Sunday, August 11, 2019

Everybody's Just a Stranger, and That's the Danger. #BB21


Two Things I Don't Need To Tell You:

1.  Ms. Julie Chen Moonves bounced back nicely from last week's Comic Con dress.  She got the jewelry just right this time, too, and the detail on those shoes is incredible.

2.  #JacksEvictionParty was trending all night, peaking at #4, I think.  America was excited to see Jack get the boot, becoming the first juror, although whether or not there will be a Battle Back for the jurors is unclear at this point.  I think Production is at least mulling it over, because Julie refused to answer Jack's question about it.

Jack was on the block for eviction next to Jackson and only Christie and Analyse voted for him to stay.  The audience actually gasped when Tommy cast a vote for Jack to leave, but Tommy was anxious about voting against the majority.  Jack knew he was leaving, and had a rather cocky little speech where he addressed each house guest with various observations and "compliments".  He mentioned Analyse, his showmance, as peeing herself from laughter, and even felt the need to repeat this line later to Julie Chen onstage.  I'm sure her parents were thrilled.  And Jack mentioned the way Christie chews in a manner that clearly indicated disgust, so that was a little surprising.  And if you don't know, Christie does chew in a very revolting manner.  I'm just surprised Jack chose to point that out on live TV.  You know, since they are such good friends and all.

The fans all enjoyed the drama leading up to the eviction.  Here is just a sample of the avalanche of online conversation as we watched Jack leave the house in a burst of energy, and slowly sort of curl up inside his own head to get through what was surely an unexpectedly harsh segment on live TV.


I know Julie Chen grilling Jack on live TV was a delicious meal for fans that have been waiting nearly 50 days for something exciting to happen, and to see our version of Big Brother justice brought hard on someone so arrogant and frequently-abrasive.  Jack has  a lot of lessons to learn in life, that's for sure, but he's far from the only one in that house that needs his leashed snapped, but I seriously doubt that Julie will bestow the same harsh eviction treatment on anyone else.  Aaryn Gries took the brunt of Julie's wrath during BB15, but no one else was ambushed with quotes of their bad behavior when their game was over that season.  But maybe if Gina Marie didn't go the distance all the way to the Finale Julie would have let her have it.  I'll never forget Gina Marie yelling at Candace as she left the house on a live show that she was adopted because her mother didn't love her.  It takes a real monster to say something like that at any time, much less on live TV.

Everyone noticed that Julie Chen herself used a slur during Jack's interview, saying he got "gypped" out of seeing his good-bye messages in that segment of the program.  To me this just illustrates that we all make mistakes, unintentional ones so no one should feel perfect and superior about this situation.  We have all hurt and been hurt, but the best of us can still learn and make amends when possible.

It's not always possible.  And that's the part that can be hard to live with.


The extended interview available on the Big Brother You Tube channel was much easier for me to watch, and no matter what your opinions of Jack are, you have to admit he bounced back and gave clear, thoughtful responses and enjoyed his goodbye messages.  There was some good jury management there and a surprisingly-touching message from Analyse.  And the Alien's goodbye message was a nice touch.

(This recurring Big Brother character actor is supposedly this guy.)


So, I knew I needed to comment on the whole Jack situation, but I didn't feel like typing about it until now.  I don't know if I said enough, or said too much, but if Julie intended to smack Jack with a list of the bad things he said and did during his time in the house, it doesn't seem fair that the writers just plucked out items about Kemi and Bella.  I wonder if Ovi and David feel hurt by that, because I'm sure they have feelings about their treatment as well.

And one more thing: As usual, many of the loudest Big Brother fans are huge hypocrites who can't and don't realize their ugly commentary about the house guests is just as bad, if not worse, because they do it anonymously without any possibility of retribution.


And of course Tommy won Head of Household in a competition that has been played several times on the show, a real crapshoot if you haven't been a bobsled or luge competitor.  They had to get in some sort of sled contraption and slide to the bottom with the score nearest to seven seconds being the winner. There is some controversy online about how the time clock worked or didn't work, and how Analyse's final score was or wasn't better than Tommy's final score.  I tried but I can't get worked up over that situation.

