Sunday, June 30, 2013

Big Brother After Dark - OMG. I Like, Hate You! - 6-29-13

This episode of BBAD aired at midnight on Saturday night.  McCrae Olson is still the HoH, and today used the PoV he won to save Candice and replace her on the block with Elissa Slater.

But the real plan is to evict David on Wednesday, not Elissa.  They are trying to keep that quiet for the shock value, but that might be easier said than done.  You know how people like to flap their gums in there.  They are even planning to spread the MC alliance votes around so that their true alliance will not be obvious.

OK. Let's get going.

As the show opens we see McCrae and Amanda lounging in the HoH bed, talking to Andy and Judd, mostly smack about the stupid house guests.   Amanda has on a black and gray striped V-necked top with one side pulled way down low on one shoulder. 

Amanda:  Seriously. Jeremy is _____ annoying as ____.

(The ______ indicates that TVGN has blanked out words.  No bleeps.  Just blanks.  I'm pretty sure that function must be computerized, right?  Programmed to catch Amanda's filthy mouth?)

Judd admits that when he hears someone say something stupid he wonders what Amanda is thinking.

Nick bursts in and runs for the bathroom.  He's in a hurry.  Andy loves to get Gina Marie all wound up and tells Nick he loves her zingers.

Nick agrees that "she's cool" and leaves the room as quickly as he came in.  Seconds later, Amanda says what she is thinking, apparently with no filter.

Amanda:  He's asexual.  I mean seriously. He sticks his own penis in his own vagina.

(Why can't we blank that out, TVGN?  I might be offended by that.)

Andy:  Agreed.

Amanda:  Well, first there was that whole Jessie thing....he flirts with anything, really, first of all...

Andy: Yeah...

Amanda:  And as soon as he sees somebody show interest, he backs off, like major...there's something going on with that, seriously.

Andy:  I swear I can pretty much see everybody's Red Flag.

McCrae:  Yeah...

Andy:  That's why, when you were up there with him, I was like know, he cannot be the first HoH.  He can't win this.

McCrae:  I was like I don't like him....he scares me.

(McCrae can talk without his lips moving, apparently.  If I couldn't identify him as the speaker without the process of elimination, I wouldn't know who said that by just watching.)

Amanda can get a read on people immediately, especially men, but with him there is nothing.  Andy wants to see what happens with Jessie and Nick.  Amanda says that Jessie isn't as nasty as the other girls, but she wants attention and feels down because "no one wanted her".

Amanda mentions how Jeremy just "rubs it in Jessie's face" and is a dick to her.  She'd like to like him, but then he says the "dumbest shit".  McCrae agrees.  They talk about Elissa and how Amanda feels badly talking about her after she came up and talked to them.

Andy:  I wonder if CBS is pissed that we figured that out so fast.

Amanda:  Yeah. They probably want to exploit the shit out of her.

Amanda thinks that Aaryn isn't trying to be portrayed as the Southern Belle because all of the nasty things she says.  She compares her to Britney, who said horrible things about Rachel all of the time.  They joke about Aaryn being voted as MVP, since she hates Elissa and Elissa was the first MVP.

***continue reading after the jump***

Bandanas continue to abound in the BB house, sported now by both McCrae (yellow) and Judd (red).  They all agree that it would be stupid to flip to the "Biebs" alliance, to be the low man on the totem pole over there.  They like the fact that all of them are real BB fans, who love the game and want to play it.  Amanda tried to get Jeremy to admit earlier that he didn't watch the show, and he finally said his mom was a big fan and told him about it.

They wonder about Kaitlin and Candice, and how they got here. Amanda thinks that Candice getting here "two weeks before" is "super sketchy".  Andy mentions that Nick made it sound like he's only watched the show a few times, but then heard Nick pontificate about how the live feeds work, and how they look.

Andy:  I asked them, how many years did you get the live feeds?  And he was like, I googled it to see what it looked like.

They snort at this, Nick's perceived deception.  Andy wonders about Aaryn.

Amanda:  Aaryn is a BITCH!

Now they laugh about Jeremy not knowing that the PoV holder can't be nominated.


I guess we were commercial free for only the first week.  Thank god for the FF button.  A cute beagle flew by in one of the commercials.  Shout out to Sally, my first dog, probably digging a big hole  in the Happy Hunting Grounds right now.  Love you Sally Gal.

Now we're back and they laugh about how Kaitlin is in heat and makes Andy feel uncomfortable.  Sometimes he loves her and sometimes she makes him feel weird.  They joke about how she might have a twin sister coming in and out of the house.

