Friday, June 26, 2015

When in Doubt Deny, Deny, Deny - Post PoV Chaos #BB17

As a live feed updater, I don't even know how to describe what has happened in the last hour.  So I'm not sure I'm even going to try.  It's just too much pressure, way too much action. And I just started drinking a Friday afternoon beer on an empty stomach.  So I'll do my best.

OK.  The first PoV competition is over.  And Steve won it.  And Steve needed to win it, since he was on the block and people have been talking all kinds of smack about him.

So the tension is high.  And Audrey was told in the last few days some things that Jace said about her....that she was playing too hard, that she might be a mole in the game, etc.  Nothing that we're not all thinking, and nothing that I am aware of outside of the game.  So Audrey called Jace and Austin into the lounge area and grilled the crap out of them.  Then she called a bunch of other people in, one after the other, waving her arms all around and trying to beat the truth out of all of them.

When alone for a second between interrogations, Jace and Austin wondered who ratted them out.  (Although they swore up and down to Audrey that they didn't do it...ha ha ha)  They think Clay told Jeff, and Jeff told Audrey.

Anyway, this is what misery looks like.

And here is Steve, the PoV winner.  They joke about it, asking Steve what he plans to do with it.

Steve:  I definitely plan to save myself!

And there's Vanessa.  Audrey DID NOT call her into the Lounge for an interrogation.  Hell no.  Vanessa is staying out of that crap.

Someone asks Steve if someone has ever needed to use their PoV, but did not.  Steve starts telling them about Marcellas in BB3, and how he messed up his game.

Jackie has a pair of shorts---I think the ones she wore in the PoV.  She says they are way too big and I think she gave them to Clay.  (Does Jackie not know about Ebay?  And the pervs who shop there?)

Becky is out of the shower and is donning some fairly slutty attire, I think.  She must have gotten it from Hot Topix, right?  With the Britney Spears school girl maxi skirt?

Clay moisturizes.  Don't think he doesn't.  Maybe he learned that from watching his fave house guest Cody last year on the live feeds.  You know, because Clay is such a SuperFan.

Meanwhile. Jace collapses in bed with Julia.  I think it's Julia and not Liz, based on her eyes.  But it's one of them, that's for sure.

They laugh about the whole thing.  To his credit, Jace doesn't seem stressed at all.

Liz/Julia:  I'm not saying one damn thing from here on out.

Jace:  Me either.  Not one damn thing.

(Good luck with that, Jace.)

Clay meets with Austin and they whisper for a long time.  That's the BB sign of dishonesty...the whispering.  It seems that Austin is suspicious of Jeff, but Clay like, totally wants to vouch for Jeff.

ATTN: #BB17 House Guest Loved Ones: How To Survive Big Brother, by Timothy Brecht

This post is a guest blog written by Timothy Brecht, husband of BB16's Christine Brecht.  If there is a Big Brother heaven or a Big Brother hell, Tim Brecht surely experienced them both.  If you have a loved one on Big Brother this year, then do yourself a favor and read this.  You can thank Tim later. (@timstinks)


How To Survive Big Brother
by Timothy Brecht

So your friend or loved one made it onto CBS’ Big Brother! Firstly, congratulations! Secondly, I’m so sorry. You’re about to learn a lot about humanity - and a lot of it won’t be good. So either you’re partying it up and celebrating your loved one’s success, or worrying your booty off freaking out trying to figure out whats going on in your life. Good news, I have a little advice for both parties. This article is for those who personally know a Big Brother contestant, but there’s some things that every BB fan can benefit from. So here are my rules for making it through a BB summer without burning down everything in sight.

1. BB is just like sports - like exactly the same.

 We’ll start with the basics: when a BB season’s cast is revealed, adoring fans and horrible hating freaks magically appear regardless of who the contestants are and what they look like. People immediately start scouring the internet trying to find dirt of every single houseguest, and they will go to creepy stalker-esque measures to do it. The HOUR that BB16’s cast was revealed, there were 5-10 fan accounts for my wife, Christine Brecht. There was hardly enough time for people to watch her interviews before the accounts were made, and that goes for all of the houseguests. Minutes after your loved one’s cast was released, buttloads of people decided they are awesome, and buttloads of people decided they suck. That’s sort of the nature of the beast. People get fanatic about who they root for in Big Brother, just like any sports fan gets fanatic about their team. Just keep in mind that BB people can be the coolest people in the world, but (to keep the balance of good and evil) they can also be the absolute worst.

