Sunday, August 2, 2015

Vanessa Must Buff Jackie for 24 Hours #BB17

So this punishment is a weird one, but I can appreciate the creativity that Production is putting into these punishments this year.

I think this punishment was supposed to be worse for Vanessa, but to me it looks like Jackie's role is just as bad, primarily due to that horrid costume she must wear.  

Jackie is a Knight, and Vanessa is some sort of servant who must keep Jackie's armor shiny.  She has a little buffer and must buff Jackie's armor every minute of the day.  She is allowed to stop once Jackie falls asleep, but must sleep on the floor next to her.  She even has to eat with one hand in order to continue her work on Jackies' armor.

Vanessa:  Oh, but when the voice comes over the speaker and says "Time to Buff" I have to buff until the voice says "Thank you".

Jackie says she still gets to sleep, though.  But how is she going to sleep in that costume?

(***Update*** Jackie has to wear the armor suit for one week, but Vanessa will only be punished for 24 hours.)

They are already having a rough time with the leg pieces. Vanessa wants to see if they can use hair ties to hold them on.  I know Jackie was probably hoping for a costume that is a little more flattering, but I guess she can handle this for 24 hours.

Vanessa says that it took them a long time in the DR because they had some "costume issues".  Vanessa was supposed to wear tights, but she says you could see her underwear through them, so they switched to some sort of "frumpy pants" for the time being. They look like thick dark red velvet, and will likely be comfortable, yet warm.

Vanessa's little red cap is scratchy, too, she says.  But her costume is cute compared to Jackie's costume.

(Love the feather, though. I think Vanessa should wear that hat with her designer shades at her next WSOP event.)

You can see Vanessa buffing Jackie's leg while she talks.  I guess this punishment is going to hinder any game talks she may have planned to have before the PoV ceremony tomorrow.  Vanessa and Jackie kind of pretend to have a good working relationship, but I think they both are very wary of the other and would strike against each other at the first opportunity.

Vanessa says that she's not allowed to buff Jackie's helmet unless Jackie is in the shower. They laugh about Steve sitting there, watching them

Jackie: He's watching you clean me.

Steve:  Well, you said you wanted company.

I'll bet in real life Jackie would throw a hissy fit and storm off stage if she had to wear this sort of thing for a performance. 

(Kind of like she did during her performance with the Cher impersonator in Mexico City.)

Vanessa got down on one knee, asking if that is the required stance for this, and begins to buff the bottom of Jackie's breastplate. They guys are all making mild sexual innuendos and there is a lot of laughter.

Vanessa, giggling:  This is the weirdest thing I've ever done in my life!

James tells Meg that she better be glad he's not having to do this to her.  Steve clarifies a few things for me by calling Vanessa a "Squire".  Someone requests that Vanessa do her Scottish accent while she works, so she does.

Vanessa, as a Scottish Squire:  How are you my Knight?  I'll just shine your foot a wee bit.

Jackie, in a grumpy tone  I'll just sit here.

(Yeah Jackie...but what else is new?)

(I'm sure Production would have much preferred that Steve be wearing either the Knight or Squire's costume, because they are obviously having a VERY hard time finding storylines for him on the CBS episodes, which would explain that odd scene of him with the cameras making ET-like noises.  Allison Grodner is likely TERRIFIED at having a Steve scenario in the final three because how in the hell will they craft usable scenes out of that?  It's not like they can shoot B Roll footage at Steve's fraternity, since they shunned him before officially making him a member. Sorry to hit Steve with shrapnel here, but this is a very real issue going on behind the scenes right now for Production.)

Vanessa reports having some static cling issues.

Vanessa wants the leg pieces to fit better without falling off, but is worried that using hair ties will cut off Jackie's circulation. She requests "better ideas from the peanut gallery".

Vanessa:  Steve, you're an engineer, can you look at this and engineer something to help us?

A Twin:  The Knight has to look perfect at all times-ah.

(I will never tire of The Twins' manner of speaking.)

Steve kneels down to take a closer look at the situation. Steve says we don't have safety pins but Vanessa assures him that he can figure out something as he gets up in search of materials.

