Friday, July 24, 2015

Prepare to Cringe: Austin Confides in Jason About the Twins. #BB17

Everybody already knows that I think Austin doesn't have the sense god gave a milk cow.  In other words, Austin is a Big Dummy. But he was especially stupid this week and did something that I'm sure he thinks is very cunning and conducive to romance, but in all likelihood will see him getting the boot this week.

It happened on Wednesday night, so it may be old news to some people, but I want to feature it here because I expect this to play a role in this week's drama.

Oh, and I also want to be sure the situation is properly documented so it can be reviewed for years and years when we want to "remember Austin".

A little before 10::00 pm BBT, Jason went into the empty bathroom to wash his face, and was innocently splashing when he heard Austin make a growling noise behind him.

Austin: I've been wanting to talk to you.....

Jason:  About what, sir?

Austin:  Just a couple of things....

Jason:  That's what my mother says when I'm in trouble.

Austin:'ve been wanting to tell you that, like your PoV speech really struck a chord with me man....I don't know if you know how much of a SuperFan I was.

Jason:  No, I think I get it. I thought you were just downplaying it for whatever reason.

Austin:  Seasons 6 through 15 I live nuts. I was like, barricaded in my room.

Jason:  Just last year...

Austin:  Yeah, just last year I didn't watch.  It had to do with my girlfriend and bullshit.


(And his "girlfriend" has apparently made it clear that she DOES NOT want her name, or maybe even the idea of her mentioned on the live feeds for all to hear.  Maybe there are even legal documents....restraining orders....but maybe I'm just over-exercising my imagination like Austin does..)

When the FISH finally stop swimming:

Austin:  I don't know...but from what I'm told when the music is on, I've been told things, and she's been wanting me to fill her in on things, but when the music stops, she won't say a fucking word.

(Obviously talking about Liz clamming up for the live feeders.)

Jason:  Uh huh.. yeah.

Austin:  And it's weird...I just feel kind of caught in this...I don't know's just such a weird thing for me man...I'm starting to have feelings for someone a lot...

(I think it would be weird for Austin NOT to have weird feelings about someone, from all of the stories I've heard him tell....)

Jason, realizing he's in the Right Place at the Right Time now:  Well, you and the other one have a lot of you know their names?

Austin:  Yeah...I do.

Jason, going in for the kill:  Is this one Angela?

Austin:  No.

Jason:  But is the other one Liz?

Jason:  OK.  So this other one is just.....

Austin:  I could tell you this stuff, but don't tell anybody...I don't want to get fucked.

(But I think you do Austin...I think you do and I think that fantasy is the problem here.)

Jason:  No, I won't tell anyone...I've just been calling them by every name in the book.

Austin, whispering:  Julia.

Jason, nodding:  Julia.

(You can almost see the yellow feathers poking out of the side of Jason's mouth.)

Austin indicates that he doesn't have much of a connection with Julia.

Jason: Yeah...this one is different.  When we were naming them we called the one you like Helga Pataki, and the other one was Cruella, because she was a whole lot less friendly.

Austin:  Oh, so you see it too.

Jason: Oh yeah.  Their personalities are a lot different.


This is Helga Pataki from the old Nickelodeon show Hey Arnold.

And this is Cruella DeVille who was the villain from 101 Dalmatians.  She wanted to make a coat out of Dalmatian puppy fur!
And this is a Dalmatian, while we're at it.


Austin:  I really want to develop something with the other one, but it just sucks because every three days I just get really depressed.  It's like the weirdest fucking showmance in history.

Jason says he thinks he has the switching schedule figured out, and knows Austin does, too.

FISH on that.  No discussing of that is allowed, apparently.

Austin:  I'm just like, is she really liking me like I'm liking her?

(I feel like someone needs to express this at this time:  AUSTIN IS A FUCKING WEIRDO.)

Jason:  You guys looked really cute last night.

Austin:  That's been one of my favorite nights in the house yet...I just want to get to fucking jury with her.  And I told you I've been wanting to talk to you, about this stuff.

(Austin and Liz got tipsy last night, and he tried to separate her from the herd in the hammock like a wounded gazelle.)

Jason:  Yeah.  We were all wondering what was up with your girlfriend.

FISH on that, of course.  But I wondered about that "girlfriend", too and tried to do a little research myself.  Austin's behavior now would certainly seem to directly contradict what he told Big Jeff during his pre-season interview.  He told Jeff that he was attached and planned to be faithful this summer. I think he planned to win Big Brother, too, for that matter.

When we return from FISH, Austin is telling Jason that "this one" (i.e. Julia aka Cruella) doesn't compete very will and Jason agrees that Liz looks like she is in it to win it more.

Jason:  Well, we haven't really seen this one do too much, though.

Austin:  And the other one is a better Whackstreet Boy...she came in her and was just like..(snaps three times).

Jason:  Well I went in the DR and told them I knew, and they said no, but I said I would swallow my tongue in front of America if that girl was just one person.  Day is the one who figured it all out.

(And Day should have kept that info to herself, in my opinion, instead of blabbing it all over the house, and she might still be in the game.)

