Monday, July 1, 2013

Big Brother After Dark - A is for A**hole, B is for Bitch - 6-30-13

This episode of BBAD was filmed on Sunday night, starting at midnight in BBT (Big Brother Time).  Every night I try to stay up and watch it live here on the East Coast, but other than the first night I just haven't been able to stay awake.

This first HoH cycle seems extra-long every year.  McCrae Olson is still the HoH, and also the PoV holder, and the unlucky house guests on the block are Jessie Kowalski, Elissa Slater, and David Girton.

We should be in for some fireworks on Wednesday night, for the first live eviction of the summer.  A few of the house guests are in for a very rude surprise that night, as they learn that there are many conversations in the house that they haven't been a part of.  I expect a rough ride, with a lots of bucking and biting, to use some Texas rodeo vernacular.

OK.  Let's get to it.

As the show opens the focus is on the three showmances (aka "Bieber Fever") as they frolic in the backyard.  For the purposes of this discussion, I will call Nick and Gina Marie a showmance, since they sleep in the same bed and hang out with the other couples, even though I don't think Nick is doing anything other than passing time.

All of the couples are in the backyard doing different acrobatic stunts that involve strength and balance.  At one point they all do "angels" at the same time and it looks cool.  (Where the guy lay flat with their legs at 90 degree angles, and the girls rest their pelvis on the guys' feet and "fly" in the air.)  All of the girls are dressed casually.  Kaitlin and Aaryn are wearing short shorts and Gina Marie is wearing plaid flannel PJ pants.  I guess she can't compete with those other two girls every minute, so why try?

Jeremy and Kaitlin engage in frequent hugs and other PDA right in front of everyone.  Kaitlin also rolls around on the faux grass and pulls her shirt up to display her midriff.  (Modesty is not the 17th house guest this year.)

***continued after the jump***

Now we visit the HoH Suite, where Amanda is laying on "her side" of the bed (SHOCKER) and McCrae is laying opposite, above the covers.  Spencer and Jessie sit nearby, and they all watch the Spy Cam.  Candice is laying on the couch up there, too.  Spencer throws an object back and forth with McCrae and Amanda.  It appears to be something wrapped in a green bandana.   McCrae has already made "a parachute and a ball" with those bandanas.

Jessie borrows McCrae's book to take to the hammock and promises to bring it right back.  It is a small book (3 x 5, maybe) and McCrae says not to worry about it, it's just the New Testament.

Jessie:  What kind of religion are you?

McCrae: I dunno....spiritual maybe?

Jessie leaves and Amanda mocks his answer. McCrae says he brought it in just so he could have something to read.  (I think the Bible or other religious books are the only ones you can bring into the BB house.)

Spencer wants to explain the difference between religion and spirituality.

Amanda:  Here we go.  Oh god.

Spencer:  Spiritual people believe in God, but religion always makes you pick a side.  Spirituality causes you to basically be okay with everything, and to be more accepting.

(I've always heard Religion is for people who are scared to go to hell, and Spirituality is for people who have been there.  But what do I know?)

Now Jeremy comes in with his usual flair, saying he just "ate shit".  After commercial we see him throwing the green bandana ball with Spencer and McCrae, like guys are apt to do.  Amanda wants to play some sort of word game that goes through the alphabet saying nasty words.  At least, I think that is the plan.

A is for anus.
B is for butthole.
C is for clitoris.  (Amanda)
D is for doggy style. (Jeremy)
E is for erection. (Spencer)

They keep throwing the green bandana ball as the word game goes faster and faster.

F is for Freak.  (Candice)
G is for gun.  (McCrae laughs.  It's all he had and they make him change it to Gunt.)
H is for Happy Trail. (Jessie?)
I is for In Deep.  (Jeremy:  When I'm in deep, it's sexy.  I'm telling you.)

Spencer:  J?...Ah..

Jeremy:  Jeremy!

They all laugh and Spencer says Jollies.

