Monday, June 17, 2019

Meet Analyse Talavera: She's Literally Going to Lie. Thanks Jesus! #BB21

Where did the time go?  The BB season really snuck up on me this year.  My life is taking some twists and turns and I've been distracted with some household construction projects, but I'm sure I'll ramble on about that in due time.  I'm happy to report that once again our summer BB season features an all-newbie cast and we have lots of fresh faces to chat about, so let's get to it.


1.  Big Jeff is back, baby, giving all of his haters plenty to spew about in the last week or so.  I just wrote two long paragraphs about my feelings about Jeff and his BB journey over the last decade, but I erased them because I know the disgruntled fans are going to keep on being disgruntled no matter what I say.  The short version is that people grow and change, and that is what gives me hope about society.  And Jeff is much more polished now on camera after two years of hosting Daily Blast Live.

2.  I watched all of Jeff's interviews with the new house guests as they aired live this morning on, and will watch each video again as I work on the intro posts.  This is the worst part of the season for me because I need to shake the rust off and the To Do list is so long. 

The first newbie Jeff spoke with is Analyse Talavera, who is a bubbly ray of sunshine and had energy to burn as she waited for her turn to speak, wringing her hands and looking straight into the camera, with a beautiful smile on her face.

She tells us she is from Los Angeles and just graduated from college, where she majored in "community health science public health" (?) and was a Division 1 soccer player.  She attended the University of Nevada Reno and clarified for Jeff that her name is pronounced "Ahna Leese".  She keeps bobbing her head and moving her hands, obviously filled with nervous energy.

Jeff: athlete?

Analyse:  Yeah.  Yeah.

She knows that the World Cup is going on right now and wishes she knew how the women's team is doing in the tournament.  Jeff says he knows "a little bit" but he can't tell her.  She is going to miss her family, friends, and her "little dog Fergie" and has been thinking about her constantly.

Analyse tells Jeff she's "definitely single" and holds up crossed fingers as she says that hopefully there will be some cute guys in the house.  Jeff assures there that this is Big Brother, so there will be something in there for everyone.

And then Analyse distracts me by committing one of my biggest pet peeves, twice in succession.  I know I am going to bitch about this issue all summer, because it has become a rampant problem that is is getting worse every day here in America.

Jeff:  So are you a fan of the show?

Analyse:  Yes!  I've been watching the show since I was literally ten years old, so I watched your and Jordan and I love you both.

Jeff, pleased:  Really?  Since you were TEN?

Analyse:  Literally, yes.


Analyse has not been "literally" watching Big Brother since she was 10, or 13, or even 16.  She hasn't been "actually" watching Big Brother either, in case you're wondering.  SHE IS JUST WATCHING BIG BROTHER, WITH NOTHING "LITERAL" ABOUT IT.

The misuse and overuse of the word "literally" is driving me crazy.  And at this point, I think it may be literally driving me crazy.  This is another war that I know I cannot win, because slang and colloquial usage of words creeps into our culture like a virus over time.  A nasty, bacterial-filled virus, figuratively speaking.  Not literally.  Not yet, anyway.

But I'll try not to crack on poor sweet Analyse too much right now.  She's really nervous, ya'll.  Note the new house guest close-up angles used during these Big Jeff interviews.  That's a new BB21 feature that I like, unlike the jangly-looking Diary Room backdrop

Analyse has been waiting for Big Jeff to ask about her strategy and she reels off what she probably hopes is a cogent, clever plan.

But like I always say, hope is not a plan Analyse.

Analyse:  My strategy honestly is to probably play the game like Kaycee did last season?  Because she was pretty low-key and I think that's what helped her get to the end?  I'm definitely competitive like Angela was, so I think that might be kind of my downfall, trying to win all the, that might make me a target?

Jeff stepped in to help her out, summarizing that it sounds like she wants to lay low in the beginning.

Analyse, wringing her hands:  Yes.  Exactly.

===>  My Interpretation:  Analyse started watching BB20 in sequester, but didn't get to the part of the season where Kaycee won all of the competitions.  That's why she wasn't sure exactly how Kaycee got to the end of the game.

Jeff has a new question he's asking the house guests this year regarding what is going to be harder for her, lying to someone or telling them the truth.  You seem like a good person, Jeff says.