2. It’s a social experiment, it’s not real life.

 A good amount of people will debate me on this and say that people show their true colors when they’re on live TV 24/7, but that’s definitely not the case. The whole concept behind Big Brother is to see what human beings will do when they’re trapped in a hamster cage. It’s not natural. The goal is to be the last one standing out of a total of 16 people, which means you have to backstab somebody or talk bad about somebody else in order to maintain a good social standing with whoever you think will be on your side. It’s the weirdest possible scenario for your loved one to be in, so don’t be surprised if you see your sweethearted loved one do things out of the ordinary.

3. Don’t feed the trolls.

As a constant Twitter user, the most important key to survival is not to give in to mouthbreathing Twitter haters because they’re all terrible and not worth it. People who hide behind Twitter profiles and say awful things to people from TV exposes how awful and unfulfilled that person must be in their actual life. If you’re reading this and you’re a Twitter hater, well I’m surprised you can read more than 140 characters. If you’re reading this and you’re NOT a Twitter hater, you did it! Here’s your trophy for being a normal dude/dudette. You did it. When I first started getting hate, the best advice I was given was “the block button is your best friend” and “block and roll.” Don’t ask questions, don’t acknowledge a troll, just block them and move on. That person lives a crappy life and they’re looking for entertainment. So don’t feed the trolls, ever. They WANT you to respond, so if you don’t respond then they don’t win. Eventually trolls fade away into the internet abyss.

4. Don’t BE a troll, or I will find you.

 In the same way that you shouldn’t feed Twitter trolls, you should also not BE a Twitter troll. Realize that a comment you have about a certain houseguest may be harmful to that person's family, and in all real honesty your opinion probably doesn’t matter to them very much. I love talking crud as much as the next guy, but I keep all my comments strictly game-related because these people are probably super nice in real life. If somebody says to you “your loved one sucks,” the correct response is NOT “oh yeah well eff you muthaeffa,” just block them. A person in the game may not like your loved one, but that doesn’t give you the green light to hate that person. Like I’ve said before, it’s a game. These people are pawns in a jacked up survival environment and they all want to be the last one standing. Don’t contribute of the hate because I’ll personally block you, even if you hate somebody that I don’t like.

5. Breathe, your loved one is safe.

The biggest piece of encouragement I can give ANY BB family member is to keep in mind that your loved one is completely safe from the evil pit of farts that is Twitter/the internet at large. As a BB family member myself, I had to deal with hordes of mouthbreathing idiots who thought it was worth their time to log onto Twitter and give me their two cents on what they think about this or that (their two cents was almost always terrible). I dealt with an abundance of hate, more than other people went through. Some of it was because I was more active than other family members which made me an easy target for hate messages. I was on Twitter during breakfast, at work, after work, and in the middle of the night. I was constantly interacting with fans/freaks. However, your loved one is completely separate from what’s happening outside of the house. They’re not getting those hate messages or whatever, they’re playing the game. So if your loved one becomes unpopular, don’t worry about that quite yet. If the internet becomes overwhelming, just go radio silent. Log off of Twitter, don’t read BB blogs, just watch the show and enjoy it as much as possible. It’s a unique experience that shouldn’t be ruined by Twitter idiots, if they can’t reach you then they can’t hurt you. Let the festering hole of garbage be what it is, unless you feel like “slaying some basics,” then hit me up and I’ll give you Hater Slaying 101 (I have a masters degree in the subject). 

Who Will Run the Table This Summer? Audrey or Vanessa? #BB17

Audrey is always right there in the middle of intense game conversations.  Earlier, she had a one-on-one with Clay about Jeff, telling him that Jeff backstabbed him in some conversation, and saying that maybe Jeff needs to go this week.

But then when Jeff woke up this morning, Audrey was right there, laying next to Shelli and starting with the low talking already.  You know, the low shit-talking. She says there is some weird shit going on in the house.

Apparently James, who is the HoH, slept in the Have Not room last night.  (Is that true?)  She wonders if James has to "be close to his boy so bad".  (Austin?)

Then Audrey starts a conversation about Vanessa, noting that Vanessa likes to pull people up to the chess board to size them up and see how they think.  I think she's trying to throw shade on Vanessa, but she also notes that Vanessa is a lot like her.

Shelli explained that Vanessa had a very down moment last night.  They were all taking turns doing shout outs to the cameras, and Vanessa got very emotional during her shout out to her girlfriend, and after that she just seemed to shut down.

Shelli: And she's a Have Not, so she's not eating, and being in that Have Not room is the worst place for her right now.