K is for Kill the P______ (word blanked by TVGN, courtesy of Candice)
L is for Lick.  (McCrae)  (Jeremy: Oooo.  I like that one.)
M is for Mustache Ride.  (Amanda)
N is for Nipple, but they tell Jeremy that "they already said that last night", so he changes it to "Nigerian something or other" that I haven't heard of.  McCrae says he will accept that answer.

Apparently if someone throws the green bandana ball to you it is your turn to name a word.

O is for O-face.  (Spencer)
P is for Pop the Cherry.  (Candice)
Q is for Queefing.  (Jeremy:  That is not sexual.  McCrae: No, not for anybody.)
They change it to Quickie and everyone is happy with that.
R is for Rim Job.  (Amanda)
S is for Slobbery.  (Jeremy)
T is for Touch. (Spencer) (McCrae:  Oh, I like it.  It's simple.)

The cameras change to the kitchen, where David is sitting on the counter doing his compulsive hair movements and eating an apple.  He, too, is inclined to chew with an open mouth. (SHOCKER #2)

There is a big silver pot that apparently contains ice cream and Kaitlin has scooped out some into a cup and is punching it with a spoon to soften it.  No one knows how the ice cream was made, but it is coffee flavored and is one of the things that the Have Nots can eat.  They decide it is like a granita.

There is a green laminated sheet of paper in the kitchen and I'm guessing it lists the approved Have Not foods.  Nick is eating a bowl of the ice cream, too.  Aaryn tells a story about how she and her friend were both "like, so fat in high school" and the cameras go back to the HoH, where the game has changed to alphabetical movies.

Now back to Kaitlin eating the ice cream at the dining table.  Helen is siting there too, and says she usually checks herself out in the mirror twice a day at home, but here you are confronted with a mirror at every turn.  Gina Marie demonstrates how hard it is to focus when you can see yourself talking to someone.  It is too tempting to look at your reflection and primp a little.

Elissa put barbeque sauce in the slop and she and Nick discuss the sugars and carbs listed on the label.  Elissa has on an unusual top that is royal blue and fastens down her back, with skin showing in between the closures.  She also is wearing an ornate necklace that is golden.

After commercial we are back up in the HoH Suite again. Same group, same green bandana ball in constant motion across the room.  They are discussing their pet peeves, and Candice said a small penis.  Spencer ended up commenting that there might be money behind that small penis and Candice agrees.

(Note that the word penis is blanked out by TVGN.)

Amanda:  I've never had sex with a black guy.  Or anything other than a white guy, for that matter.

McCrae has to think about his pet peeve, and comes up with entitlement, elaborating to say people who "think they deserve shit".  Spencer agrees with that and so does Candice, adding that a lack of gratitude is a big one for her.

Spencer:  Let's see.  The first thing you said was a Big Dick, and now ungratefulness.  Shouldn't you just be grateful to have a dick?

They all chuckle.  Spencer mentions that Candice said "Amen for big black brothers" and the cameras change as they all laugh.

In the backyard Jeremy and Kaitlin are snuggled up on the couch, and Jeremy is looking at his pinkie ring. Kaitlin says that if she punched someone wearing that it would knock their lights out.  Now David mentions that tomorrow they might have another Have Not competition and they are all confused about this.  Maybe it's a luxury competition, David says.

Aaryn thinks the vote will be 6-4 to evict Elissa. (I think 13 people are voting, but far be it for me to criticize Aaryn's math skills.)  Aaryn and David are sprawled on the adjacent couch and it is like a double date, except Kaitlin is "so bored".

Aaryn:  I'm like, looking forward to Wednesday.

Kaitlin:  What can we do?

Aaryn:  Um....nothing.  We've already done everything.  Dude, how many days have we been in here?

They all laugh and David looks forward to "like, being HoH and not having to worry about anything".  Aaryn points out that when they win, they still have to worry about the other people and "we can't just be assholes".  Jeremy thinks one half of the house might as well "keep their bags packed".  They all want some booze and I can see the pool table is new this year, and does not have four legs but instead has a more solid base.

(They were always trying to make it level last year.)

Jeremy racks up the balls and I think he's going to play Aaryn.  They stare at the washer and dryer and marvel over the new technology.

