Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Big Brother After Dark - Shove Me, Daddy 9-4-12 #BB14

This episode aired on Showtime at 9:00 pm BBT on Monday, and in the wee hours of Tuesday where I live.

Ian is the HOH, and Dan used the POV earlier in the day to save Jenn.  Ian nominated Joe in Jenn's place.  Either Joe or Frank will be evicted on Thursday night.  Probably Frank, by unanimous vote.


1.  When the show opens everyone is low talking, and it is hard to hear.  Danielle is sitting with Jenn on the bathroom couch, just passing time.  Dan is in the kitchen and he and Danielle yell down the hall at each other.  Then he brought Danielle some cinnamon toast and the two of them started eating and then realized Jenn is sitting right there, probably starving.  They both apologized to her but she said, hey that's okay. She's on slop and she's used to it. She did leave the room, though, to go work out.

Then Shane came in and Dan teased Shane and Danielle about their relationship, or the lack of relationship. Dan claims that "the desire is there on both ends".  Shane says that Danielle "shut him down two times" and she starts arguing with him about that.  Then he specifies that he kissed her on the back of the neck and she rolled over.

Now they're giving Dan something to work with, and he runs with it. Danielle says "she wanted more, but he said he was a tease".  Now they argue about the different beds that Shane has slept in, and Dan says he doesn't want to get too graphic, but wants to know if Dani even tried to hold his hand when they slept in the same bed.

Shane said she did try to hold his hand, but he was hot in that room and couldn't sleep with all of that.  Now Shane says he kissed the back of her neck, and then the front of her neck while holding her hands up. Dan is in between them while they argue.  At one point Frank walks through and Dan tells him that here we are on Day 60, and he's trying to figure out whether this is a Shomance or a Nomance, and if he can hurry it along.

To Frank's credit, he did not get involved with this discussion, and left the room.  Frank has often said he doesn't like to "hang out in the bathroom"---that's "not what he does at home".

2.  Now Frank comes back in the room and they chat about various cravings they have. Shane wants some Bagel Bite pizzas and Frank hasn't had those in years.  Frank wants to be sure he doesn't look like a douchebag on this show.  They don't think Willie was in the house long enough to be considered a douchebag.

Frank:  He's a bit of a hot head, though.

Shane:  I don't think they've had too many douchebags on this show.

Frank:  Oh, I can think of one.....

They guess he is talking about Jessie, but Frank was trying to imply that Joe is a douchebag.  Then Dan starts talking about how Jessie was on The Soup during BB10.  It was when he was HOH and Joel McHale showed a magazine with him on the cover called Douchebag Times (or something like that).

He said there was also a segment about Memphis during BB10, when he was saying that Michelle was a nice girl and she was his friend, then he said she "was kind of a bitch".  They think Willlie's fight might have been on The Soup, and Dan imagines Joel McHale going to commercial with a bowl of Froot Loops, saying they'll be right back.

(BB14 was on The Soup....see for yourself.)

Now they discuss who has vomited in the BB14 house.  Danielle thinks she was the only one, after the Solar Swing HOH challenge.  She says that Jenn handed her a garbage bag and she just started puking.

(I'm pretty sure Britney hurled chunks in the DR when the medic had to attend to her drunken ass.)

Dan tells a story about his wife getting sick after holding a baby that "schnotted all over her".  He used his iPhone to film her vomit.  Ha ha now they discuss the Zingbot and how the girl inside got sick.  Dan and Mike Boogie were trying not to laugh and were nearly crying their eyes were watering so much.  Jenn was "all gung ho" about trying to help the girl when she passed out.

Frank:  What got me is when she was all passed out and she said, I'm good to go...just put me back in the costume!  And I was like, no you're not!

Danielle:  Maybe they all competed to come in here and be the Zingbot.

BB told them to STOP talking about Production.

***continue reading after the jump***
3.  Joe arrives in the bathroom with one bottle of Merlot and 4 cans of beer.  Danielle says she doesn't want to drink after the buzz she got last night, but Dan says this is EXACTLY what she needs to move things along with Shane.

Ian isn't drinking---he already said he would give up beer for the rest of the season.  Shane is going to have one beer and a few glasses of wine, and Danielle will drink the rest of it. 

Shane:  Nothing will happen tonight...

Dan:  See, that's the way it should be.  Everything should happen under the covers, and not on blast to the whole house.

Frank:  That's why with Ashley we hid behind the pillows to kiss.  Not when we were upstairs, but down here.  It made her feel more comfortable..C'mon Danielle...getting drunk is fun!

They all go in the kitchen.  Dan wishes they had 8 beers.

4.  After commercial Dan is pouring a can of beer into shot glasses for himself, Shane and Danielle.  Danielle acts like it is tequila or something, grimacing like it is burning her throat.  Then Shane and Danielle do another shot, linking arms as they drink.  Danielle acts like it is a shot of Jaeger or something.

(It's a fucking beer Danielle.)

While this happens, everyone is acting in front of Frank as if he is staying this week.  Dan jokes that they can toast and be happy, until "frickin Joe busts out his Coup D'etat.  Frank is making another batch of Chex Mix tonight, adding spices and hot sauce to the cereal.

Danielle is out at the hot tub with Dan and his filthy flowered shorts.  Jenn is working out with hand weights and Joe is sitting off to the side.  This is Shane's first time trying a Coors Khaki--he usually drinks Coors Light at home.  He got in the hot tub and said it felt nice.