Analyse assures Jeff that she is indeed a good person, but honestly she's a good liar, so she thinks that is going to be easier.  I am pleasantly shocked by this answer, and pleased that she isn't "literally" a good person and "literally" a good liar.

Jeff:  So you're saying it's easier for you to lie than to tell the truth to gain someone's trust?

Analyse:  Yeah.  Yeah.

And there is also a new question Jeff is asking about how social media will impact her game this summer.  At first she took the approach that social media followers could help her in the game if there's some sort of vote, but Jeff asked the question again to make sure she understood his her behavior in the house might impact how the fans treat her on social media.

Analyse:  Um....oh that could impact my game if I'm acting a certain way that people don't like....

Jeff:  But are you worried about that at all?  Because it comes up...

Analyse:  I'm worried about it a little, but to be honest I don't really care what people think about me.  I'm going to be how I really am in real life and if people don't like it, they don't like it.

Jeff liked her direct response and said he appreciated her honesty.

Jeff:  But you said you're a good liar so you might be lying to me right now.

She giggled, saying no, she's telling Jeff the truth.  But I hope she was lying when she told him what her hashtag would be..."thank you Jesus".

Jeff:  Okay.  So hashtag ThankYouJesus.

Analyse:  No, ThankYaJesus.

Then Jeff asked her the Big Question, and she told him she didn't even need him to finish saying it.  She wants to win the money and doesn't care what it takes to get there.

Analyse:  I've gotta win.  I've been thinking and thinking about this and I've gotta win.

Jeff says he likes her confidence and to keep it in mind that it's a long summer and his advice is to be patient and maybe let the game come to her.

Jeff:  And I hope to see the finale. (He almost mentioned post-eviction interviews, but that's not in his contract, obviously.)


Well, Analyse is obviously super-cute and is meant to fill the "Haleigh-type" role this summer.  And let's get this whole name situation out of the way right now.  It had to be said, so someone said it.

And she wasn't telling a Tall Tale to Big Jeff about her soccer experience.  I would have liked Jeff to ask a question or two about her declared major in college, because I don't understand what "community health science public health" you?

There is a lot of soccer-related information about Analyse out there, if you want to know who scored what over whom.  Or something like that.

And I like her motto..."be a badass with a good ass".  That's catchy.  And since she probably won't be interviewing for jobs in the "community health science public health" field for at least a few months, if ever, that sort of statement shouldn't hurt her career prospects in a negative fashion.

She has protected her Instagram account, a great idea for any BB player, as we've all learned.

Let's give her CBS bio a quick look, shall we?

Well, we learn right away that Analyse isn't very enthused about her "community health science public health" career prospects, preferring tanning, shopping and being a cool soccer player.  I don't find any of this shocking, so far.

But GET THIS:  Sweet little Analyse loves how evil Evel Dick was.  Wow.  And she likes how Dani Donato looked like a sweet and innocent California beach girl, just like Analyse, but had a really sassy, bitchy side as well.  Analyse's stated strategy in her bio bears little relation to the rambling answer she gave Big Jeff about Kaycee and Angela.  I knew she was nervous, but I didn't realize she was just making shit up in terror.

I can say the following about Analyse:

1. NO WAY will she be the first person evicted, or even the second.  I think she will come across as really sweet like everyone's little sister.  Everyone will think they can easily evict her later.

2.  It's not IF, but WHO will she hook up with this summer.  But given her competition, will that actually be possible?  Let's ANALYSE the possibilities here:

Sam:  Married with kids
Cliff:  Married with kids
Tommy:  Not into ladies
Ovi:  Says he has a girlfriend
David:  a possibility
Jack:  a possibility
Jackson:  says he's here to play, but Cody Nixson said that, too
Nick:  a remote possibility

If Analyse is hoping to keep herself safe with a showmance this summer, it might be harder than she thinks.  But she's certainly charming and might be fun to have around.

Who knows.  She might surprise us all.  I hope she really is down for some lying and backstabbing.  Some real Dastardly Deeds.  Maybe Analyse will be such an evil liar, she'll shock everyone and go down in BB history as a bloodthirsty cut-throat.  But figuratively.  Not literally, of course.