Friday, August 18, 2017

I've Got No Beef With You, Babe. #BB19

We've waited nearly two months for tonight to occur, and finally tonight is here.  The first Double Eviction of the season aired live on CBS on August 17th, 2017.  And I guess Julie is opting to go the safe route again with her live TV fashions, choosing a basic A-line frock clearly designed to be wearable right off the rack for a variety of department store customers.

I conclude that the Chenbot would like us to focus on the show from now on, and not her various fashion faux pas.  OK Julie, I can respect that.

But I do have to mention the bows on either side of your waist on this frock, Julie.

 Yes, there is a large pale pink bow on either side of the waistline of this dress.  I'm pretty sure the CBS seamstress could have carefully removed those bows before the show tonight for you.  And I'm also fairly certain that the CBS seamstress could have artfully stitched them back on so the dress could be returned for a full refund on Friday afternoon.  Just saying.

There was a short clip of the "Cereal Gate" argument shown during the first segment of the live show, but it mainly focused on the Josh vs. Elena portion of the tag-team fight.  And I LOVE this shot of Mark staring down the action.  But where was the cereal in all of this?  We saw no mention of Alex verbally shredding Cody because he consumed her entire box of Honey Nut Cheerios.

I hope a lot of casting directors are watching this, to get a load of what Big Mark has to offer the entertainment industry.  Not only is Mark a He-Man Beast, he is also very handsome and can say quite a bit without speaking a word.

We feel your pain, Big Mark.  And we will all gladly pay the $14.50 (or whatever) to buy the admission price when you are co-starring with The Rock (or whoever) on next year's blockbuster action movie.  Or to see Big Mark play the role of the lovable fraternity (dare I say it) meatball, costarring with Jim Carrey as the hapless doofus  president of the national chapter, cracking down after campus complaints over unruly frat conduct.

Speech coaches can easily erase Mark's Buffalo accent, but I hope they let him keep it, because I find the northern accents charming and the movie-goers will, too.

Julie announced to the group that tonight was a Double Eviction, and you can see Jason put his hands up over his mouth, an "Oh my God" type of action.

You have no idea Jason....and neither did we.

Elena, Cody and Matt were on the block of course, and took their turn making their speeches.

I'm sure Elena would like another take of her speech, but that's not possible with live TV.  She made the mistake of trying to be too clever, taking aim once more at Dominique's (WHO?) eviction speech and tripping over her words MULTIPLE times.

Elena was just a little too sure that she was safe, I think, and this speech will surely not be included on her Sizzle Reel.  The cameras weren't even focused on her during the worst of it---we just saw her hands flailing in the corner of the camera shot as Josh enjoyed a tight close up of his mostly-expressionless face.

Last time Elena took aim at Dominique with her eviction speech, Dominique had some things to say about it, but I just checked her Twitter feed and all she did yesterday is re-tweet messages from her pastor.

Is Dominique calling herself a liar here?  Because I think she fits the two stated criteria.  Just saying.  But it's nice that she's not gloating about tonight's live show results.  Or maybe she's just over it and didn't tune in.

And Matt was super comfortable up there, cracking wise about his cereal-eating habits.  Matt does have a goal this summer after all, folks---he wants to eat 1,000 bowls of crunchy crap.

Matt isn't just a Pawn Star, after all.

And Cody dropped some bombs of his own, telling the house guests during his own speech that Alex and Jason tried twice to flip the house last week, coming to Cody for help both times.  Cody admitted to Julie Chen later that he made it all up, but I wish he had consulted with someone before making up the False Facts.  Someone like Elena, who could have helped him craft a better story to help out both herself and Mark in the game.  Elena could have helped Cody dribble back those false facts into more digestible nuggets of fiction.

For example, if Alex and Jason went to Cody with just one plan to flip the house, why wouldn't he have worked with them on it?  And if Cody just said Jason did that, or maybe Jason and Kevin, it might have been believable. But Alex?  Paul is well aware that Alex has nearly OD'ed on his Kool Aid at this point and would never turn against The Friendship now.

So Paul was flouncing around on his way to the DR to vote Cody out, really putting on a prancy display as he made his way across the living room to cast the first vote. But THIS is the view of Paul that we all want to see as soon as possible.

Don't let that door hit you on the ass, Paul, even if it is just the Diary Room door, and not the door that leads to civilization, and the Chenbot.

