like it.  I don't like it when a house guest is so transparent about trying to win the AFP title.

Holly was talking about her anxiety issues, and how during the big blow up in the lead up to the live show when Jack was evicted, she went into the Have Not room and was hyperventilating.  She was describing certain symptoms and Nick was interpreting them, comparing his own nervous tapping when he's anxious.

Nick has a lot of problems, ya'll.  He talks about them pretty openly, but his anxiety kept him from being able to go to school at times and keeps him on meds now.  I wonder if the tactile compulsions are a part of that, wanting to clutch and be clutched by someone.   Just a thought.

Analyse played a joke on them by announcing that there was an Outback Steak sign on the living room TV screen.  Everybody was saying they know that's not true, but they all got up to check, anyway.

Jackson:  That's how bored we are.  We get up to see a blank TV screen even though we know she was lying.

Jessica has been saying she's lost so much weight she might have lost one of her big clients, since they expect her to be a certain size.  I can tell she's lost a lot, but she's not trying to do that.  She always talks about how she's stressed out and has such an upset stomach every morning that she's not hungry.

Nick brought up something Holly said weeks ago about wanting to have a therapist visit the house for them and she does remember saying that.  She still thinks a quick 15 minute session each week would be good for each of them.

(Everyone knows about Nick's job now.)

Christie is being very calm, I must say.  I haven't seen a lot of big theatrics yet from her as she waits for the nomination ceremony, but we all know it's going to happen at some point.

The PoV comp is going to be the most important one of the season, you know.  We say that every week but so far it has happened to be true.  What would Tommy do if he won the PoV?  Would he save Christie, putting his game right out there in the open?  He's worked so hard to try and create a separation from her, saying they are not working together over and over until people seem to believe it.

I haven't even mentioned the utter stupidity last week of Jessica blowing up Cliff making deals and leaving her out of it.  Shouldn't she and Nicole have worked together with Holly and Jackson to keep Kathryn in the game?  Instead of having a temper tantrum about being excluded from Cliff's new alliance?

I hate the way these players "play" this game.  All of them, actually.  I hate the way the fans all adopt the same brain about it, too.  Nicole has done NOTHING in this game and is like a perpetual victim in there but some of the viewers seem to think she's the second coming of Christ, apparently.  She's a nice girl who has some witty comments, but it's not like she's All Star material, now is she?

I'll answer for you:  Nope.

Then Marsha the Moose announced that Analyse's chicken punishment is over, and Tommy saw a camera opportunity in that immediately.  He rushed right over and started ripping the velcro fasteners open, pulling Sys out of the costume.

Nick, sounding alarmed:  Wait, does she have underwear on?

Sys: Yeah, I do.

Nick:  Good. I was like, Sys doesn't have drawers on under there.

Of course, the cameras were on that topic immediately.

This topic, too.

He came out of the Diary Room later and asked the group collectively if he was known as a cuddler.  Christie laughed and Nick implied the topic came up and he told them he cuddles everybody, and says Bella isn't going to care because she knows they're all friends in there.

Um no, dawg.  That's not how it works.  If you feel nagging guilt, it's because you're guilty.

Nick should have taken a lesson from Sam, who was ALWAYS aware of what appearances would look like so that he didn't embarrass his family at home in any way, always thinking about how the edit may or may not make his actions clear.  But Nick and Bella aren't married with two kids, so it's a bit different.

Nick pointed out the other day that he's had a hell of a month in the house, losing his girl and his best friend in back-to-back weeks, and being Enemy #1 for a few weeks, too.  That's anxiety producing, I'm sure.  I'm not excusing it, but Nick has not been shy about admitting he has a history of emotional problems.

(And I know I couldn't go in there.  Hell no.  Not for me.  EVER.  I know WAY too much about the process to ever want to be on reality TV at all.)

These are the old pictures.  I need to eat at some point so I need to blow through these.


It was a boring week in the house, and at just over the halfway point of the season, we're likely in for much more boredom as the weeks go by.  Sys' egg punishment called for a variety of egg dishes to be cooked.  I think she had to make deviled eggs here, which everyone loved.

And because her chicken coop stayed in the backyard all week, the house guests who didn't play in the Field Trip comp got to practice moving eggs around the coop, just like they've seen on TV so many times.

Cliff saw how it all works, and indicted that moving the eggs over the room was an interesting challenge.

Sys had to sit in the nest each time she was required to cook up an egg dish, and she later said it was a very comfortable nest, and even laid in it when everyone else was tanning out there.  She was a good sport about it, which surprised me.  I think it gave her something to do, and something to talk about, since she is obviously well aware that she doesn't usually add much to the conversations.

Sys, frequently when defending herself:  I DIDN'T SAY THAT!  I NEVER SAY ANYTHING!

