Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Because Celebrities Love to Swill and Swing. #CBB2

The new season of Celebrity Big Brother kicked off last night and was pretty successful as a whole.  My purpose here is just to grab a few minutes to sum up where we are and attempt to finish what I started yesterday, which was to briefly touch on each celebrity house guest to kick off the action.


The first celebrity we saw last night was Julie Chen Moonves herself, introducing herself with that name at the top of the hour.  Les Moonves is a lucky man to have Julie stand by him, particularly after that $120,000,000 legal judgement went against him, not to mention all of the scathing information that came out about Les' activities at work. Yeah, go ahead and look at that number again.  That's a whole lot of money that Les is not going to receive.

Julie Chen hangs tough.  But she looks so thin, right?  At first I wasn't sure about this new look, but the outfit had great movement on stage and I liked the little flashes of skin that you see around the bodice.


The premiere episode ended with the HoH competition, where the celebs formed their own Power Pairs to compete in teams, with one team member somehow winning HoH on tonight's second premiere episode.  They wore Gatsby-style costumes and had to swing and transfer champagne back and forth to fill up their huge glasses of bubbles.

This was Drinks On Us.


I liked the set, and also the costumes, but this competition went bust from the start.  Nobody could figure out how to get the swings going, and the smaller folks had a harder time reaching to capture champagne in their glass.  Ryan and Jonathan won, which means one of them will win HoH on tonight's episode, and the other will go on the block for eviction.

I think there will be three nominees this week, but that's just a guess based on what Dina Lohan said on the live feed leak.

HOT TAKE:  If you watched last night's premiere, it seemed odd that one Power Pair didn't have a set of swings and just sat on the sidelines (Kato and Natalie Eva Marie).  I think casting put two extra bodies in the house this season to combat the Quitter Syndrome that we experienced last season with Keisha and Metta World Peace.  Production can speed up the evictions if they have extra bodies in the house during Finale Week, but as we saw last year, it's hard to combat a situation where someone starts begging to be voted out in the middle of a live eviction show.

Maybe Production can have a surprise double eviction if they need to get some troublemakers or party poopers out of there.  It seems like a good plan to me.



And now I will cover the remaining six Celebrity Big Brother contestants that I couldn't get to yesterday.  The live feeds will begin tonight at midnight or so on he East Coast, so we can all look forward to that.  And the first live eviction will occur on the Friday night CBS episode, which will hopefully be live.

*** RYAN LOCHTE***

When you watch the Summer Olympics, the male swimmers always look so strong and sexy, kind of just standing on the sidelines of the pool loosening up.  You know how they swing their arms around in circles and sort of jump up and down to warm up?  I'll bet all of us have developed a big crush on an Olympic swimmer at some point or another, imagining how great it would be to have such a powerful, god-like boyfriend.

And then they open their mouth, and speak.  And all of a sudden I doubt I could even get through a lunch date with this bozo. He's 34 and still speaks as if he is rounding the corner on 14.

Ryan:  My reputation?  Yeah, it's not so good.


Yeah.  I guess that's an accurate statement.  Basically during the 2016 Summer Olympics in Brazil Ryan and his drunken homies vandalized a gas station and then lied about it, saying that they were robbed at gunpoint by some local riff raff.

Um, no.  That's not what happened.  What a DUMBASS.  Ryan lost millions in endorsement deals and basically embarrassed the entire country with his brash idiocy.


And here's more info about it, if you really want to know.  Needless to say, if Ryan does manage to get into the pool for the 2020 Olympics, we'll hear about "Lochtegate" over and over and over again.

And if Ryan DOESN'T make the Olympics team, I'll bet someone will make the case that he shouldn't have done Celebrity Big Brother, focusing on his training instead.  I'm sure you know by now that Production has installed a special training pool for him in the BB backyard and he has been promised access to it from 12 AM to 6 AM, when the crew won't be building sets just across the backyard wall.

Will they show Ryan swimming in that pool on the CBS episodes? Will they let the live feeders watch him swim?  I can't stay up that late here on the East Coast, but I will flashback and watch a few minutes of him if I can.  You know, for the record.


So, I think we can all agree that Ryan Lochte doesn't have the sense God gave a milk cow, but he seems to be a Family Man now and has a really cute Frenchie.