Raven cast her vote to evict Cody, too.  I don't know about you, but I would have hated Raven at least 18% less if she had cast a secret hinky vote for Matt to leave.  You know, just for fun and to stir some shit up in there.  Because NO ONE would have suspected that out of Raven.

Of course, Kevin would have been the one to blame.  But that would help out both Matt and Raven, right?

It was Christmas' turn to wear Richie Schlehuber's shirt, except I don't think Richie actually owned this shirt.  Based on some old news articles I found, I think Kevin put together a softball team to play in Richie's honor, and that is where this shirt originated.

When Julie revealed the unanimous results, Cody jumped up and walked right across the glass table. The worrywart in me was immediately concerned that the glass might break.  Because Ikea-like quality.

Christmas: WOW.

They must have discussed just sitting there and not saying goodbye to Cody, because not one person stood up as he walked right over them to the door.  And the table held without cracking, so that was a relief.

Standing on the coffee table after being evicted isn't unprecedented though.  You might recall that Zach Rance stood on the table after his eviction vote was announced, and he did his little Zach Dance and tossed out a few handfuls of Froot Loop to the crowd.  Nicole later said that when it was time for the Jury Buy Back (which she won) Zach wasn't even that excited about the opportunity to get back in the game, because he was happy with the way he left the first time.

On RHAP last night, Jessica said that she wished Cody had closed the inner door before leaving, to prevent all of the camera whores inside from getting a look at the audience.  You can see Kevin and Jason peeking out in this picture, but unfortunately I didn't capture Paul jumping UP and DOWN behind Kevin to get his own view of what was just outside the door.

The HoH competition is indeed a shuffleboard contest, but in the "knock out" style, where the winner of each head-to-head battle will name the next two contestants, which allows the contestants to "knock out" the players they fear most.

I had to laugh this morning when I listened to RHAP as they bemoaned the fact that this style of competition made the odds of Mark or Elena losing much higher.  I think it was Brent that said Production was stupid for holding this competition because the format ensured that Mark and Elena would be broken up as a duo.

Look, I'm not happy about The Paul Show either, but Production rigging the game to help "Marlena" out is just as wrong as Production arranging for Paul's safety in the early weeks of the game.  In fact, Mark and Elena could also have used the knock out strategy to target the others, but when the time was right, this DID NOT occur.  In fact, Paul only played in this competition when he had to, being the only one possible to play against Christmas when it was down to three players.

So.....chew on that for a few minutes.  Mark had TWO chances to select the teams to play next, and he didn't choose Paul EITHER time, as you will see shortly. I've been watching Big Brother from the very beginning, and can say that I've often felt really heated after a live show for one reason or another, but then after reviewing what actually happened later, and maybe watching the show again, things look a little different.  If it was stressful for me watching from home (AND IT WAS) then the pressure they must feel inside the house is unfathomable.

I actually had to STAND UP and move about 10 inches away from my TV screen to watch this play out, I was so damn nervous.  So let's try to forgive the mistakes these human beings made tonight on live TV.  Right after we discuss those mistakes here, of course.

Julie told us that the first two contestants, Matt and Josh, were selected by random draw during the commercial break.  Whoever's disk slid furthest from the starting line without falling off the shuffleboard would win the round and select the next two players.

I must point out that in keeping with the shuffleboard theme, the set was decorated like a cruise ship, or an ocean liner.  Or are those the same thing? Either way, the plastic panels hanging like curtains certainly captured that "Lido Deck" feeling.  On several occasions the wind blew as they played, which caused the panels to sway in the breeze.  I already felt seasick, watching this, so that certainly didn't help matters.

Josh won this first battle, sending Matt over to the side to stand alone, the first loser of the competition.  Josh chose Mark and Elena as the next two contestants, showing us that he does understand the concept of the knockout approach.

The results of this round were a can see that Mark's red puck just barely made it farther than Elena's puck.

Then Mark chose Josh and Christmas to compete against each other.  Why not throw Paul in the lion's den, Mark?  I started to worry a little about Mark's plans in the game, to be honest.

Christmas fumbled with her crutches as she stepped up to shuffle, and also when she stepped down after winning this round, eliminating Josh and choosing Raven and Mark as the next two players.

