Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Big Brother After Dark - Somewhere Out There, John Blaze Consults His Attorney 9-11-12 #BB14

This episode aired on Showtime at 9:00 pm BBT on Monday night, and in the wee hours of Tuesday where I live.

Ian is the HOH, and Jenn Arroyo and Danielle Murphree are on the block.  One of them will be evicted on a show to be aired on CBS Wednesday night.  This eviction will actually take place on Tuesday evening in a show taped before a live audience.  There will be a feed interruption this week, with the results of the eviction kept secret until the live show airs on Wednesday night.  (Someone from the audience always spoils it, so don't worry...we'll know who was evicted as soon as they can spill it.)

Shane pulled himself off the block earlier today, causing Ian to nominate Danielle.  I would like to think something unexpected would happen, and Danielle would go home, but I'm certainly not sure about that.


1.  The show opens with Jenn at the stove, cooking dinner for the people who are likely to cut her throat this week.  She is making french fries, and there is smoke and splattering sounds, both coming from the pan.  Jenn won't be eating any of this, of course, since she is on slop.  I think she's in her third consecutive week of being on slop, with the last two all on her own.  No slop mates in the game at this point.

Ian's newest compulsion is to say the phrase "John Blaze" about everything.  Dan does it too, but doesn't feel the need to repeat it over and over like Ian apparently does.  I think this phrase came from Mike Boogie.  He used it to indicate something was really good, like a "John Blaze" omelet.  This is not unlike Jeff Schroeder's claims to make "John Gotti" sandwiches back in the BB11 days, the implication being that John Gotti's sandwich has to be superb, right?

Anyway, Ian says "John Blaze" at least ten times in the opening 5 minutes of the show, and Dan says it maybe three times.  Ian also says that he will be saying "John Blaze" for life now.  I've no doubt about that, after witnessing Ian's behavior daily over the past two months.

While Jenn cooks, Dan, Danielle and Ian sit at the dining table and have salad.  Ian says the salad is "pretty John Blaze".  (I am not going to type up every time he says it, or I would lose my mind, but I'm just trying to give you an idea of what we're dealing with here.)  There are about 4 bottles of salad dressing on the table, three of which are the creamy Hidden Valley type of dressings.   There is a huge bowl of salad on the table that is not empty yet.  Danielle is totally mute at this point, staring at everyone.  I know enough about Danielle to know that she is not happy right now.  I'm sure we will learn more about why later, whether we want to or not.

(Earlier today Danielle was talking about taking some Adderall today, but anybody who has ever enjoyed taking that (and I mean ENJOYED...) would know she has not taken any today, after all.)

(A friend with Adderall might even be better than a friend with weed....but I guess it depends on what type of weed.)

Shane has nervous energy as usual and walks around the kitchen, tossing a white bowl around.  Jenn has a few flare ups at the stove and burns herself a few times.  She tells Shane that her first job was working at a pizzaria and she learned to make dough.   Finally the fries are done and she has put a huge pile of them on a plate covered with paper towels.

She takes it to the table and I can see there are chicken breasts over there, too, that appear to have been blackened or otherwise fried.  Dan eats a few fries and says they are great.  He doesn't need any more salt and compares them to those potato sticks from the can.  The fries are very small and appar to be crispy.

(How could Jenn make those and not try them?  Damn.)

Ian and Dan start eating chicken and fries, and Shane sits down at the table to dig in, too.  Danielle is eating a small portion of fries and has a pool of ketchup on her plate.  There are loud eating noises as everyone digs in.  Jenn sits with them for a few minutes, and then excuses herself with her protein shake.

2.  The diners discuss all of the turkey burgers they had this summer.  Ian thinks the worst batch were the ones they had when he was wearing the dog costume.  Dan wants to sear tuna tomorrow night and is trying to figure out how to get peppercorns to adhere to the outside.  Shane cooked the chicken tonight and just used a little garlic salt and other seasonings.

Now they remember the fight that JoJo started about the pasta sauce.  Frank mentioned that people call the red sauce "gravy" and JoJo blew up, denying that was the case.  Then Joe got in on it, saying that it is called gravy, and JoJo nearly came to blows with him.

(I lived in New York, and the Italians do call it "sunday gravy".)