McCrae:  She's hot.

They agree, Kaitlin is hot, and Amanda points out how they make fun of Jessie, because "she lost, and is in a Nomance".  They talk about who to put up on the block, and who would nominate whom, and how.  They joke about Gina Marie bragging about being a Bud Light girl and having a clit ring.  (Yes, she does.)

Judd is surprisingly knowledgeable about Big Brother and easily spouts off the seasons, and what year they were filmed.  He knows that BB8 and BB9 were both in the same year because of the writer's strike and plans to go downstairs and tell the "Beibs" did you know this is the 15th season of this show.  He leaves to "go mingle" and we have ANOTHER COMMERCIAL.

When we return we see Aaryn and Kaitlin talking low in the bathroom.  They decide to go "up to McCrae's room" and the camera cuts to McCrae and Amanda in bed, talking.  They are a few feet apart, but she is facing him as she talks about people's accents and grammar.

Then we hear Jeremy's booming voice telling them that if you're from Texas then "ya'll" is plural. Jeremy asked for booze in the DR and they said no.  Jeremy thinks that is bull shit and then the door opens and closes quickly and there is shrieking and laughing as they all run downstairs to find that yes, there is beer for them in storage.

They thank BB and we see Jeremy holding two bottles of wine in one hand, raising them above his head in victory.  Andy, preparing slop on the stove, looks grim but speaks chirpily about the Slop Party.  Helen struggles to open a big jar of Whey protein powder and then reads the ingredients.

(I think Helen is gorgeous.  So calm and natural.  Good for her.)

Amanda saws away with a wine opener and we see Howard quietly eating slop at the table, alone.  Judd wants a beer, bad, and paces around the kitchen nervously.

Andy:  God damn!  There's no salsa in here!

He found some and slaps it down on the counter.  Once the slop is ready, Gina Marie tastes it without commenting and chews with her mouth open (SHOCKER).  She says it is good, but a little too spicy for her.  Everyone gathers around the hot tub to start boozin'.  David messes with his hair constantly, pulling at and then poofing up his blonde bangs.

(Watch now, David fans, while you can....)

Jeremy and David are halfway in the hot tub, with Kaitlin and Aaryn sitting next to them.  Kaitlin has her legs around Jeremy and has a full glass of white wine.  It looks like Aaryn is about finished with a can of Natural Light.  She proposes a toast to everybody "making it on Big Brother 15".

Candice is drinking red wine and is fulling dressed, sitting in one of the new low lounge chairs that are easily moved around the yard.  Kaitlin combs Jeremy's hair and plays with it.  Spencer comes out to sit and I think just about everyone is there---13 of them.  Aaryn stands up to get a cigarette after chugging her beer and says she wishes she could chain smoke in there, but she can't.  Jeremy compliments her on that awesome move.

Jessie puts her arm around Howard and awkwardly rests it on one of his shoulders for a few seconds.  She tells Jeremy that "his Indian is sweating".   Gina Marie announces that she doesn't drink, and I think Howard nodded that he doesn't, either.  Gina has her hair in one long loose braid and it looks good.

The girls talk about how good Muscato is and now Aaryn is back with a can of Coors LIght.  Andy and Gina Marie are cracking up quietly about something and Gina Marie tries to braid Spencer's beard.

Now we go inside where Elissa appears to be having some sort of episode, wearing a green sweatshirt and manning a broom.  Judd encourages her to come outside and chill with the group.  She did, unzipping her sweatshirt and giggling when she sees how Kaitlin is trying to braid Jeremy's hair.

Elissa sits with her head down, quiet, as Aaryn and Kaitlin babble about how the body starts to decay after age 25.    When we come back from a commercial (about every 15 minutes, FYI) we see FISH and apparently Candice needs to be bleeped for what she is saying.

Apparently they are talking about The Voice and say that "Angie should have won".  (Apparently Aaryn knows one of the contestants on that show.)  Then Aaryn throws out a weighty topic of conversation....who is hotter, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, or Britney Spears.  Spencer picks Jessica Simpson and Aaryn picks "B. Spears, all the way".  Judd and Jessie go back in the house and we see Nick, who has been running laps in the backyard while everyone else socializes.

Now they all talk over each other, about movies and actors.  McCrae thinks that Leo DiCaprio is "not just a pretty face" and I can hardly hear which conversation is which.  Kaitlin is laying on her stomach with her cocktail, with her legs spread as far as they can go, wiggling her feet.