(And note that after tonight is over, if Raven and Matt don't flip sides they are truly the BIGGEST IDIOTS Big Brother has ever seen.  In the US version, at least.  Because the choices made by people they were supposed to be working with tonight proved they are INCIDENTAL to the game.  But I guess they skipped on by again, so maybe they will look at tonight as a victory.)

Mark made easy work out of Raven, beating her soundly and sending her shuffling over to the Loser Deck.

THEN GET THIS:  Mark chose Christmas and FUCKING KEVIN to play each other next.

WHY NOT PAUL, MARK?  Surely Paul was just laughing his ass off over there under all of that nasty beard hair.  We'd never know if that was the case, of course, under that thick skeevy mess.

And look how close Christmas' red disk was to the edge.....she really took it to the limit on this one, sending her friend Kevin over to the side, where I'm sure he admired the attention to detail that was present in the plastic backdrop.  If it weren't a busy Double Eviction night I'm positive the losers would have enjoyed fruity cocktails with little umbrellas in them to complete the vacation theme.

Christmas was running out of options here, choosing Mark and Jason to compete in the next round.

And Jason won.  Once again Mark's facial expressions say it all here as he gives Jason a sorrowful high five.  And Josh decided to be the Biggest Loser on the sidelines, clapping to show how happy he was about Mark's defeat.  All he needed was his Teflon pans to make sure we understand what group he's with.  We get it Josh.

After Jason won the round, the only two players left were Christmas and Paul so that decision was already made for Jason.  Christmas was caught off-guard by this, seeming shocked and unprepared to play again, fumbling for her crutches and looking slightly panicked as Julie pointed out the inevitability of this match up.

Julie:  Whoever wins this round will face off with Jason to be HoH.

And Christmas DID IT AGAIN,  landing on the edge of the board to eliminate Paul.  You might think I just copied the same picture here again, but please scroll up and look---I'm not that lazy.  And she was literally on the edge, sending Paul overboard to the side and out of the competition.

(On RHAP, Brent said he thought Christmas tried to throw it to Paul here.  I disagree.  Christmas couldn't have been any more accurate here with her shot.  Even a millimeter more might have tipped her disk over the edge.)

Do you think Paul was that worried though?  With the new HoH being Christmas or Jason?

Jason won the final round, his colorful fringe flying as he slapped hands and hugged everyone who approached him.  We would not see Jason appear happy again on this live show, however, until it was all over and the closing credits scrolled by, calling it a night.

Julie shooed them all inside the house, saying that Jason would be making his nominations next.

There was quiet tension as everyone filed in, until Josh came inside, that is.


(Totally unnecessary, and quite foolishly premature, as the nomination seats hadn't been filled yet, and we still had the PoV to look forward to.)

Reality slapped Jason HARD as he realized what he was about to have to do on live TV.  I do think that if he was given a day to plan and take meetings like a normal HoH reign, the outcome might have been different.

I had to stand up during this segment, too.  I was too nervous to stay seated, and I was wishing I could telegraph what I know to Jason, issuing the order that we all wanted desperately to see happen.

Mark was the first to interact, with Jason saying he would "make a speech.....I'm going to make a speech, and everything is going to be okay".

And Paul fucking HOVERED, making sure he was present whenever someone else tried to speak with Jason.  Was Paul suddenly worried about Cody's lies during his eviction speech?  Because Cody specifically said that Paul would be one of Jason's targets, but only after he won HoH.  And Paul couldn't help but notice that Jason just won HoH.

Paul started to blabber about Jason getting a letter from home, and pictures of Holly and Gatlin.  I tried to send the green apple on the top row, second from the left, an urgent message telepathically, to hurl itself off the wall and into Paul's scalp, causing him to fall to the floor, writhing in (silent) pain.

But alas, that did not happen.

Jason:  How much time do we have?

Paul:  No time.  There is no time.

Get out of there you camera whore.

Finally Jason was in the room alone with Alex, saying he needed to get his thoughts together.  But Paul had to barge back in, tempting fate that the apples wouldn't attack him after all, mashing his head into a fruity cobbler.

No, I am not high.  And this wasn't fun to watch, because I could feel Jason's shock and fear.  He's not afraid to run in the path of a pissed-off 800 pound bull, but what he is about to do is terrifying.

Jason:  Being HoH on this live show is my biggest nightmare!  I'm gonna barf.

Paul mentioned the pictures of Holly and Gatlin AGAIN, also saying something about "seeing them online" and "it hasn't happened yet'.   He told Jason that he needed to be strong now, that now is the time for Jason to be strong.