Ian says that Frank lived to cause conflict.  Now Ian smirks about Frank getting evicted  and how he should have hung around Ian more.  Danielle is still mostly silent, and helps Dan clear the kitchen and put things away.  Shane helps, too. Ian walks around on his tippytoes.  Of course.

Ian says this was a "god tier" dinner and defines it for Shane as a meal that God would likely eat.  No one comments on that comment.  Dan is still wearing his filthy flowered shorts and I do not know if he has worn either of the two new pair of swim trunks he got in his HOH basket.  Ian is putting Saran wrap on a dish of leftovers and is taking a lot of time doing that.  He keeps doing it over and over,  adding new pieces of plastic wrap.  Danielle looks over at him but doesn't say anything about it.  He must have at least 6 pieces of plastic wrap on a 13 x 9 pan.  Shane is doing the dishes.

Jenn is outside, getting in a pretty tough workout.  She is running back and forth, touching the wall on the far end of the yard as she gets there, and the sliding door at the other end.   She stops running and picks up the weights.

***continue reading after the jump***
3.  Now Ian tells everyone in the kitchen about Mike's strategy in the early weeks of calling people out for trivial things, trying to get them nominated or evicted.   Ian tells them that Daniele was an early target, and Mike kept saying he was going to call her out.

(From the FeedWatcher archives, please enjoy this entertaining moment.)

Ian says that someone kept pissing all over the toilet seat, and he wanted Mike to call someone out about that, but Mike said he wouldn't, because "that could be Frank, but it can't be Kara".

(Frank was on the block against Kara at the time.  And Mike might not want to think Kara would pee on the toilet seat, but he might be very wrong about that)

Danielle is angry just hearing this about Mike Boogie.  She doesn't want to hear any more.  Ian starts pontificating about all of his Big Brother knowledge, saying you can see the BB8 wall covering behind the refrigerator, and what word Jeff should have spelled in BB11, instead of technotronics.

4.  Now we see Jenn working with the weights and she has worked up a sweat.  Ian is rocking on the hammock and it is no longer a quiet hammock.

Inside Dan continues to obsess about making tuna tomorrow night.  He asks everyone if they like it and Danielle says "it's okay".  He puts some of the tuna steaks in a ziploc bag to marinate them.  Shane hasn't showered yet today, so he's about to get in there.  He started the water early to get it nice and hot, fiddling with the towels covering the glass before taking off his shorts.

The cameras go back outside, where Jenn is grinding out another set of bicep curls.  She has a fierce, intense look on her face.

(Looking on the bright side, I'll bet house guests who haven't seen her in awhile will immediately notice her weight loss when she arrives at the Jury House.  I'll bet she's dropped at least 15 pounds.)

She could use some coaching, however, about isolating muscle groups.  She just did a calf exercise, followed by one back exercise, right after a bicep exercise.

5.  Now inside Dan gets Danielle to sit down at the dining table and tell him what is wrong.  Danielle doesn't want to talk about it.  She won't say what is bothering her, and Dan says they only have three minutes alone to talk---she needs to tell him what is wrong.  Danielle says being on the block sucks, and seeing Jenn walking around smiling and being cheerful makes her mad.

Danielle:  And you're suddenly BFFs, and she's cooking french fries that she can't eat, and smiling at me when she sees me...it's hurtful.  And I can't be friends with her, but you can...and then Ian made a comment about grabbing a green bandana because you told him too...

Dan is mildly amused, and patronizes her by explaining that Mike Boogie is the one who mentioned green bandanas first.    Dan tells her that for them to get to the end, it is very difficult emotionally.  Dan says he told Shane that he had to nominate Memphis twice, and Danielle says that he just thinks Dan is a dick.

From what they are saying, they seem to think that Shane doesn't know that they are working together.  (What????  Is Shane that stupid??)  Dan tells her that he needs her to stay in a postive place, mentally, and that there are two people who would take her to the Final Two, and maybe even Ian.  He asks if she wants to play cards later and she says okay and chews her fingertips, thinking.

6.  Dan goes upstairs to see if Ian wants to play chess.  Dan comments on all of the Little Debbie snacks in the HOH Room and he asks for a Cosmic Brownie.   He asks Danielle if she wants to split it with him and jokes it would be kind of an honor, splitting a snack with him.  He is leaning over the railing to talk to her and he farts really loudly and apologizes.

