Thursday, September 7, 2017

This Year's Version: If You're SITTING, You Better DUCK. #BB19

Tonight is the live double eviction episode, so the fans are eagerly anticipating what will happen with the second eviction of the night.  Everyone is hoping beyond hope that whoever wins the first HoH competition will take a Big Risk, and make a Big Move.

But I think it is best to be cautiously optimistic, to avoid disappointment.  You know, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Raven has been isolating due to an illness that appears to be PMS, but of course she has a lot of fancy long medical terms that no one cares about.  Not the house guests, and not the fans.  At least not any fans I know.

(Note:  There is a Complete List of Lies that Raven has told on Reddit, if you don't believe me.)

Kevin packed up his BB duffel bag, and straightened up his "cahner" of the room.  At this point in the day, they aren't sure who is going tonight.

Kevin:  Well, we know that Alex and Raven aren't voting on me to stay, and Josh doesn't have his marching orders yet, so who knows.

Josh has been stressing about what to say to Jason, and if he should let him know the plan before the live eviction.  He said he tried to explain it in his good bye message, and Christmas says she did, too.  Paul sternly told Josh he "DOES NOT"  need to tell Jason ahead of time, before commanding Josh to "SIT" and "STAY".

Just kidding about that last part, but Paul used the same damn tone of voice you'd use with Sparky at the dog park.

Jason packed his bag, too, and they decided to warm up the iron right there in the bedroom instead of doing the ironing in the storage room.  They are both cheerful and pleasant with each other.  I guess whoever leaves is out of the game, but they will get to leave the house for some new surroundings and increased privileges, so that's nice, too.

When Kevin heard that the last few evictees don't go to the Jury House, but instead are sequestered alone in a hotel to prepare for the Finale, I was worried about his reaction.  But once again, Kevin surprised me.

Kevin:  In the hotel?  With movies?  We can watch movies? You're teasing me now, with that.

Get ready for drama, ya'll, because Raven has taken her illness to the Main Stage.  Here she is crouching by the trash can, making some victim noises and moaning while cursing sporadically.

This was just the beginning of a Very Special Performance by Raven Walton, as she made sure everyone, everywhere was aware of her distress.  Most of the house guests made a few comments to her at first, but then slipped into postures of determined ignorance until they could vacate the premises.

Raven:  Oh FUCK ME.  It hurts so bad.  ARGH!

Josh ate his snack quickly, and then got the hell out of there.

I'd like to note that if someone like Kevin, or even Alex, bent over and said these things, Production would have called them to the DR and alerted the medic.  But it's Raven, so maybe they are just laughing in there now.  And hoping for an exciting exit tonight that surprises (and delights) even the hardened bitches in the Control Room.

Josh can barely contain himself with Christmas.

Josh:  I know she's in pain, but can't she just SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT?  I can't stand it....I can't take her anymore.

Christmas, getting snappy: Josh, I know.  But you have to hold it in....she's like a wet blanket covering us on a cold night, but you have to keep it in.

Seconds later, Raven walked in, announcing that she's like "a damn mall walker now" as she made rounds.  Raven continued to announce updates about her pain, and also that "she's just walking around now" and of course the old "mall walker" comparison.

Raven:  I need my fanny pack to walk around the mall though.

Jason wondered if Kevin had his speech ready for tonight.  Kevin thinks so, but says he'll probably get nervous and mess the whole thing up.  He's got to say Hi to so many kids and he needs to take the time to do that properly.

Kevin: I'll just thank everybody and tell 'em I had a good time.

Kevin:  Jason, want to know one secret?  Anybody can have a good time and do things when things are going good.  But when you have your back up against the wall, and you're still happy, it proves that you're the same person all the time.  I had a great time in here.

Jason:  Yeah.  Good.