(Hi, Daddy!)

Now they discuss American History X.  Candice explains the plot and Helen says the movie is so intense.  Someone brings up "The Changling" and now we see Nick has stopped running and is stretching out on the back of someone's chair.  Lots of chatter and cross talking, as the alcohol begins to sink in and do it's dirty magic.  Aaryn asks if anybody watches The Client List with Jennifer Love Hewitt and no one does.

Helen feels the need for slop and Judd wants her to let him know when it's ready.  The camera moves to the bathroom lounge sofa, where Andy and Elissa are laying down, talking, while someone blow dries their hair a few feet away.  I always get the impression that Elissa is hyper-aware of the camera and that lends a strong air of fakery to her presence in the game.  If I feel it, they must feel it, right?

Andy:  So tell me about Rachel. Did she give you any advice before you came here?

(Love Andy's fresh, direct approach.)

Elissa, with her trademark GiggleMoan:  No, she didn't give me any advice.....she just said not to repeat her mistakes on twelve.

Andy:  OK.

Elissa:  She's like, just be yourself...

Andy, way too chirpy:  Yeah, totally!  I hear you girl!

(He should have kept quiet and let her just keep talking.  He is cutting her off while she is obviously searching for the right words. )

Elissa never said she would never disclose who her sister was, but she wasn't going to announce it all over the house.  She wishes people could have had the "decency to genuinely ask her" who she was, instead of talking about it behind her back.  Turns out it is Helen who is blowdrying her hair, so Elissa is comfortable with that.

Elissa: It's just like.....I mean....

Andy asks what her favorite BB season was and she said 13, of course for personal reasons.  She like seeing "her play with Jordan" and the family was so upset watching her on BB12, with the way things went back then.

Elissa, warming up:  I just didn't want to waltz in here and say I'm Rachel's sister.  And she didn't go over and over all of the things that could go wrong.  She just said go in there and have fun.

Andy liked BB12, with Britney and liked the way Brendon and Rachel made such good TV.  He also liked BB8, but BB6 is his actual favorite, with Howie and Janelle and Kaysar.

Elissa:  Oh I love Janelle.  She's so cute.  so...are you like a SuperFan?

Andy:  No...I've watched every season since BB3, but I've never watched the live feeds.  I just love it...

Rachel is Elissa's only sibling, but there are some step brothers.  Her family feels kind of small to her.  Andy is an only child but he thinks it's exciting to have Elissa there.

Now Helen comes over and asks if they think there is anyone else who is related to from BB10 and BB7.  Those are the seasons that Helen was given to watch in  sequester so she is suspicious.

Elissa wondered that, too, but doesn't want to bring it up.  She just wants the heat off of her so she's not going to say anything.  She feels that she had other qualities of a good cast member---she's a mom, she's married, she's a yoga instructor.---she wouldn't describe herself in the first sentence as Rachel's sister.  Andy and Helen agree and Elissa tells them how Jessie gave her the third degree about watching BB12 in a way that Elissa thought was rude.

Elissa:  She's my sister and my best friend.

Andy left and Elissa thanked him for talking to her and he says "For Sure Girl".  Elissa has on a cute black top with gold accents.  Andy's response was too much, I think.  He's not a good faker.

Now back out at the hot tub the drinking is progressing and we see Aarun up on all fours in someone's face.  They are talking about kissing styles and Candice mentions guys who are way too aggressive with the first kisses.  David actually talks a little about being a lifeguard and then Jessie brings up that damned Vegas Reality Show Convention that they "all want to go to".  This is that clusterfuck in Vegas and this conversation ALWAYS comes up EVERY year.

(Don't buy the live feed for that in September.  The feed apparently never works and getting a refund is impossible, I hear. )

The cameras move at the talk of the Vegas gathering (since it has nothing to do with CBS) and we see Howard and Helen at the pool table.  We return to the hot tub to find Jessie talking about a trip to Vegas that involved a lot of blanking on the part of the censors.

Jessie:  And we were like, where is the pot?  And we were looking and looking and we just couldn't find the pot!

(Sounds like a terrible trip, to me.)

Now we see Nick and McCrae basking in the HoH skyline while Nick counts the votes this week, saying he expects things to be smooth.  They see Andy come up the HoH stairs and quickly separate, with Nick running to the bathroom.

Andy and McCrae leave and go downstairs to the Lounge area and begin to have an animated conversation that needed a blot of blanking for McCrae's cursing.  But it is VERY interesting.