I have my own bad timing to worry about over here.

In the morning, there was quite a bit of excitement and worry because they were awakened much earlier than usual, with each one being called into the Diary Room on a schedule no one was prepared for, and I think they were each told to "get ready" for the day (ie hair and makeup, etc).  Christie thought it would be a luxury competition, but unfortunately for her that was not the case.


Tommy felt that "something is happening" and was noticeably worried that his HoH duties would somehow change because of it.  Jessica mentioned that the TV screen didn't say "nominations today" like it usually does on Fridays. I think she's the one who also said that maybe they would get called in the living room for a sudden eviction before anyone was formally nominated and you could tell that Tommy's list of concerns was growing.  Everyone was nervous.

It's important to note that their wake up call happened within an hour that the online Field Trip voting closed.  So the live feeders all knew exactly what was up, and waited anxiously to see what would happen.


The night before, there was some drama based once again on these house guests not being able to keep information to themselves.  As best I can tell, this is the chain of loose lip activity:

*  Nick told Nicole he thought Tommy might put Kat on the block.
*  Nicole told Kat that Nick told her he thought Tommy might put Kat on the block.
*  Kat went to Tommy and told him that Nicole told her that Nick told her that Tommy might put Kat on the block.

And then Tommy called Nicole up there to discuss it all.  I'm not sure about that part, but I do know that Nicole somehow knew that Tommy knew and was about to tell Jessica about it here.


You can see Jessica's shock as Nicole fills her in on the details, both of them hurt that Kathryn went straight to Tommy with that information.

Nicole:  If it was me I might have gone to Tommy to say something, but I would NEVER tell him that someone I was working with told me that.  I would NEVER do that to them, or you.


I meant to report a story that Jessica told one day last week.  She and a friend were walking through San Francisco and saw a bar called The Boom Boom Room.  She said they were laughing about  the suggestive name and joking that maybe they should go in there and have some fun.  Then a few months later back home in Chicago someone brought a party flyer to her attention.   It was a party flyer for that same Boom Boom Room that featured a picture of Jessica in lingerie that had been taken by JC Penney for their store displays.

Cliff reacted to that, saying he might be in JC Penney one day with his wife and see Jessica's picture on display and say, "I know her!", but that wasn't the point of Jessica's story.  She said she called the Boom Boom Room and told them they were using her picture to promote their business without her permission but they said the culprit was the promoter of the party, not the bar who was responsible.

Jessica pointed out you should always closely read every contract to see who has rights to the pictures and how they will be used.  Then Kathryn chimed in that they should all be careful about posing for "stock photos" and told a story about a girl who was one of the dancers on her squad (the Maverick dancers, maybe?) who had posed for some generic stock photos.  Then later there was some sort of controversial film about abortion and they used one of that girl's stock photos on the cover of the DVD package, and photo shopped a pregnancy test wand into her back pocket for the photo.   Kathryn said everyone was talking about that picture for a long time, and that girl got burnt by it.

A little PSA from Jessica and Kathryn, people.  You're welcome.


I think I mentioned in another post that Tommy's neck started hurting shortly after he got his costume punishment.  Production supposedly looked for a lighter version of the helmet, but came back to him later and said all they could offer is to allow him to remove it for 15-minute intervals as necessary, at his discretion.

Do you think they really tried to make a lighter helmet?  No, me either.


Then Kat appeared at the mirror with her usual good humor and I watched the air crackle with tension, since the girls had just been whispering about how Kat threw Nicole right under the bus with her comments to Tommy.

I'm sure no one wanted to make a big fuss though, with so much uncertainty looming around the nominations and whatever was going on behind the scenes to change the normal schedule for the day.


Analyse's leggings had those little fabric pills on them so she shaved them off, giving the camera crew something specific to do for a few minutes.


I'm sure you know that I typically write a long-form house guest intro post for each person before the season begins, and I post the links for the current season over on the right side of the website.  As the season kicks off, it's always interesting to me to see which house guests' intro posts are the most popular, often being directed from searches online as the CBS viewers type their names into Google or Bing or whatever.

