Monday, June 29, 2015

Wil Heuser Presents: Big Brother 17 The Saga - Episode 1 #BB17

Wil Heuser kicks off the BB17 season with a bang.

*  Wil continues to disapprove of Julie Chen's wardrobe.  She's not giving Wil much to work with, apparently.

*  Wil's version of Jace is much, much worse than the real thing.  Love his "I Pooped  Today" T-shirt, but can't imagine anyone actually wearing that.

*  Meg is a drunk, apparently.

*  Da'Vonne is serving up loads of snaps.

*  Wil went easy on Audrey, but I don't expect that situation to continue.

*  Jason will LOVE this parody, I predict.

*  Liz and Julia, however, will not. I hope WIl isn't planning a trip to Miami anytime soon...

Scenes From This Afternoon - A Big Day of Nothing #BB17

The house guests woke up earlier today, but most of them got up and changed their batteries, and went right back to bed.

Steve was alone in the back yard for a short time, laying in the hammock, with a pillow over his head. I thought he might be crying, but I think he was actually trying to keep the sun off his face.  Eventually he started talking to us, but it was awkward and halting.  Just like you'd think it would be.

Steve:  The PoV was just a short-term solution to a long-term problem.  I have a lot of work to do.  I've been making week-long deals with people like Vanessa.  I don't even want to win HoH next week.  The two sides are lining up against each other and I don't need to be in the middle of that. And Jeff is so desperate to be a part of a group.  He's at the bottom of the totem pole in their group.  I need to talk to Day about that.

(That was a good start Steve.  Tell us some juicy info next time.)

The backyard is empty...just little Steve on the hammock.

Clay had a sore neck so Austin worked on it a little.  It sounds like Austin's girlfriend may be a masseuse or a physical therapist---he mentions techniques he learned from her.  They hear the cameras spinning around them.

Austin:  Just two men on the couch partially dressed, massaging.  Nothing to see here.

Clay's back is tight, Austin says.  Lots of tension there.

Liz had a little conversation with Steve in the pool. I wish I could remember what was said, but I remember she was laughing way too hard, in a forced type of way.  Both of them need to make friends right now in the game.  No one would expect the two of them to connect, but one of them needs to pop the question to the other one.

I think James is going to be very lonely after his HoH reign is over.  It makes me sad to watch him on the live feeds. He's just such a fish out of water.

Jeff is making breakfast, and there's Jace in the background, working on his breakfast, too.

Jace is really quiet.  All three of them are quiet, actually.  There is tension on the air.  Jace looks up at us a few times quickly.  The real Jace is very sad about all of this.

The bacon is sizzling.  Jace pokes at it with some orange plastic tongs.

You'd think that bacon grease would pop and hit their bare skin, right?

This is the second time in the last two days that I have watched Jeff make eggs, and have trouble making eggs. Last time he broke a raw egg on the carpet, and then ruined his omelet and had to settle for a scramble.
This time his egg is sticking to the pan.

Jace:  Did you use oil?

Jeff:  Yes!  And I cooked sausage in the pan before that, so you'd think that would be even better.

James said he would eat the nasty egg, as is. Jeff gave it to him and started over with a new egg.

Meg supervised, but it sounds like she's not very good in the kitchen, either.

Clay had to come over and help Jeff flip the egg.  Of course Clay the Golden Boy knows how to cook an egg.

There was a fair amount of commotion in the kitchen when they discovered that James had dumped his uneaten cereal in the sink before leaving the kitchen.  They don't have a garbage disposal, so the soggy cereal was just sitting there, clogging up the works.

Jeff wasn't going to stick his hand in there, he says.  Meg wasn't going to clean it up, either.  Becky came in and started fiddling with it.  I thought she was going to take one for the team and clean it, but Vanessa went into the bedroom and found James and described the situation.  James got up and said he thinks he's the one who made the mess, so he went back to the kitchen to deal with it.  So good for him to admit it.

But even with a garbage disposal, who would just dump the food in the sink and leave it there?  Especially with the ant problem?  Doesn't everybody go ahead and run the disposal to clear the sink?

Maybe it's just me.

Hi Jackie.  So full of sunshine.

But she's on the block and just trying to stay out of the way.  Easier said than done, I'm sure.

Jason was being really funny, telling the girls to be careful in the backyard, and to be very careful in the lounge chairs to keep their legs together.

Jason: Those live feeders are just waiting for you to slip up and get too comfortable.  You won't believe what you'll see on the internet.