Aaryn:  Like, is this a space machine or a washer?

Turns out both couples are going to play, and David and Jeremy do Rock Paper Scissors to see who goes first.  David wins with Scissors to Jeremy's paper and Kaitlin accuses him of doing a "sucky job" on the break.  Jeremy and Kaitlin touch each other constantly and make it somewhat obvious that Aaryn and David don't---they really don't have a lot of visible chemistry.  Perhaps David's PigPen aura of filth is responsible for that.

Now back in the HoH the green bandana ball is still in motion and Spencer says he can't stand girls who act vulgar just to attract guys.  They all laugh as McCrae points to the top of Amanda's head.  Andy has joined them now and says he is swearing a lot more now in the house.   Spencer has been trying to watch his mouth because nothing he has been saying can be broadcast on TV.

Andy:  Helen's been dropping some F bombs!

They all co-sign that before they start talking about old Kung Fu movies.  They hear Jeremy get called to the DR and realize that no one has been called all day. McCrae thinks they like to catch you when you're not ready.  Candice gets in there and can't think of anything to say when they start questioning her.  She wonders if the "PoV things" are on the live feed and McCrae tells her No.

After the break we are back out to the pool game outside, and we see Gina Marie and Jessie sitting off to the side, watching..  Jessie is holding a pool cue but I see no sign of her taking a turn.  Oh, I think she is filling in for Jeremy while he is in the DR.  Gina Marie admits to rarely reading books, and can't remember ever reading a book all the way through, unless it is a comic book.

Candice's red shorts are skin tight and the inside of the pockets hang below like a pair of cut offs.  She is taking some clothes out of the dryer and thinks some of the colors on the shirts may have run together.  Gina Marie examines it and thinks it is gunk from the Have Not competition that didn't come out.   They don't know whose shirt it is but think it might be Judds because it is "so tiny".

Now we see Amanda and McCrae in the HoH bathroom, and she is cranking up his electric razor and is shaving is sideburns and face.  She said she still wants it a little bit scruffy and ask him if it hurts.  He's laughing a little, so I guess not.  He took it from her and did the rest himself, going over the goatee area and the other side of his face.

I can see people in the HoH room through the open door and I think Howard is throwing the green bandana ball in there now, too.  Amanda is using the razor again and they are leaving his chin stubble and mustache, and cleaning everything else.  He tilts his head up smiling as she goes over the skin on his neck..  Andy comes in to watch and then leaves.

(This seems like a very intimate activity, actually.)

 Spencer comes in and says something funny, apparently, as we go to commercial.  After the break the shaving is done and Judd has joined the HoH group as Amanda eats some sort of chocolate bar, leaving a small bite and wrapping that back up in the wrapper.  Andy tells the group that Jessie feels alone and doesn't know where to turn in the house.  They decide to keep her close, just in case.

Amanda says that Aaryn is the defacto leader, with the rest of them following her around.  They all watch the Spy Cam as Gina Marie sets up shop at the chess board with Howard.  Now I see McCrae and his face is smooth and clean----looks like the mustache and goatee have vanished like magic.

Judd tells them about how the three couples were doing the acrobatic routines earlier and they discuss Gina Marie's relationship with Nick.  They see somebody coming up on the Spy Cam and scurry around to get into less-obvious positions in the room.

Andy says he and Elissa were talking and he asked her how long she had been married, but she suddenly acted as if she were hesitant to discuss it.  But then she came up to him "right in front of Bieber Fever" and apologized for not wanting to tell him more earlier.

Andy:  She comes up and starts referencing secret conversations that weren't like that at all!

Nick came up to Andy this morning and asked if "they were still cool" and Andy spoke with him for about two hours.

Andy:  He's still got to go, but I talked to him.

(Poor Andy thinks he is part of the alliance.)

They discuss the whole Jeremy-Jessie-Kaitlin triangle, and how Kaitlin and Jeremy really rub it in Jessie's face.

Amanda:  And Kaitlin is a bigger bitch every day!

