Saturday, July 18, 2015

The House Guests Want it That Way. (Tell Me Why?) #BB17

I'll just say it...I love 90's week.

The BoB losers "won" a punishment in the competition last night.  They apparently have to be a boy band and "perform" for 24 hours whenever their beepers go off.

(Beepers used to be a big sign of coolness in the 90's, because cell phones were just becoming a thing but were extremely expensive.  You actually had to sign costly lease contracts for the equipment, as well as pay for each minute used.  The "portable phone" bill could easily top $1,000 per month.)

They knew they were getting a costume today because earlier this morning I heard Jason tell the HoH group that Production gave them 10 minutes to take a shower.  So he knew that they were getting fitted for costumes.  Liz thinks it's funny that they're not allowed to wear white clothes in the BB house, but here they are wearing all white.

Johnny Mac:  I've never worn white pants!

Jason had a pair, but didn't bring them with him to California because he knew Production would take them.

Jason:  Those white pants fit me better, though, because they fit Jason's skinny ass legs.

They got to go in the DR and apparently learn some dance moves or some other practice session consulting.  They aren't allowed to do any patented dance moves, or something like that.

Jason managed to insult several key 90's boybanders by saying that Joey Fatone is "the ugly one" and that Nick Carter is "the one who got hooked on heroin and messed his whole family up".

Jackie knows Joey Fatone from when he performed with Rock of Ages in Las Vegas, and says he's a "cool guy".  Liz (actually Julia) was kind of excited about that and seems to know her boy banders.

They keep getting interrupted by Production beeping their beepers  so Liz begs for them to "please let them eat".

Julia:  We've already done three performances...we're sold out!

Jason:  Let us in the yard and then we'll perform again.  We're on strike right now. Our contract is too loose right now ---you're TLC'ing us.  Our managers are taking all of our money.

Jason:  I'm gonna burn everybody's shoes up in here...that's what Lisa Left Eye did...she tried to burn her boyfriend's shoes and ended up burning the whole place down.

Julia:  She did?

Jason:  Yeah?  You didn't know that? She thought her man was cheatin' so she threw all of his shoes in the bathtub and lit it on fire!

(Another proud moment in ATL history.  TLC member Lisa's boyfriend was Andre Rison from the Atlanta Falcons.  She ended up burning Andre's house down, not just the shoes, but the two of them stayed together anyway. She was killed years later when her jeep turned over on an island---Puerto Rico, maybe?)

Jason explained that TLC's contract was horrible, and they made very little money and the lady who managed them "took off with it".

(former R & B singer Pebbles, I think)

Jason says the band fought about money all the time because they got screwed out of it.

Liz:  That happened to N'Sync, too.  They only got like, 10% of their millions of dollars.

(Told you she knows her boy bands.  This is the happiest I've seen Julia in weeks.)

I can't wait to see these performances.


In Johnny Mac's pre-season interview, he said the following:

Coincidence?  Between 90's week and the Dentist Office, I don't know what to think.


Julia says she knows one of Pitbulls dancers and it turns out Jackie knows her, too.  They actually said her name several times, which is typically not allowed on the live feeds.

Jackie is only 5'3" and that is short for a professional dancer.  She dances in 3" heels most of the time but says she has lost out on some jobs due to her height.

House Guest Relations - Unfurl, Swirl, and Try Not to Hurl #BB17

So much drama in the BB house after the Battle of the Block competition.  You know by now that James and Jackie won, dethroning Liz from the HoH throne and leaving Johnny Mac and Jason on the block.  And that looks bad for Jason Roy, the much beloved supermarket employee from Massachusetts.

After things settled down, it soon became clear that Audrey is creating another bad situation for herself, and that James has some information he'd like to share with the HoH Office of Shelli and Clay.   Or Shlay, or Chelli, or whatever the name is.  I'll just stick with Shelli and Clay for now.

Clay was in the refrigerator, rooting around, and muttering with James who is standing nearby.  James reports that Audrey is in the Hammock Room and he doesn't want her to see him running his mouth.  So Clay goes over to the Hammock Room and found a way to close the door so James could get up the stairs to the HoH suite without being detected.