Ryan is the first HoH this season, so we'll just have to wait and see how he handles his HoH duties, and how he conducts himself in the house.  We'll be the judge on whether the Olympic swimmers should actually be seen and not heard.


I already know one thing though....he'll never be as hot as Matt Biondi.   Matt knew enough to keep his damn mouth shut when he wasn't swimming laps and crushing medal counts.



***LOLO JONES***

Lolo is 36 and grew up in Des Moines Iowa.  She is known for being an Olympic athlete and apparently also did a short stint on The Challenge.  I used to date a guy who grew up in Iowa, and he said that the farther away from Iowa that you grew up, the more screwed up you are as a person.  But I'm not sure how that equation works for  Lolo, whose real name is Lori Susan Jones.

Okay, what is up with all of that makeup?  What look is she going for here?  No one is going to want to hug you Lolo, with all of that color you have caked on your face.  I blame the Kardashians for this, because aren't they the ones who made everybody think they needed to "contour"?


Lolo is a pretty girl who is surely gifted athletically, but she doesn't seem to be your typical well-adjusted Iowa-type of person.  For example, if she really is a "virgin" at the age of 36, why are we having to hear about it so much?  Does that even make sense to you?  Being a virgin at the age of 26 would be rather rare in today's society, but to have rounded the corner on your mid-thirties and still be making that claim in the media is just tragic.

If this is true, she should have just kept that information to herself, because she obviously has some extremely personal reasons why this would be the case.  If she wanted to have sex with someone, she surely would have had the opportunity by now.

Because if you can't get laid as an athlete living in the Olympic Village, particularly if you are as attractive as Lolo is, you've got some other issues or reasons going on.  (Not to mention The Challenge house.....) This article from ESPN has the following to say about the matter, including a comment from our very own Should Have Kept Quiet Ryan Lochte:


I don't know how Lolo Jones is going to place on Celebrity Big Brother, but I'm willing to bet my house that she'll remain "a virgin" for another month or so.  Cheers, Lolo. Your name is fun to type.



***JOEY LAWRENCE***

This is how I think of Joey Lawrence, but I have to say I've never seen any of his shows.  Not even one episode.  But of course I know he says "Whoa", and for some reason America thought that was the funniest thing ever.  He refused to say "Whoa" for the BB producers in his intro package, though, and I can't say I blame him.

I once saw Gary Del'Abate from The Howard Stern Show in the VIP area of a concert and I lost count of how many people stumbled up to him to demand he say "Baba Booey" into their phone for them.  Gary did it like a champ, though, probably because it's easier to go along and get along then to resist.  Plus, we were all drinking heavily on the free VIP booze.

I'm sure Joey would like to feel that his life has more value than just those four letters, which let's face it, will probably appear in his obituary one day.  Sorry Joey.


I think the whole child-star situation is tragic, so I hate to start ripping on Joey.  He's been an actor and public figure since elementary school, so I'm sure being famous has cast a shadow on every relationship he's ever had.

Joey is going to have a rough go of it on Celebrity Big Brother.  The fans are already mad at him because he admitted during his preseason interviews that he only did the show because CBS implied they would consider working with him on other projects if he complied.  He even told Ika that if he's the first evicted, so what, he'll just go home.


Joey got a lot of action on the quickie live feed leaks we've seen so far.  We know that Joey likes to keep things clean, and is already quite distressed about some already-messy situations.  We also know that Joey likes to give workout advice, and basically told Ryan Lochte that he's working his chest muscles all wrong.

Yep.  But I also heard him tell Ryan that he can't wait for them to "get out of here and have some fun".  Would that be fun in the BB backyard, or fun in the outside world?  Because I think one is a lot more likely than the other, unfortunately.  Other than seeing snippets of Joey saying "Whoa", I don't think I've ever heard him speak before now.  His voice surprised me.  He sounds like he's from Philly, which he is, but I would have believed New Jersey, too.


And since the news is already out there and was sort of a big story in early 2018, I might as well share this info.  Show business giveth, and show business taketh away.  The IRS just taketh, though, unless you consider how they giveth you the business if you don't pay your tax bill.



***DINA LOHAN***

Yeah, I don't like Dina Lohan.  She describes herself as a "Momager" and is most famous for being Lindsey Lohan's mother.  And we all know how THAT worked out.  In my opinion, Dina Lohan basically pimps her kids out and has zero shame about that.  Anything for a dollar, that's Dina Lohan.