Amanda wonders how much of their alliance will be shown on TV and she and Andy try to guess with conversations have been aired or not.  McCrae is silent during this, and doesn't have any "tells" that would indicate he has any other information to share.  Andy thinks they've "lost Gina Marie" and Amanda agrees.

After the break, we see Amanda and McCrae in bed and he is scolding her about some of the "homophobic shit" she has said.  He tells her not to say anything that could be misconstrued as homophobic and she argues that "most of her friends are gay".

(From what I read online, I think Amanda called Andy "Faggedy Ann" or something unfortunate like that.)

Many of Amanda's words are being blanked out by TVGN, but I think she referred to Andy as "Gingersnap" and McCrae thinks that might be okay, but not anything else. McCrae is smiling as he scolds her, but he is serious.  One of Amanda's "fuck that's" makes it through the censors.  I'm going to sue.

(Just kidding.)

Now we go back outside where Jessie is clearing the empty glasses from the table on a tray, like a servant.  Kaitlin and Candice sit right there and don't lift a finger to help her, and Jessie had to ask for one of the guys to open the back door for her. Elissa is laying out on the patio couch too, as Candice says she is the healthiest person in her group of friends.

Candice says how great would it be if they came on the intercom and told the Have Nots they could eat.

Elissa: Ohh that would be great.  I don't know what I would eat first.  I did want some popcorn, but I think I really want an avocado but I don't think there are any left.  I can't wait to have some red wine.  I can't wait although I will probably fall asleep.

Now in the HoH McCrae is alluding to things the other guys have said about Amanda.  Or maybe what his friends back home would say....not sure.

Amanda:  Tell me...tell me...

McCrae:  Well, that you're super dangerous.  Bitchy girls are my Kryptonite.  Totally.

Amanda:  I'm not a bitchy girl, sorry.  You can settle for Jessie...

McCrae:  She's too nice.  She's my fauxmance.

Amanda:  She'd like, eat you alive.

They joke about Amanda moving to "Minnesoooota" to sell real estate.  Amanda says he wouldn't be able to support her and he says yeah, he'll just work and support himself.  Now we go to the chess board, where the game between Gina Marie and Howard is ending.  Jeremy sits next to Gina Marie and she whispered furiously, saying she "got in trouble about that" and keeps whispering about somebody telling her "that shit is expensive".

They walk downstairs together and Gina Marie says "she's pissed".  Howard is already playing pool, and Jeremy reports to the girls on the couch that he asked the DR for playing cards and they said no.  Apparently they are very bored and want games to play.

Now Jeremy goes over to the hammock where Spencer is rocking (quietly, with no squeaking!) and they say to each other "how dope" this all is and how they will go far in the game.

Jeremy:  I might get a little U-Haul truck that says MC on the side.

Now they talk about McCrae and Amanda, and are worried that he might get too involved with her.  Otherwise Jeremy will have to "punk him out" and neither of them want to do that.

Spencer:  I just want to make sure he's on board with the MC, and not with Amanda's titties.

Jeremy:  I know and I laid that shit out for him.  I told him that he'd have to pack his bags if he falls for her.  We want him in our group, but he's got to watch out.

Jeremy points out that he could go with the Boats and Hos alliance, which would have six members, but his is where is heart is and he wants to stay with MC.

Jeremy:  We just got new tires and we're leaving treadmarks, and your ass is gone!

Spencer points out that Jeremy and Nick both have shomances that everybody talks about, but McCrae is "up there sleeping with Amanda and no one seems to care".  Spencer says that if McCrae starts keeping things from him, he won't be able to trust him.  Jeremy says he'll "put his ass up if he has to".

Spencer thinks Amanda is sketchy, but that it will be easier to talk to McCrae when he's not in the HoH.  Jeremy thinks the side alliances will help them, because there are only a few people that he has no idea where their loyalties lie...the other nine people he is fully aware of.  They want to grab McCrae and Spencer is going to try not to judge him before he speaks to him.

Spencer:  This is the god's honest truth---I won't let anybody get you out.