Kevin:  If you think I would get up there and yell, it's the exact opposite.  I would never do that.  I'll just say I had a great time.  And I hope everyone does great.  I genuinely had a good time the whole time.  The down time is hard, and you don't notice it when you have 16 people, but when there are only 7 you're on your own a lot, so you notice it.

Paul came in to complain about Raven circling around him, it's driving him crazy.

Right on cue, Raven appeared, and made a "joke" about telling Julie that she'd like to "evict her uterus".

Um....poor taste Raven, with two guys worried about their fate.


Jason plans to tell Don to "gas up the Caddy and head out West" in his eviction speech.

Kevin:  I guess I'll just talk until Julie tells me to shut up, right?

Jason struggled to remember who gave them the grill and the party.

Jason:  Was it POP?  K-POP?

Kevin: No, I think it's that show that runs at midnight.

Jason:  I wish my brain was working right in here, but it's not.

I think Don is the guy who does the auctioneering with Jason.  Jason said he's tough as leather, and is 72 years old.  Kevin thinks they can blast "LA Woman" in Don's Caddy and drive around California.

Kevin:  Does Don drink whiskey?

Jason: Oh yeah.

Kevin:  Good.

Alex kept busy cleaning the kitchen, and she brought the gloves out for the task.  I hate the way those gloves make my hands smell, but when you have a dirty cleaning job to do, wearing gloves is the way to go, if nothing else to keep your hands from burning from the hot water.

Josh told Jason that his look tonight with the glasses is working for him.

Jason pointed out that there were certain things they could have asked Production for to keep the kitchen  cleaner, like a tray for the coffee maker so the mess didn't get all over.

Alex:  Oh, I'm over that.

Alex quizzed Jason on the days, pointing at pictures and demanding a quick answer as to which day they were voted out, or which day they won HoH.

I had to rewind the tape twice to get this picture, because I kept forgetting it was coming up.  I like it, with the pointing and the damn cat ears.  And Cody, of course, who Alex famously told to "eat shit" during the first HoH competition.

You know, back before we knew how evil and mean she can be.  And disrespectful.  To Kevin, of all people.  I expect Kevin to place in the Top Three vote-getters for America's Favorite Player, if not the winner, and I look forward to seeing Alex's reaction to that.  She's smart enough to know that if we all like Kevin, we're not going to be happy about her.

I know we're all sick of her, but I wanted to preserve this BBAD poll, because the polls come and go so quickly.  I guess it's better to have your own poll, even if it is a bad one, right?  That's what Raven can tell herself, I guess.

And this poll is very sad to me.  Because no doubt Josh's family would like to welcome him home with a big feast and celebration for the Familia, but Hurricane Irma is going to prevent that.  There is a mandatory evacuation of Miami right now, with the storm scheduled to hit this weekend.

I lived in Florida during Hurricane Andrew, which hit the Miami area in the 90's as a Category 5 storm, and the results were catastrophic.  But hopefully the building codes will help prevent total destruction.  I heard that Josh's family didn't want him to know about the storm, because they didn't want him to interrupt his game.

So Josh has a new need to win BB19 now.  Let's all focus on sending some positive energy to everyone in Florida, so they can get through this nasty storm.  And there is another hurricane coming right after Irma, so there's that too.  If you have friends or family in Florida, now is a good time to invite them to come stay.  I have extended three invitations myself, and may be getting company in the next day or so.

An interesting view of Christmas, as she enjoyed her last days as HoH.

I can't get a good look at Christmas' pictures, but I'm sure some of you can blow these pictures up enough to see something ineresting.


Paul commandeered the Snapchat glasses and gathered everyone for a group video, so everyone pretended to love each other and have SO MUCH FUN.

And even though the hours that the backyard would be available were ticking down, no one seemed to want to spend time out there except Kevin, of course.  He walked around, lifted weights, and practiced playing the BB Cornhole game.

He won, too.