After a short commercial break, Jason nominated Mark and Elena for eviction.  And this part is important, because everyone online missed it.  I know I didn't get it when watching live, but after re-watching the entire episode this morning, I now understand Jason's speech, and his message was quite different  on a second viewing.

Jason wasn't speaking to the studio audience, he was speaking to Mark, telling him that Cody told him day after day after day not to trust Mark, that Mark cannot be trusted.  And then Jason mentioned Mark telling him after they played chess that if they "don't take him out this week, it will never happen".

Jason:  I just can't get in between whatever was going on between the two of you.

So Jason is talking about Mark targeting CODY, NOT PAUL.  Jason wanted to work with both of them, I think, but he knew they both distrusted each other. He didn't feel he could really trust Mark, after what Cody said about him seemed to be true.  Jason also wants to be friends with Mark after the season is over, and that is genuine.  It's not a plea for a Jury Vote-----Jason did not have time to even think about that.  He's a fucking RODEO CLOWN, not a TV presenter.


Sorry Janelle---you will always be the BB Queen to me, but Jason was talking about Cody, not Paul. Mark knew exactly what Jason was referring to (He nodded.), and it's too bad the viewing audience didn't know. Maybe we will see some footage that clarifies this on a future episode.  I hope so.  I wish that Jason would have nominated Paul, but he didn't have the votes for that. Of course, I'm not even sure Jason knows he needed to do that, but whatever.  And for people who think Jason should have nominated Kevin, you can all go fuck yourselves.

Just kidding.  I don't talk to my readers like that.  But c'mon.....Kevin is Jason's buddy.  You'd might as well blame Jason for not nominating Alex.


I'm watching the Friday night episode now, and there is footage of the situation, and apparently I was wrong.  Jason was referring to Paul here, and not Cody.  So I wanted Jason to display a mind of his own here, but that was NOT THE CASE.    I love Jason and was trying to make excuses for him.  But if Paul was a rodeo bull, Jason might be in the ICU right now.


Jason:  And you Elena....I've got no beef with you, Babe.  We're a rodeo family and I hope you don't hold it against me.

Straight from the heart.  Sincere. That is Jason Dent.

And as we came back from commercial to see the PoV, we saw the Zingbot working the crowd, waving his tiny arms around like a true showman.  That is our signal that the Zingbot PoV will occur this Saturday (tomorrow), pumping us up to get ready for some great insults.

I would have liked to see Cody interact with the Zingbot.  Maybe next year.

Julie tells us that Raven, Josh and Matt have been randomly selected to "play" for the PoV.  And I say "play" because I think they were just pretending to compete, it seems.

Each PoV player had to assemble three puzzles, laying all of the pieces flat before moving on to the next one.  These type of puzzles can be a challenge, since they are all angles and shapes, and having to put them together on live TV adds another layer of panic, I'm sure.

I noticed that Jason's fringe got in the way several times.  But he was neck-and-neck with Mark the entire time.

Everyone else was neck-and-neck too, vying for the role of Most Pathetic Competitor.   I think Josh and Elena eventually finished the first puzzle, but Matt and Raven couldn't even do that.

I'll bet no one is angrier about all of this than Les Moonves. I'll bet Les would like to punch Matt right in his smirky face, or at least designate that task to one of his lackeys.  Maybe having one of the production assistants spit into Matt's bag of cornflakes would be close enough for Les.

Because there is a Safari theme, we heard frequent sound effects such as an elephant's roar, and a monkey screeching.  Even with those sounds, CBS still had to bleep some of the action as this competition played out.  And I think some of the bleeping came from the sidelines, as the other players saw what the result would be.

Julie was busy letting us know that Josh finally completed the first puzzle, or some shit like that, while we suddenly saw Mark dash down to press the button.  There was a second or two of a delay, while we all panicked.  Mark even went back to his first puzzle to make sure all pieces laid flat in the frame, and then the announcement was made.

Big Mark was the Big PoV Winner tonight, so kudos to Mark and his bulging biceps.

As we went to commercial, Jason worked to complete his third puzzle, just a few pieces shy of completion.  Mark later asked Jason how he felt about the competition, saying that he felt very shaky himself as it all played out.