Everyone agreed that she learned some good cooking skills and most of the dishes she made were very good.  Cliff, for one, did not turn down any of her food offers and was quite complimentary about the flavors.

(I think BB gave Sys recipes to follow, but if that alone made the food taste good, there wouldn't be so much bad food out there, now would there?  No.)

Nick moved some eggs around out there, too.

Today Jessica said she named her breasts Thelma and Louise.

Jackson:  Is Thelma the left one?


They groused about not getting a lot of booze this summer, and Tommy said he was saving his HoH six pack of "tall boy bullets" until Sunday afternoon, when he would pass them out for everyone to enjoy, maybe.

Jackson suggested they consider stockpiling the booze deliveries so that they would have enough to drink on one big occasion during the week.

That's a Mike Boogie Initiative, actually.  Mike always wanted to wait until he could have five or six drinks at one time, rather than a beer and a half that would be allotted on a regular weeknight.  And by the way, the BBAD production team wants them to drink up when their cameras are live, so the viewers can enjoy the way their buzzes play out.  Duh.

I got nothing.  Sorry.

And even less here.

I feel like I took these pictures at least two weeks ago.  A lot has changed since then.

Nick is single now, I think, but he doesn't know it.  He may be feeling it though, after some Diary Room conversations about snuggling up with Analyse.  Just a guess.  There is nothing he can do about it now though.

Doesn't it feel like Jack left a long, long time ago?  It does to Sys, too.  She's saying things today like "when I was with Jack", and it seems weird to hear that.  Basically she's saying the two of them spent time with the entire house, not just holed up alone like Jackson and Holly.

Kathryn is known for her rather-plain snacking choices that are heavy on the carbs.  For example, she likes to eat a plain tortilla, one at a time, traveling back to the storage room each time she wanted another one.

In this case, she marched outside with the "butt of the bread".

Kathryn:  I like the butt.

Jessica likes it, too.  Cliff pointed out that some call it the heel of the bread.

Kathryn's mom is a professional taste tester and Kathryn isn't sure if that helped her in that Whacktivity comp where she had to guess the bad smells.

(It didn't seem to help.)

This is Sys enjoying a nap in her nest without complaining, which is nice.  She held up that huge egg and said it would be cool if she had to cook with an ostrich egg.  And she likes "quail egg shooters" which I think must be sushi-related.

I used to work with a girl who ate really hardcore sushi when we traveled together.  And she would have two bottles of saki by herself when we were at dinner.  One time we were eating at a little corner sushi  bar somewhere in Denver and a scary-looking guy came in the restaurant and started slurring and sort of shouting about how he could kill everybody in there.  I realized that a few waitresses and a bartender on the other side of the bar wouldn't be a big help to us.

And we didn't even have sharp knives in our place settings like you'd have in a steak house or something. We had nothing but chopsticks, actually.  One of the men sitting at the sushi bar next to us with his wife stood up and somehow got the guy to leave while the bartender called the police.  When they came in they questioned everybody and I remember asking them rhetorically what we should do in the future to protect ourselves at a time like that, and they just kind of stood there and looked at me.

We didn't even have cellphones back then, much less smart phones.  We were just out there in the wind, hanging with the meth heads.  And Denver is a nice town, too.  It's no dump or anything.

Anyway, Tommy was relaxed now that his rocket costume punishment is over.  His costume was one of the worst ever, because the helmet was so heavy and he had to zip out of it every time he went to the bathroom.

But you could say the same about Jason Dent's Xtreme punishment a few years ago, actually.  That one was horrible, too.

The guy who runs the Challenge Mania podcast told Rob Cesternino that he is going to DM Cliff after this summer and ask him to appear on a Challenge recap show or two.  That would be fun to hear, wouldn't it?  Because Cliff went off a week or so ago spouting detailed info about each Challenge season and what Johnny Bananas was doing.  Or whatever.

That podcast guy (I liked him but can't remember his name, unfortunately.) said he is aware that Big Brother did not like their former house guests appearing on the Challenge, but that might change soon.  He seemed to think Kathryn would be on the Challenge, but I think that's below the mark for what she wants to do, right?  I think she'd be more inclined to go on Love Island, since it's one of the big prime time networks.

I think Christie and Tommy would be the natural Challenge contestants.  Can't you just see Christie yelling at people and maybe getting drunk and making out with a bunch of girls?  And competing in one of those "beat down" type of one-on-one face offs, or whatever they're called?  I'm here for that, actually.

Paulie was the bartender on Watch What Happens Live last week, chatting easily with Andy Cohen about how he hopes to transition from the villain to hero, this season maybe, he hinted.  I think he's living in Montana now.  Andy seemed interested, if that Montana situation doesn't work out for Paulie.


And finally I would like to congratulate Vanessa Rousso, now a working attorney, and her beautiful girlfriend Mel on their upcoming baby boy.  What a happy story!  They will be great parents.