The talk turned to Jackie doing her dancer's stretches in the backyard.  Jason said she would get out of the house and find a calendar featuring all of her camel toe photos.  Then Jason started calling it "C.T." and someone thought he was talking about CT from the Real World Challenge shows.

Steve:  What exactly is the point of the Real World?  Do you win anything?

Jason:  No, but you have to do the Real World before you can do The Challenge.  And you can win the cash on The Challenge.

(Damn this conversation makes me feel old....)

Morning Chatter - Guy Talk #BB17

The house guests are slowly waking up after being prodded by Production.

Jason tells John about his elderly grandma.  She gets a ride in some sort of shuttle to take her to medical appointments.

Jason:  But the people driving the bus are some of the craziest motherfuckas out there.  They drive crazy...there are air tanks flying everywhere.

Jason talks about his friend---I think she gives him his haircuts.  She is an artist, and was a Suicide Girl for a while.  (Jana Costa, maybe?)

John:  Hmmm.  I'm into that.

Jason:  When they played Missy Elliot this morning I said, "that's for me!" and bounced right out of bed.

John:  Big Brother's Missy Elliot!

They think it would be cool if celebrities come in to take over.  (But Phil didn't even come in the house...he just stood outside with Julie Chen.)

Clay came out and is having neck pain today.  It hurts when he turns his head to the right side.  He's hoping Austin can help him with that later.

Jason thinks that some of the take over twists could emulate twists from other BB seasons.

Jason:  Like Rachel Reilly can come in here with the golden key.

He explains that during BB13, if a team was on the block, one person went home and the other got a golden key to stay in the house until the Finals.  They were all surprised at that.

(He doesn't know how close he is....Porsche Briggs got that Golden Key, and she's the one who met Liz "on a boat" and recommended her to casting.  And of course the twin twist may be like BB5, but of course we don't know because BB didn't even mention that on last night's CBS episode.)

James came out and sat in this weird direction, turning away totally from Austin.  James went back inside, and they started discussing Vanessa.  Is she barely playing the game, or is she some sort of mastermind?  They think watching her compete next week will tell them a lot about her.  Jason went into the house, leaving Clay and Austin alone together.

Clay warned him to never talk in the kitchen, because "they" are always watching the kitchen on the Spy Screen to see who's talking.

Austin:  Kitchen is food only.

Austin also had to run his mouth about Vanessa, saying that "she's always been honest and open with him".

Clay tells Austin how to talk to Vanessa, and to try and find out where she stands with Johnny Mac, but to phrase it in a way like he's all alone, with no one to work with.  Clay doesn't think Steve is going to tell anyone whose side he's on, so you have to approach him one-on-one and try to get that information over time.

Clay:  He doesn't like to talk game, and I'm kind of scared to bring it up because I don't know who he's with.

Austin:  I heard he offered Day an alliance....or to be her eavesdropper.

Clay heard that, too.

Austin:  Then I kept catching him snooping, but he's calmed down a lot in the last few days.

Clay doesn't think Day would tell them that if she was working with Steve.  He tells Austin that Day is working with James and Vanessa.

Later it was just Jason and Clay, and they discussed Steve.  Jason said late last night Steve came out to the hot tub, and it thought it was a great time to approach him to talk about the game, but then Becky came out and that ruined that conversation.

Clay told a story about just sitting around somewhere, and hearing Steve say "Hey Clay" and he kind of jumped and didn't even know Steve was there.

Clay:  But then Becky came over there.....that Becky....she kind of sticks her nose in places.

Clay thinks the BoBs are going to be "his" comps, because they're more physical.  He wouldn't even try to backdoor someone he respects, because that's just not the right thing to do.

Austin:  Except Day...

Clay:  Yeah, she'd be the perfect person to do that to.

Austin thinks they can work together in some of these comps, or help each other.  Jason came back out and said that if the rules don't prevent it, then you can try it.  He mentions the BBCAN competition where they had to hang on to a tree.  The girls were wearing lumberjack shirts and they tied them to the trees because the rules didn't say they couldn't do that.

Austin thinks they could have hid the PoV letters under their shirts, but Jason says no.  They saw Jackie hide letters in the mud, but Becky found the pile of letters and put a stop to that.

Clay:  You can't hide anything from Becky.

Austin:  Becky started  cleaning out there....picking up all of the letters.

Jason says James wanted to spell the word "lifeguard".

Clay:  How's he gonna do that?

Jason:  C'mon.  That word is printed all over the place out here..

