Thursday, August 14, 2014

Zach's Hair Team For Men #BB16

As usual, Derrick has the barber clippers out on live show Thursday, and is starting with Zach.   A few minutes ago, Zach was at the dining table telling Derrick about some medical issue he was having.

Zach:  It's getting really bad, dude.  I need to see a doctor.

Derrick:  You can go in "there" and ask for a doctor.

Zach:  Is that going to come out of my stipend?

Derrick:  No..I think that's why they wanted all of our medical it would be like we went to the doctor at home.


Zach:  ...... I just wanted to bang my head against the wall...

(What?  What?)

Zach:  Nothing feels as good as just getting your hair cut.  Thank god you're in this house.  We'd all be fucked if you weren' one to cut our hair.

Derrick:  Believe me...I know the feeling. I'm getting it about now.

Zach showed Derrick where he wanted "the line" to be.  Derrick is using a #4, if that means anything to you.  Derrick asked Zach a few times if this is where he really wanted the line to be, and Zach said yes.

Zach held his hair to the side to make it easier on Derrick.  During this haircut, Victoria came in the room and sat, pouting in the corner.

Derrick:  Hey. What's up?


Derrick:  What's on your mind?


Zach:  She's just watching the show.

Apparently Caleb is going to cut the top of Zach's hair after Derrick is finished.  A whole "Hair Team", if you will.  They consulted on the length of the planned cut.

When Victoria left the room, Derrick said Nicole must be telling Victoria a bunch of shit today.

Zach:  About what?

Derrick:  Who knows....anything.

Zach showed Derrick where the line should be on the other side.  He wanted it in the same spot and was very easy going about the whole thing, saying he's sure Derrick is doing a great job and  the line is only visible for a few days, anyway.

Caleb came back in and whispered that Victoria was in there talking to Donny and Nicole.

Zach tells Caleb he wants a sort of fauxhawk on top.

Note to Frankie's Team----You Might Want to Lock the Comment Section on His You Tube Channel #BB16

Because we all know how the "fans" pride themselves on being as rude as possible.

Just sayin...

And this is just a minute sample of the THOUSANDS of hateful comments on Frankie J. Grande's You Tube channel.

Hello, Team Frankie?  Frankiesteins, or whatever?  Are you still out there?  

You might want to get on this, now!  Frankie's fan base is the pre-teen audience...just like his sister.

PS  I love how the degenerate lowlifes who spend their time doing this call Frankie "a sick bastard".   There are plenty of valid names you could call Frankie, but not least, not here.

Zach Breaks It Down For Us #BB16

As Zach conducted a private Zach Attack for all of us, we got FISH on all cameras for a minute or two, and when the cameras returned Zach was in The Hive, talking to us in a normal tone.

I'm guessing Production wanted him to re-do everything he just did, but with a louder voice, requiring less post-production.

(You can see that here.)

(Because they know this is TV gold.  Zach is TV gold.  It sucks for Zach that MTV VJs aren't really a thing anymore, because I'm pretty sure their people would have called Zach's people by now to request a meeting when the BB season is over.)

(If they want to bring more young fans to golf, however, that may be a solid option....those golf announcers are dull as paint.  Maybe Zach could spice that whole sport up and bring it up to date for the young fans.  You know, with his swag and slang.)


This discussion was less of a Zach Attack, and more of a Special Moment With Zach.  He was calmer, and spent a few minutes giving his boys at home some shout outs.  There were a lot of nicknames there, but I did try to look up a few of them on Twitter.

(Too bad "Speezy26" has protected his Tweets....I'll bet he could drop some truth bombs on us.  Shout out to Speezy26!)

Zach tells us it's hard in the BB house.  You can't watch internet....all you can do is play pool, sleep and eat.

Zach knows that might not sound too bad to all of us, and he might have said the same thing, but it's a little harder to live it.

Zach:  It's not easy....always thinking, talking, and  There's a lot of people in this house that you cannot trust.  And very few people that you can trust.

Zach:  You gotta know who your friends are here, but know who your enemies are as well.  Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Zach:  That would be a good philosophy when playing Big Brother, but however it does not always work.  If you keep your enemies close, it is easy for them to stab you in the back.  A lot of my fans ask me, 'Hey Zach, have you ever been stabbed in the back?'

(Zach has obviously watched a lot of CourtTV, because he has the pacing back and forth and hand motions of an attorney making a closing argument down pat.)

Zach: ...and I say, I have been stabbed in the back.  But did the knife break the skin?  No, because I have been fully suited in carbon fiber armor.

Zach:  And where did I get that carbon fiber armor?  I got it at the Big Brother store.  The Big Brother store sells three things...

Zach: ...carbon fiber armor, for potential back-stabbing, a great memory, for memorizing all of the songs and stupid announcements that we have to memorize for stupid HoH competitions, and third, a zipper for your fucking mouth.  Zach, shut your fucking mouth!