I don't think Mark will blame Jason for nominating him, based on that interaction.  And I think Jason is happy that Mark won the PoV, because now Mark is safe and Jason didn't have to stick his neck out for him.  It is clear that Jason did not try to throw the PoV...he was just a few fringe-placement brushes away from winning the necklace himself.

The sidelines look like a funeral, don't they? Even down to their dark clothing choices....

As soon as Mark won the PoV, he went to embrace Elena, who said it was okay, accepting her fate to join Cody in the Jury House.

Mark, picking her up off the floor:  I'm crazy about you.

That is every girls dream, right there.  Or at least 92.6% of us, and probably at least 24.3% of the men watching, too.

And Mark spent a few minutes alone with Elena before the vote took place, if you consider millions of people watching as "alone" time.

Mark:  What we have here is real.  The feelings I have for you...they're real.

Elena told him that "if he can float with the guys for awhile..." as the cameras shifted back to the living room, and the PoV Ceremony about to take place.

Elena joked that Mark could use the PoV on her, and then Julie Chen joked that Mark could decide not to use the PoV, either.

Mark got a chuckle out of that, but of course he did save himself with the PoV, and then it was Jason's turn for another live speech.

And Jason is an old pro at it this time, already having gone through the hardest part of his HoH duties.  And there was noticeable relief in his voice that Mark was safe.  I mean, after all, Mark is a huge target in the game.  And he's still there.  So until Mark wins the next PoV, people like Paul, Kevin, Jason, Alex, and even Matt and Raven can breathe a sigh of relief.

Jason, keeping it short and sweet:  Matt, if you don't mind I'll put you right there next to Elena.

If it's any consolation to Elena, she looked GORGEOUS tonight, giving us a Bridgette Bardot vibe, if Bridgette was Anna Nicole Smith's second cousin.

The pale lipstick made all the difference here.  But the speech was still worrisome, because for some reason Elena spent precious time telling her mother to make an appointment for Lily the Dog's tooth cleaning.  And then telling her mother she would be getting drunk in the Jury House for her birthday.


1.  Why didn't Elena provide a persuasive argument to stay in the game?  Why not bust out with some Anti-Matt Chatter, because I've seen her improvise a solid ten on that several times this summer.  Why just give up?

2.  For someone who can be so witty and sharp with her words, this speech was awful.  She was on morning radio---surely she could have come up with something more entertaining on-the-spot than that, particularly since she made it clear she expected to leave the game momentarily.

But she did go out on a high note, beauty-wise.  So I guess Elena can be grateful for that.  Elena was an entertaining house guest this summer, and always a pleasure to watch on the live feeds.  I learned a few new ways to curse from Elena Davies.  I've got no real beef with you, Babe.

And she did keep us all guessing about her plans with Big Mark after the show.  That's a good move, I think, as she gracefully side-swiped Julie's gossipy question.

She admitted that she "liked" Mark, and for Elena, that's a big admission. I am predicting boozy grilled cheese sandwich sessions in the wee hours of the morning at the Jury House for the rest of Elena's summer.

And Julie tells us that the special Friday night episode on CBS will feature a visit from Derrick.

Yes, Derrick, whose new book was just released and recently got approved by Target for sale in every store. I'm actually going to give it a look on my next visit to Target---the concept is about using an undercover detective's skills to succeed in life.  We can all use all of the success we can get.

HERE'S THE THING:  Derrick has not been shy about expressing his views about the mob-mentality of the game this season.

Will Production give Derrick the go-ahead to give the house guests some undercover advice of his own?  Maybe telling them to play their own damn game?  Or let them know that America hates the way they are treating each other?  I think they will.  I think Derrick is the perfect choice to do this, too.

Derrick actually met Kevin at a casting call this year, and Kevin invited Derrick over for a spaghetti dinner.  Derrick told the casting team that Kevin was a smooth character, so it will be interesting to see them interact when Derrick pays them a visit.  Derrick isn't a big Raven fan, either, so watch for signs of that as well.

This is Jason talking to Mark about the PoV comp.  Raven didn't have much to say about it, I'm guessing.  She did high-five Matt right on camera, saying "We suck".

Yes you do, Raven.  Quite regularly.

These bitches are angry.  And at least one of them is probably ready for her medication.  But don't shed too many tears for them.


No one even questions the veracity of this Reddit tweeter anymore.  He or she has been accurate every time.

Julie Chen's son is too young to do this, right?