Once inside, he started telling Shelli about the negative things Audrey has been saying about her and Clay.  James comes across as very credible, and matter-of-fact, saying that Audrey has been saying the two of them are unreliable, and that he is taking a personal risk by sharing this info.

In the middle of the conversation, Vanessa comes in the room, announcing she's about to enjoy eating some cottage cheese and Triscuits.  

Shelli:  Yum.

(Wouldn't you need something sweet with that though?  Like maybe a little piece of fruit on top?  Or some jam?)

Vanessa immediately senses that she's walked in on something.  She can't even get the top of the cottage cheese container off (see below) without looking like she smells a big rat, or some other foul scent.

James isn't sophisticated enough to carry off a fake conversation, but the fact that Shelli doesn't really try to cover it probably lets Vanessa know that Shelli doesn't want to let James know how tight their alliance is.

Clay came up there at some point to provide cover but there was still plenty of tension in the air.

Vanessa is already losing her appetite over this. You can tell.

I heard Vanessa evaluating different house guests a few weeks ago, and about Clay she said that he had the killer instinct to want to win, and also the physical capabilities to win competitions.  That made him someone she would  want to align with, but also someone to fear in the game.

James says he "still has honey in his ear" and went into the HoH bathroom to wash his hands or something.  You can hear Vanessa muttering to Shelli while he's in there, trying to get a feel for what is going on right now.

James came out and said he's going to sit by the chess board until he's sure Audrey can't see him go back down the stairs.  Clay accompanies him, like a bouncer or security guard.

As soon as they were alone, Shelli wanted to start talking, but Vanessa stopped her, saying that James could hear every word if he's sitting at the chess board.  They launched into a conversation about Audrey, saying that she is losing it already and is trying to throw paranoia around every room she's in.

For example, she told Shelli how angry Johnny Mac is about being nominated every week and that he is vowing to go after Shelli because of it.

Vanessa:  You know this is all about her not wanting you to take Johnny off the block and put her up.  That's all this is about, her trying to scare you to keep the nominations the same.

Shelli tells her that Audrey is throwing shade at Vanessa, too, but Vanessa is not surprised by this.

Vanessa:  I knew the minute you told her to get out of the HoH room while I was still in here, it was Game On for her...I saw that coming a mile away.

(Shelli lost her shit here.)

Then Shelli brought up the other "A" word...Austin.  Does Vanessa think Austin is trustworthy right now? And doesn't it seem like he is saying a lot of things to save his own ass?

Vanessa really leaned in to talk about this, to be sure no one at the chess board could hear her.  She said quite a few things, including:

*  Austin's head isn't in the game right now.
*  Austin is too into the "girl thing" right now, and said he already misses Liz, who switched out with Julia earlier in the day.
*  Austin's loyalties are shifting, based on his girl issues.
*  Austin told her he "didn't even want to be there anymore" when they had their little spat over him throwing last week's PoV to Johnny Mac.
*  Clearly Austin's emotions are starting to rule his decisions.

But she kind of ends up saying his vote is very important for them right now, as is making sure they have the strength of The Twins behind them in the coming weeks.  Austin's flighty issues need to be monitored, but she doesn't feel they are malicious or intentional.

So of course Austin shows up in the HoH room, looking all mopey and sad.  He reports that people are doing a lot of talking around him, and that Meg and Jackie were having a conversation in the bathroom and suddenly stopped talking when he walked in.

Vanessa:  Hmmm...Meg and Jackie?  Interesting.....

Austin now says "Oh Mylanta" on the hour, every hour.  And that is now evolving to "Oh Mylantis" which is even more annoying.

Considering that Mylanta is a brand name, I'm surprised CBS has even allowed us to see Jason say this on the prime time show...he said "Oh Mylanta" on the second premiere night, as he toured the house.

OK.  So Austin leaves and Shelli wonders if Vanessa would like to dip her Triscuits in Shelli's jar of Nutella.