Austin:  Well, Jeff told me.  I didn't know until Jeff told me.  I was such a trusting person that I never thought of this.  I realized that for three days I was attracted to her, and the next three days I wanted to talk to Jackie.  I didn't understand why.

(Vanessa is really the person who told Austin.  Jeff is just a "cover story", and a weak one at that.)

Jason says in BB5 the twins both came in the game after the fifth eviction, so it might be the same this year...or maybe only one will stay in the game and go to Jury.

Austin:  I wouldn't be mad about that....

Jason:  No, because you like the other one!

Austin: I want to split, I don't want to say that, but I want to take Liz to Jury with me.  This is a scary week for her, that's for sure, because with Audrey out of here she's the next big mystery.

Jason: I don't think anyone is really looking at her, they don't seem to see her as a threat, but if you think nobody's looking at somebody maybe everybody's looking at you, and you're the next one out.

Jason discusses the house idea that if both twins don't come in the game, then an evicted house guest will come back, which no one really wants to risk.

Jason:  And Jackie was the biggest skeptic about all this...and I get to fart in her mouth if both twins come in.  I want to leave her in long enough to do that...and to prove I'm right and win that bet.

Austin wants Jason to know that the "girlfriend stuff" isn't really real, and he would appreciate it if Jason could tell everybody in the house about that.

FISH, of course, potentially sponsored by Dewey, Cheatum and Howe.

When we return Jason begins to brush his teeth, maybe to get the taste of Tweety Bird out of there.

Austin: But with the two of them in long as they are both in here she's always going to pick her sister over me.

Jason, with a mouthful of toothbrush: Uh huh...naturally. And having both of them here could hurt both of us.

Austin:  And getting rid of one of them is like an extra week for all of us.

Jason:  But if we get Cruella out, is your girl, like, mad?

Austin:  Is she out, too?  Is that what you mean? I don't understand.

Jason: No, is she like, out for revenge?  That's the tricky part.

Austin:  You know, at this point, I think it depends on who does it.  Like, if Jackie did it, I'd say so because there's a little jealousy there.  But if you did it,.....

Jason wants Austin to stop talking while he rinses and spits.   He doesn't want to miss of word of what Austin has to say about all this.

Austin thinks that once both sisters are in the game, Liz will want to play her own game, and might even be better off playing without her.

Jason:  Just like you here without Jace.

They end their talk with a little handshake and Jason assures him "you don't need to worry about me".

As they stroll down the hall Austin does what I think is a sure sign of guilt in someone---nonchalantly whistling and humming as he walks down the hallway with Jason, who immediately went outside to smoke.

And who wouldn't want to have a smoke after eating Tweety Bird?

And then the Big Dummy goes over to Clay in the kitchen to talk.  Not about snacks, or their workout routine, but to make an excuse for what he was talking to Jason about.

Austin:  He was just like, telling me he knew about The Twins and it wasn't like, malicious or anything. So I just like said that I'd like, heard those rumors but I didn't really know.

Clay just kind of stared, probably in disbelief that Austin was discussing this with JACKIE RIGHT THERE.

(This is like coming home to your spouse after cheating by telling them, "Hey!  I was NOT cheating tonight.)


Jason told Meg about this....and Vanessa...who told The Twins....and Clay and Shelli.....

So don't be surprised if Austin gets the boot this week.  Which would certainly be poetic, especially with both twins in the house at that point.  And then Austin can go home and "barricade himself in his room" and watch the live feeds, and hear both Twins mock him and Liz say how skeeved out she was by him.

I'm excited about this... aren't you?


  1. I would love for him to go home and watch the twins from comfort of his dungeon...or palace of wisdom. (Tomato/tomahto)
    Thanks for posting the sidebar. When Jason said Helga, I was thinking Hagar the Horrible's wife. (The comic strip.) I thought they were relating her to Liz because they say she's heavier than Julia. How is Liz like the other Helga?

  2. I had to google Helga Pataki....I'm not in the Hey Arnold target market!

    Maybe Helga's voice? Or personality? Maybe someone else can tell us...

  3. LOL yea I really believe austin barricades himself and watches the live feeds. He such a terrible liar saying the most ridiculous stuff. Hey if he does watch the live feeds in his barricaded fortress and I am wrong (which I don't think I am) then I will let someone fart in my mouth!?! He might be up there with Caleb on the delusional scale.

  4. I think Austin is WAY worse than Caleb, because Caleb knew how to keep secrets in the game, and was loyal to a fault.

    That is why Derrick picked him as a third wheel.

    And at least Caleb's intentions about Amber were somewhat romantic---he wanted to marry her and would never talk about double-teaming her in the Jury House.

    So, Caleb may have been crazy, but he's not stupid.

  5. Caleb was a gentleman compared to Handsy Austin.

  6. Omg Austin is more delusional about his "showmance" than Gina Marie was.

  7. You think so Groucho! IDK Caleb might have been a gentleman but the guy was delusional, imo but yea austin is a top of the line , cream of the crop, weirdo!!!


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