Does BB provide sunscreen for the house guests?  I'm pretty sure there are a few bottles in the storage room....Kevin should use it every morning.  Every reader knows I love Kevin, but I think his skin makes him look a little older than he is.  It might be too late to prevent further sun damage, so there's that.   I guess he might as well enjoy the California sunshine while he can, because winter is on the way in Massachusetts.

Here is a list of famous people who are also 56......and there is a lot of variation on the list.  Dennis Rodman is the same age as Barack Obama?  Boy George is the same age as Julianne Moore?  Susan Boyle is the same age as Wayne Fucking Gretsky?

Mind blown.

So you can see that life is certainly not over at age 56.  And Lisa Vanderpump needs to call her publicist and get herself yanked from lists like this one.  Susan Boyle would have done that, if she had a publicist.

Although life certainly ended at age 56 for the following famous folks.  Adolph Hitler is also on this list, even though I didn't include his info.  But none of them died of "sudden" natural causes (like in their sleep or something).  Fifty-six is certainly an age where you begin to reap the results of your long-term habits, although you could argue that the bill actually comes due decades before then.

On BBAD Christmas was super-bossy right from the start.  She got shrimp in her HoH fridge, but that was last Thursday night.  Did she freeze it?  Because otherwise I'm not so sure she should be cooking it now.  But I'll let you tell her that.  At this point I'd like to avoid all conversation with her, to be honest about it.

And look at that BBAD news crawl....that could be about anybody but Christmas or Jason, which is certainly a sad state of affairs.

And this snippet of BBAD news is sobering as well.  I heard Jason and Kevin talking earlier, and they both agreed that if the vote came down to a tie, Christmas would eliminate Jason in a heartbeat.  So Jason knows.  And supposedly Josh got special permission from his Boss Paul to let Jason know about the vote just before the live show begins.

So I guess that means that Alex will know about it, too, which pretty much dashes our hopes of seeing Alex's face at the moment she realizes she was betrayed by Christmas.  She won't realize that Paul was behind it, because he's already covered his tracks with her.

Paul's poor taste in clothing continues.  The socks might look good in some other capacity, on some other person, but not here.

I didn't like shrimp when I used to eat seafood, unless they were super-fresh, high-end varieties.  Most shrimp smells and tastes like iodine to me, which is not appetizing at all.  Supposedly only certain people can detect iodine in shrimp, and I guess I'm one of them.

Late last night, Christmas sat in the dark of her HoH room and talked to the cameras about how she felt her heart "flutter" around Paul, and she was trying to resist those feelings.


She said that after the season she would know if she was heartbroken or not.  How in the hell can a 35-year-old woman who makes such a big deal about being a "bad ass", and who is successful and domineering in her field be attracted to a scrawny weasel like 24-year-old  Paul?  I would think that even if you take Paul's physicality out of the equation, his know-it-all, blowhardy attitude would rub her the wrong way.  Because Christmas likes to be in charge.

And I don't think Paul is attracted to Christmas AT ALL.  He has said he likes the Disney Princess type, and has dated a few of them, apparently.

Paul has started working out more lately, and announced a few days ago that he might want to get back into MMA fighting, if he's not "doing commercials or modeling".  If those avenues aren't open, then he feels it is OK to start getting hit in the face, apparently.

I wonder if being around Kevin and Jason has influenced this?  They certainly tell a lot of stories about fighting, and Paul has expressed an interest in making appearances at a few rodeos with Jason.  If Paul gets on Jason's rodeo Teeter-Totter, I'm sure the footage will circulate soon afterwards, one way or another.

Josh and Paul were taking turns jumping on this wooden block, and Paul sassed BB when they were asked to STOP THAT.

Paul:  That's what it's here for!  We did it last year!

Josh wanted to run around the yard but Paul quickly vetoed that idea, saying they couldn't run in the yard, because it wasn't allowed.

Josh:  I just did it.....I run out here all the time.

(So does Alex.)

Kevin has been very consistent with his workouts this summer.  If the backyard was available, he was out there exercising.