Vanessa:  No...

Shelli:  It's delicious.

Vanessa:  No.  I don't even want my taste buds to remember there are flavors like Nutella....I'd go in a downward spiral after that.

The cameras show us what Audrey has been up to in the Hammock Room.  Apparently she's been lying there, probably crying, covered in that mint green blankie with the white pom poms decorating the edge.  She stands up and peers at her face, probably checking for Tear Damage.

Meanwhile in the kitchen Meg is riding shotgun as James eats.

It sounds like James had to drag a plastic blow-up doll named Alice up some stairs or something during the BoB competition.

I think Alice was in Chains.  Literally.  James said he had to get her in a choke hold to get the job done.

("Man in the Box" and "Would" were two of the best songs of the 90's.  I'm chair dancing just thinking about them.)

Meg asks Jason if he's eaten. He had half a bagel, he reports.

Jason:  I want a cigarette though.

The backyard is still locked down after the BoB, and likely won't be open until the PoV, where Jason will need to fight for his life in this game.  During BB8, Production actually built a little partition out there so Evel Dick could smoke when they were building competition sets in the backyard.

But Jason is a long, long way from the addicted mess that was Evel Dick.  Thank god.

Post-BoB, Johnny Mac Keeps his Secrets...and Lies #BB17

As the BoB aftermath starts to wind down, Johnny Mac got into his bed and was joined by Becky.  I think they are alone in the room, but they still speak softly to keep the conversation private.

Becky:  Well, now I have to worry about you, too.  First it was you and Jackie, but now...

John alluded to something that he did not want to discuss, saying that if it got out he'd be in trouble in the house.  I can only assume that he did throw the BoB competition, or at least didn't try to win it.

John:  I already told you a secret....only you remember?

Becky looks confused....she apparently doesn't remember.

Becky:  Apparently you told a goldfish...because I can't remember now...but last week when Jeff was after me I was so worried about saving myself....I guess I was just focused on that..

They discussed the two hinky votes, and Becky says she already told both Jackie and James that she voted Jeff out, and those are the two people she needs to be concerned with now, since they are both in the game.

(Is The Secret that Johnny Mac knew about Steve's hinky vote?  Since they were playing chess and eavesdropping on the HoH drama last week?)

To date, they do not know if there will be any Have Nots this week or not.  They apparently have (or are getting) pagers, which were a big status symbol in the 90's believe it or not.

John:  I wore a pager last year,when I worked in a hospital.

Becky didn't know that he worked in a hospital, so he reminds her that he was on call for medical emergencies that involved dentistry.

John: It wasn't like I was a surgeon or anything, but the weeks when I wore the pager I could never really get to sleep...I woke up every 30 minutes in kind of a panic.

Becky:  Well that sounds like living in the Big Brother house.

Becky is rather concerned about being backdoored this week, saying she knows that Clay doesn't like her.

Becky:  Shelli likes me, I think...she's very genuine with me.  But Clay won't even talk to me anymore...he won't look at me or have side conversations with me when we're in a group.  so I've got to keep an eye on that and maintain my relationship with Shelli.

John:  Does it feel like...there's sort of a ....haze...over everything?

Becky:  Yes!  Usually I'm a very productive person...going here and there,...seeing people...but here I have nothing to do!  It's like, what will I do today...paint my nails for the hundredth time?  Maybe clean a dish or make people food?  If we get the backyard, I'l be okay.  I can work out...tan...whatever..


I've said that I think Steve's goal in casting the hinky vote was to frame Clay, the Golden Boy. But now I remember a conversation Steve had by himself, trying to talk to the live feeders.

He said he didn't like Becky's connection with Johnny Mac, because Becky was close with Jackie and apparently dilutes his own potential alliance with Johnny Mac.  And then I did see Steve talk to Vanessa after the live show about suspecting Becky of casting the hinky vote.

So maybe Steve's ulterior motive was to get rid of Becky Burgess? I don't think that will work this week, so he'll need to try harder if that is the case.  But I don't think he would have discussed that plan with Johnny Mac, under any circumstances.


