Monday, July 24, 2017

A Tale Told by an Idiot. #BB19

Yesterday afternoon, the house guests were all trapped in the HoH room, waiting for Have Not announcement time.  In every other season, this meant that the round table would be set up with the additional foods for the week.  You know, like Turnips & Toast or Mackerel & Marshmallows.

But this year all they get is a paint can filled with Prop Slop.  I wonder why?  Budget cutbacks?

Everyone trudged downstairs, dreading the outcome with each step.  I did hear Alex say that "they" cleaned up the kitchen a little, and she was thankful for that.

As usual, the group was silent.  Tension crackled in the room.  Hearts were about to be broken.

Jessica began to read the card, and I feel I must give props to her reading skills.  She had spot-on cadence and pronunciation of all words.  She did not hesitate, or struggle with any of the communicated concepts.  And her eyesight must be good, to accomplish all of this wearing such dark shades.  Enjoy that young sharp eyesight, Jessica, while you still can.

Jessica announced that the three people who dropped first during that HoH competition would be the new Have Nots, joining Josh who will be completing his second week as a Have Not.

New Have Nots:  Kevin, Mark & Paul.

Kevin and Paul haven't taken a turn yet, but Big Mark was a Have Not just last week.  I thought he was going to start bawling right then and there.  But don't worry, I'm sure we will see that in the Diary Room on the next CBS episode, because that is part of Mark's character development on the show---an emotional wreck.

And speaking of emotional wrecks, take a look at this Mark meme created by a talented BB fan.

Look, I know some fans are like, "big deal, so what if you're a Have Not", but it is actually a horrible situation.  It's one thing if you are starving on Survivor, or on a diet in your own home, but when you are basically eating prison rations while everyone around you is feasting and leaving food everywhere, it's tough.  And then you throw in the ice cold showers and sleeping on those spikes---it's a rough gig.  I need to eat about 1,200 calories per day to maintain my weight---that's probably about 3 bowls of slop and a protein shake.  But for Mark, he would need to eat at least twice that amount, which is tough when you don't enjoy the taste.

Anyway, Big Mark was down about it, and announced he would be taking the Have Not temptation to try and get out of it.  He came out of the DR after apparently making that announcement and said they told him to wait until they called him back in the DR again.  But it seems like they did give Mark the go-ahead, after all, but he didn't want to open the box with  other people around.

I watched Mark go out to the yard and find Elena, and asked her to come with him to find out his fate.

Elena: Why don't you want to do it in front of everybody?

Mark:  I don't know.  Some people in here just get on my nerves.

Mark picked orange, and fumbled with the lock.

Elena:  Are you nervous?

Mark:  Yeah.  I'm fucking shaking.

He opened the lid and then closed it, leaning against the spiked wall.

Elena: Are you off?

Mark: No.

Elena:  Are you kidding?

Mark:  This is misery.

He wasn't sure he was going to tell anybody about it.  I guess he knows Josh will give him crap.....but I don't think Mark has ANY idea what kind of crap he's in for with Josh.

This is Jason's "two feather tattoo".  I mentioned a few days ago that he went to a tattoo shop when he was 17 with the intention of getting a dreamcatcher tattoo.  But after only about seven minutes, Jason asked the tattoo artist how much he had done so far, and just got up and ended it.

Ramses can't believe that Jason would get such a basic tattoo like a dreamcatcher anyway.  Jason explained that his family was very strict, and they were never allowed to do anything, so this was a big rebellion for him.  He has a tattoo on his left bicep that he got years later.

Alex: It doesn't look like feathers, dude.  It looks like two bananas.

Kevin and Jason took their daily constitutional around the yard, chatting about life and a random assortment of topics, as usual. Jason was fixated on having a son and never even really considered that he might have a daughter first.

Kevin:  Well, like any real man, when you're in there you just want to have a healthy baby.  What do people think I wanted to do, shove it back up there if it was a girl?

Kevin also said that the other people in the house wouldn't have a chance of making it in the neighborhood that Kevin grew up in.  He then went through a list and gave his thoughts on their chances growing up in that tough environment.

*  Matt - He would be a fucking drug addict because he couldn't handle it.
*  Mark - They would all come for him because of his size.  (Everybody wants to fight the biggest man.)
*  Josh - We'll just skip over that one and move on.  (LOL.)
*  Ramses - He'd be okay.  It's time for change.
*  Paul - He can get along with anybody, that guy.
*  The Girls - They'd all be pregnant, or they would leave and come out to L.A. (Like Jessica.)