He went back to the HOH and told Ian that the brownie was "so John Blaze" that he's going to eat another one".  They start their chess game.  Everyone is quiet in the house.  They talk about how saying "it's so John Blaze" is so John Blaze.

Now we see Danielle whimpering and whining in the bedroom, talking to Shane. She tells Shane that she is sick of Jenn walking around smiling at her...it is just rude to walk around all day like that.  Shane tells her to just stay calm, and assures her that they will make Final Two.

Shane has a stuffed dog on his left shoulder.  Just perched there.

Danielle is also upset about Ian and Dan, spending so much time together.  She keeps saying she was backdoored, but of course that is incorrect since she played for the POV.  Shane knows it is tough.  Danielle really loved yesterday, just hanging out with him and holding hands and not worried about everybody watching them.  Danielle says she took the game out of it, mentally, and she felt like Shane "was in her real life".

Shane says it's not just about money and winning...then he veers off and says even $10,000 could mean a lot to him.  He reminds her there are just a few days left.  He jokes about the Tickle Monster but says he "can't do that with his hands bandaged like this."

7.  Shane reassures Danielle that being on the block so many times is great with the jury.  They now count Ian's votes with the Jury...and don't like what they come up with.   They think Ashley, Britney, and Frank will vote for Ian.  Shane leaves and says "Dozier" gives her a kiss, too.  Danielle lays in bed and stews.

Now Shane arrives at the chess board where Dan's white pieces have invaded the chess board.  Dan put Ian in check, and then Ian just put Dan in check.  Ian tells Shane that this is a "good fucking game".  Ian didn't play chess for 7 years before coming in the house, since back in high school.  Dan made a move to get himself out of check and then says this game is so good.  Ian says it is one for the ages.

Dan has been wearing the renegade bandana almost nonstop since he got it.   Dan comments on the stuffed dog on Shane's shoulder.  Ian thinks it is funny that they gave Shane that dog, and they gave him "Snakie".

Ian:  There are two snakes in the HOH room this week.

Dan and Ian both watch the chess board.  Shane makes sounds with humming, tapping his feet and hands nervously.  Shane wants us to tweet his dog Dozier at Shane's twitter account.  Hardly a plug, is what Dan Gheesling is probably thinking.  Dan knows he will sell many copies of his new book Punch It In from his perch at the finale.

Dan puts Ian in check and then it's over.  Ian regrets a few moves and said he could have won it all.  Dan admits that Ian "had him on the ropes".   Dan says Ian is getting better and better with every game and that was the best match, the most exciting of the season.  Ian mentions his game with Janelle, but Dan said that took about 2 hours to finish.

Dan:  Fuck, you had me...

(Take note, Ian....)

8.  Now Dan checks in with pouty Danielle in the bedroom.  He lays down with her and Danielle is venting about how hard this all is on her.  Dan tells her about the Final Three deal they have with Shane---Shane just mentioned it to him, and Danielle said he talked about it with her, too.  Dan points out that Danielle has two people taking her to the end.  She says she constantly has to act like she likes or doesn't like somebody.   Danielle says Shane said he won't feel comfortable until Jenn is gone.

Now she is whining about how Dan got as far as he got because he played at her "emotional expense".  Dan is smirking and just throwing everything back at her and the subject changes. 

Danielle:  I can't express to you how emotionally draining this all is..

He tells her that there are only 8 days left.  Today is Day 66.  Dan asks her what she would say if he and Shane are on the block together.  She will tell Shane she is sorry, and she will vote him out.

After commercial Danielle is whispering to Dan about Frank, and how she had to pretend to like him so he wouldn't vote her out.  She had to ask questions about Nana and pretend like she cared.  Then Shane interrupts and comes in to sit down and starts harping on Danielle about cheering up.

Dan asks if they think they are like Jeff and Jordan.  Shane and Danielle launch into an energetic recollection of their night at the gymnastics event, and how EVERYBODY asked if they were a couple, and if they are together.  Shane thinks they may be a couple to America like that.  Dan just sits and listens.  I'm sure Father Dan hasn't forgotten the Zingbot.