Sometimes there is a runaway leader in the clubhouse, a house guest who compels the casual viewers to search for more information.  But this season that has not been the case, however as of this moment, here are the house guest most searched for, in order of page views.  I was going to report on the bottom three, too, but after review of that information I am going to pass on that portion of the program.

Most Searched For House Guest Profiles

1.  Analyse
2.  Bella
3.  Jack


And then she used the lint roller to clean it all up.  When Jack saw Analyse in her goodbye message, under that great Diary Room lighting, all made up, he said "WOW".  And he also commented on Holly, saying "she's pretty".  I have to say that Christie's goodbye message was featured last, and she did not look her best.  AT ALL.


Kathryn prepared for the day as best she could, not knowing what the day would hold.


Tommy was excited about Trix re-releasing a new version of the cereal that featured the original "Fruity Shapes" and he and Holly enjoyed the news from outside that they always devour on the back of the cereal boxes.  I'm sure any sort of reading material is appreciated in there.  Nick has been reading the Bible every day and is working his way through the Old Testament ( I think.).  Cliff requested a Torah last week to give them something else to read but I'm unclear as to whether Production found them a version in English.

Other than cereal boxes, religious materials are the only books they are allowed to read in the house.  And the notorious Big Brother rule book. of course.


Apparently the Return of the Fruity Shapes was announced in the Fall of 2018, if you missed it.  I didn't even know the Fruity Shapes were in there to begin with, but I know that the Silly Wabbit says Trix are for kids.  Anyone with a TV set knows that.  Duh.


Holly wondered why the Fruity Shapes were ever discontinued, and Tommy said it might have been a cost-cutting measure, since the Fruity Shapes all became circular. 

Obviously I'm overly amused by this topic, having fun typing "Fruity Shapes" over and over and over again.

Holly and Tommy solved the little puzzle on the back of the box rather quickly, with Holly commenting that it wasn't enough entertainment for them and they needed more from the cereal box under their current situation.  And the little puzzle featured the Fruity Shapes, of course.

(Fruity Shapes, Fruity Shapes, Fruity Shapes.)


Tommy took meetings in his HoH room, but I don't remember all of the content.  To be honest, because of Tommy's connection to Christie, his nominations didn't seem like such a surprise.  And he has already expressed his wish to keep his original alliance together, so I didn't expect him to put Holly in danger.  He did tell Nicole she was in no danger of being nominated this week, and I think she believed him.  Tommy is pretty careful about what he says to people, actually.


Jessica sat in Tommy's HoH room and talked for HOURS, or at least it seemed like to to the live feeders, and also to Tommy, who looked like he was ready to blast off at any time.. Good lord that girl can talk a lot and say absolutely NOTHING.

Jessica:  ....you know what I mean?


Jackson and Holly have sort of stepped way, way back into the background.  Jackson and his watermelon have taken a supporting role in the action, without having Jack around to amplify everything.

I have to give Holly props for being able to read the room pretty well, watching and listening to figure out what is really going on.  She's been whispering to Jackson about how they might need to switch back over and work with the former Six Shooters again, as much as she dreaded it.  Jackson said it made him feel physically ill to think of having to work with Christie again.  He is really hating her right now.


Cliff tried to look on the bright side of things, telling Nicole that uncertainty is just part of this game, and they have to deal with the outcome and play through it.


Then we saw the delightful puppies and knew that hearts were being broken in that house.  I think we'll see the Field Trip and all of it's glory on the Sunday night CBS episode.  (Tonight.)

Here is who America selected to go on this so-called Field Trip:  Christie, Jackson and Analyse.

I'm pretty sure Jack and/or Tommy would have been on the Field Trip if they weren't evicted or the HoH, respectively.  But since they were taken out of the running, Analyse had to buckle up for the ride.  So, in the end my little votes counted somehow.


And from what we could tell, the Field Trip competition was another old standard, where the three "lucky" players moved eggs around through chicken wire.  I didn't see anyone complain about their fingers getting cut up, which usually happens after this comp, but I did hear Jackson say he immediately thought he would lose, since his fingers are bigger than both of the girls.  But I guess his calm and determination paid off, because he came out on top.  And apparently Production had to bring them a lot of additional eggs, because they broke so many as they competed.  The other house guests got to watch them compete on some sort of TV screen.