Raven said that life's little irritations like waiting in a 15 minute line wouldn't seem so irritating after this summer.

Raven:  Even waiting in a line....I'm okay with that now.

Jason:  My dad always told me that you can't run from have to take it on the chin and handle it right here.  He always said "shit don't go away".

I'm not sure what that had to do with the topic at hand, but Jason announced that after this summer, he will be taking walks with his mother, and also meeting his dad for coffee, after taking up both habits living in the BB house.

Alex and Christmas talked about how much they enjoy going to Costco.  (Me too.)

Alex:  I'll go and eat like, 9 Gala apples and a whole rotisserie chicken in one day.

Alex doesn't remember much about Jillian's diet, other than she was only able to eat about one cup of food at a time, due to her weight loss surgery.  They discussed how they rarely saw Elena eat anything, other than sugar or ice cream.

Alex:  She had everything done...botox, her breasts, her nose....

Paul:   ...her lips, too.  She told me that they were natural, but they didn't look like that to me. I'm scared to have surgery just to look better.  I would never do it.

Alex wouldn't, either, after the surgery she went through after her cracked tooth became infected.  Josh said that he liked Elena, but she had a way of making everything about her.

Paul:  No, you MADE it all about her, Josh.

Josh:  No, she had a gift to make every conversation about herself.  You know what bothered me about Mark's eviction speech he made?  He called me a meatball, and said he was a cannoli.  Since when is he a cannoli?  When did that become a thing?

Here's something you don't see very often, if at all:  Jason and Raven alone in a space together.  The conversation wasn't on camera long, just a flash to show us how awkward the conversation was, like two strangers at the airport when your plane is delayed, except sober.

Josh went to In 'n' Out when he came out to Los Angeles for the casting process, but there is nothing shocking about that.  In 'n' Out burgers and fries are legendary.  He also went to Roscoe's on the CBS studio lot.

Josh: It was such a trip, being there, and also being here.

Paul:  You're telling me.  The feeling will go up a little, and then go down, so don't expect anything big after this.  Plenty of people think they're going to move out here, but just go stand in line at auditions and see the other thousand people there, waiting in line too.

For the first few days of the game, Josh didn't feel like talking in the Diary Room and would say "I don't want to talk about that" over and over in response to their questions.

Alex doesn't think she has much on-camera talent after her experiences this summer.

Alex:  In the DR they don't like the way I say things....I have to re-do my comments lots of times.

Paul:  They need your statements to match the mood of the video footage.

Alex:  It's just unnatural to me.  I'm not good at it.

(Well, Alex's DR's are WAY TOO JOKEY and CHIRPY.  Not like the Alex we know from the live feeds at all.  And they use subtitles for Alex frequently, too, so Alex is probably right about her future "talking head" TV opportunities. Sometimes it is good to know your limitations because it can save you a lot of time.)

Alex:  I don't get too nervous, except during the Double Eviction.  That was really ROUGH.

Paul:   I told you guys.  I told you.

Alex didn't know that other players were giving Paul their Candy Crush tickets during the HoH competition Paul won.  (Can't ANYBODY try to win a damn competition based on their own efforts?)

Christmas came out of the Diary Room and was obviously upset, so Josh and Paul went to comfort her.

Josh:  I'm smelly....sorry.

Christmas: Look, I own a gym.

They wondered if she got any bad news in the DR, but she said there was no new news...just the same old stuff.   There have been several occasions this summer when Christmas misrepresented medical information about her foot for game purposes, so who knows if her initial projections about not having to wear a boot or cast were factual.  I'm pretty sure she was supposed to be out of everything by now, based on earlier comments she made.  She even kept her surgery a secret from most of the cast until the night before, and I think BB made her share that information.

How does no one know that these three have a Final Three deal?  Do they just not want to accept it?

This picture kind of takes a new meaning knowing Christmas is yearning for Paul, doesn't it?  During her little spiel in the dark that I told you about earlier, she watched Paul walk around the kitchen on the Spy Cam and said "what am I doing".

