Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Wil Heuser Presents: The Saga Ep 4 #BB19

I'm a few days late with this one, but better late then never, I guess.  I knew that Wil would be horrified by Julie's various fashion choices this year, and he certainly demonstrates that in this episode.

 A few highlights:

*  Kevin makes his Saga debut, but I'm not sure he knows where he is.

*  Wil is not a Raven fan, apparently.

*  Audrey Middleton is not a Josh fan, apparently.

*  If you blink you might miss Ramses, but I think he will be thrilled with his portrayal here.

Oh, and Jesus has a HUGE computer screen.

ENJOY!


Walkin' on Sunshine. #BB19

If it's a sunny morning in the Big Brother house, then you can be sure that most house guests are sleeping through it.  And Tuesday morning was no different, with Kevin kvetching about how everyone liked to sleep all day, and Jason being there to listen.

Jason was putting up the awnings all by himself, which is usually a two-man job.  Jason finished and a few minutes later BB told them to please raise up the awnings on the windows.

Kevin:  This motherfucker.....we already did that.

BB:  Thank you.

Kevin said the guy today seemed really cool, like the guy from last night.  But then BB made the same announcement again, about how they needed to raise up the awnings.

Jason: It must be this one right here that they're talking about.

BB, instantaneously:  Thank you.

They laughed.  It was funny.


They like to walk laps, stopping to lift weights after about three rotations.  Kevin pointed out that today is August 1, 2017, and that you could feel it was August in the air.  Jason was surprised that it's August.

Kevin:  Before you start complaining that you lost June and July, I left my wife and kids all summer, too.  Not that the kids really need me to be there at this point, but I'm not there.

Jason usually runs everywhere, and never walks, but is enjoying his morning BB walks with Kevin.  Kevin said that if you find someone to walk with that you like to talk to, it makes the time go by faster and it seems effortless.  Kevin's 56th birthday is coming in just a few days, and Jason says Kevin looks so good that he should be an inspiration to everybody.


If Jason was at home on a Tuesday, they probably would have had a great weekend at the rodeo "with the boy" and would have spent Monday cleaning the trailer and all of Jason's rodeo stuff.  He would probably be headed to Wyoming on Wednesday, and might even ride in a local parade on Saturday.

Kevin:  What if one of the girls you knew in college came up to you now and said they always loved you....or something worse.

Jason: Oh, I can tell you stories.

Kevin:  But what if one of those girls had an 18 year old son, and told you that he was your child?

(Usually you get that call years earlier, because child support stops at age 18, right?)

Jason said that would never happen, because not even one year goes by that he doesn't hear from some old girlfriend.  Kevin wondered what Jason's wife Holly thinks about that.

Jason:  My fucking parents give them my damn phone number!  They call the house and say, 'how is Jason doing?' and my parents give them my number and then they call.  I'll tell you though, back in 2014 my phone rang and it was a Tennessee number.  When I said Hello they hung up.

Kevin:  Oh...and you lived there a while, too!  (Kevin LOVES to hear Jason's stories and doesn't forget one syllable.)

Jason:  Yep.  And I got back on my tractor and about an hour later my phone rang again, and when I picked up no one said anything.  I thought it might be this motorcycle model I took out twice.

Kevin:  WOW.

Jason:  So I said, is this _________?  (CAMERA CHANGE).

So we never did get to hear what happened, but I did catch the full name of the girl and I guess she was a motorcycle model a long time ago, before pictures like that got uploaded to the internet.  Jason even had time to spell the last name of the girl for Kevin before the cameras changed, so I guess today was a Wake and Bake day for the crew, to allow us to hear all of that.


They were telling some really juicy tales, too, because the cameras switched to a view of sleeping house guests several times to allow Kevin and Jason to name names.  The crew member who is assigned to log Kevin's activities really got lucky, because he is NEVER annoying or hard to listen to.  It's the staff members who got stuck with Raven and probably Josh who hate their jobs the most this season.  I bet the one who has to monitor Cody 24/7 is the one who gets to smoke the most weed...because c'mon....Cody rarely says anything unless he is alone in a room with Jessica, and he always follows the same routine.

Kevin described how veterans came back from the war years ago and were given drugs and cash as parting gifts from the military.