Field Trip Results:

On the Block:  Christie
Punishment:  Analyse
Safety:  Jackson

As you might expect, when the feeds returned Christie was crying, saying that she can't stand the thought of America hating her.  Jessica tried to reassure her that maybe America wanted her to win safety, and that none of them can assume that America wanted the worst to happen to them.


Jackson clearly knew what was up, though.  I didn't hear Cliff and Nicole discuss this topic, but I'm sure they also knew exactly what the situation was.  I did hear Tommy say that he is pretty sure Jack would have been included, and maybe himself, clearly understanding that America tends to pull for the underdogs and root against the majority players.


Funny.

Nick certainly isn't worried about being nominated this week by Tommy.  Some of the people chatting online are making a big deal about how Nick wants to sleep with Tommy, but Nick himself has said over and over that he's very secure about his sexuality and attraction to women so he feels free to discuss it all freely.   Would these "fans" be happier if Nick made homophobic comments?  And if Nick was indeed physically attracted to Tommy, would they still bitch and moan about that?

Why was it okay with the Reddit crowd for That Kevin Martin to openly kiss and fondle with the gay guy on the cast of Big Brother Canada but Nick can't tease and flirt with Tommy?

(Hypocrites, aren't we all?)


Christie says there was a bunch of fruit in the chicken coops they competed in and it looked delicious and ripe. Jackson was asking if they could take it in the house afterwards.

Nick tried to make Christie feel better about things, and told her many times that if she picked him to play the PoV for her, he would use it to take her off the block.  But Nick is playing the middle right now, and doing a very good job at it, so who knows if he would have actually done that.

Jessica did do her best to try and cast lots of shade on Nick, clinging to some random comment he made last week to Nicole while Jessica was HoH, saying to be careful what they said in the house or Jessica might get mad at them and put them on the block. 

(A big So What, in my opinion.)



Cliff:  Well, Christie, welcome to the block club.  Every one of us in here has been on the block.  But nobody in here put you up there, so you don't have to live with that.  As Micky would say, deal with it, embrace it, and move on.

He told her that she's overthinking the reason why she might be sitting up there now.  He said everyone in the house has people out there who love them, and hate them, so people may have been voting for her to have safety.


Tommy was very disturbed by the results of the Field Trip, knowing there was a real risk that Christie could be evicted on his HoH week, through no actions of his own.

He's been talking about the hair salon his mother apparently owns, and I think his "Aunt Ro" works there as well.  I'm not sure if that is the Aunt that Christie dated, but it does appear they are at least allowed to say her name on camera.  Nick noticed something about the way Christie was examining the picture, and started teasing her about liking "Aunt Ro".  Christie acted shocked, asking Nick how he could say such a thing since "she was married".  But who knows if that is true or not.

Based on other pictures I've seen out there floating around, I think the aunt is the second from the left in the group photo on the right.  Everyone liked that Tommy's pictures were all family-related, and they commented on how good-looking Tommy's brother was.  Analyse asked if Tommy could set her up with him after the season.

(And she sadly said just after the live show that she'd be shocked if Jack hadn't already called his ex-girlfriend after he was evicted.  Sys has much to learn about what life will be like in the Jury House.)


Christie started to really lose it here, her mind going over and over about what America might have been trying to say with their Field Trip votes, and what the house guests will do with their vote if she's still on the block for eviction Thursday night.

Tommy tried to calm her down by saying he's been taking lots of meetings, and that Holly won't be voting for Christie to leave. He planned to have the same conversation with Jackson, later.  I'm not sure when the nominations figured into this scene, but at some point in the afternoon Tommy nominated Kathryn and Cliff for eviction, as expected.  Tommy's target is Kathryn, but if Cliff has to go instead, he's okay with that and seemed overly optimistic that the house guests would respect his wishes to evict Kathryn.

Christie:  NO THEY WON'T!!!  Those girls (Jessica & Nicole) are NEVER going to want to work with me!

But Tommy soothed her mind, and they agreed they had to win the PoV just in case.


Christie:  Tommy you're so good at this game.  I'm so proud of you.