Audrey:  I'm going to go talk to her.  But first I want to check on my breakfast.

Audrey had somehow conned Clay into making her breakfast, and she went into the kitchen and told him she had a psychic feeling that her food was ready.

Clay:  Would you stop talking about psychic stuff?

(Yes, Audrey, please stop with all of the astrology talk, and dream analysis.  I've only been on the live feeds for a few hours now, but it's going to be a long summer if you can't find something else to talk about.)

Clay delivered the sandwiches and Audrey dug right into hers.  I could hear the English muffin crunch when she bit into it.

Audrey:  It's like a McMuffin.

Shelli said there is no way she can eat that today.  She says she saw her stomach in the mirror and today is the day she's going to get her diet back on track.  I could be wrong, but I think Clay said there is peanut butter and honey on the sandwich, along with egg whites.

Sometimes I pause the live feeds while I type.  Well, more than sometimes.  I try not to look at this whole live feed update process as a race, but a quest for more complete information.  Anyhoo, something went wrong when I tried to un-pause, and my feeds skipped way ahead so that I am live right now. (The live feeds are very slow this morning....making my whole system crawl to a snail-like chug.)

Jason is telling everyone that his passions are Big Brother, Nicky Minaj, and fashion, and was telling the girls that he knows Nicky isn't going to hire him once all of this is over, so I think he was hoping to get a job in one of the other two areas.

Jason:  One thing's for sure, I'm not working in the market for minimum wage my whole life.  If they even let me come back!  They might be, that damn guy, he's not coming back here.

One of the girls noted that he said he is quiet at work, and that the grocery store won't be the same when he's gone.

Jason:  I'm quiet when I work with the guys at night (stocking shelves) but it's different during the daytime.

I skipped ahead with the feeds again (unintentionally) and now Vanessa comes into the kitchen and has a moment alone with Clay at the stove and tells him she's feeling better today, but last night was rough on her.  Clay admitted he had a bad day yesterday, too, and  had a few moments when he thought that it would be fine if he just went home now. (Not threatening to quit though, in my opinion.)

Vanessa:  I feel you.  I was the same way.

Did you expect Clay to be the cook in the house?  Well, he's been at the stove all morning.  I don't know what this is, but Clay is cooking it and it is sizzling and smoking.  It looks gross but I'll bet it smells good if you eat meat.  (I'm assuming that is what is in there, right?)  (And check out how filthy the left side of the stove is....ugh.)

I like this picture because you can see people gathering in the bathroom, on that bench-thing, from the view from the stove.  And those blue wavy stripes in the living room were a good idea, in retrospect.

Vanessa and Clay make plans to sit in the hammock later.  Shelli comes in to get more coffee and asks Vanessa if she's okay.

Vanessa:  I'm all right.  I've had better 24-hour periods, but I'm all right.

There are a few moments of clattering kitchen sounds, with far off voices mixed in, and then Shelli reaches out to help, speaking quietly in an attempt to keep things private.

Shelli:  What's going on?  Do you miss your girl?

Vanessa:  No.  I mean, of course I miss her, but to play this game you kind of have to put a wall around your heart, but I put that wall down for a minute sucked, you know?

Vanessa's voice is a little shaky, like when you are sad and someone is nice to you and it's hard not to start bawling.  As a tribute, the BB cameramen follow her face in a close-up,  The camera crew has probably been watching Vanessa sit at a poker table for years, looking much like this, but never sounding like this.  (I wonder if Vanessa left her baseball caps out of the BB game, to help keep from getting recognized?)

She makes an obvious effort to put some cheerfulness into her voice.

Vanessa:  But it's nice to see people try to help, like this guy (Jason walked in.) even acting human. You really made me feel really did.

Jason:  I just did what I could, girl.

Shelli:  I had no idea you were upset.  I'm sorry I didn't talk to you.

Vanessa:  It's okay.

(I swear Vanessa is so damn glamorous right now.  Like a freaking movie star.)

Vanessa rubs her palms together under the counter where we can't see them (such a poker move) and lowers her voice down to a whisper, while we hear Audrey's voice bellowing down the hallway.

Vanessa, in a tiny voice:  I just....had a moment.

Shelli:  I understand.  I know.

Jason:  We're all gonna have days like that.  You know?

Vanessa:  Yeah.  Yeah.

Jackie arrived on the scene and Clay came back in, telling her he made a breakfast sandwich for her, too. (Maybe Clay learned to cook on the chuck wagon or something back in Texas.)

