Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Meet David Alexander: David is Going to Do David, and Maybe Someone Else Will, Too. #BB21

It's time for us to meet David Alexander, who immediately grabbed my attention with his deep, calm voice, and then held it when he says he lives right here in Atlanta Georgia, and he's a professional photographer.  He looks right at us when he speaks.

Hi David.  Hey neighbor.

Jeff wondered if he's going to miss his camera this summer and David said he's going to have cameras pointed at him all the time, and it's going to feel weird because he's usually the one who is "angling people" or telling them where to go.

Jeff:  You're going to be sick of cameras when all of this is over.

David:  I heard.  But I'm ready for it though.

(At first I thought he gave us a throwback response of "word", but after a third listen I don't think so.)

Jeff asked David if he was a fan of Big Brother...does he know the game?

David said he became a fan recently.  He's been "absorbing it and getting a feel for the social game". He knows that there are going to be a lot of different people in the house, and there is "no escape" and "no distractions like social media", so he's curious to see how that "evolves and how he as an individual can adapt to that".

Please allow me to interpret that response:  David watched some clips of the show on You Tube because the casting team told him to.  David wonders how those random videos will translate to a TV show that will air approximately 40 hours of CBS prime-time network coverage, not to mention over 270 hours of TV time on Big Brother After Dark.  He probably has NO IDEA about all of us pervs who will be watching the live feeds.

LOOK:  A good looking brother like David Alexander doesn't have time to watch this crap on TV.  Women in Atlanta probably claw each other's eyes out on the regular to get in front of this dude.  Gorgeous, accomplished women like Kenya Moore and Cynthia Bailey have had to import their boyfriends from New York and Los Angeles due to a severe shortage of quality husband material here in the ATL.  And because the Big Brother fan base is so damn crazy, the casting department probably has to find people who have no idea what they are getting into, because otherwise why would they do it?  Let's just enjoy the voice and the view while we can.

I'm sure we can all guess what David's planned social game is...it involves the following:

*  Focusing on his social game
*  Getting to know everybody on an individual basis by learning something about each person
*  Trying not to dominate the competitions right away, so he's not a target

Even as he tells Jeff all of this David is trying to picture the note card that Robyn Kass made up for him with these helpful pointers....he's pretty sure there is just one more strategic element...and like magic, it comes to him just in time to finish his response.

*  Try to slide through to the middle before he really starts to "turn it up".

To his credit, Big Jeff acts like he's never heard this sort of thing before, and has to ask a clarifying question to confirm his understanding of David's plan.

Jeff:  So, what you're saying is you want to not dominate on purpose, because you could if you wanted to?

David:  Yeah.

Satisfied with this insightful response, Jeff moves on to another topic that might be more familiar to David.

Jeff:  You look like you're in good shape...do you work out a lot?

David: I try to maintain a good physical game and a mental game daily.

We're not even going to pretend anymore, as Jeff asks if David has "heard about the slop in there."  David has heard about it, but was told that it is vitamin-fortified and is good for you, but isn't the best-tasting stuff.  Jeff cracks up at this, probably remembering how clueless he was when he was cast for BB11.  (Jeff went to an open casting call in Chicago with a girl he was seeing.  Or maybe she was just a friend, but she wanted to be on the show and asked Jeff to come with her.  He ended up being cast and she wasn't, and the rest is history.)

Jeff asked what David will miss this summer while he's playing the game.

David:  Probably the news.  To be unaware of what is going on, like with politics or sports is going to be really weird.  Like, if there was a Game #7 of the NBA Finals yesterday, I would have missed it.

(There wasn't...the Toronto Raptors won in six games and David is indeed aware of that.)

Jeff knows how David feels.  Missing sports was a big deal for him when he played the game, too.  David thinks one of his downfalls is that he's a very honest person.  It's going to be hard for him to lie because he cares about people.  He's been reading a book (in sequester, I presume) about ethics, and he considers himself a very empathetic person.