Tommy:  Yeah, I'm killing it.  I'm good with.....I think I'm good with everybody after this.  But I can't get cocky, or get too comfortable.

Christie:  Oh, Sys is bugging down there.  She thinks Kat is going to go to the Jury and fuck Jack in there.  (LOL)

Tommy:  NO WAY!  That would never happen.

(Um...there is booze and music in there, Tommy.  Don't be too sure.  And if he thinks Nicole, Holly and Jessica would actually vote to evict Kathryn, Tommy clearly doesn't have the right read on everything going on in there.)




Later, everyone gathered to see the reveal of Sys' punishment costume.   When she went in the Diary Room to get  it, one of the house guests (Nick, maybe?) heard her exclaim "OH NO" when she walked in there, so they were expecting almost anything, including some sort of grueling mission or multi-day task.


But it was just a chicken suit, according to what Sys told them at the time.  She has to wear it for a week, and noted that her feathers were already falling off.  It's clearly a cheap costume, but I have to say I've seen at least a 75% increase in her personality since she started wearing it.

Maybe having her beauty covered up is making her mind work differently.  Or maybe she feels safer somehow.  The world is not always a safe place for beautiful women, you know.


And I've heard her speak hopefully about Jack coming back in some sort of Battle Back scenario.  I think we'd need two double eviction weeks for that to happen, but I guess anything is possible.



The shoes are pretty janky-looking, and you can see the features falling even though the punishment is only at about the five minute mark here.


And there is Christie under the covers, and also under a HUGE target, boohoo'ing her heart out about her sudden twist of fate this week.  I know we all complain about her emotions, but damn if it isn't fun to watch Christie on the live feeds.

Love her or hate her, or maybe a blend of those two emotions on any given day, but you can't take your eyes off her on the live feeds.  You know she's going to give us something to see and talk about.

Christie is a star, baby.




Saturday everyone waited and waited for the PoV to start.  Cliff sat grimly staring at the memory wall while he recited the facts of the season over and over, noting the name of each competition, who played in it, who placed, and how many votes were cast for each nominee, each week.

He low talked to us about how everyone was laughing and playing upstairs, but he was the one down there putting in work to win the PoV.

Cliff:  They aren't just going to get rid of me without a fight. I want this more than Kat.  I want this more than Christie.


Analyse worked to braid Christie's hair for her, talking low about the competition, and Jack, of course.  They both miss him in the house, and have that bond.


And they also have the "America Hates Me" bond, too.  But at least Analyse has the "America is Googling Me" prize, as I reported earlier.

That's something.

And I'd also like to acknowledge the many BB fans from around the world who have visited me here this summer to watch the show.  Just in the last month, here is the list of the most frequent visitors, in descending order.

Visiting Countries in Descending Order, Last 30 Days

United States (Duh)
Canada (Double Duh)
Unknown Region (VPN users, maybe?)
Turkey
Germany
India
Russia
United Kingdom
Japan
Poland

Welcome, international friends.  And I can't imagine how some of this stuff translates into your native tongues, particularly the humor and sarcasm.  So, good luck with that.


Cliff also told us that he's pretty fed up with a lot of the chatter in the house, particularly the bathroom humor and noted that he and his wife did a great job of raising their children, after all.

SPOILER ALERT:  Cliff's studying didn't help him much, unfortunately.  The PoV competition was OTEV, a notoriously physical challenge that requires agility, speed and strength as well as knowing the answers to OTEV's questions.  The players were as follows:

HoH:  Tommy
Nomnees:  Kathryn & Cliff
Field Trip Loser:  Christie
Add'l Players:  Jackson & Nick

Tommy won the PoV, and Cliff got injured.


And Nick is still there, so all of you NICK HATERS AND SHIT TALKERS can just deal with it.

Kathryn was sobbing afterwards.  It sounds like Jackson was eliminated in the first round, probably due to grabbing the wrong answer, but now he's saying that he planned to lose.  Sure you did, Jackson.