Now Shane says that his personality last night didn't change.  Dan grabbed onto that and wanted to know how Danielle's personality did change.  Dani jumps in and says she was more bubbly, cracking jokes and having fun.  Shane starts to agree, but then Ian comes in and wants to know what his going on.

Everyone is obviously so paranoid about getting caught doing any sort of communication, so Shane immediately starts telling Ian every single thing they were talking about.  Ian and Dan go upstairs to play chess--they are starting a series tonight.  Back in the bedroom Shane and Danielle are alone.

Shane is saying that his parents need the prize money more than he does.  They "drive two beaters that about to die", so he would buy them a new car.  He let them borrow his car while he came to BB14 so they would be sure to have transportation.

Then they start bashing Jenn.  Shane can't stand her attitude, and her moods. They mock her telling Shane that "she still has a lot of fight left in her" and "she's playing her own game now".  Danielle says she floated straight to Day 50!

Then they talk about September 11th tomorrow, and Shane wonders what it would have been like to be in the BB house during that.   Danielle insists that 9-11 happened during BB4, and right then Ian came in the room.  They did not ask Ian about it, or I'm sure he would have corrected her and told her it happened during BB2.

9.  Now Ian has his stuffed bear, and somehow they get on the topic of guys who can perform oral on themselves.  Ian has never tried.  Shane says that he thinks he could probably get close, but that "he would never do something like that".  Then Danielle says that would be like her trying to "lick her own boobs" and they have a discussion about the possibilities around that.

After commercial we see Dan sitting alone upstairs, staring at the chess board, waiting for Ian to come upstairs and play.

Now in the bedroom Danielle is telling Shane and Ian about Frank telling her he liked her, but that he was worried about Shane "smothering him in his sleep".   Danielle points out that Frank stinks, and that he farts and has all that body hair.  She tells Ian that he said Shane was there first, so he never pursued her.

Danielle claims that she had to stop wearing shorts because Frank made "comments" to her all of the time.  He called her Sweetcheeks, and a few other names like "Danielle Girl" that she uses as evidence of what a douchebag Frank is.  Ian thinks that if Frank goes out to a bar and a girl isn't interested in him, he would cuss her out.  They discuss how Frank told Shane that he doesn't do any manscaping, and that "the ladies love it".  Danielle demands to know what planet that is on?

10.  Now Ian is telling them he knows exactly who Joe replaced.  He says that since it was a guy named Billy, and he remembers seeing a posting by someone named Billy on a website, who claimed to be a BB14 house guest.  Ian brags to Shane that he "put two and two together, and realized why they replaced Billy".  He further elaborates that he had looked up Billy online, and said he looked like a fit Adam Sandler.

Ian just makes these pronouncements and everyone just acts like he is correct.  But we all know you  are wrong Ian.  Mike the Sailing Instructor is not named Billy, and looked nothing like Adam Sandler.  Ian also proclaims that the female alternate was named Suzanne, based on the fact that name was written on a sign that they turned around when they saw Ian looking at it.

Danielle has been fuming this entire time about Ian's stuffed monkey.  She hates it and everything about it.  So she grabbed him and tore the arm.  Now she says that she told all of them all week to keep the monkey away from her!

They discuss how Frank left the house again, saying he grabbed Teddy B and headed for the door.  Frank only hugged Jenn when she touched his arm and approached him.

(I think Frank was kind of in shock and was preparing for whatever was outside.  They all shouldn't take it so personally.)

We see a shot of Jenn sitting alone at the hot tub.

Then back in the bedroom they are talking about the Bed Hopping challenge and they make fun of Jodi not being able to get over the third bed.  Of course Ian knows everything about every house guest...where they spent the most time in the challenge, who failed, and who grabbed each bear.    They say the beds were pretty hard, and were not comfortable to fall on.

Now they discuss how they think Production wanted one of the Coaches to complete a trade.  They wanted Britney to make a trade.

Danielle:  For me..  For me..

Ian:  What I heard was that she wanted to trade Willie for Wil...and then.

Danielle:  For me.

Ian:  No, actually for me.  She was going to trade for me.

As the show ends Ian drones on and on about the votes, and what everybody should have done, as opposed to what they actually did...

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