***UPDATE***  Well, maybe David shouldn't have carried that book around the sequester hotel.  See additional information regarding David's eviction contained in this updated post.

Jeff:  So lying to someone to gain their trust is going to be hard for you?

David:  It doesn't feel right.  Even just thinking about it feels weird.  But if I can smooth my way to a point in the game where it feels tangible and can put me in a position to win $500,000, it might make sense.

Jeff:  I hear you.  It's not a lie if you believe it though.

They both laughed.  That's a guy thing, that sentence.  It's true though.

Jeff asked him if he's aware of the impact of social media on how David plays the game.  He seemed prepared for that concept and said it reminds me of what he used to say ten years ago when he was in college....David is going to do David.

David:  I would just do what was necessary or needed for me, because I didn't care...

Jeff:  I like that.

David:  I don't really care if it's negatively viewed or positively viewed...I'm just gonna do me because that is what got me here, so far.

Jeff:  So would that be your hashtag then?

David:  What, David is gonna do David?  Somebody lock that in on IG!

Jeff tried again to find out about what David is leaving behind socially and he finally admits that he's single.  He's taking this opportunity to "take a break from life" and be completely removed from his daily situation.  He's looking forward to seeing what that's going to be like.

David:  I'm not going to miss anything because it's temporary.  It's what, three months out of what, so many years, and so many months...this is just a drop in the bucket.  It's nothing!

Jeff:  Don't make me do math in here, please.

Then Jeff asks the Big Question:  Would David rather win Big Brother and have America hate him, or would he like to lose and be loved?

David:  Oh.  I'll take the win and let everybody love me afterwords.  I'll take the hate.  It's okay.

Jeff asks if David has anything to say to us, his new fans out here watching him.

David: Okay.  Check it out. David is gonna do David.  Stay tuned.  It's going to be an interesting game.  Watch the social impact.  I'm going for the win.


I watched David's interview with Ika Wong for ET Canada and learned a lot of new information.  Based on his response to Ika when they first started the interview, I think he likes women but so far he hasn't specified.  As usual Ika threw some sugar at him in the beginning, but then asked the hard questions and didn't let him off the hook.  Here are a few highlights from the interview:

*  David watched most of BB20 and also BB12, so I guess those are the seasons that Production provided in sequester.
*  David liked Tyler's game, because he was ruthless when he needed to be, yadda yadda yadda.

*  He told Ika about his strategy to lay low for the first half of the game and she accused him of being a boring person, and she doesn't like boring people.  David handled her well though, saying it's been proven that his planned strategy can win the money.
*  Ika asked if he was single and he said yes.  She asked if he was single and looking, and he said he was looking for the half million..she's his girl.
*  Ika kept working overtime trying to find out if he's gay.  I mean, we all want to know that, right?  They finally had to agree that the half million would be his "wifey" but the "side chick" could be a possibility if that person is attractive, driven and intelligent.  David still didn't provide a gender preference, which is where society is today.  You can't even ask someone a simple question anymore.
*  Ika asked him to do a fake laugh and said he was terrible and he would have trouble being fake in the house.  But then David told Ika that he can cry on command and within 60 seconds, he proved it.

*  You can see for yourself the tears rolling down David's handsome face as he tells Ika that she lied to him about their alliance, and how hurt he is.  Ika was so impressed by this she asked him "what dark hole he crawled out of" and accused him of being the devil.  It was pretty awesome.
*  David also repped his new hashtag he created with Big Jeff, saying it several times to raise awareness.

The moral of the story is that watching a five minute CBS intro video in the Diary Room with Big Jeff doesn't really tell us anything.  And that is why this game and the live feeds are so fascinating.  We get to know these people on so many levels.

I tried snooping around to see what sort of info about David I could find, but he has such a standard name that it would take a long time to do that.  There is another guy here in Atlanta with a very similar name who says he's a photographer, but after looking at his Instagram it's not the same guy, and it appears this other guy is a sometime-actor who just started a photography business last fall.