Later, Kevin chatted about Raven a bit, saying that she seems pretty healthy to him, implying strongly that her actions don't match up with her story.  They also came close to complaining about how Raven won the Never Not Pass.  Jason seems to believe Raven's stories, but Kevin is a skeptic.

Kevin:  Maybe Raven should have went on The Amazing Race instead.  There's no slop on that show.


A few house guests, the usual suspects, gathered to have a morning Friendship Chat.  Personally I am not as bothered by this as I thought I would's not a vehicle for Paul, just a loose format for group conversations.  Kevin is just as much of a host as Paul is, and it makes recapping the feeds easier and interesting, as there is good participation from everybody and they all are relaxed  and seem to enjoy each other.

Jason reports that he had a "full perv mullet" when he met his wife Holly.  The back was long and curly and Paul wants to see a picture of that, threatening to get a tattoo of it.

Then Paul wants everyone to state what they would be having for breakfast outside of the house.

Jason said his morning would start with some sex and everyone laughs.  Paul agrees that can be a good breakfast.

Kevin:  Not with YOURSELF!

Jason:  I like to go over to the fridge and get three or four pickled eggs and a Mountain Dew and get out there and get busy.

Paul:  Are you out of your mind?  What is wrong with your taste buds?

Jason:  It's like a get it and go item.  I spend about three minutes on sex, and one minute on breakfast and I'm out the door.

Kevin:  Or vice minute on sex and three on breakfast.

Jason:  But if I'm going out to breakfast, I'll get about four eggs over easy, toast, bacon and hash browns.

They joke that Jason has to leave the state to get a meal like that.  Then Jason started talking about Sondra, the lady who works in the diner down the road, saying she always has a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and an apron on.  He said she lives near him, and the cameras change for a moment as Jason describes the make and model of Sondra's truck.

Ramses says he likes cold pizza for breakfast, and this was an outrage for Paul.  Christmas said it's fine, because Ramses is a college student.

Ramses:  If I make breakfast, I'll gave on omelet with spinach, mushrooms, turkey and cheese.

Paul:  That sounds good right now.

Ramses:  If I go out to brunch, I like Eggs Benedict and a mimosa.

Christmas has the same breakfast every day for 12 years now, and she loves it because it makes her feel good.

Christmas:  I have 2 eggs, half of an apple with a dollop of peanut butter on it. But if I'm going out to brunch I have Crab Benedict, with some tomatoes, and a mimosa minus the OJ.

She later clarified that she likes orange vodka in her mimosa instead.  (I hope Christmas isn't driving home from brunch, because that drink sounds like a real problem.)

Paul:  On a daily basis, I probably have spinach eggs and a banana.  If I go out I like to have avocado toast with a runny egg on top and an iced cappuccino with four shots of espresso.

Kevin doesn't seem excited about participating in this---it's his second day of being a Have Not.

Kevin:  I don't know. I guess I have bacon and eggs.  But if I go out and somebody else is paying, I'm having avocado with hot sauce, some tomatoes and pickles on the side, some champagne, a couple extra pizzas, and some Chinese food.

Everyone laughed at that and Jason told a story about Ole the Bull being a big fan of Chinese food.  Some sort of group came to town and brought Chinese food with them, and tossed some of it in a garbage can when they left.  Jason found Ole with his head in the trash destroying a container of beef and broccoli.

Kevin: What about the teriyaki sticks?  Did he eat those?

Jason:  I don't know.  Probably.

Kevin:  What about those fucking packets of sauce?  Did he eat those too?

 Before their chat ended, the PoV Ceremony took place, putting a halt to the live feeds for a bit of time.  When the feeds returned, Christmas was in a deep conversation with Jessica in the Lounge, saying  it was tough to be a gangster, and asking for permission to throw a vote for Josh as a courtesy.  I later heard Jessica tell Cody that she vetoed this request, saying that she wants a unanimous vote in support of Ramses who has never done anything bad to her.


Christmas sounds like she is in with Jessica now, and I think she plans to vote with Cody to evict Josh to stay on their good side.  But Christmas wants to target Mark badly, so Jessica will again be betrayed by the people she thinks she can trust.  But that's Big Brother, people.

 Kevin and Josh had a quick talk in the Have Not room.  Josh is going to continue to act like he's very low, and it's his last few days in the house.

Josh:  But I like Ramses.  I feel bad about him.

Kevin:  Don't feel bad about him. They used him, is what they did, and that's not your fault.  If they liked him so much, they would have taken him off the block.