And Kathryn knocked Cliff out of the competition in one round, leading to his injuries.  I think he sprained an arm and re-injured his leg, or maybe he hurt the other one.  He's hobbling around in pain today, so it wasn't a life-threatening situation.  It sounds like Cliff had grabbed a rope to climb up the hill and Kathryn grabbed the next rope and not only beat him to the top, but unintentionally knocked Cliff over as she climbed her rope.


I'm getting tired and need to move on, so here is a Twitter shortcut.


And it turns out that Analyse wasn't able to discuss her entire punishment until this morning, and it is more involved than just sitting in a shedding costume of feathers.  And she got a new costume today, with replenished feathers.

Here's the Apparent Deal:  When Marcia the Moose comes on the intercom, he tells her what type of eggs to cook for the house guests.  Then she has to go in her coop and sit on the nest.  She must flap her arms while she walks, and can only cluck, rather than speak.


Is that chipped paint on that post?  WTF, Production?


She made scrambled eggs and delivered them to the bedrooms, clucking as her cast members woke up confused, wondering why Analyse could only cluck at them.  After she finished serving the eggs, she popped her head in the bedroom to explain that she couldn't speak to them while she was doing it, and she's sorry she had to wake them.

She's making hard boiled eggs at the moment, clucking up a storm.  Jessica wants to establish a communication structure, such as one cluck for yes, and two for no.

Jessica:  I'm becoming fluent in the clucking, actually.



***MEANWHILE, IN THE SUNNY STATE OF FLORIDA***

This weekend in Orlando, reality stars gathered for the annual Hearts of Reality event to raise money for Give Kids The World, which supports children with life-threatening illnesses and is affiliated with DisneyWorld.  This year they got the BB Comics artist to make their flyer.  The reality participants attend various events, theme parties, and fan gatherings and it's generally considered one of the better charitable events that feature reality stars.


The event is usually scheduled just as the last pre-juror is evicted from the Big Brother house, so all of the current cast that can go, usually go.  It's sort of a consolation prize, when you consider the company they get to keep.  And this year I'm sure the situation with the players still in the house gives them plenty to talk about.

Here's Bella and Sam with Kaycee, of course.  This is Kaycee's first time attending, since she was locked in the house last summer, oblivious to the whole scene.


And here is Ovi with Jason Guy, who made it to the Final Three during BB3.  Jason was very young back then, that season's self-proclaimed virgin and he had a secret alliance with Danielle the entire season.  There used to be a checkers board in the corner of the bathroom and Jason and Danielle played checkers and whispered all summer long with no one noticing.

He's now a news anchor for WESH-TV in Orlando and has a beautiful family.  I think he covers the event for his station in addition to attending as a fan.  I've watched Jason on TV when I visit the area and it's a weird sensation, like seeing an old friend.  A guy I went to elementary through high school with is a weather man in Florida, and it feels the same to watch him as it does to watch Jason Guy.


Sam looks super-happy to be there and is hanging with Bella, of course.  He's on Cameo, if you'd like Sam to SEND IT to you or your loved ones in a personalized message.  You already know the money is going to go to a good place.


And here's Bella with a blissful Angela, who is now a New York Times bestseller.


I listened to Kemi on JC's podcast, and another podcast, I think.  I listen to a few podcasts, so I'm not sure which one anymore.  But she's still very bitter and didn't have anything good to say about anyone but Nicole.

Unfortunately I think that's going to be her thing.  The Unforgiving Bitter One.

I do remember her saying that if she ever did like women in "that" way, Kaycee would be one of the two women she'd be attracted to, so I'm sure she enjoyed meeting and hanging out with her over the weekend.


You can see David, JC and Tyler joined their little group.  I think this was on the tour of the children's village.  Pictures like this make it seem like the Pre-Jury life isn't so bad, right?


In order to attend, each reality star must raise a certain amount of money to pay for their room and board.  They don't just show up, you know.


I'm not sure what the theme of the party was, but Sam brought the top half of his Thor costume.  At least, I think that is what it is.


This makes me happy.  I hope it makes you happy, too.  We don't have enough of that right now.

Kevin wasn't in Orlando, though.  He stayed home and went to see Paul's band play in Massachusetts.  The band is called Van Alden and they're on tour right now.  I like that Paul has trimmed his beard and encourage him to just get rid of it.