Here she was on last night's show pretending to be "managing" the kids, naming all of them and really trying to build some buzz about it all.  I know somebody out there has tried to decipher what is on these computer screens, but I can't say I really care that much. I know Dina loves her children, but I feel sorry for them having to grow up in a situation like this.

On the live feed leak, I heard Dina talking to Tom Green about one of her kid's singing career...she's trying to build a "boutique" career for her.  And she dropped the info that Tiger Woods "stopped by" Lindsey's greek club because he's going to have some sort of MTV show, too.

Oh, and Dina's going to "run the New York club" when it opens. Um.........have you SEEN Lindsey's new show on MTV about her "beach club"?  That poor, poor girl.


Dina tried her best to bring down the lives of some other New Yorkers, too, by getting all liquored up and driving around.  At 50, shouldn't you know better than that?

Apparently not.  Let's move on.



***RICKY WILLIAMS***

I had certainly heard Ricky Williams' name before, because he was a football sensation who made headlines for walking out on his contract so he could smoke weed in peace.  At least, that is what we were all led to believe at the time.

Yesterday I watched an ESPN 30 For 30 show about Ricky, called "Run Ricky Run".  If you have about 45 minutes to spare, I recommend you take the time to watch it. I found it On Demand but it's also on You Tube right now.  Ricky's life is beyond anything I heard about, and although this film was released in 2010, the things I heard Ricky say on the live feed leak backed up everything I learned from the film, and more.

Basically Ricky failed a bunch of drug tests, and after his 9th failed drug test, instead of sitting out the required four games, he walked away from a $30 million dollar contract and then went overseas to live in a tent.  I'm oversimplifying the story, but yesterday he told the group about how God told him to walk away from the sport, and then God later showed him he needed to return because he was in some little place in Thailand and he looked up and saw NFL football on TV.  If that hadn't happened, he said he might have never returned to the US.


Here is Ricky when he won the Heisman Trophy.  I have a friend who was the Heisman Trophy for Halloweeen one year.  He spray painted his body, clothes and shoes gold, and then stood in this pose for photo opportunities. It was awesome.

I don't know how much Ricky will share about his family situation, but that is a tragic story, too.  I have a whole new understanding about Ricky now, even if part of that understanding is that I can never understand him.

I'm not a fan of all of the Jesus talk, but as long as he's not forcing his opinions on us about that, I'm cool with Ricky.  And we all know I'm cool with the herb, too.



***ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI***

I try to steer clear of political topics on this website.  It's not that I don't have opinions, or I don't care, it's that I don't care to share those opinions in this forum.  I learned the lesson early in my career that you shouldn't discuss politics or religion in group settings, and certainly not in the office.

Unless your business is politics, you should keep your mouth shut about it in most cases.  I don't know much about Anthony, other than what we saw in his intro package.  He started a huge hedge fund so he is extremely wealthy, which is probably how he became acquainted with The President.


The Mooch only had the White House Communications job for a few days before getting fired, but it was certainly a busy few days.


I'm not sure what The Mooch has to gain from being on Celebrity Big Brother.  It likely won't help his day job much, and it is more likely that it's going to hurt him.  But what do I know about it?  Not much.

He was putting on a suit on the live feed leak, telling the group that Production needed him to put on his suit to do some "pick ups" on the Diary Room.  Basically when they are putting together the edited CBS episodes, Production discovered they needed some additional sound bytes from The Mooch and wanted him to dress in the same clothing he wore in earlier DR sessions.



We all have to go home sometime, JC.

***BREAKING NEWS***  I was watching as the feeds went live at midnight, and apparently The Mooch quit the game sometime on Tuesday, leaving Jonathan and Tom on the block in advance of today's PoV Ceremony.  Additionally, it seems that Kato Kaelin pulled out the PoV win and reportedly plans to save Tom Green.  (Whew.)  I saw Ryan cryptically discussing his next nomination plan with Jonathan, who appeared understandably nervous about the situation.  They mentioned Ryan nominating "that person they talked about".

Ryan:  I've already got so much blood on my hands that I might not even tell that person ahead of time.

(It better not be Kandi Burruss, bitch.)

*****

And one more thing....if history serves, Tamar Braxton will not be winning Celebrity Big Brother.  It looked like Ryan Lochte would be the first to step inside, but he actually held the door open to let Tamar be the one to get stuck with the First In Curse.