Maybe I'm too cynical, but I think Production is probably meeting now to make up that consequence, based on what they see is the best course of action for the season.  They are super-excited about the way the season is going, so I could even see them putting a curse out there for the future or something.  Is the Ramses vs. Josh story big enough to blow that curse?  I think they should save it for another week, personally.  I can't imagine that Production wants Josh to leave......and right now without the curse it looks like Ramses will be blindsided.

Josh did another tirade in the Lounge, nearly delirious about the projected results this week, and relishing in the fact that he is blindsiding his enemies Cody and Mark.

Josh:  Jessica, you got played you meatball!  Mark thinks I'm depressed but I'm dancing the motherfucking macarena inside!  I just have to act depressed all week and then on Thursday BAM I'm gonna blindside the fuck out of them.


Josh:  They got blindsided with Christmas the first time, and you'd think they'd learn, but they didn't! They're about to get blindsided AGAIN.  Fools!

From what Josh said, it sounds like he gave a tearful speech at the ceremony, and Cody and Mark laughed at him.


Kevin ate slop for the first time earlier in the day, prepared by Paul with chocolate milk.  Kevin said it wasn't bad, but looked grim when Paul pointed out that he would only be eating that all week.  So now he's trying to adjust after a half-day of the Have Not life.

Kevin:  After 10:00, can we have cranberry juice?

Alex: NO!  You can't ever have that, Kevin.

Kevin finally admitted that he knew he could make it.

Jason: Yeah.  No shit.

Alex reminded them that they need to start drilling the days, to prepare for future competitions.  They started going through the events, punctuated by memorable events as follows.

*  Kevin:  On that day, Cody made out with Jessica right over there, somewhat violently, I must say.

*  Kevin: Yeah, Megan ran away, and Crawford was out the first day. (ha ha ha)

*  Kevin:  On that day, the pimp won (Paul) and hit me in the head with some fucking corn.  (ie the Candy Crush comp) And I saw that guy looking at me through that tube. (?)

*  Kevin: Yeah, that's the day you broke her body, Jason.

Kevin finally said that with those "nincanpoops" in there, they won't know the answers either, so they might as well make hand signals to help each other.

Kevin: We can wink.  One equals A, two equals B, three is C, and when I go like this (fingertip on eyebrow) it means go fuck yourself.

Ramses had a sweet conversation with Josh, trying to cheer him up about being on the block with him this week.

Ramses:  We all knew that this could happen to each of us.

Josh did not break character, acting as if he accepted his fate and wanted to gather the strength to leave with dignity and grace.

Josh:  And even though he already went through this, there is no empathy for anybody on the block from Cody.

Josh says he just wants to leave with a smile for his friends, and be thankful for this great experience.

Josh: I already know I'm leaving.  It might be unanimous.

Ramses: You don't know that.

(If this goes as planned, it will be a sad end for young Ramses, who was on the defense for nearly the entire time he was in the house.)

(Look at how Ramses was sitting on those spikes!  Ouch!)

Outside Kevin still had questions.

Kevin:  Someone needs to tell me, how long are we gonna have Have Nots?  Please tell needs to end soon.

Jason:  After 33 days in here, we still have about the same number of people.

Kevin:  Only women have left.

Jason:  Can we please start shooting people in here?

You can see in the picture above that Christmas was getting ready to sit between Jason and Kevin on the chaise lounge.  As soon as she leaned back, the chair fell back with a thud, flattening it as you see below.

Jason jumped up to fix it.

It's a small struggle pulling it all together.  Kevin started running his mouth on the sideines.

Kevin:  Trust me Christmas. Jason saw you walking over here and said, let's knock this fucking thing over as soon as she sits down.

The cameras change to this domestic scene in the HoH, as Cody and Jessica huddle together at the tiny table to eat a plate of food.  These two are always draped all over each other, and they talk openly about not wanting to be separated, even for a short time during the remainder of the season. It makes my skin crawl a little, to see such a display.

The air is filled with smacking and chewing noises.  I feel you need to know that.

Cody got up and went over to the mini-fridge, saying that he is going to get fat in this house.  He came back to the table with a Capri Sun drink pouch.

Jessica:  It never crossed my mind that of all people in this house,  you'd be the one to be obsessed with Capri Sun.

Cody:  I always wanted this as a kid.  I begged for it and never got it.

Jessica,:  We ALWAYS had Capri Sun in my house.

Cody:  You don't have to rub that in my face!