Beards are on the way out.  And guys, if you like the ladies, there are few classier ways to show her that you care than a fresh shave before a date.  It's a sure way to attract a lot of kisses.  But I guess I'm just old-fashioned that way.



***THE TITLE SONG***

I'm obviously straining to find a way to  feature a John Mayer song today.  Because out of the remaining house guests, five of them were not strangers to each other when they went into the house.

But I want to say something about John Mayer.  I had a connection with him years ago, because when he was coming up here in town, he played at an acquaintance's party for $500 and "all the beer he could drink".  And I saw him play live a few times before and after his first album Room For Squares blew up and he left town for greener pastures.   So I don't "know" him, but I do know him.

I had a dream about him on Friday night.  I dreamt we were riding in a car together, both in the front seat but I don't think either one of us was driving.  I'm not even sure there was a steering wheel, because dreams don't make sense sometimes.  We both had our windows down, with one arm each out of the window, carving shapes into the air.  (And I would never do that without a baseball cap on, because I don't like my hair flying around getting stuck to my lip gloss and such.)

So yesterday, on Saturday I went on You Tube to listen to some of his songs, and got the notification that he's playing here in Atlanta tonight. Yes, I suddenly dreamed about him while he's here in town.  There aren't a lot of tickets left, but I was tempted for a moment to buy a VIP ticket for $549, getting my parking covered and a seat in the section right in front of the stage.  But I just can't do that.  I'm unprepared, and would want to find someone else who can afford to do it with me.  And let's face it, I'd probably just cry the entire time.  I can do that right here, without leaving the house.


Why Georgia was one of his first singles, and the folks in the ATL are partial to it, obviously.  John is a brilliant person and one of the best natural musicians and songwriters alive, in my opinion.   He has grown and changed and at forty-one he still has decades left to create beautiful things.  I'm so thankful he's on the planet with me.  Or us. Whatever.  I would ride shotgun with him wherever he wants to go.

Just listen to the melody here...and the words.

("Do I have to go to sleep with roses in my hands?")


***AND***

I have to get the TDH GC out of my life as soon as possible. I can't quit him when he's here, unfortunately and I'm starting to seriously lose my cool.  Something changed last week with our communications.  The texting is different.  The energy when he's here is different.  Maybe The Swede said something to him about me, but something changed.  I can't really explain it, but I feel my heart in my throat right now while I try to find the words to type.

Friday Morning, Approx. 8:42 AM

The painters got to my house earlier than that, but they waited outside until the TDH GC arrived to bring them in to meet me.  The day before, my cabinets had been installed, and the (European) guy who did that had me sit on my new tuffet so he could adjust the height of the makeup table to fit me.  The Tuffet is this one from Z Gallerie, but in grey velvet.
It is still covered in plastic wrap (THANK GOD) but I sat on it while I watched the TDH GC walk through the master bath and closet giving instructions to the painters, who had to do some drywall repair and stuff to get ready for the paint job.  I was drinking a cup of coffee and swinging my feet nervously, watching him narrowly miss hitting the top of his  head on the closet doorway.  After the painters left the room I said to him, "it's all happening now" (meaning, the final exciting stages of the project) and then I sort of lose track of my memory of the action.

I know he was smiling at me and walking over to The Tuffet and at some point I told him that I feel like I'm out of town when I'm in that room now, and it doesn't feel like I'm in my home anymore.  And I always remember these things with his face floating in front of mine, when of course I was sitting down and he was towering over me.

But at some point, I spilled my cup of coffee all over my legs and the newly-tiled floor.  And I don't mean a drop.  A fucking puddle of coffee.  And I've been drinking out of that same coffee cup for years, so I know how it works by now.  So thank god The Tuffet was covered.  I had on a pair of white J Crew shorts, and somehow those survived without incident as well.

Me, somehow calmly:  I'm a coffee spiller.  It's what I do.  The first coffee spill.  August 9th, 2019.

Then I went and got a towel and started wiping up the mess.  And then I added another project, to put down hardwoods in the master bedroom, instead of the carpet that is there now.  I'm not even sure if he is going to be the TDH GC on that project or not, but he's bringing a (European) floor guy over sometime this week, I think, to meet with me about it  (another Mystery Date).