Jeremy thanks him, and says that whenever one of the MC's names come up, he throws out another name to change the subject.  They need to be the Final Five and Spencer thinks he can control Elissa.  Jeremy thinks Howard won't slip up, but if anybody is shaky it might be McCrae.  Spencer wants Jeremy to get Amanda on the block next week if he's HoH.  They want to get McCrae back in focus.

Jeremy:  He's slippin' right now.  He's a loose bolt on a tight tire.

They see McCrae coming down the stairs so Spencer gets up to let Kaitlin lay on the hammock with Jeremy.  She jumps right on top of him and as they hug the hammock rocks faster.  Kaitlin "wants to go to a bar so bad right now".  Jeremy tells her that her body thanks her right now due to the lack of toxins and there is quite a contrast between the Jeremy in the hammock with Kaitlin and the Jeremy who was just in the same space with Spencer.

Kaitlin whispers about Candice, and how she asked her if she was hooking up with Jeremy.  (The nerve of Candice!)

Howard is playing pool with somebody, and there is a booze delivery in the kitchen.  They all want to "save some booze" for Judd so they put some beer cans aside.  Apparently the Have Nots know they get to eat at midnight, so they are all talking about saving booze for at least Judd.

David, Nick and Andy are in the Small World room and David is laughing that they "fucking shagged it from Candice".  I think they mean that she used to sleep in that room, but they took over her bed.  Andy is reciting everyone's full name and wants to know what the best part of David's day was.

David:  Oh, probably oiling up Aaryn.  And when the girls don't fight, it's a pretty good day.

Aaryn comes in and jumps on top of David, announcing that "no one is drinking til midnight" in honor of the Have Nots.  Andy decides to leave, and Aaryn starts whining after he leaves that she's having trouble with "all of the girls" in there.  David tries to lighten things up and it makes her mad.  She is straddling him and Gina Marie apologizes when she comes in for interrupting.

Aaryn:  No, we're not doing that.  Don't worry.

(So she's straddling David in bed...what's so awkward about that?)

David is worried about their teams for Have Nots, since it is likely their entire group will not get to be on the same Have Not team.  Gina Marie babbles a blue streak about strategy and plans for the competiton.

(I don't think David needs to worry about that....)

Kaitlin comes in and is having a fit about being bored and having no booze.  She is very agitated and Aaryn starts swinging her hair around in a circle for some reason.

Kaitlin:  All I wanna do is make out with him but he keeps making faces at me. He's doing everything possible for me to not want to have sex with him!  I've been telling him all night that is so unattractive.

Gina Marie tells her to get in bed and rest for an hour and she'll wake her up in an hour to have a drink.

Kaitlin:  That doesn't matter because  I won't get to get drunk!

After the last break, we see Nick and Spencer in the HoH having a sit down with McCrae.  They are trying to arrange the votes for Wednesday so that they can blame people like Candice, who will blow up after people accuse her of the hinky vote.  Nick twiddles his fingers in an evil fashion when Spencer says this, like Monty Burns.  (A dastardly move, indeed!)

Spencer asks McCrae if he is still down with the MC, and he is.  Spencer is trying to make sure that McCrae walks away from this week unscathed, without blame.  Spencer is worried about Amanda and the fact that she doesn't trust him and might talk to Candice.

McCrae:  No, she doesn't like talking to Candice.

Spencer:  About Elissa...she trusts us, and she's pretty much alone.  If she's not here, somebody could be the MVP and keep it silent, and be dangerous that way.  I asked her today if she wants to stay...

They see someone on the camera and Nick says just lean back like this is nothing important when people walk in.  Amanda comes in and sits down in silence on the couch.  You can feel the tension.  Nick covers by examining the green bandana ball  and saying how funny it is.

Amanda:  You're right.  It is funny.  It's _______ hilarious.

(She might be one of the least self-aware people to ever play this game.)

They start playing the alphabet game with sex words again and the game moves fast.

E is for ejaculate.  (Amanda)

McCrae:  Nope.  I did that yesterday.

(ha ha ha ha)

Amanda racks her brain for another E word as Andy comes in.  I guess this MC meeting is adjourned.

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