And I like these little pigs.  I'm starting to shift back into my pre-construction life and will be volunteering this weekend.  Looking forward to the freedom to leave the house any time, which hopefully will be in the next week or so.  

Also, I'm going to focus on being creative in a different direction, as of right now.  I only have so much spare time before the next income tax cycle starts, and Monday kicks off the fall tax season for extended returns.  So, I may not be doing this, but I'm going to be doing something.  I have a ton of ideas but I just don't know how best to execute them.  

I bought this book so many years ago that the edge of the pages are a different color, but I've never formally done the program.  It's a little too woo woo for me with all the talk of God and spirit and what not, but I like the concept of the morning pages.  I started doing that this morning, and I can't really do it sitting at this desk because it drags work in too much.   So I took a notebook and sat on my new velvet tuffet in the still-unfinished master bath.   The stone on the counter tops and shower trim has been installed, and the paint is finished. There is a bit of an echo in there and it felt easy to write.  But the book instructs writers not to try to "write" the pages, but to just talk on paper, and not to use a computer.  Just do it the old fashioned way.  I'm going to try it for a month and then check in with myself.  I have lots of notebooks full of writing already though, so I might try and organize all of that into something.  And I have something booked for this weekend that is a big step forward, but I'm not going to talk about that right now.

Well, while I was writing this I got some bad news, but I'm going to try and spin it some other way.  You know I was talking about John Mayer recently and how he was playing here in Atlanta last Sunday.  Some kind Redditor actually recorded the entire concert and put it out in an online archive where anyone can listen to it.  It was awesome, and he told some good Atlanta stories we never knew about the songs on his first album.  

But the point is, I ended up seeing this, which resulted in me spending about a day and a half composing a tight, one-page typed letter to him.  And it was GOOD.  I used his own songwriting tips to craft the letter, by having a strong concept, a clear expression of said concept, where each line makes you want to hear the next line, and each part making sense in context with the others.  I edited it down until it was exactly the right size to fill one page, five paragraphs with not a letter more or less.  There wasn't one wasted word.  Everything meant something.

I basically laid out my relationship with John Mayer himself over time, and transitioned into a description of what was going on in my house last week with regard to constant replay of Continuum and all of the international parade of men flowing through here and all and it was compelling to say the least.  Somewhere in the middle, at the end of the second paragraph, I wrote what might be the most honest words I've ever heard.  Out of myself, anyway.

"I am a walking bruise fighting the urge to find someone, anyone, to hold me while I cry."

It's not all sad though.  I was trying to paint a picture with words to get his attention. To SHOW him, not just tell him.  I think that's the goal with writing, actually.  And  this is a rock star we're talking about.  I had to step up my game.  

And I had two exhibits attached, pages with pictures that I wrote notes on with a rust-colored felt tip pen.  I have good handwriting, if I do say so, a blend of cursive and printing that has distinct personality.  I included a picture of an antique typewriter that sits on my coffee table, since John wanted the fans to buy a typewriter and use it.  And I don't want to say too much about this, but a few years ago I was at a particular event, a small event, and John was the first person I saw when I walked through the door.  I've kept a copy of something from that event as a souvenir, so I made a copy of it and added notes to describe how John fit into my situation and what our interactions were and could have been.  I had some funny stories from that night, including a mention of someone who was there that wasn't famous then, but is now and I was pretty sure John Mayer was going to love all of this and make me one of the people he writes back to each day.  You know, because I grabbed him by the throat and maybe the balls with my one-page letter and then lightened it up with chatter about one of his favorite hobbies and a personal tale about an evening when our orbits intersected.

I mailed the letter off this morning, pleased with myself.  But I took a break while typing this post and ended up seeing a post on Reddit that reported that John shut down his PO box earlier this year so fans are just getting their letters returned.  And I'm crushed.  Because that was some good work, and I wasted a lot of time on it this week.

UPDATE: Upon further reflection GOD DAMN JOHN MAYER I  BLED ALL OVER THE PAGE FOR YOU.  AND NOW THE US MAIL JUST OWNS IT?  IT WAS ALL FOR YOU BABY.  Maybe you should issue a press release when you don't have a PO box or maybe an album to promote. You're KILLING me over here.

But I'm going to print out a copy because I may need it someday as a writing sample.  I guess I do crazy things like this now.  I haven't discussed it, but I spent two days a few weeks ago writing what turned out to be a FOUR PAGE letter to another notable musician.  I had the stamps on it and everything but THANK GOD I decided to read the online version just one more time before mailing it and I was like WHAT.  I guess the weed was strong that night, because it was a good letter but WHAT WAS THE POINT  of sending it.  I still have it in a desk drawer, all addressed and stamped.  

But in the end it's going to be be just like the John Mayer letter.  Unread, apparently.


And now, why the hell not.  GOD DAMN this is good.