(ha ha ha)

The Story About Becky and Her Injury #BB17

Like you, I've heard the chatter about Becky saying that she was "hit in the face by a train".  At first, I thought this was going to be a similar situation to last year's story of Victoria being carried off by a crow.

But Becky is no Victoria, so I flashed back on the live feeds to get the scoop.  A group of house guests were sitting in the kitchen, playing "Never Have I Ever" and someone joked about breaking a bone.  Becky kind of chuckled about that, and then Shelli jumped in to help.

Shelli:  She got hit in the face by a train.  Don't you all remember that?  She told us that story....

(Apparently Becky told the group before the feeds went live, a simpler time when they could say a lot of things without fear of retribution.)

Becky:  I can talk about it now, but not the name of it (the train) or the location.

People start settling in to listen.  It's going to be a good story, and they know it.

Here are the details, from Becky herself.

*  She was walking to work on a snowy February morning (2014) at about 6:00 am.  She says she was really hit in the face by a "street tram", not a train.  (I immediately knew that Becky got hit in Germany, where she was working at the time.  Jackie remembered hearing Becky's story, and told Jeff that they both rode on that train, but she can't say where it was.  Jackie and Jeff were in Germany for TAR, so there you have it.  I've not been to Germany, but elsewhere in Europe I've seen those street trams.  They are very modern-looking and quiet, and the tracks are usually incorporated right into the streets, along popular routes.)

*  Becky was wearing a fur hood, and was hurrying along to get to work so she could get out of the cold.  She says she had no alcohol in her system, no drugs, and was not wearing earbuds with a phone or an iPod...nothing like that.

(Once again, this is another Jennifer Garner moment for Becky.  At least for me, that is.)

*  Becky was walking along a "skinny sidewalk", and there was a big van blocking the sidewalk in order to deliver a piano.  Becky stuck her head out about six inches to look for traffic before stepping out into the street, and the tram was going by and hit her right in the face. That's the last thing Becky remembered before waking up in Critical Care, where she stayed for three days.

Becky is very animated telling the story, and has everyone's attention, of course.

*  A few of Becky's teeth on the top right fell out, and I think she said they went through her skin.  She had to have her top lip "sewn back on" and she broke her nose.

*  She also had a fractured skull.  When the tram hit her, her body flew 15 feet in the air, and when she landed she broke her wrist (the left one?) and also her leg and part of her feet (?).

*  Becky says that during the period in Critical Care, she just assumed that she would never be pretty again, but was more worried about brain injuries.  She was more concerned with having a normal life, and the part of her brain that was damaged in the frontal lobe is the part that determines personality.  There were two doctors who disagreed over treatment---one of them was worried about brain swelling and bacteria, and wanted to operate.  The other didn't want to do that, and Becky is glad her family listened to that doctor, because now she is virtually back to normal.

Becky:  It's funny.  I gave up on being pretty right away.  I thought, I've been pretty my whole life...I'd rather be able to speak and think.  It was just like choosing a different sandwich for was that easy for  me.

*  They are all amazed by the fact that Becky has had no plastic surgery.  She says her nose, teeth and face still look exactly the same after the emergency surgery.  (I'm assuming she did have dental surgery, though.)

*  She says she is very lucky she didn't have her head turned, because if the train had hit her on the side of the head the outcome would have been much worse.  Getting hit in the face where she did was one of the best options.

*  She still has pending legal issues, however, which limit what she can say.  (If she's getting a settlement from the tram company or even the city, though, she will likely never be able to talk about the specifics publicly.)

Becky:  So that's why I've said that I've been in a slump for the last 18 months....just sitting around and not working or anything.  That's how I got fit...working out so much.

Liz:  So, I guess you didn't make it to work that day!

Everyone laughed.

Becky:  No!  I was like, there's been a train accident....I won't be there today....

Do You Think Vanessa is Making a Good Bet? #BB17

This whole season has been a swirl so far.  The stories and the personalities involved this year are just crazy.  I wish Production would just have faith in casting and not try to juice things up with so many twists and takeovers.



Regular readers know I was Team Derrick last year from the start.  I loved the fact that he planned to keep his police background a secret, and I loved how he used that experience to work everybody in the house.  I think Vanessa liked Derrick's game, too, from what she said in her pre-game interviews.

I've actually started watching poker tournaments on TV now when I can't sleep at night.  I'm fascinated with the life style and the good players' abilities to read the cards, but more importantly, the players.  I wanted to see Vanessa put down a quietly lethal game this summer, and then have Julie Chen drop her secret on the cast during the live finale...maybe in a montage of her playing poker and lounging in her Las Vegas play house.