Kevin:  Then they used the money to buy more drugs.  This guy they called John the Meatman came home from the war and ....... (CAMERA CHANGE).


There is a lot of giggling about the coffee situation, after they switched the decaf coffee with regular to play a constant prank on Cody.  Those in the know about the prank ask each other if the coffee they are drinking came in the green container or not.  (Green usually means decaf, but not in this case.)

Kevin said they should switch it back since no one will know they are the ones who did it.


Kevin likes to do his laundry first thing in the morning.  He hung his shirts out to dry in the sunshine, which is a very California thing to do.  At some point in their stroll, Christmas came back from her doctor appointment, but those doctors don't want any medical information getting out at all.  I can't say I blame them, really, since some of the Big Brother fans seem to be demented freaks.  You know, the sort who make it their business to get involved with the house guests' families or employers.

Before the cameras shifted though, I heard Christmas say happily that her doctors are incredibly pleased with her progress.  She got all of her stitches out, and also is back to wearing a removable boot instead of a plaster cast.  I guess the BB house can be a good convalescent home, after all.  I heard her tell the girls later that she is going to have one hell of an ugly scar on her foot.  I think they gave her some scar cream but she has to wait until the wound is totally healed before using it.

And of course Raven chimed in about her various scars never healing properly because of "her nutrition".


Matt was in the kitchen while Jessica and Cody walked through, and the silence was deafening.  You'd think Matt could force himself to say "Good Morning", at least, because he should know that Jessica and Cody aren't going anywhere this week.

But apparently if you get caught exchanging even basic pleasantries with Cody or Jessica, Paul will hold a special meeting to discuss your disloyalty and sketchiness.  For example, Raven and Matt reported watching Elena chat with Jessica yesterday on the Spy Cam while Elena was mixing up a chocolate protein shake, and this became Paul's topic of conversation for several hours.

(Paul and Matt now think that Mark and Elena are keeping their options open in case Jessica or Cody win HoH this week. And of course, they are.  Duh.)


Kevin told Jason some stories that sound like they were straight out of Goodfellas, so I'm sorry I didn't get to hear the whole thing.  But there was a neighborhood bar in Kevin's town that was very smoky inside, because back then everybody and their grandmother smoked cigarettes.  Kevin described how lucrative it was to sell individual cigarettes back then.

Jason:  But they only sell cigarettes in packs...

Kevin:  I know!  But you can open it up and sell each one for $1 or $2 and make a fortune!

(They still do this, in New York, anyway.  They are called "loosies" and are usually displayed in a styrofoam cup by the cash register in convenience stores.)

Kevin used to get paid to park the cars for the patrons of the smoky bar, apparently. (Just like Henry Hill!)

Kevin:  I'd take these beautiful cars....like a Cadillac Eldorado or a Lincoln Continental, and I'd ride around with a girl.....I'm not saying I got laid every five minutes like you did though.....I wonder how I would have done in Iowa....

Jason also told a story about some girl from St. Louis that he dated----I am pretty sure he is not talking about Holly, though.  Jason was working at ConAgra at the time and he was Co-Chair of several work committees.  The girl he was dating was extremely jealous, and would see the names of girls that Jason worked with written on Jason's white board in his office, or see them listed in Jason's phone, and would call them up, demanding to know about their interactions with Jason.

It sounds like this girlfriend came from a wealthy family, and her father offered to set Jason up with some choice job in St. Louis, but I'm guessing Jason didn't like how jealous she was.  We'd have to ask the BB control room guys for the exact details about this, assuming they still have adequate short term memory after smoking all that weed.

(One day, I would LOVE for a BB control room person to contact me or leave a comment here. Or maybe send me some choice California bud or something.  Like any good journalist, I promise to protect my sources.  I'm no stool pigeon, so your secrets might get told, but never your name.)


I'm not sure why Christmas wanted to cover up her new boot---maybe it gets really hot in the sun if there is metal involved?  I've never broken any bones, so I don't know.  But Kevin went over to properly cover it up where the towel had slipped.

Unlike Raven, Christmas' body seems not to have gained an ounce in there.  That is a great feature of lifting weights and  building muscle tone---you can easily skip a week or so of exercise and still maintain your look.


I thought a few of you might like to see Jessica's rear view.  It's impressive, for sure.