Meanwhile Vanessa's voice is full of sorrow as she talks with Shelli, saying there is a big dilemma in the game right you choose to be a good human being or a good game player?  She says there is a big divide between the two.

Vanessa:  I realized that....I'm happy with the way I've been playing.  I mean, I haven't done anything to feel bad about, but it's more the human dynamics of this game.  Like watching people get their feelings hurt, and remembering things about high school.  Like, some parts of high school are terrible.....made me like really sad.

Jason is all ears, watching and listening.

Vanessa:  It's just hard to watch...the reason is that I was not a cool kid in high school, but I figured it out over the last 12 years, you know?  I got less socially awkward, and I figured it out, but having that perspective....(brief live feed interruption).

When the feeds return, she says that people were coming in the room to talk to her last night about the game, and didn't know she was upset.  And it could have been a bad game move for them to show empathy, and when you're torn between being a good human being and being a good game player, it's an extremely tough dilemma.

Vanessa:  It's so much easier to watch than to be in it!  That's for damn sure.

Vanessa: I came out of it at this point, but I got to the point last night for a few seconds where I realized I'm sad all the time in here.   And I don't think any amount of money is worth that.  And feeling like that....and knowing that we don't know how long we have on this earth...and I thought, this must be what it feels like to be depressed.

Shelli says "oh, honey" and Clay rubs her back and I see Vanessa struggling to hold it together.

Vanessa:  No, it's good.  I came out of it. And thank god some people showed their good side, too.  And you think, okay it's not all terrible.

Shelli says that they all feel the same way, and Jason admits they are all terrible. (ha ha ha)  Then Clay starts with the back rubbing again and Vanessa's voice trembles as she speaks.

Vanessa:  Since I'm not really in the game right now, I'm just observing, so I have more time for reflection maybe?  And I can try to think steps down the line, but then I think, fuck, this is week one and I can't imagine what it will be like having to make those decisions. . I don't judge anyone for anything they've done, but....

Clay:  You won't compromise yourself....

Vanessa:  It's not even that, it's just hard to see that side of humanity.

Jason relates to that, saying he had the same type of problems in middle school and high school, and now that he has the life skills to deal with it it's still hard.

Vanessa:  But when you see people, you know, for their own end... and then you see them turn around and bash that person,  and I've seen that so many times in the last two's just people can be so fake, so fake nice to someone, and then turn around and five seconds later just use them...and it's so obvious...I don't know if people see how obvious it is..and at the end of the day, I know everyone at that table is a good person, but to be able to represent that world with that in's like scary, and that's what life is..

Vanessa says that a big part of her being here this summer is to grow emotionally. In the outside world, she leans on her supporters.

Vanessa:  But in here, you don't have that.  So you kind of have to...lean in....and I'm not good at that.  So I toughened myself up last night and it's good for me to do that.  You shouldn't rely on other people so much.  That's not good.

Everyone makes supportive comments and Vanessa says she wishes it was just her, but most of the problem was watching other people's behavior last night and what they were up to.

Vanessa:  I wish I had just gone to bed.  But I'm happy to be here, and I'm not a quitter at all.  I want to be here.

(Ruh roh.  This was one of my concerns with Vanessa, that she would get a harsh taste of living the BB life and want to go home to her posh life immediately.  If you don't watch the live feeds, then you don't see what the game is really like.  I heard Vanessa tell Jace last night that she's watched YouTube footage of the live feeds, but never the real thing, directly.)

Vanessa:  I did write some good lyrics last night.  If the live feeders saw my lips moving, I was singing to myself.

Jason:  Well, don't say them out loud in here!  Don't let BB steal your art!


Do you think Vanessa is talking about Audrey?

Or about someone else being mean to Steve?  Because clearly people are starting to gang up and be mean to Steve....

From what I've seen just in the last few hours, Audrey is playing WAY too hard, having too many conversations and then checking the information she just heard with the very person she was just talking about.  It's so obvious.  If Audrey is such a mastermind, why is she playing so hard in Week #1 when she's not even at risk to go home?

Will CBS show this on the prime time show?  Will they let Audrey play out the villain role?

And where was Audrey during this conversation?  She must have been in the DR, because there is NO WAY she would allow that many people to congregate without being there to manage and/or intervene.

Also, Vanessa came very close to mentioning poker in this conversation a few times...talking about people "at the table" and "being in the game" and all.  She must feel pretty comfortable, like no one knows who she is....but when they all find out, perhaps after the end of the summer, (if Vanessa is lucky) it is going to be so obvious that they all got played by a master.

That's what I'm hoping, anyway.