I know Vanessa has been at a slow simmer this week, watching everybody and profiling her fellow house guests.  No one in that house has more street and book smarts than Vanessa.  So I'm more than a little surprised that she has showed her cards to Austin.

I knew that Vanessa had a chat with Austin yesterday morning, giving him subtle hints that Jace was about to get blindsided, and she also advised him to play down his strength, and maybe fake a big injury or something to take him off the radar for a few weeks.  (You can read about that here.)

So, a few hours later, they're still the only ones up and about, so they continued the conversation.

Austin has pretty much accepted that Jace will go this week, and Vanessa gives him tips on how to approach James in an attempt to clear the air, to let James know that Austin understands what he had to do and is ready to move forward.

James is not trustworthy, Vanessa says.  She thinks she could work with Jace because he is loyal, but he has no chance to stay.  He's not a bad person, he's just a loose cannon.  Vanessa also pointed out that Clay and Audrey are playing a great game.

Austin is extremely slow on the uptake here, and tells Vanessa that Audrey promised she had his back, and he believed her.

Vanessa:  She told me that, too.  And she's told everyone that.  It's true.

Vanessa got called to the DR (this happened the last time she was talking to Austin), so she got up and went, saying the timing was bullshit.  She asked Austin to wait outside for her, but when she came back he was gone.  I thought she was going to start talking to us in her microphone, but she was telling Production that she would put up the awnings when someone came out to help her.

Austin returned, and Vanessa dropped right back into the conversation while they took care of the awnings task.

Vanessa:  You should not share things with Clay and Audrey.  Clay is not trustworthy...Audrey wants to go deep with Clay...maybe go to the end.  I would bet my life on it.

***AND THEN***

Vanessa:  You know...before I was a DJ, I was a professional gambler...and a good one...

Austin:  So you know how to read people...

Vanessa:  Yes.  And I would bet my life on it.  Clay and Audrey are a strong pair.

Austin didn't really any follow up questions, which shows you how shrewd he is (not very).  They discussed the other house guests:

* Becky - Vanessa thinks Becky is smart and from watching her in comps, she is going to be a beast.

* John - Vanessa says if he's the kind of guy willing to throw comps, he might be a good resource.  She thinks he will be on the block a lot just because he's a nice guy.  She heard that Becky was actually the target this week at one point, and that John was going to try and throw the BoB, but that didn't work out because Becky was too good.

*  Meg - Vanessa has tried to build a relationship with Meg but has not been successful.  She knows Meg does improv in NY, so she asked Meg to show her how to do it.  Vanessa says she felt like Meg responded to her "like people do with Steve, just saying something to placate him", so she thinks trying to work with Meg now is a dead end. She thinks Meg is going to be loyal to James and Audrey.

*  Vanessa says James is kind of an outsider, and seems lonely in group settings.  She thinks Austin should reach out to him to let him know he won't hold a grudge about Jace, but the bottom line is that she doesn't trust him.  She also mentioned his inappropriate comments to the girls that are going to come back and bite him later.  Jeff has done the same thing, Austin says, and Vanessa agrees.

*  Vanessa thinks Audrey is just kind of playing along right now until she sees who will be in power next week, then she'll work within that framework.

*  Vanessa said to be careful talking to Jackie, because she is very emotional and everything you say will get back to Jeff.  And Jeff is a hot head who said he wanted to kill Austin in his sleep.  (Austin:  Why would he say that?)

*  Vanessa has tried to give Da'Vonne pointers on how to not let people know when things are not okay.  Da'Vonne has been talking to her in the Have Not room, and is feeling a lot of stress and pain over the game and thinks everyone hates her.  Vanessa thinks the key to playing with Da'Vonne is not to be the one that she goes off on, because she is going to go off on someone.

*  Vanessa thinks Steve is a nice guy, but he's not really with anyone in the game right now.  He might be with Day, but she thinks he's still open.

*  Vanessa actually had to tell Austin that house meetings are never a good idea and do not end well.

Austin:  Is any of this normal for Big Brother?

Vanessa:  YES!  I've watched 10 seasons, and it's always like this!

Note how normal human beings have to use two hands on their side of the awnings, but Austin only uses one hand.

Vanessa had to remind Austin several times that the two of them need to pretend to work with the group.  Austin kept saying that Audrey likes him now, and wants to talk game with him everyday.  Vanessa says she says that to everybody.

Austin:  But everyone's just gonna let her win.  Everyone's afraid of her.