But I think this is our David's Facebook page.

If and that's a BIG IF, the speculation about this season having secret partners like BB6 is true, I think his secret partner could be Jessica Milagros, who is a "real" model (ie not just on Instagram) and might have worked with David Alexander.  Or maybe he knows Jack Matthews, who is also a photographer of some sort.

I think we can all agree we have NO IDEA what David is going to do in that house.  But he seems like a fun guy and he showed his sparkle in that interview with Ika.  I like him.  I think a few of those girls are going to be ALL OVER him.

Let's take a quick peek at David's CBS bio, but I'm not expecting anything too crazy here.

I love that his birthday is January 1, 1990, always kicking off a new decade in style.  Maybe Migos can play at his birthday party this upcoming year, to start the 2020's off on the right foot.  You know, because David Alexander will be such a big star and all....after starring on Big Brother.  Those rappers might even update their Wikipedia entry to say that they went to school with David Alexander, winner of BB21.

It could happen.  He could win.  I'll be looking for David on the live feeds, I promise you that.

Meet Bella Wang: Please Don't Tell Her Mom About the 24/7 Live Feeds. (Oops...I Just Did.) #BB21

The next lucky BB21 house guest introduces herself as Bella Wang, which initially confused everybody since the list of house guests issued by CBS called her Isabella Wang.  I'm going to go ahead and make the executive decision to call her Bella from now on, because I already have enough headaches with some of the names this year.  You know we've got an Analyse, a Kemi, an Ovi, plus both a Jack and a Jackson, a Nick and a Nicole, so I'm just going to make it easy on myself and use the name she used to introduce herself.

(Some of you longtime fans will remember how confused we were to learn that "Jennifer" introduced herself to her own house guests as "Nakomis"on the first day of BB5.  And then Nakomis it was, no matter how much CBS was probably fighting that in the beginning.)

Bella gives us all a big smile as she says she lives in Los Angeles but is from New Jersey and is a "Public Health Analyst".  Jeff is confused about that term, just like the rest of us, so Bella explains that her job entails "population health" and she moved to LA because she really wants to "do something about the homeless population".

Jeff:  Good for you.  So you're able to get that side of you out there.

Jeff wondered if Bella is a BB fan and she said OF COURSE, she loves Big Brother but doesn't expand on that idea any further at this point.  Jeff says she almost opened the DR door that leads into the house but Jeff had to stop her or he would have gotten in trouble with Production.

Bella wants to use her social game to make sure she has relevant conversations with each house guest, so they can't use the familiar "we never talk strategy" excuse for nominating her.  She's going to be there every day to say "Good Morning" to them.

(She's going to need to have more to say to them than that though...)

Jeff points to Bella's left arm and wants to talk about a tattoo that caught his eye.  Apparently it's in Chinese script and Bella says it reads "In life there is only love".  It's a small tattoo in her wrist area, but she told Jeff she has a total of 13 tattoos and not all of them have special meaning.  Some of them are apparently just for fun.

Bella thinks one of her downfalls in the game might be her poor memory skills. She knows that many of the competitions, particularly later in the season, focus on who did what when, and what they said when they did it, and she might have trouble answering those questions correctly.  She gets very involved with things as they happen and is going to try to focus at night on the day's events to try and keep track of everything.

If Bella is lucky enough to win the Big Prize, she is going to show her mother that she's a responsible adult by investing it well and taking care of everyone.  Bella explains that she has a Tiger Mom, the first of numerous mentions during this interview of her mother and her mother's parenting style.

I'm not 100% sure about what the whole "Tiger Mom" thing means, but I think it might relate to Asian families only.  But please don't quote me on that, or give me what for if it's not okay for me to say that.  We didn't use that term when I was growing up.  We just called it "doing your homework" or "passing the test" or whatever.

I just realized that at 22, Bella is the same age as Analyse Talavera, which doesn't seem possible, based on the way they present themselves with Big Jeff.  Bella is calm and takes the time to think before answering Jeff's questions, showing poise well beyond her years.