(Have a little sensitivity Jessica.  Cody grew up in some harsh conditions, thinking that McDonald's was fine dining.  I"m not joking about makes me sad when kids are sad.)

(Is having Capri Sun supposed to be a big fucking deal?  I've never even been in the room with someone drinking it a treat to brag about?  I wasn't even allowed to drink Sunny D or Kool Aid, but trust me, I'm better off for it.)

In the backyard, the group started tossing a green apple around, and the activity slowly became a thing, as everyone took the game seriously and got some momentum going.

Even Christmas was into it, hurling the apple with gusto from her lounge chair.  I must admit I am proud of this picture.

At first it started small, with Jason, Alex and Christmas.

At one point, Elena got in the game, and had surprising hand-to-eye coordination and timing out there.  I didn't see Elena miss a beat, as she spun and threw it back as soon as she caught it.

Kevin: Elena, did you play softball or something?

Elena:  What do you think I played?

Paul:  The skin flute.

Everyone laughed, particularly Jason, and Paul checked back with Elena, saying it was a funny joke, wasn't it?

Elena, a good sport:  Oh, 100%.

A police helicopter flew overhead, filling the air with that distinctive sound.

Elena:  HELP US!  HELP US!

Jason:  FIVE O...FIVE O....

The helicopter noise sends up right back up to the HoH, where Cody is brushing his teeth and listening to Jessica discuss the live feeds.  I guess she is finished bragging about her unlimited childhood supply of Lunchables and Pop Tarts.

Jessica:  There are like, four cameras at any time, and next to it, there is a group chat where they discuss every word we say.

Cody:  Like the sex talk?

Jessica:  No, the cameras weren't on us then.

And that sends us right back out to the yard, where Big Mark is stretching and trying to put on a happy face.

Jessica and Cody joined the group outside, where their PDA could attract a wider audience of viewers.

Elena wanted to buy some Lash Boost, the kind that Christmas uses, but it was $200.  A friend of hers sells it, and was going to give Elena one for her cost of $100, but they didn't have time to make the exchange before Elena left for BB.

Kevin: My daughter uses that.  They're glued on, right?

Elena explained that her product was different.  (I use an eyelash conditioner from DHC that is $14.)  Matt was told by BB to be "ready to go at any time", but after he got his key, he thought it was cool and he would have plenty of time to get ready.

Matt:  But the guy said I only had two hours.  I was like, but I have things to do.

(You should have folded some shirts, Matt.)

Christmas:  I didn't have enough time---they caught me by surprise and I was still doing laundry from my last trip.

Kevin:  Well, that's the idea.

During all of this chatter, Raven was doing handstands and walking across the yard on her hands.  I did manage to capture one of these events.

Cody:  I'm impressed.

Big Mark does not seem impressed in the slightest.

Inside we see Josh performing his sad sack routine, eating a bowl of slop alone, a can of Fabreeze within striking distance.

Outside Cody tried to walk on his hands, but mainly it was just a balancing act.

Jessica:  I would try it, but I'm not wearing the proper bra for that.

Christmas:  I don't think we mind about that!

Elena wasn't about to try a handstand.  Hell no.

Inside the lounge, Josh put on a show for us, saying that he wants to go outside and have fun, he wants to go outside and laugh and play with the apple.

Josh:  But I'm pretending to be sad!  I'm pretending to be depressed!  My family is probably like stop being a punk ass bitch, but I'm just playing!  When they get blindsided, I am going to laugh and laugh!

Josh:  THIS IS ACTING 101.  This is how you FOOL THE FOOL!

(Someone needs to make a video of Josh doing this that shows how much weight he has lost since the beginning of the season. He has already changed a lot since the season began, but another week of slop is going to have a major impact.)

Outside Ramses is throwing the apple, too, and does a good job of grabbing and throwing.  I heard Christmas say that Ramses is very agile.  I didn't get a picture of Jason playing with the apple, but he was graceful as he caught the apples and spun around, throwing it after he rotated without missing a beat.

At one point they had two apples flying around, a red one and a green one.  It was sort of like juggling as they hurled away one of them and looked up to see the other coming at them.

Jason is graced with a lot of natural ability---balance and timing, and is very coordinated.  To me this differs from someone like Mark, who trains for hours but is too bulky to be graceful.  Mark looked grim as he fielded his apples.  No spinning, just grabbing the fruit and then throwing it away.

Meanwhile Josh is dancing in the Lounge, really looking forward to the big reveal on Thursday night.

