Friday, September 1, 2017

It's Unnatural....In So Many Ways..... #BB19

As the CBS live episode began, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.....I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

How can this be?  How can this happen?

More importantly.....WHAT IS THIS?  WHAT PLANET AM I ON?  IS IT ME?  HAVE I GONE INSANE?


WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

It's not just the silhouette of this top....it's the texture of the "cuffs"...and the color of the "cuffs".....and the color and texture of the rest of it, too.  I'm starting to think that it's cruel of us to make fun of Julie's fashions, because maybe Julie is not well.  Maybe Julie has sustained mental damages of some sort, maybe the early onset of brain deterioration.  Or maybe Julie is just daring us to say something.

Julie:  HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, BITCH.


I wouldn't even know how to describe this mess....the "cuffs" remind me of the coconut husk liners I used to buy every spring for my hanging baskets of flowers on my patio.  Coconuts are not exactly indigenous to the Atlanta area, so the birds would be really excited when I hung up my planters every year.  Apparently the coconut fibers are very soft and durable, and make a great lining for bird nests.  So within a week my Coco Fiber Liners would look fuzzy and damaged as the birds pecked away at them.

So that's the only comparison I have....either that...or Julie is wearing fashions from the Fall Sasquatch Line.  It's egregious, really. Someone must be held accountable, but Julie is clearly not up to that task.
Julie's ensemble is very upsetting, but we must move on  and discuss Matt, because It's the end of the road for him.  And Raven has decided to wear Matt's trusty Orange Blouse as a special tribute.  Matt and Raven believe that the Orange Blouse is "their thing", much beloved by the vast CBS audience, because just last week Julie asked Matt why he insisted on wearing that dirty, tattered scrap of fabric every damn day in the BB house.


It's a sad but special day for Raven.



Although we've come to end of the road.....


...still I can't let go....


...it's unnatural....you belong to me....I belong to you....


***record scratch***

Don't you fucking talk about Kevin's kids....he's not having it.  This was such a STUPID fight, started by Christmas, who was just dying to get some camera time.  She's such a bad ass, right?

There was another fight between Matt and Kevin that I think we might see on Sunday night's CBS episode.  We already saw Kevin approach Matt as he lounged on the pool toy....the fight happened after Matt dutifully reported back to everyone what Kevin said, which was then twisted into something to shout about.  And NONE of that fight, or the fight that apparently followed between Kevin and Alex was aired on the live feeds, which were down for nearly 2 hours.

So I'm sure we'll see some of that action.....what else do they have to show us, if not the constant Kevin-bashing?


At least we're starting to see Paul own it in his DR sessions, gloating about how stupid and pliable all of the other house guests are....don't play us for a fool Paul.


In the Jury House Cody and Elena already know what's up, but that doesn't mean they won't vote for Paul in the end, if he indeed makes it there.  And chances are very good that will happen, of course.


Elena didn't pack any brassieres to wear in the Jury House, either.


She was happy to see Mark.  She really likes him, but she seems to be taking the 2nd grade approach to the budding romance.

I used to like this boy named Wallace B________ in elementary school.  One time he ran up to me during recess and kicked me in the shins and ran off, so I knew that he liked me, too.  I just googled him and he is apparently EXTREMELY successful, living out west in what appears to be a multi-acre spread with a mini-mansion.

(Note:  If you ever hire a party planner, the video footage of the event often winds up on the internet as publicity for their services.)


As usual, Mark seems to be a good sport about his fate.  He's not happy about losing, but he's glad to spend a few weeks with Elena.

If you go to Jury later in the season, you don't even get to go to the Jury House.  The last week of the show the Jury is moved to a hotel, where they are separated to prepare for the finale.  So if you're going to go, you might as well get there early enough to enjoy the amenities, along with being included in the much-anticipated Jury House footage broadcast on the live shows.

And every year the fans say, "we should get Jury House live feeds", like that is a clever or original thought.  HINT:  It's not.  Neither clever nor original.  And it will NEVER happen.  During the really boring seasons we see more Jury footage on the CBS shows, and sometimes they do arts and crafts for CBS All Access videos, but that's about it.


House guests, it's time to vote.


And I'd like to point out the various sartorial choices made by the house guests.  Can you see Alex over there on the left couch....she's wearing a pool floatie who is wearing a hat.  Kind of like a joke, wearing a joke, who's wearing a floppy hat.

And as usual, I can't understand a damn thing Alex says when she votes in the DR.  She's so worried about making a bunch of mumbled shout outs that she can barely place her vote.  Maybe that's what happened last week, when she voted out Matt by accident, only accepting the truth after being reminded of her actual vote in a DR session.


And Christmas has decided to go the costume route, too, wearing one of the old competition tutus.


As promised, Matt held the door open wide for as long as possible, so the inmates could get a glimpse of the outside world.  Do you think they noticed that the cheers for Matt were rather subdued?


Matt's interview with Julie was so cringey....I was so uncomfortable watching this, it's like Matt needs deprogramming or something.  The audience was mostly silent---you could hear a pin drop after many of Matt's answers to Julie.  He was noticeably nervous, with his voice shaking  a little and a few words stumbled over as he spoke (like in his eviction speech).

Julie:  What is it about Raven that made you give up your shot to win $500,000?