Vanessa:  I'm not.  I'm not afraid.  You just have to be patient and wait for the right time.  This is a long, long game.  There's no room for hot heads, or rash decisions.

Austin:  That's why Jace has to go.  He's a hot head, right?

OK.  I've seen enough of this.


I'll just say it.  I've already said it.  I don't think this Austin has the sense god gave a milk cow.

He was not cast for his intelligence, nor his game savvy.  Personally, I don't even think Austin has enough common sense to function properly as an adult.  But I do keep thinking of him as someone in his late 30's or 40's, so maybe that's my fault.

Here are just a few of my reasons, some big and some small.

1.  We saw on the live show the whole "Bro Code" that Jace and Austin have.  We also saw the obvious discomfort that everyone else in the house has with the whole "Bro Code" concept.  Why doesn't Austin have the self-awareness to know that he's acting like an ass?

2.  And Jace is a total douche buffoon.  At least he's playing one on TV.  That's another topic altogether, but my point here is why couldn't Austin tell that Jace is making an ass out of himself?  And that no one likes him?  And that he's obviously trying to like, bro, totally put on a show for TeeVee.

3.  When Jace and Austin started beefing with Jeff last week, Austin actually said to Audrey that "Jeff is just jealous of what I have with Jace."

(What?  I'm embarrassed just typing that sentence.  Aren't you uncomfortable reading it?)

(Actually, Jeff said that Austin was throwing the weights around and he asked him to stop, so ever since that happened, Austin hates him.)

4.  And here's a big thing....after his conversation with Vanessa, Austin had a little meeting with Audrey.  NOT EVEN TWO HOURS LATER, and he blurted out the following to Audrey:

Austin:  I'm actually close to Vanessa....extremely close....and she thinks I should fake an injury or something.

(I don't think Austin is trying to backstab Vanessa, I just think he's missing a few crayons in the box and doesn't remember he's not supposed to tell her that.  Maybe he flew off the ropes too many time and landed on his head or something.  Maybe he's having flashbacks from Vietnam. Maybe he just needs some real food, not slop. Who knows.)

5.  And now I'm hearing Jeff say that he's aware that Vanessa used to be a professional gambler.

I'm not blaming Austin for being an idiot.  I'm just wondering why Vanessa gave him so much personal information.  Because she is definitely not an idiot.

6.  Also, yesterday Audrey called Austin and Vanessa into the lounge (or parlor, or hammock room...whatever) and after just one or two questions, Austin started spewing words like a scared fourth grader.  He was speed-talking excuses like his Mommy caught him with his hand in the cookie jar, while Vanessa just sat there, waiting for her moment to speak, and choosing the best words to say.  You couldn't find a better way to contrast two different people.


Maybe she can see that Austin is loyal to a fault, and will need to hitch his wagon to someone else after Jace goes bye-bye on Thursday.  Sort of like how Derrick profiled Caleb and saw that after Devin was out of the game, Caleb's devotion was up for grabs and could be used as a weapon in the game.

And Austin was saying he knew Da'Vonne was lying about her job.  So maybe Vanessa saw that train coming down the tracks, and decided to come clean to him in case he knew about her, too.  Which is smart, because if the secret is going to come out, it is much better for her to start downplaying it as part of her former life.

And maybe Vanessa is just seeing him as a huge man who will come in handy when they have a competition that requires some height or muscles.  Like she said on tonight's episode, she wanted to give the Fast Forward to someone whose strengths complement her strengths.

Or maybe Vanessa just wants to align with someone that she can easily program.  Or put another way, she's going to boss him, and he's going to take it.  She did tell Austin that she is very good at reading people, so she's been reading him, too.

Vanessa, to Austin:  If you're evil...I might just quit life.  Please don't be evil...don't fuck me in this game!

Austin:  I'm not evil...I just play evil on TV.


I kept hearing that Austin used to host a BB15 show on AfterBuzz TV.  I remember watching a few of those Aftershows, and I think I remembered Austin.

Turns out I watched at least one of those Aftershows where Austin co-hosted.  I originally posted the YouTube video, but it is gone now, so I guess that content is either no longer available, or they didn't want me linking to it or something. Maybe it's something I said (ha ha ha).

This is what I said about Austin, even though I didn't know it was Austin at the time..

You can read the whole recap here, but it's a shame that video is gone.  Because Austin was just staring off into space like the Geico Caveman.

Maybe he was experiencing back pain.  I don't know.  I just try to call it like I see it with my own eyes.