McCrae:  Dude!  I don't know what it is, but it seems like everybody has got some sort of connection with somebody famous!  Gina Marie said something the other day and I'm trying to connect the dots.....does everybody know famous people?

Andy is trying to justify speaking to Elissa just now, saying no one else was around and it was all super fake. 

Andy:  I'm just so thankful for the few people in this house...

McCrae:  I know.  Jesus Christ....

Andy:  Maybe it's because I'm a Have Not and I'm super sensitive,  but some people are so inconsiderate!  Like everybody knows how much Judd has been wanting some alcohol and we get it and they're running around screaming about it!  People here are kind of spoiled and inconsiderate..

McCrae agrees and jokes maybe this is the twist this summer--everyone is an inconsiderate asshole.  Now they talk about a smoking jacket from a movie that McCrae really wants.   Andy brings up Amanda and McCrae says it is nice to have someone to talk to like that.

Andy: If I had to deal with one more person like that....and I can ______ get along with everybody!

Andy does the traditional speil about how if he doesn't make jury his entire bank account will be empty when he gets home.  He has only $4,000 in his bank account and he's spending it all while he's here.  He doesn't want to have to "play that card" but he really needs the money and McCrae does too.

Andy:  I mean, I like Jeremy, but he's unemployed and he just bought a $23,000 boat?

McCrae, erupting:  I KNOW! I wish I had that, but there's something off about him, too.  You don't have a job, but you live on a boat?  You live ON A BOAT?  It doesn't make sense to me!

Andy cracks up.  McCrae pulls his hair up off his head while they talk and you can see the makings of a handsome guy under there.

Now we see Amanda and Elissa in the kitchen.  Amanda is telling her that "she's staying...because it makes sense".  Elissa laughs and says that nothing makes sense in that house.  Amanda is clutching a bottle of white wine in her arms like a baby and this is probably Elissa's best night in the house, I guess, with two different people talking to her.

When we come back from commercial we see Nick and Gina Marie in the Small World bedroom, and she is laying on the floor trying to spy through the crack at the bottom, giggling.  Nick gets into bed wearing a turquoise cap, and she gets in next to him, laying on her stomach and whispering.

GM counts votes on her fingers, keeping the censors busy with her colorful Staten Island speak.  It occurs to me that I really haven't heard what GM thinks about the players in this game up until now.  Well, she's got A LOT of opinions.  While she energetically whispers, punching energetically with her fingers, Nick lays impassively and listens, asking follow up questions when needed..  Here are Gina Marie's talking points.

*  GM walked by the bathroom and saw Andy, Helen and Elissa talking.  Elissa kicked Andy in the leg to shut him up and so "them three" are in an alliance.  (They were talking about Rachel.)
*  Helen and Andy are the real alliance there, and will "do whatever" in there.
*  Helen is a "sneak fuck" and told some people that she's going with McCrae this week, and you know he's kinda smart so she's gotta look out for him.
* Jessie is trying to float around everybody.  Jessie is wrong to flirt with Jeremy because of Kaitlin.  Why would he flirt with another girl, anyway?
*  Amanda and McCrae are tight like this.
*  Howard?  Who the hell knows?

Gina Maries says that Candice and Jessie need to go up on the block again.  GM mocks the way Jessie speaks and it's driving her up a ________wall.  Aaryn and David are good with her, as long as they stick together.

GM:  When Elissa leaves, that MVP is up for grabs, and I'm grabbing that shit, man.  I'm grabbin' it.  At least once this season, I'm grabbin' it.

Now they discuss what to do when they have to "grab colored bandanas" to choose Have Not teams.  Nick does a good job of listening to people who are not in the MC, I've noticed, trying to learn what they know.

Now we see Elissa and Andy in the Have Not room, with Elissa thanking him again for coming to talk with her.  It was really sweet of him to do that, she says, but this moment feels awkward and inauthentic to me as a viewer.  Candice has the munchies and is rifling through foil-covered packages, foraging for food.

Now outside Judd is making them laugh with his country stories.  He's a good sport about the teasing.  They joke about CBS using subtitles for Judd.  Ha ha.  Howard is in the kitchen and damn he is huge, pacing in circles before finding the protein canister and scooping some out.

Candice:  I'm gonna be Skeletor if I'm a Have Not.

Nick appears to be enjoying a bowl of chocolate ice cream.  The sound of Candice's aluminum foil is deafening as she unfurls, wraps and folds right into her microphone, apparently.  Candice and Howard discuss their phone call withdrawal as the show ends.

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