Matt:  Well, anybody who's watched the show knows that she's an amazing person....she's the best human being I've ever met.

and

Matt:  I think Raven will win...she and Paul are the best players in the game, both socially and strategically.

(SOCIALLY?  Everyone but Matt CAN'T STAND HER.  And STRATEGICALLY?  Don't make us choke on our nachos, Matt.)

Matt reports that he and Raven definitely have plans to spend time together after the show.  Raven wants to get her first tattoo, of a raven, and "a few other things".   Raven has never spent time in California, so Matt says they will likely visit San Diego, and Scottsdale.  I'm hoping Matt knows that Scottsdale is in Arizona, not California.

and finally:

Matt:  It's day 72, and Raven and I have never had a fight!

(WHAT??????  Maybe a CBS-only casual would believe that....but all they've done in the past week is fight and fuck.  If you read my posts every day, you already know that.)

Matt later said on his live feed interview that he thinks he's had about 200 bowls of cereal.  The count is actually in the mid 700's, so Matt is just a damn fool.  Seriously.


The good-bye messages were rather scathing, from Kevin just saying "so long...good-bye", to Paul saying that Matt was Raven's Ride or Die, until "he just died".  But Jason delivered a message that fits right in with the fight segment that we saw earlier in the show.

Jason: We really haven't had too many conversations in the house, and the last conversation we had was a high-pitched scream.....


And then this.....I can appreciate a high fashion couture look on the catwalk, but this isn't it, and it's certainly not a catwalk.  More like a cat left out in the rain.  I've already told you that this is Christmas' purple lipstick, that she is very irritated about Raven appropriating it for herself.  I think Raven did Christmas a favor, actually.  It's just not a good look.

Raven: ....and Matt, you're the best man I've ever met.


Julie told the group that this is the first time that the HoH competition has been postponed for a rain delay.  We can tell from what we see that it is the "Ready Set Whoa" HoH competition, where each player gets in the starting blocks as if it were a track meet, and then has to wait to see the word "GO" flash up on the screen before taking off on a sprint to the buzzer, with one player being eliminated each round, or as soon as they step off the starting block in error.

I thought.....Christmas can't play in this one, and Josh will certainly DQ off the starting blocks, so I went to bed thinking Paul's plan might need to be altered this week.  (Because his plan was for everyone to throw the competition to Christmas or Josh so they can target Jason or Alex, taking the blame for it.)

But SPOILER ALERT:  Christmas was cleared to play (HUH?) and she won the HoH.

The competition was not shown on the live feeds, but apparently EVERY SINGLE PLAYER was disqualified, in the EXACT ORDER that PAUL HAD PLANNED.  And the entire charade, including the rain delay, were over within about an hour after the live show ended.  From the snippets of house guest chatter, it seems clear that there wasn't even ONE successful round of play....Christmas didn't need to sprint because everyone else DQ'ed.  All she had to do is place her fucking boot on the launch pad and then hobble over to the buzzer, taking her own sweet time.

And it seems as if Paul has approved Christmas' plan to nominate Jason and Alex from the start, but I am unsure if she will perpetuate the charade of Kevin being the backdoor target.  She might say that to Jason and Alex, but everyone (EVEN KEVIN) knows that is not the case.  So until further notice, the next big drama will involve the PoV player pick-----only one person will be left out, but if the nomination of Jason or Alex are made directly, there is no drama, because both nominees will play.

If Jason doesn't win PoV, he's out this week.  If Jason wins PoV, then Alex will go.  It's as simple as that.  And Paul's new "plan" as told to Josh is that he will let "them" win the HoH's, and Paul will win the PoVs from this point forward.

DO ANY OF THESE CLOWNS SEE THAT PAUL HAS ALREADY ACCEPTED HE IS IN THE FINAL TWO AND IS TRYING TO TURN EACH NEW EVICTEE AGAINST THE HoH WHO EVICTED THEM?


I guess stupidity is contagious, and there has been an epidemic of stupidity in that house this summer.  And it's spreading outside the house, too, but that's another story.

***LET'S REVIEW***

We knew that Dan had some disparaging pre-season comments about one of the male contestants this year, as follows.



Well, turns out that dumbass was Matt, who is still a dumbass, obviously.


Dan deleted this tweet later, which is a strange thing to do, but thanks to the "fine" posters on Reddit, the tweet will live forever.  Or at least as long as the internet is functional.

***WHAT CAN WE LOOK FORWARD DO?***

Well, the Jury certainly seems like a candid crowd willing to take the gloves off and talk some trash.  At least, Elena does.

What will they say about Raven to Matt?  And will that change the way he feels about her?  And if his feelings do change, will we be able to learn about it on any future Jury CBS segments?  Or on the live finale?

Or will Matt have to wait to get home, or at least in touch with some people from his real life who will tell him some harsh truths about Raven?

Is Matt's love for Raven strong enough to overcome the avalanche of bad publicity she is due to receive only seconds after the season is over?  Is this THE END OF THE ROAD for Maven?

***ABOUT THE TITLE AND THEME***

It's a Boyz II Men song, obviously.  And Matt famously has the lyrics to a fucking BOYZ II MEN song tattooed on his left arm.  I think the real reason why Matt clung to his Orange Blouse is so that he could rep those lyrics, a song for his mother, apparently.