Saturday Morning, Approx. 9:15 AM

This is where I really start getting concerned about all of this.  I knew he would be here, because he told me he was going to bring the paint to the painters, who usually don't work on Saturdays.  The painters got here around 8:30 and came in and got started doing something in there, I don't know, while I kept watch in my upstairs office, waiting on the TDH GC's arrival.  I would be lying if I told you I didn't try on three different outfits in preparation, looking for the right casual but flattering look.

Finally he arrived and it was a beautiful morning here in Atlanta, sunny and still cool enough to stand in the sun without sweating.  I watched through the shutters as he got out of his truck and started rolling calls on his phone, typing here and there after finding a shady spot where he could see his screen.   He must have texted one of the painters, who went outside to start hauling in all of the Sherwin Williams merchandise.

Then he lit a cigar and took a few puffs just standing in the sunshine. I don't really like cigars, but it's a manly habit and I like that on him.  And then a new guy showed up in front of my house in a truck, and it was clear that the TDH GC had contacted him and asked him to meet him there.  I watched them shake hands and have a little meeting, where directions were given about something, with hand and arm gestures.  And then that guy drove off and left the scene.  And I started to be concerned that the TDH GC's business at my house was over for the day, and he and his sunglasses would just drive off and leave the painters to their work.

I was whispering "come inside  come inside come inside"  over and over to myself as I watched him tap his ashes in the back of the truck and put out the cigar.  And then he walked to the front of my house and I heard the front door open.  And then I lost control of probably the best and most powerful thing about me...my ability to handle myself and speak clearly.

My office is in the loft area, so he can't see me from downstairs unless I hang over the side of the wall or the stairwell.  So when I blurted out a personalized greeting in a likely-flirty tone he couldn't see where I was, so he laughed and said good morning.  And then, STILL WITHOUT A GAME PLAN, I went downstairs, hot on the chase, and locked eyes with him as he walked by the stairs into my bedroom asking me how I was doing today.  And I COULD NOT ANSWER.  I didn't have ONE THING TO SAY.  I think I made a sound, but that was about all I could do.  My heart was in my throat.  But not LITERALLY.  At least I hope not.

I followed him into the master bedroom like a dog and planted myself a foot away from him, if that far.  I know all about the concept of personal space but apparently that doesn't apply to my interactions with him.  I just stood there like a mute dummy until I realized that he was kneeling down, looking at the labels of the cans of paint in a box, and his face was just inches from my bare legs. And he looked over at my right thigh, because of course it's not HIS FAULT I put it there, LITERALLY right in front of his face.  For all I know, he feels sexually harassed by me at this point.  I was struggling to figure out what to do, or how to fix it.

So I said, "that's a lot of paint" and then just started moving and walked out of the room.  He said there were a lot of walls or something like that, and then he watched me walk up the stairs out of sight.  I didn't even say goodbye to him.

THIS CANNOT HAPPEN AGAIN.  I think I would have played it cooler if John Mayer came in the house and into the bedroom.  I don't know what is happening or why I am acting like this around him. It's undignified and increasingly uncontrollable.

***UPDATE***

Well, the TDH GC has thankfully broken the ice for tomorrow.  He just texted me that they would be here bright and early tomorrow and he hopes I got some sleep today.  And unfortunately he used a winky face emoji.  Yes, the "winky face".  But he's a foreigner and we know they like the emojies.  But the big story is that he knows I was weird on Saturday and now neither of us have to worry about tomorrow.  I told him I took a good nap today, but that is a big lie.  I am about to eat for the first time today at 8:35 PM and just drank a gin and lemonade while sitting on a ladder in the new master shower, wearing a bikini because I sat outside stoned earlier today listening to podcasts.

So, it was a great day.  I'm going to try to be on my best behavior tomorrow and will try on some outfits after I finish watching Big Brother.

Thank you for your concern. If you had any, that is.

(What if he contacted me just now because he thought I caught him looking at my legs and was upset about it and ran off without saying goodbye?  It's possible.  Same planet, different worlds.)