Clay came in and flopped on a bed nearby, putting an abrupt end to the John-Becky conversation.  Becky said that this should be a great competition to watch on TV, maybe even one of the best.

Apparently Clay was "Clay Cobain", as I previously suspected.

Steve came into the room, and Clay made a quick exit.  Then Becky left, nudging John and saying she was "going to paint her nails".  Steve tried to make an awkward joke about Becky leaving because he came in, but it did not flow.

Becky:  Well, I'll be at the kitchen table if you want to join me there.

Steve and John had a little whispered exchange, with Johnny Mac nodding at Steve.

So I guess he did throw it....damn you Johnny Mac.

Austin came in and flopped down, stopping that whole conversation, with a bunch of "dude, I thought you had it", and so forth.  He also announced that "they" are taking the second HoH room back, so Liz is having to move her stuff back downstairs.

(Oh, and surely CBS will show us Austin's grief over saying goodbye to Liz yesterday, before she had to switch out with Julia.  So look forward to the thrill of that, and keep your barf bucket handy.)

After Austin left the room Steve resumed what he came to say.  Apparently he had run up to John earlier and "barked" out an alliance name and now he realizes how abrupt he was and wonders if Johnny likes it.

Johnny does.

Steve:  Fight hard for the PoV, but if you don't get it, you're still okay...don't worry.

John:  Yeah, I think we're good.

Steve turns to leave, but turns around and says that Johnny will "keep going up, but as long as this happens he will be the safest person in the house".


This all happened yesterday before dusk fell, which was a million years ago.  Apparently now Shelli and Clay are talking about backdooring Audrey or even Austin.  (!)

So it looks like Jason is somehow getting in their good graces, which is an interesting development indeed...

Battle of the Schlock - Smells Like Team Spirit #BB17

I don't even know where to start.  So I'll jump right in.

The Battle of the Block just happened as I start this post, and there is a lot of energy flowing in the house.  All kinds of energy...from the best to the worst.

Jason and John lost, so they are still on the block and Shelli remains the HoH for the week.  The theme of the Battle was 90's music.

 Clay hosted, and I think he wore some type of wig with dreads, in an imitation of the late, great Kurt Cobain.

(And yes I know it's "Teen Spirit". Duh.  I was right there at that time, in the middle of things.  I even hung out in Seattle for about 6 weeks, eating salmon on my expense account and hearing live music in grunge clubs every night.  Alas, I did not get to marry, or even smooch up with Dave Grohl. But we all have regrets in life.)

I guess we can be happy that Clay has a new shirt, such as it is.  Most of Clay's wardrobe was confiscated by Production pre-season, because the team logos and such were not cleared for TV.  So Clay is known as the house thief when it comes to clothes.

He looks like he has Wig Head now, which is like Hat Head but far, far worse.

The group who didn't play is relatively clean and calm.  You can see Meg's sadness here, as she realizes she might lose her friend Jason.  Who knows, maybe she's even realizing that she might need to start flirting with Austin, whose heart easily wanders from damsel-to-damsel.

Oh well. Whatever never mind.

(Hello hello hello hello...)

You can see Audrey sulking in the background already.  Of course.  I'm sure some (other) smart nerd out there in live feed land could create a graph that shows how crazy Audrey gets as we approach the Absolute Value of the PoV each week.  Or something like that.

For the competition, they had to "smash pumpkins", with some potential "shaking" beforehand.  Maybe they had to find the pumpkins containing something and smash them, and the team who wasted the most lost.  But who knows.

(And I love me some Billy Corgan, too.  I can remember being on a first date in a crowded bar when someone cued up "Today" on the jukebox.  Those were the days.)

Somehow the talk turns to how models of ships get into bottles. Vanessa knows that long tweezers are used to actually build the model inside of the bottle and they tease her for knowing that.

Vanessa:  I've never done it, but I know people who do...I wouldn't put it past myself to try it at least once though.