Jeff wondered if she thinks she can live in the BB environment successfully, and she said she's had six girl roommates at one time, and is very familiar with the fraternity type of lifestyle.  She thinks she can live in close quarters but nods and laughs when Jeff asks her if she has any pet peeves.

Bella:  I keep getting asked this question a lot, but I worked in an ER as a scribe for a long time and I feel like most people don't know how to properly wash their hands.  I think I might have to teach everyone that...we're gonna hold a seminar in there about that, I think.

Well, I hope we see that on the live feeds, because that is information that might be helpful for everyone to learn, even though most of us aren't scrubbing up to perform surgery.  And before you ask:

Jeff points out that if that bothers her, there are also going to be similar issues with regard to washing the dishes, washing the clothes, etc.  Bella calmly says that she's not really a neat freak so she's not sure how she can turn that aspect of her personality on and off.

Bella:  We'll see, I guess.

Jeff:  I'm looking forward to seeing that.

Bella thinks her ability to see the big picture and not take everything to heart will help her in the game.  She worked in retail for a long time so she's used to getting information from people and using it to sell them something.

Bella:  In this case, I'm selling them on why I need to win the money.

Jeff:  So your social game is what you're going to rely on, but what about your physical game?

Bella:  Well my physical game is pretty strong.  Last year I lost 50 pounds and got into fitness but I've gained some of it back since moving to LA but I have discipline too.  And my mental game...last year I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro....

Jeff turns to the camera and gives us a knowing smile, because this topic just came up when he was talking with Jack Matthews, but he can't tell Bella that, of course.

Bella: That is the worlds largest free-standing mountain in Tanzania and I did that on a whim.  All of my friends flew to Miami for Spring Break but I thought I could do that anytime, so me and and my partner at the time decided to climb the mountain.  We planned it for six days but it took us five to summit even though it was my first hike ever.

Jeff.  Wow. 

Then Bella mentioned her Tiger Mom again, saying that she didn't tell her she was going to Tanzania.  Bella's friends were instructed to call her mom and make excuses for why she couldn't come to the phone should that be necessary.

Jeff:  Well does your mom even know you're here?

Bella said her mom found out about Big Brother when Production showed up to give her the key.  Jeff gasped at that because he knows all about the BB application process and what it entails.

Bella:  She was definitely freaking out.  She's like, 'oh my god...what does this mean?  you're going to be on TV".

Bella knows her mom is worried about Bella embarrassing herself or her family and doing anything to hurt her potential.  She thinks this will be in the back of her mind all summer, but because she is so rebellious there are things that she may do just to piss her mom off, like not wearing sunscreen because that would drive her mom bat shit.

Jeff:  I think that will make good TV. Maybe not for your mom, but for the rest of us.

Then Jeff asks the Big Question: Would Bella rather win and be hated by America, or lose the game and be loved?

Bella:  Well, I think if I win, it will be because of my social game.  So if I did something right for the majority of the house to vote me as the winner, I don't think America can hate me because the Jury loved me.

Jeff:  That's a great answer.  You really spun that around and that's what you gotta do in there.  We're all gonna have fun watching you.  Except for your mom, that is.

Bella:  I'm sorry Mom.  In advance, I'm sorry.


Once again, I have to say that Bella seems remarkably poised for her age.  And based on her interview, I could believe she's 32 instead of 22.  But has she really watched Big Brother before?  I'm not sure about that, but she certainly seems bright enough to figure it out.  If she can read people and understand body language that can take you far in the game.

It sounds like Bella has been working for years, so that experience can be a big help as well.  I know that she is going to be constantly compared to Jun Song (BB4 winner), and there are several commonalities other than being Asian.  For example, Jun also has a rebellious streak that loves to shock people, and she also had struggles with her weight before, during and after her BB season ended.