The thing with the BB live feeds is that the content mirrors society in that everyone is always talking about various events, adding their own spin and twisting the story just a bit each time it is retold.  I haven't watched soap operas since I was in college, but I always liked how you could jump into an episode, say on a Thursday, and eventually hear about what happened last Monday, or even last Easter.

So it is no surprise that at the beginning of last night's BBAD episode, the same old things are happening, revealing themselves as ongoing conflict and dissolving relationships.

Case in Point:  PAUL

Paul is exhausted, ya'll, after staying up so late to study for the PoV competition, and then staying up late every night since then.

Paul:  ....and it's too bad that they've turned this into a personal game with all of their comments..

(WHAT?  Pot, meet kettle.)

Paul also says he has been working so hard to "get some people to the end" and he needs a rest. Elena keeps stroking his hair, which always grosses me out.  Those are Kevin's socks you see there,, too.  I guess we're supposed to feel sorry for Paul now.


Jessica was seated across the yard with Mark and Cody, and had to travel across the yard to ask Elena a question in order to keep up with the conversation.  So she marched over there to ask the question.

Jessica:  What is a hymen?

The group cracked up with laughter.

Jessica:  Is it a butthole?


Across the yard we can hear the laughter and hymen chatter in the distance as Mark and Cody watch.

Mark: I can't even fucking stand to look at her now.....this shit goes against the showmance stuff she claims to stand for.

(I guess Elena rubbing up on Paul all the time is really irritating Big Mark now that Elena broke up with him.)

Cody: Is Elena why you're keeping your distance from us right now?

Mark:  Look, I'm with you guys.  I'm just worried the three of us will end up on the block together.


Paul explained to Jessica that the hymen is like her "cherry".


Kevin:  Yeah, I was gonna say that, but I didn't want to say that.

Jessica returned to the couch where Mark and Cody were sitting, saying that she "doesn't have THAT anymore, but thanks for asking".

Mark said that Alex keeps making an issue of it when she sees Mark talking to the two of them.

Jessica:  Alex is such a little twat.  I think we should hit her over the head and drown her in the hot tub...oh...did I say that out loud?  It would definitely take three of us...  (CAMERA CHANGE)


Josh is talking quietly with Christmas about the big fight yesterday.

Josh:  It really went to low blows, with the talk about dick size, and who is a slut or a whore.

(Part of Raven's put down of Jessica was that in the early days of the game, Jessica commented on the apparent size of Cody's penis that was clearly visible through his skimpy shorts, and how Jessica was up in the HoH room with him the next day.  Raven, screeching:  Remember that?  Remember that?)


Christmas is cooking and her pot of slop was bubbling audibly as the two of them talked.

Josh:  Jessica was nice to me today.  She asked me if I was going to bang the pots and pans and I said no, so she gave me some guacamole.


Cody got into the hot tub with Jason and they were soon joined by Matt and Raven.  Cody thinks he might go on a "small town tour" after the BB season is over.

Cody:  ....because people in Iowa are the people who watch this show, right?

Jason thinks he might have only messed up once, "with the Asian comment", but also says they aren't allowed to use the "Arr-tard" word, either.


I guess Paul won't mind if Jason speaks to Cody now, since narcs like Matt and Raven are right there to monitor every word that is said.


Raven Snack Watch:  Raven was walking around the backyard holding a bag of chips, crunching steadily, one handful after another.

This continued as she sat down in the hot tub.  I peeked into the bag and it is about half-full now, in case you're keeping score at home.  Even if these are baked chips (maybe) then you really can't just plow through a whole bag. Unless that is your only meal for the day, but that's not recommended, of course.  Because, nutrition.

Raven points out that she can get her pacemaker wet, but she can't go below 10 feet of water.

Raven:  Then, I die.

Matt, cheerfully: Yep, she'll die!



***ALSO***

The TV ratings for the CBS show have been really strong this season.  This story relates to last Sunday night's episode, so this seems extremely high for a non-live show.  I think this picture demonstrates how diverse the cast is this season.....there is something for everyone to enjoy, it seems.


***AND***

This article discusses CBS's plans for their All Access website.  I think we can all be glad that BBOTT, while not a dead concept, will not return this fall.

***whew***  I don't know about you, but I am relieved.  I loved the fact that we really did have All Access to the live feeds, at all times, but the timing was awful for me last year.