Zach:  I speak WAY too much.  And I'm always telling the fucking truth!  Zach, all you need to do is lie, and you can fucking win!  I just can't lie...I'm too good of a fucking person to lie!  All you feedsters out there, I just wanna say....

(meaningful pause)

Zach:  I love each and every one of you...if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be who I am...the backbone of this house.

Zach adds that he's spent 24 years honing his social skills...he knows how to "communicate....reciprocate...and conjugate".

Within moments, Zach climbed into bed on his ice cube in the Have Not room.  I'll bet the crew stepped outside for a smoke...

Let's Enjoy Our Own Private (Quiet) Zach Attack #BB16 #ZachAttack

Just after 6:00 am this morning, Zach found himself Home Alone in the Big Brother 16 house.  Frankie just went to bed, leaving Zach alone with the live feeders.

And probably a skeleton camera crew in the Control Room.

Zach whispered to us, and what he said was pretty much what you would have expected.  I had to turn my wireless headphones way, way up to listen to Zach's pearls of wisdom.

For example:

"I'm still here baby!  Day fifty-six!  And I'm gonna be here on Day sixty-three too!  (That's next Thursday, if you don't feel like doing the math.)


"Nicole!  You're going straight to the Jury!"


"This saved me, baby!"


"I'm winning the five hundred G's, baby!  Five hundred G's!  I"ll be sitting right here in one of these chairs!"


"What am I going to do with the money?.....Hmmm."

"I am going to spend it ALL in ONE WEEK in Vegas.  If you'd like to help me spend it, please follow me on Twitter and Instagram.  My name is Ranceypants".

He even spelled it for us.  Twice.

You know, in case we're not that bright.

"I'll fly all of you out to Vegas to help me spend it.  Please follow me if you want to help me!"


Don't think for one moment that this is how Zach will spend his prize money.  He has said over and over that he wants to go home on the first flight the day after the Finale.

But if Zach wins, he will be staying out in LA for a few more days, to meet a slew of media obligations.  But in that case I'm sure his family will be out there with him, too.

And for the record, as I write this, Zach now has 43,100 followers on Twitter.

(Zach continued his chat with us in The Hive.  You can see that here.)

Worries About Zombies Keep Them Up All Night #BB16

Last night, a series of announcements were made in the house that announced a Zombie Apocalypse sweeping the United States.   Also, they apparently saw scary faces in some of the glass windows.

I tuned into the live feeds just before 1:00 am BBT, and the house guests were gathered around, chatting about what the messages said, and what time they were issued.  As I watched, the feeds were interrupted by FISH every few minutes, and when they returned the house guests had just heard yet another Zombie announcement.

So I guess Production didn't want us to hear the announcements.  Boo.

The messages sounded like fake news reports, from what I could tell, with a BB connection.  For example, they said live feeders were admitted into "St. Gheesling Hospital", and there were various mentions of bunny slippers, pink hair dye, and maybe Amber's sweater.  They mentioned "patient zero" and gave out an address in LA, too, where the Zombie takeover apparently started before spreading to the East Coast.  Chilltown was mentioned, as well as Jenn City as being infested with the pesky Zombies.

Donny got up and spent time in the living room for a few minutes, but it was obvious he was extremely pissed off by the whole thing.  Donny likes to go to bed at 10:00 pm every night, no matter what.  He sat sullenly on the couch as the group laughed and made jokes.  It seems to me Donny needs to win HoH next week more than anybody, even Frankie, so I'm not sure what this shitty attitude is all about.

(If you don't have the live feeds, then you have NO IDEA how BORING Donny is in the house.  He spends much of the day alone in the backyard while everyone else sleeps.  I understand having a routine when you are AT HOME IN YOUR NORMAL LIFE, but you'd think he would shift things if he WANTED TO WIN THIS GAME.)

The announcements mentioned that the Zombies were spreading across the country, naming a list of cities including Nicole's hometown Ubly Michigan.  Then there was some sort of announcement about how it was the last chance for them to have a showmance in the Big Brother house.  When the live feeds returned, Cody had turned to Nicole to lean in for a kiss.

Everyone was laughing and Zach observed that Cody went halfway, but Nicole didn't meet him there.

Cody:  I think I went farther than least I tried.

The cameras know we wanted to see what Christine thought about all of this.  I"m sure Christine is PISSED, because everyone thought this would be an endurance competition, but tonight's Zombie Stunt makes that look a little unlikely.

Unless the announcements really relate to the PoV, which could be the case.  Maybe a Zingbot PoV?  Who knows.  Only Grod knows, so to speak.

Zach really picked on Victoria tonight, but not in a mean way..  Victoria went in the kitchen to make some coffee for the long night and Zach called out to her to bring him some, calling her "Babe".  She ignored him.

Zach:  Babe? .....Baby? .... Boo thang?