Jun was a shrewd BB player and used a negative twist during her season to her advantage, so those are some big BB shoes for Bella to fill. I don't think she even knows about Jun, though, which is probably a good thing.  Jun has a tendency to sharply criticize any other Asian BB contestants, even going as far as insulting Julie Chen while still bitching about never being invited back to play again.

Let's see if Bella can play her own game without having to be compared to Jun every minute.  It doesn't hurt that Janelle likes her, based on her Favorite Activity as listed below in her CBS bio.

Well, she named herself as her favorite BB player, so that shows she doesn't know much about the history of this game.  And I don't know how she thinks she can use "bribery" to win the game, because you're not allowed to cut deals to share prize money.

You can see that she refers to her mother constantly, only mentioning her father by telling us the horrible thing he did to her when she was only in the 5th grade.  Geez dad.  No wonder Bella already seems world-weary and blase about everything.

Bella insults the entire Trees community by implying that we're all lazy buzzkills, planted on our couches shoveling junk food into our pie holes.  But then she mentions being into fitness for a short period of time.

Maybe somebody needs to tell Bella how focused you can be if you smoke a little weed before going to the gym.  You're welcome Bella.  Everything in moderation, Bella.  Maybe if your Tiger Mom had forbidden pot smoking you'd be a damn stoner right now.

The online sleuths were trying to make the case that Jack Matthews is Bella's ex-boyfriend, since he mentioned climbing Mount Kilimanjaro during his chat with Big Jeff.  Ever since we learned that two cast members definitely know each other, everyone is trying to make the case that this is another secret pair season like BB6.  But Bella's climbing boyfriend seems to be named Billy.

And of course she mentions her mother and what her mother doesn't know, practically taunting her with this post.

And probably this one, too.

She left her Instagram account unlocked, which is a bold move that also shows she hasn't followed a season of Big Brother in real time, online.  She is definitely a beautiful girl, but based on some of the photos, I'm not sold on the idea of why she may have moved to Los Angeles.  There are homeless people she could be helping anywhere, not just the entertainment capital of the US.

Just saying.

But let's see what sort of damage Bella can do in the house this summer.  Let's see how she can get along with the strange cross section of people she's going to be forced into confinement with.  For some reason I can envision Bella being called out by Production for not following the rules.  And there are A LOT of rules in there.

That can be fun for us to watch, though.

Meet Cliff Hogg III - Winning the Shower Game Since 2007. Even Without a Loofah. #BB21

It's time to meet Cliff Hogg III, who gives us the thumbs up sign as Jeff kicks off their chat, which streamed live on CBS.com.  Cliff tells us that he hails from Houston Texas, and he is a Petroleum Engineer.  Cliff's voice has a country-type twinge to it, and it's immediately obvious that Cliff has a good sense of humor about all of this.

It's absurd for a 53-year-old man to put himself through this crap, and Cliff knows this.

Jeff:  Howdy Cliff!

Cliff:  Well howdy to you, too!  Welcome back!

Cliff says he's a huge fan "forever" and that he's used to seeing the Diary Room from the other side of the screen.

Cliff:  I've been a fan since season eight, so I've watched a lot of Diary Room sessions....crying and laughing and yelling and now I'm inside.

Cliff says he's a "Walter Mitty" type of guy and he always thought he was a normal type of guy, but since they cast him on this show, he's wondering "what's wrong with me?"

Cliff says he's a laid-back, friendly guy and he's been all over the world through his job in the oil industry.

Cliff:  I've had guns pulled on me, I've slept under bullet-proof blankets, I've been through floods, plane crashes...I've got all kinds of stories.

Cliff thinks he can be a story teller in the house and "get friendly" in there with some of the other house guests.

Cliff:  Hopefully that will keep me safe until I can work my magic and do my dirty deeds.  I'm a strategic kind of guy and every season I go in the shower at night and think I coulda done that better.  So I've played every season in my head and I've won every season so far!

Jeff:  Congratulations!

Cliff knows that people are going to make some assumptions about him, like with the cowboy hat and the fact that he's from Texas.

