Tuesday, July 14, 2015

#BB17 House Guests are Just Like Us! Everybody Wants to Get Really Hammered.

As I join last night's conversation the group has figured out that they are on Day 26 of the game.

Jason:  So that's 26 out of 98 days...someone else will need to do the math, because I don't do that.

Jeff:  Why does it feel so much longer?

Jason: It feels like it's going by fast, but each day feels so much longer.

James says it will be hard to go back to work after this...

Jason:  I know.  I feel like somebody should give me a job sitting around talking shit all day...because that's what I do here.

(Who in the hell is that sitting by Jason?  Do the Twins have a cousin?)

Jason:  When I go back to work I'l be like FUCK THESE PAPER TOWEL BOXES!

Clay loved that line.

Jason:  Luckily, we're closed at night when I work, so I can just chuck those boxes around...I'll be like FUCKING RELISH!  FUCKING MUSTARD!!

(Ha ha ha)

Somehow this turns into a discussion about where James should work. They discuss pet stores and animal shelters, where James thinks he can "meet a lot of hot chicks."  Jeff says, "why not Victoria's Secret?"

James:  I've tried that!

Jeff went into Victoria's Secret with one of his "chick friends" and saw a guy working there that he went to high school with, and apparently Jeff still has trouble believing that  Across the yard Becky hears what they are talking about and makes a beeline for the couch, because this is a topic she knows a lot about (she used to work at Victoria's Secret).

Becky:  Well, when I was there we loved having male employees, because they can just fold clothes and straighten the racks because no customers ever want to ask them any questions.  I loved it.  We had a principal who worked there at night and he got shit done!  He loved working with the girls and was a great employee.

(Yeah Becky.  Fuck those damn customers and their need for product information!)

No one has used the HoH bathtub yet, nor apparently even considered it.

Jason:  Well, if I'm ever up there you're only going to talk game with me while I'm laying in that tub!

The chatter turns to bath bombs, and how they are only fun for a few minutes until they fizzle out.

Shelli:  I love bubble baths, and I think they are very fun.

Jason:  You lead an exciting life Shelli.

(***See important update at the end of this post!***)

Everyone is rather glum, and wants some booze tonight.  Jeff told Vanessa that as HoH she should go in the DR and ask for it.  They discuss how they have been relatively civil with each other about the alcohol so far, saving it for someone who's not in the room and trying to be considerate.

(Except for Jace and that champagne, though.)

Becky:  I hid a beer behind the sour cream.

Jason found an opened Bud Light that was in the fridge for a few days, and swears it was not him...he could never waste beer like that.

Becky:  I feel like I'm going to be hammered the night I leave here. Totally hammered.

Jason:  For the night?  How about a whole week?

Becky may just go to Canada and spend some time alone in the woods, saying that's a "very Becky thing to do".

(Doesn't she live in 'Rado?  Can't she just smoke up legally and go for a hike in her backyard? Becky's priorities are all wrong, in my opinion.)

So Vanessa went in the DR and did some quick negotiating, and may have some good news.

Vanessa:  I started off asking for a bottle of hard liquor.....but in the end settled for asking for a few beers with the understanding we will play drinking games for the live feeds.  (Because Gronk Party.)  They're working on that in there right now.

Jackie:  How are we going to play drinking games with half a glass of alcohol?

Austin: Yeah.  That will never work.

Vanessa:  Well, we may need to play Water Bong and then drink beer if we make it.  It just feels wrong to waste any precious alcohol that may spill.  Remember when that wasn't an issue and we had such a wealth of beer available?

Jackie:  NO!  WHEN WAS THAT?

Austin & Liz:  WHEN?  WHEN?  DID I MISS THAT?

Vanessa:  No....in real life.  We just took having a lot of beer for granted.

Liz:  Austin you're cooking the hell out of that steak.

Austin:  I just don't trust this pan.

(I don't like to preach lifestyle habits to you people, but if I can convince even one reader to consider a meatless lifestyle, then my day recapping these stupid life feeds may be worth it.)

No shirt!  No shoes!  No hair or beard net!

(Yes, beard nets are a thing.)

And Liz is right.  Austin did ruin that steak. Such indignity for such a beautiful, gentle animal.

(The cow, not Austin.)

Vanessa went out to the backyard to tell her tale.  Audrey's head popped up at the mention of booze.  Notice she's wearing Clay's Texas A&M shirt now.

Vanessa explains that she started asking for hard liquor (Jason snorts:  Yeah, right.) but they ended up agreeing to provide "copious amounts of beer" if they all play drinking games for the live feeders.

Jason:  Oh.  That will be easy.

Vanessa:  And by "copious amount of beer" I don't mean as much as we would like to have, but more than the zero amount that we currently have.

Jason, perking up: Exactly!  Exactly!

(No doubt Jason is a cheap date at this point and can get tipsy off a fraction of what it would take to get the job done back home.)

Jason explains that Production buys cases of wine and beer of different types and then mixes it all together and doles out six bottles at a time.

Jason:  But I'm down for some drinking games.  Sure!

Jeff, glumly:  I guess I can celebrate.

(Old Jerry from BB10:  YOU'RE GOING HOME!)

I just watched the video at that link three times and cracked up every time....so damn funny.

***Important Update***

On BBAD, Vanessa discussed this comment that Jason made about Shelli's love for bubble baths, saying that he made the comment in a very low key manner, but from looking at his face she saw that as soon as he said it, he realized he made a mistake, because it was clearly a slam.  Shelli laughed at first but then looked stung, as he realized Jason mean to insult her---it wasn't just a joke.

Vanessa:  And then I watched Jason after that, and every time Shelli said anything Jason really overcompensated, acting like it was the funniest thing he's ever heard!  It was really interesting, and very revealing.


  1. Julie should give Jason a spot on the Talk. I'd watch it just to hear his snarky opinions on everything. Heck, I'd even start watching the Fashion Police if he were on.
    Screw the beard net. If Austin was cooking for me that hairy, steak-wasting bastard better be wrapped up in a full-bodied mosquito net.

  2. Yes, Julie should give Jason a weekly segment to talk about rap fashion or something specific, and then let him take off from there.

    But to be honest he'd probably just like a decent job at the mall. He's smart enough to work in management at a big chain, but the lack of post-hgh school education might be an issue.

  3. Maybe someone can help him get a nice job at the mall.....I'm looking at you, Becky.


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