Nicole said she'd really like to see how Zach acts with a girlfriend.  Cody says he thinks it's an act, that Zach is really a softie and would be great to the right girl.  Meanwhile Zach kept calling Victoria "Babe".

Victoria returned with Zach's coffee and they all laughed that she brought it to him.

Zach:  See?  I told you.

Victoria:  If you don't call me by my real name, I'm going to dump this on your head.

Cody:  No she won't...

She didn't.

Cody:  I called your bluff.

Nicole loves how Victoria always tells Zach he needs to apologize, and then he usually does it.

Nicole:  Everyone probably hates us because they want a showmance.

Cody:  Oh, I guarantee it. I get asked about in "there" at least six times a day.

Cody starts giving Nicole the "Christine Treatment".  If Nicole is really pissed at Christine for backdooring her, I think she should snuggle right up to Cody Calzone and take all of his attention for the next 24 hours.

Yep. That's what I would do.  But Nicole is far nicer than I am.

I think the crew really likes Nicole.  I'm sure they will miss her in the house.  She is always entertaining and she follows the rules, which I'm sure they appreciate.  They never had to yell at her for not wearing her two costumes properly.

(Yes, I'm looking at you Frank Eudy.  Frank had issues about carrying his pom poms and wearing his Spiritard.  In his defense, it didn't fit him, but whatever.)

Zach twirls his hat.  If it's a memory competition, I like his chances.

Unfortunately Frankie has a chance to win, too.

Christine let her REAL feelings slip out for one second.

Christine:  Tomorrow (ie. during HoH lockdown), I'm laying in the HoH bed, because it's MY BED.....maybe two other people can, too...or maybe seven....what am I talking about...I'm delirious...

(Or maybe she just heard herself say that and tried to turn it around.  You know, during the preseason interviews, Christine said that her biggest flaw in the game would be that she's too nice.  I'm not throwing shade here, but I don't agree with that at all.  I think she is prepared to step in to the Villain role here, obviously.)

(And was that comment about not wanting to share the HoH bed directed towards Frankie, who has been hogging the HoH room all week?  Or Cody, who is currently caressing Nicole, like it's their last night on earth. After all, the Zombies are coming.)

Caleb announced his memory isn't worth crap, and that his memory bank was maxed out after the first Zombie announcement.   They brought up the OTEV comp, and nether Caleb nor Cody had any idea what "OTEV" meant.

Cody:  Honestly, I didn't think about it.  I just thought it was his name.

Nicole:  I can't believe you guys are sending me home and leaving these jamokes in the house.

(Derrick introduced the word "jamoke" to the group, and now all of them are taking it with them as they return to their normal lives.  I heard it a lot when I lived in NY---I think the best definition is "knuckleheads" or "dumbasses".)

Victoria:  I've already had a a showmance in this house.

The cameras shift to Derricks face, but then Victoria clarifies that it was with Frank, one of Frankie's "great" characters.

Frankie walked around with his hand stuck right down the front of his pants.  Yes, he did. And you know since he was in the kitchen he also touched some things.


Then he did some twirling and dancing.  All "LOOK AT ME...LOOK AT ME....LOOK AT ME!", of course.

Here's something for us all to look forward to...a few options:

1.  Frankie Grande getting fucking BOOED by the live audience when he is evicted from the game. (They can hear that in the house, too, you know.)

2.  Frankie Grande maybe getting fucking evicted during the Super Secret show that happens every year during multi-day live feed shutdown.  There is a token audience on hand, but the eviction is not broadcast Frankie will miss out on that, which will just KILL him.

3.  Frankie Grande going to the internet to find out just how loved he really was this season....


I had the live feed flashbacks on all day yesterday while I worked.  There was a very interesting conversation among Derrick, Cody, Zach and Christine.

Derrick told them that he went to a separate school then his brother and sisters.  They went to a Catholic school, but Derrick didn't go there, although he reported he was very close to his brother.

Zach:  Why not?

Derrick:  I couldn't get into that school....I was a truant...I missed 83 days of school one year.

Zach:  WHAT?

Derrick:  I went to Davies...representing Davies!

Everyone laughed, but Zach was particularly horrified.

Zach:  Where were you?  What were you doing?

Derrick:  Nothing, really.  Just hanging out at a friend's house.  My mom worked, so I would get home and take all of the absentee notices out of the mailbox, and erase the voicemails.

Zach:  Oh my God!  My parents would have killed me if I brought home anything less than a B!  But really, I expected that of myself...too.

Derrick:  Well, this all happened with I was 11 or 12 years old.

Zach was shocked by this, too.  Pretty sure he thought of his brother Peyton doing something like this and he was truly horrified.

(I'll bet Young Derrick was hitting a bong all day...just a guess.)

FYI Cody and Christine comforted each other as they learned this horrifying news about Derrick, over in the corner by the washer and dryer.