Cliff:  I'm kinda loud in case you haven't noticed, but at the end of the day I'm going to rely on those assumptions and then dive underneath and surprise some people.

He is well aware that he's going to be older than most of the other house guests and he knows that the older guy is usually the first to go.

Cliff:  I'm hoping this is a Special Geriatric season of Big Brother, with everybody on walkers and scooters and I think I'm gonna dominate.  But of course, you know more than I at this point, so....

Jeff:  No, not really.  You never know what to expect in this game.

Cliff:  Well, I assume I'm going to be one of the oldest, and I don't want to be like Glenn and Steve and some of the other older fellas.

Cliff thinks if he can make it past those first two weeks, things will get easier, because he can build up some relationships in there.

Cliff:  What I really don't want is for it to be one of those seasons where everyone says, 'as long is it isn't me, I don't care who goes home'.  I hope there's gonna be an opportunity in the beginning to build a little teamwork or maybe some alliances so I can try to identify some targets who aren't me.

Jeff, laughing: That's the whole game, isn't it?

Cliff:  If I can survive those first two weeks, I'll feel a whole lot better going forward, but I have some work to do first.  I can't float as easy the first two weeks like some people can do.

(As a fan of the show, I'm sure what Cliff means by the "first two weeks" is the first eviction cycle.  The first HoH reign is always about two weeks long because it includes the week before the feeds go live.  As live feeders, we always miss this week but we usually hear some tantalizing tidbits of news about what we missed.  Often there is significant drama that occurs, or maybe doesn't occur.  For example, during BB19 Raven claimed that she turned down Cody's advances which led him to choose Jessica as a romantic alternate.)

Jeff wondered how Cliff will be able to manage the chaos in the house, with such a complicated living situation.  Cliff says he's worked on oil rigs where space is tight and billion dollar decisions are  being made based on Cliff's equipment consulting.  He took off his hat to show Jeff his gray hair, indicating that he doesn't think living in the Big Brother house is something he can't handle.

Cliff:  So this gray hair....it's not as much my age as....

Jeff points out his own gray hair and then asks to try on Cliff's hat.

Cliff:  Just give a howdy and you're good to go.

Jeff, tipping up the hat with one finger:  Howdy ma'am.

Cliff:  You're perfect.  Good to go!  C'mon down to Houston!  We'll have a beer and have a blast!

Jeff wanted to know what Cliff would do with the prize money if he wins BB21.

Cliff:  Wouldn't that be sweet?  I'd have to be sure I've got retirement covered for me and my wife, and I'd set aside a little bit of it for my kids and their marriages and whatever else they've got coming up.  I'd set aside some for vacations, maybe a romantic vacation for just my wife and I...

Jeff:  Whoooo.

Cliff: ...and if I've got any left, I just might buy a little vineyard outside Houston...maybe grow some grapes and make some jelly..

Jeff:  A vineyard?  How much do you think you win on this show Cliff?

Cliff:  It can be a little bitty vineyard!  I have a few vines growing in the backyard and I make jelly every year now!  Right now I'm growing loofahs!

Jeff is confused by this so Cliff explains that a loofah is a sponge you scrub yourself with.

Cliff:  I'm gonna have the cleanest family in town!

This is a loofah sponge, in case you're wondering.  That name gets thrown around a lot now to indicate any sort of shower scrubbie device, but this is where it all comes from.  I used to have one years ago that was part of a bridesmaid gift basket.  It feels just like it looks----rough and abrasive, which is actually the point of using it.  I remember getting skeeved out by the seeds that eventually fall out of the middle of it.  I guess I didn't envision my shower sponge growing in the dirt behind Cliff Hogg's house.

Jeff is confused because he thought a loofah is plastic, as modeled below by the lovely Angela Rummans.  I'm sure Angela will be thrilled that Cliff is chatting about loofah sponges, giving us all an excuse to revisit this somewhat-regrettable Halloween costume modeling gig.

Cliff says most people think loofahs came "from the sea" but they're actually growing right in his backyard.