Vanessa:  But Steve...what about that glass on the floor?  (ha ha ha) Even a lowly Squire can ask that things be kept tidy around here.  I'm in the presence of greatness so often that it's beginning to rub off on me...get it?

A Twin:  Ah...rub off on you!  Ha ha I get it.

James:  Nice.

Steve returns and reports that when the storage room is available, he'll try to find something in there to fix the problem.  The Twin wants to know what Jackie's Knight name is.

Vanessa:  Her name is Jacqueline the Great.

James implores Jacqueline to "get control of your peasant, because he is insulted to hear her speak to them in this manner".

The Twin, probably Liz:  Yes, get control of your peasant-ah.

Austin: Get control of your vassal.

Jackie: After 10 PM, there is no speaking.

Everyone loves that line, and how Jackie is putting her Squire in her place.


Austin certainly knows what a vassal is, with all of his post-graduate work with medieval matters.
I'm sure Production had Austin in mind with the theme of the PoV, but unfortunately he was not picked to play, nor did he even host it.  (Julia hosted the PoV.)  I heard Austin talk to Vanessa one time about his study of romance literature.  He said that we only know basic facts about what happened in medieval times--like who was king and who was executed, etc.

But his graduate work focused on figuring out the social morays of the day and trying to determine the feelings behind some of the actions.  He said there had been a big shift in the way women were viewed that likely played into many of the royal decisions and initiatives.  I think he was saying that women went from basically slave roles to semi-deities that inspired devotion. 

All of which might help us understand the Hairy Beast that is Austin, I guess.


Becky:  I want to hear that mean voice that comes over when you stop buffing.

Vanessa:  Really?  How bad do you want to hear it?

She doesn't stop buffing, but says that they will hear that plenty of times, particularly overnight.  Vanessa says that Jackie has a special unitard for swimming, and buffing must occur during that process as well.

Vanessa:  24 hours is a long time.

They talked about how long Jackie and Vanessa were in the DR.  Jackie joked that they were learning a dance (ala Whackstreet Boys) but Vanessa said they had to do interviews and figure out the costume issues.  Her original tights were like "Squire Porn", she says, and were clearly inappropriate.

Vanessa:  Only 23 and a half hours left.

Becky:  But it could be worse, Vanessa.  I'm trying to be an optimist. You won when you came in the door, Vanessa.

Liz says this is better than last year's Adam and Eve costumes, though.

Vanessa:  But I'm in labor the whole time!

Becky thinks that costume last year would have been very hard for any female who didn't want to show their body, since you were nearly naked, wearing just a bathing suit and leaves.

Vanessa:  All I know is after all of this, my arms will be very buff!

Everyone groans, and says that is a "Steve" type of joke.  Vanessa explains she has nothing much to do right now, besides working on her puns.

Vanessa, as a Scottish Squire:  What would make me happy is just a wee chalice of wine right now.

Jackie, grumpy:  Or a whole bottle.

Vanessa:  Oh, but I can only dream of that!


Enjoy this moment from BB16, when Victoria and Caleb had to dress like Adam and Eve, tied to each other for 24 hours.  The two of them were hardly friends at the time, too, making it even more unlikely as a nearly-naked pair.

And speaking of enemies chained together, surely you remember Britney Haynes and Brendon Villegas being chained together during BB12.  Brendon was fighting for his life that week, and accepted every punishment he could in order to win the PoV that week.  So he also had to do the "Chum Dunk" for 24 hours, and also shaved his head.  Needless to say Britney was not thrilled at having to participate in this, but they both handled it like professionals.


  1. Hmm, after clicking the link to BB12 and reading some of the posts, I have to say your blogging skills have increased greatly ;)

  2. Everyone loves a good backhanded compliment. Hahaha...except they don't, not really.

  3. I think it's more that the early season posts were short and talked about current things happening in the house (quick updates), where now the blog posts are more in depth, longer, contain conversations, and take place over a longer course of time. I appreciate that. It's more work, I'm sure. My only thing is I wish you would add time stamps, then those of us with feeds can go back and watch something and know what time to go back to. Thanks for all your hard work!! I just found your blog this year, and I will certainly be coming back next year.


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