Downstairs, as the losing HoH, Liz (actually it's Julia now) is waiting for the shower.  She got doused with something really, really foul that smells like horse shit.  James (a BoB victor) is already showered, it seems, and is telling Julia that it's okay that he was nominated...he's cool with it.

Julia trudged up to the HoH room to drink the rest of her wine.  When she walks it looks like whatever got spilled all over her is drying and caking, making it hard to walk.  Everyone comments on the not-so-fresh scent.

Julia:  Oh my god it stinks!  But poor Jackie threw up....she actually threw up!

(Julia's voice is NOTHING like Liz's voice, now that I've spent so much time with both.)

The cameras shift quickly to make sure we get a feel for the action right now.

Jason has showered, but is waiting to get in storage to get his "dry mic".  He says that "Liz" can't even get her's.  He is a loser, but seems calm and composed.  Hopefully he is trying to put together an Action Plan.

I think Jason might look better with his shirt off than Austin does....but of course, with Austin, we've all seen way too much.

When Jace was in the house, I heard him put on his Personal Trainer hat and tell Jason that he already has a good body structure...he can easily add on muscle tone whenever he's ready to do that.  Now I get it.

All the mics are labeled, but I don't think Jason's is there yet, but he did find James' mic.

Shelli came in and had a quick moment with Jason, with a colorful array of produce behind her.

(Would it kill Production to get them more bananas?  Clearly that is the most universal fruit in the BB house.)

Jason:  It's okay...I got fired from my job..

Shelli:  What?

Jason:  Well, if I don't show up for work by July 18th, I get fired.  And that's tomorrow, so, with my luck, I'll go home this week and be unemployed

Shelli, filled with sorrow:  Jason...

Jason:  Don't worry...I'm still going to fight tomorrow (for the PoV)

Shelli:  Don't.....there's still....chances...

Jason:  I know.  I'm gonna put on a happy face, but...those pumpkins were no fucking joke.  I was like, how am I going to open these?  And you noticed Jackie had trouble, too.

This is Jason shaking out a white trash bag to put his clothes in.  He said he needed to contain the funky smell because otherwise it would make everyone feel sick.

Jason went upstairs where Julia was in the shower and told her he had a bag for their clothes.

Julia:  I can't get this shit out of my hair!

Jason:  It's foul.  And now we're gonna be doing dance moves all week...just what I need.

As tribute, the cameras follow Jason as he moves through the house, putting Julia's "nasty ass mic" back in the storage room and walking down the hallway.  Production knows we love Jason, and I'm sure they do, too.  He's funny as hell and is someone they can root for, too.

Steve tries to draft off Jason's camera spot, too, waiting for him and following him as he walks through the living room.  He made some sort of compliment to Jason about the competition.

Jason, who DOES NOT like Steve:  Thank you....I tried...those things sure weren't built for someone my size.

We hear Jason go into the bedroom with Steve right on his tail.  Meg is in there, yapping it up.

Meg:  Maybe our takeover this week is a boy band!

Jason:  Oooohhh!  What was the boy band who was on TAR with Jackie?  They're obviously CBS affiliates at this point.

(Jonathon Knight from New Kids of the Block.  It's a huge mental leap for me to go from Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins to NKOTB, but I can do it if CBS can.)

FISH, based on Jason's comment, I assume.

FYI Yesterday they were discussing the whole boy band idea at the kitchen table, and this happened.

Johnny Mac:  What about Lance Bass?  (pronounced like the guitar, not the fish)

Someone corrected him and Johnny laughed about it.  It was funny.

But Lance Bass is a HUGE BB fan and has even hosted BB reality weekends at his house, where a group of his invited friends came to play a BB type game executed by a company who gets paid to do that.  Dan Gheesling and his wife were invited to play, and Jeff Schroeder was apparently hired by the company to come in and host a competition.

I think Jamie Lynn Sigler won (aka Meadow Soprano, who also loves BB) but I'm not sure.  I know Father Dan did not, and I think his wife Chelsea went farther in the game than he did.

I used to listen to a podcast by one of the guys who was invited to this, so this is how I know.