I think I thought they came from the sea, too, which is why I was so skeeved out by the seeds.  If it's true you learn something every day, I think I can just clock out now and call it a day.

Cliff:  Come September when I win this show, maybe my wife can show up at the Finale with a big basket of loofahs.  Maybe I'll buy a loofah farm!

Jeff did another lap about not knowing you can grow loofahs, but then said they're "going down a weird path" and they needed to get their discussion back on track.  I'm willing to bet that when the feeds go live next week, we hear plenty of chatter about loofahs.  I wonder if you can use a loofah to scrub the shower itself, because that might come in handy in that overcrowded, filthy house.  Maybe a loofah is just what they need to clean up after one of those messy, goopy OTEV competitions.

REAL TALK:  Just like I think the kids of today couldn't handle the 1970's, I think using a real loofah sponge might be too intense for them as well.  It is very abrasive, let's just put it that way.  Here's what the 1970's were like....imagine yourself with a slight buzz, maybe two beers in, barreling down the interstate at a very high rate of speed.  Turn the music on the stereo up as loud as it can go, and then unbuckle your seat belt and ride it out like that.  That's what the 1970's felt like...unsupervised, frightening, anything goes.  That's one of the topics I want to cover if I ever get my shit together to write something real.

Cliff has two children aged 23 and 26 and says he has plenty of experience being the embarrassing dad.  He's not too worried about upsetting them, saying he'll surely crack a few Dad Jokes and wear the costumes when required to.  He knows they'll be cringing but they won't expect anything less from him because he's going to be himself in there.

Jeff wondered if Cliff has a Dad Joke to tell us now and Cliff didn't even hesitate.

Cliff:  Okay...french fries.  Do you know why they call them that or where they come from?

Jeff:  France?

Cliff:  IN GREECE!  Get it?  Oh they're already cringing back home now, after that joke.  Maybe one person out there laughed..

Jeff invited Cliff to talk to the fans to tell us what he wants them to know.

Cliff: I've been watching this show a long time, since Season 8.  I'm not on this show to shill T-shirts or other products online (not even LOOFAHS?) and I'm not here to be an Instagram celebrity...I'm here to win this game.  I want $500,000 to take care of my family and I want the bragging rights.  It's nothing but a game to me and I'm going to give you 100% from start to finish and I'm going to fight to the end.

Jeff liked Cliff's answer and then asks the Big Question:  Would Cliff rather win this game and be hated by America, or lose and be loved?

Cliff, slyly:  One giant mosquito.

(OMG.  Cliff is alluding to the Stoopid Kwestion Jeff asked Josh Martinez during his pre-season interview in the Diary Room.  By saying this, I think Cliff is also letting us all know he's an RHAP fan, because they use that sound byte constantly to mock poor old Big Jeff.)

Jeff:  You know my mosquito joke?

Cliff:  Look, no one wants to be hated.  Everybody wants to be loved, but $500,000 buys a whole lot of DON'T GIVE A DAMNS.  So while people are hating me I'll be sitting on a beach somewhere with my wife drinking a Mai Tai and enjoying my life.  So please don't hate me, but if you have to, please be sure I've got that $500,000 check in my back pocket before you do.

Cliff gives us a double thumbs up, and then a single as Jeff says he can't wait to see Cliff in the house all summer long.

This is a Mai Tai, for any of you kids who might feel lost right now.  I was not aware that there are three types of liquor in this thing, which might provide plenty of DON'T GIVE A DAMNS if you find yourself needing that sort of thing this summer.


Well, you don't need me to tell you that having Cliff Hogg III as a BB21 house guests is an unexpected delight.  Cliff's spirited chatter with Big Jeff is making him an early fan favorite online in a very authentic manner.   Even the casual Big Brother TV-only fans know that the older house guests tend to get the boot in the early rounds.  They're easy targets because they're different from everybody else so it can be an easy decision to make that won't hurt anybody's feelings.