Austin Says "They" Lied to Them About Slop #BB16

A small group is sitting in the kitchen, slowly waking up and chatting about the Have Not's issues with slop.  (The first set of Have Nots are Vanessa, Liz, Da'Vonne and Austin.)  Note that the first group of Have Nots are always the worst----the period of time they are on it is typically longer due to start-up time in the game, and they don't have the benefit of America voting on additional foods.

But those dentist chairs look easy to sleep in, compared to what we've seen in past years (i.e. the BB15 airport seating benches, the uneven "beds" in that swirly BB14 room, etc.).

Meg says that Da'Vonne made the slop biscuits with just the plain slop recipe.

John is reading some slop literature on a laminated card.

Austin:  They lied to us about the slop...saying we get all of our nutrition from it and how good it is for us.

Jason:  Yeah, like it keeps you from just dying.

Austin:  I'm already worried about fucking up my diet, and now this.  I'm not going to dress it up, I'm just going to eat it plain.  I don't want all of that sodium and other crap in my food.

Jason:  This summer, Austin goes without protein, in the Big Brother house!

Meg:  It's just for a week, though.

Austin: Yeah, I'll make it.  I'm just not going to dress it up.

Johnny Mac shows him the nutritional content of the slop.

Austin:  Yeah, but that is calculated for a 2,000 calorie-a-day diet...I eat a 3,000 calorie diet!

Jason:  You actually KNOW what your calories are every day?

I think they discussed Austin's nail polish.  John says he didn't get his nails polished---he just went to bed.

Austin:  He probably rocks the black nail polish every day when he's rocking out at home.

John laughs.  I guess they all know how he "rocks out" in the DR every day.  (That should be fun to watch.)

John:  I said this morning, that I sort of feel that my life is one big guitar solo.

Austin:  That is good!  That is good!

Meg:  True life, brought to you by Johnny Mac!

Meg looked at the slop and said they need to stir it so it doesn't burn the bottom of the pan.  Jason came over to inspect the pot of slop.  Earlier, Meg thanked Jason for cleaning up the kitchen.  Vanessa walked by with her sunglasses on but she slinked through the kitchen too quickly for me to take a picture.

Jason:  It already looks like it's starting to stick.

Austin:  Oh my god.  This first experiment making it is terrible.

Jason:  You're so not built for this slop life, Austin.

Austin wants to just put the slop in a protein shake or something.

Jason:  That's why I wish we had a blender.  Those kids on Big Brother Canada were blending that shit up!  A little watuh, a little protein powdah and there you go.

Apparently Austin has been asking for almond milk, and complains that they're too slow on the draw here.

(I guess it's all fun and games to watch people live as Have Nots on the live feeds, but it's different when you're the one who has to go without.  Because you know Austin used to host a Big Brother recap show on AfterBuzz TV, right?)

There is some drama about soy in Austin's food, apparently.  And now he says he is lactose intolerant, and needs that almond milk.

Vanessa floats through the kitchen, sweetly thanking the "ones who cleaned".

It's like seeing Elvis or something when Vanessa appears.,,,

It's Never Too Early to Talk Game #BB17

People are awake now, and Audrey and Clay have been having a meeting for some time now in the lounge area.  Audrey wants Clay to "call a meeting" with the original group they had, to cement the plan.

Audrey says James is threatened by Shelli, and is worried about showmances.  Audrey says she doesn't seem like a huge threat, so she doesn't understand why everyone is upset.

Audrey:  She doesn't even talk game much.  She's just like a cute little girl.

Clay:  Um hmm.

Now she says Jeff has been giving her the stink eye all morning.  She says Jeff threw Clay under the bus with Da'Vonne last night.

Clay:  Everything would be so much better if that Da'Vonne thing didn't happen.

Audrey:  She's starting to calm down now about Jeff though.

While they are talking, BB told Jeff to put his microphone on.

Audrey:  You see?  That's a sign.

Clay:  Look, he's my friend, but if I had to, I'd vote him out.

Audrey:  Then why don't we backdoor him this week?

Audrey says that she's a "human lie detector" and that "nothing gets past her".

Audrey:  I had a dream last night that you were the devil....that Clay put a big knife in my back!

Clay, chuckling:  Get the fuck out of here.

Audrey issues a "non-game dare" to Clay, to get a kiss from Shelli.  She says he should pretend to kiss her cheek and then go for the lips.

(Clay SHOULD NOT listen to Audrey.  First she wants him to call some sort of big meeting, which is always a BAD idea, and now this kiss thing, putting the romance on blast.)