You should have kept that information to yourself, Christmas, because now that little speech is sweeping the internet, and surely it will be shown at some point on the CBS show.  Just one more reason for Christmas to cringe when she looks back at all of this.  And certain fans will ask her for YEARS if she and Paul are "still together".

(Just ask Amanda Zuckerman, who just married Michael Zachman last weekend, but still gets asked about McCrae all of the time.)

Josh is upset about Jason leaving this week, and doesn't want to go out to the hot tub because Jason is there.  But he'll go if Paul goes with him.

Christmas fed the fish in the HoH room.  I heard her tell Josh about how she had to "step it up" a few weeks ago in the game.  When did that happen?  I am drawing a blank on that.  Is that when Paul threw her first HoH competition to her?

(She is going to feel like SHIT when she watches that CBS episode, because Paul couldn't have made it more obvious that he was mocking her competition skills.)

Maybe that's when Christmas started cutting back on her "nerve pills".  I wonder if those fish feel like they don't have anywhere to hide in that tank.  Usually there is a shady corner so they can rest, or feel safe, but there doesn't seem to be a place for that this season.

In the hot tub Paul held court with more of his riveting stories about his various travels in Europe.  It sounds like he did a semester of college in London, and went through a long list of weekend trips he made to great cities in Europe. Surprisingly, Christmas hasn't been to many spots in Europe, although she did visit Germany and Amsterdam, I think.

Paul said that he recommended Italy over France, because "the buildings look the same and it's cheaper".

(Um......France vs. Italy should not be an "either or" choice.  They are very different choices but you should visit both countries at some point.  France is expensive for a reason. It's chic, bitches.)

Kevin just listens.  I'm not sure he's ever been a hot tub guy.  Maybe he knows that Paulie peed in there last summer...if we only saw it happen once, who knows how many times it actually occurred?

(Remember that?  See bottom of this post.)

Paul also likes to talk about how he did so many meet and greets last year in Canada, but I didn't hear him mention Victor at all.  Most of those appearances were "Sitting Ducks" appearances, but these house guests don't know much about BB18.  I actually heard Christmas get snippy with Josh when he expressed doubts about Paul's actions with the PoV.

Christmas: He played his little heart out all alone last summer!  And he still made it to the end!

(  Paul was part of Jozea The Messiah's crew until that ship went down in flames.  Then he joined forces with Paulie, creating the "PP" alliance, where he bullied Bridgette, mocked Victor continuously, calling him "The Executive" and being a tattletale about how much pizza Victor was eating. (Hint: A lot.)  Only after Paulie was exposed as a double-crossing liar did Paul truly join forces with Victor, and because America has a very short memory that's all most viewers really remember.  So, no Christmas, he did not play "all alone last summer".)

And Christmas promised Josh that if Paul doesn't go after Alex next, before Raven, the Wrath of Christmas will reign down "like we've never seen".

Christmas:  I'll be like HELL NO KITTIE BOO BOO.

Uh huh.  Okay.  I think she should lose the whole "kittie boo boo" narrative if she wants to be a bad ass.

Paul told a VERY long tale about how he almost missed his plane in Canada because he was inundated with requests to take pictures with the staff of the airline in the airport.  Then the pilot of the plane came back to Paul's seat for his own meet and greet.  And in the terminal it was announced that this was the "last call for friendship".

Everyone:  Oh Paul, you're the greatest!

See, Victor was with Paul in Canada....but you'd never know it from Paul's conversations this summer.  Last night Paul told Alex about the good "BC Bud" he found up in Canada, too.  And there were girls on airplanes that were tweeting pictures of Victor from inside the plane, too.  I remember seeing them and being jealous.

It was a big deal, it just wasn't all Paul's deal.  I was just about to make a joke about what Paul will tell the house guests next summer during BB20, but that concept is just not funny, is it?