And Elena is still the star outfielder out there.  I didn't see her miss the apple once, and she even had the presence of mind to hold her breasts in place when she had to jump for it, as you can see below.

The crowd complemented her on her ability to do that effectively.

Elena:  I haven't showed a tittie yet.

Ramses:  There is one key word there Elena....YET.

Then there was a loud smack, and Ramses is down.  Elena threw the apple and hit him right in the face, apparently.  A hush fell over the group, as people ran over to Ramses to see if he is okay.

House Guests:  Did he get hit right in the face?

Other House Guests:  Yes, he did.

Matt came over to help him up.

Ramses:  Matt.....I need mouth-to-mouth.

(So we know Ramses is okay.)

Elena:  Sorry Ramses.

Josh: I guess I can play nice with Jessica, and Elena after this week.  But not Mark and Cody.  FUCK YOU MARK AND CODY!

Christmas is stroking Paul as they murmur about the future.  Christmas says this will be another chapter in her life, and maybe even a new book for her.  Paul likes to tell stories, and says one of the best things about being on Big Brother is all of the stories they can tell later about it.

(He said that last year, too.)

 Apparently Paul is moving to New York. ( I didn't know that.)  He says he will start his own new chapter in New York, and is looking forward to meeting so many people and doing new things.

Paul then mentioned wanting to "take that little place in New Orleans" that is only $500 per month.  Christmas says she'd be willing to split that with him, because it is cheaper than getting a hotel room when she visits.

Mark and Elena kissed in front of everyone and it seemed like new information, at least for Cody.  Later, I heard Cody and Mark talk about Matt and Raven---they were both surprised to see them kiss in public.

Cody:  Jessica heard them having sex at night...she said it was awkward being in the room with them and it sounded like a slapping noise.

(I might vomit. Seriously.)

Mark also told Cody that unlike he and Jessica, he and Elena had not had any conversations about their relationship outside the house.  And Cody told Mark that his back was scratched up at the moment.

And  this morning I saw Jessica ask Raven if she and Matt had discussed their relationship after the season.

Raven:  No...but we're going on a trip!

(Is that the trip around the world where Matt was going to help Raven "fight for a cure"?)

Then it was grilled cheese time again.  This is how you gain weight....little recurring habits like this.

Elena flipped the sandwich over, and we all know what that little sizzle sounds like. It's like sweet whisper from the bread, saying "eat me..."

I have a grilled cheese now and then, but with vegan cheese and tomato.  And wait for it:  a little Vegemite inside on the bread.  Yep, Vegemite.  It is like soy sauce and miso had a creamy baby and I love it.

Elena served Ramses the grilled cheese and hovered like a proud mother as he dipped it into tomato sauce and crunched into it.

Elena:  The next bite is going to be really good....right there...that part of the sandwich.

The cameras close in, giving us a tight shot of Ramses dipping and chewing.   We can all imagine that sensation of the crunchy exterior...the soft smooth cheesy goodness.....

Ramses dipped the crunchy edge in sauce for Elena.  I think that might be the best bite, actually.  I like the crunchy part of just about anytihing.

Outside Kevin went over to the lounge to sit with Christmas, and the chair back fell back again with a loud boom.  It was funny.


Matt Hoffman from BB12, the self-proclaimed "diabolical genius" IS actually a member of Mensa, and he checked his official roster for any mention of Raven Walton.

I'm not shocked about the results.  And you shouldn't be either.

And Men's Health website started tweeting out the videos of Victor giving his training tips.  I think they are trying to maintain their credibility by having Victor all covered up here.  You know, trying to shy away from people who just want to leer.

Because I've never seen Victor so covered up, have you?  And look who is trying to cut in on Victor's action in his replies.......


This is probably my last post until Thursday.  I am making a 5 hour road trip tomorrow to see my best friend who lives thousands of miles away.  She is on a business trip and is driving about 4 hours to to the city where we are meeting.  I'm really excited to see her---it's kind of an unexpected trip but those are the ones that can be the most fun.

(You may be thinking, Big Whoop, but last year I took a few days off from posting and some people were worried for my safety, and some were angry.  So I'm letting you know...)

I might be home on Wednesday night, so I might tweet during the Wednesday night episode, but I won't post because I won't know what is going on.  If you don't listen to the RHAP BB podcasts, you really should.  They do a short daily podcast now with updates on the previous day in the house, and a longer-format podcast after the CBS episodes.  That's what I plan to listen to on the ride back home on Wednsday.

Rob is really trying to keep things more balanced then they were during BBOTT around there.  And that's all I have to say about that.