We're all hoping this time it will be different.  But it will all depend on who wins that first HoH, and if Cliff has a chance to form some bonds that will save him.  At age 53, he's decades older than the next-oldest house guest, who is 31.  (Although Jessica Milagros has described herself as "30-ish", likely due to her modeling career.)  But unlike the last few seasons of older guys who've played this game, Cliff seems to actually know this game, and might even be a live feeder.  And I don't think he'll come off as creepy to the girls, which is often the kiss of death in the early rounds.

I think Cliff needs one of the guys to win the first HoH, to give him hope of surviving the first eviction cycle.  I think he can find some easy commonalities with Jackson Miche and Sam Smith, for example, based on their upbringing or types of jobs the've held.

I have a few clients who are in the oil business as consultants, but on the east coast.  And let me tell you, they are earning some BIG BUCKS.  And by BIG BUCKS, I mean about as much money as the Big Brother winner takes home after taxes.  The guys I work with aren't engineers, either, so if they had that professional designation I'll bet their paychecks would be even higher.  The oil business comes with a lot of risk, so if someone knows how to consult on safe operation of the equipment and can maximize the oil yields (or whatever) it's worth big money.

One of my clients had to install some expensive equipment on his truck last year, and when I asked him about it he said it was required by the oil company he works with to prevent his truck from exploding on impact, or something like that.  I kind of tuned that out when he was talking because it scared me.  Fire scares me.

You know, because oil burns and all.  Even on the water.

Or on the ground.

So maybe the stress of Big Brother will be a cakewalk for Cliff compared to the responsibilities of his real job.  Maybe that's why Cliff is trying to branch out into the tranquil area of Loofah Farming.

Cliff himself told us that he's not in the house to "shill T-shirts", which I'm interpreting as a dig at Braggy C.  And he's not trying to get a bunch of Instagram followers, either, which would describe at least half of the women on the BB21 cast.  Apparently that is considered a career right now in some circles.

The BB fans are trying to come up with nicknames for Cliff Hogg already.  One fan wants to call him "Cliffbread", alluding to the infamous "Cornbread" who appeared on BBOTT.  And yes, Cornbread was evicted first, going down in history by saying "FUCK ALL YA'LL' as he slammed his way out of the front door.

But I don't think that's a fair comparison.  At least, I hope not.  And I hope Cliff Hogg hasn't been on the Honey Boo Boo show, or whatever it's called.

I think "Boss Hogg" might be a better nickname, but I have to admit I never watched The Dukes of Hazzard, but I did own a few pair of Daisy Dukes.

Upon further review of Boss Hogg's TV character, this might not be a fair comparison, either.  I wonder if it was a good thing or a bad thing to have the last name "Hogg" when the Dukes of Hazzard was on prime-time TV.  Cliff's family may have had it UP TO HERE with the whole thing.

And THIS is what I mean by THAT, so all of you kids can keep up out there.

Anyway, to summarize, we all like Cliff Hogg.  Even Corinne Kaplan, who hates just about everybody.  So that's something.

Let's review Cliff's CBS bio.  I've heard Corinne say that on Survivor, the contestants fill out their CBS bios and then have an opportunity to review them later before they go live on the CBS website, but I don't know if this is the case with the BB CBS bios.

Since BB16, many players have referenced Derrick as their favorite house guest, saying they want to play the game like he did.  (***cough cough Haleigh cough cough***)  But unlike most, I think Cliff actually UNDERSTOOD Derrick's game and how he started quietly at the bottom while keeping his eyes peeled on everybody, looking for weaknesses.

I hope Cliff steers clear of the political talk, because no one can agree on all of that and making a comment that offends even a few fans is a surefire way to get featured on TMZ.  But I'm sure Cliff knows that.  At least, I hope so.

Cliff should have plenty of other exciting stories to tell before he starts slinging political rhetoric.  Like swimming with those alligators, or his big rowing award.  Or even where he drove the family truckster when he was seven years old.

Good luck in there Cliff.  At least you seem to know what you're getting yourself into.