Shane,using "air quotes" sarcastically:  I can't wait to get "our buzz" going.

He watched Danielle walk and said she is already tipsy...he can tell.  Inside when they did the beer shots Shane looked straight at the camera and toasted everyone watching, all of the previous house guests, and Sarah from the G4 network.

(Shane likes her, whoever she is.)

Now at the hot tub Shane initiates a toast again, saying "to a fun night with some really good people".  He tried the Coors Khaki and said it was tasty.  Now Dan starts in with the tiresome topic of the Shane and Danielle relationship.

Frank pops his head out of the house and yells, "who put toast in the toaster?  I swear the toaster just popped up with toast in it!"

They think it must be Ian.  Now Joe jokes that if he gets votes, he will make a 5 course meal for Shane and Danielle's showmance.  Frank adds that he's making them Chex Mix for them to eat while they're drunk, so that must be worth something.

5.  They discuss a hypothetical situation where Shane flies to Birmingham to visit Danielle.  Shane says that he expects her to host him and take him out, since he flew down there to see her.  Dan says Shane will probably be flying in during the afternoon, so Danielle decides they will go to Cheddar's for lunch and maybe a few drinks.  Frank thinks Shane should get a burger with mushroom and swiss and Shane thinks that sounds good.

Frank is surprised Shane won't stay in a hotel--isn't it rushing things for him to stay with her?  Danielle points out that they will have lived together for 70 days and Shane says yes that is southern hospitality.  For dinner Danielle wants to go out for Chicken Alfredo, or a steak.  Dan says they will have a few drinks and wrap up dinner at about 9:30, then what?

Danielle starts naming a long list of bars they can go to, and dance if they want to.  (Coppertop, Bear Claw, etc)  Dan says they can do the "Soulja Boy and Danielle can back that thing up".  Dan calculates that Danielle will have had 6 or 7 drinks at this point--what will happen now?

Frank gets in on the conversation to quiz Danielle as to whether she can handle all of this booze.  She thinks she can, since she's had a full meal.  Now Dan asks Shane where he would take Danielle in Vermont, to show her the sights.  Shane says that they could tour the Cabot Creamery, and maybe the Ben & Jerry's headquarters.  He says they can hold hands in the car, while they drive around and dine together. 

Once they get to Shane's house he will take her bags up to his room and then they will go to the grocery strore.  He want's everyone to see him with him and "know that he's taken".  Then he will cook dinner for her and she can get ready and start drinking a little wine while he cooks.

Dan: Oh yeah.  I like that move.  Get her drinking.

Shane may have his sister and her boyfriend, or his friend Ron and his girlfriend, come over for dinner to meet her.  They will laugh and have a great time, then go out for a few drinks and maybe some appetizers.  Shane will eventually take her out dancing, because he knows she is dying to dance.

When they get home Shane would put a blanket in the backyard with a iPod and some candles.  He has a big backyard and they can just fall asleep looking at the stars.

Dan: If that's not just Joe Smooth, I don't know what is.  That's the best date I've ever had, and I'm not even going.

Shane:  If something happens, it happens.

Dan:  No live feeds...

Danielle says that sounds like a great date.

6.  They call over to Ian, who is rocking in the hammock.  Dan says he's clocked about 6 hours so far today on the hammock.  Ian is going inside to change into shorts and he says he'll join them.  Frank comes out with a bowl of Chex Mix for them.  Then after a few minutes Frank starts getting loud with Ian, accusing Ian of telling Frank earlier in the summer that he he graduated high school at 16 and college last year, and was about to start his masters degree.

Ian: I did not say that...

Frank: You did too!  One night when you were all liquored up you said that!

I'm not sure how they resolved that--I think Frank was joking.  Jenn is out there now, and says the trip she won to Maui is a trip for two for 7 days.  She is going to book a DJ gig on the first night, and another the night before she flies home.  She says that is a great way to make some money but still party, party, party.

She is going to ask her friend Dez to go, but if her med school schedule doesn't permit, she will get her mom to go with her.

7.  Inside Dan and Frank discuss the votes, as if Frank is going to stay.  Dan is peeling an apple and maybe chopping up more fruit for a salad.  Frank is pushing Dan about the votes, and then says that Jenn would put Ian and Shane on the block and everyone wants Ian to go home.

Then Dan makes an error.

Dan:  But what about Joe, what would he do?

Frank:  What do you mean?  That would mean that Joe had enough votes this week and I went home.  What about me stayin' here this week son?

Turns out Dan is making a smoothie with all of that fruit.  Frank tells him this isn't deja vu for him--the last time he was on the block Dan and Danielle both told him he was safe, and he wasn't.  He gives a few more examples and I'm sure Dan is happy to have a project underway in the kitchen, to help him get out of this jam.

Frank seems to have gotten over the little speedbump in Dan's conversation, and is making plans for next week.  Dan does all of his "yeah's" and "uh huh's" in the right places.  Frank doesn't think Jenn has the killer instinct to go against the team.

 Frank:  Jenn's a fucking trooper. She comes through in the clutch.

Poor Frank is going through scenarios over what they should do, and how the two of them will make it all of the way to Final Two. He seems to believe this will happen.  Dan has loaded the blender with apples, orange sections, bananas and ice.  It's an orange blender by KitchenAid.  Oh and now he can't get it to work.  Frank tells him to stick a spoon in there to move it around.    Now Dan changes the speed to chop and it whirs up all of that fruit and gets creamy and smooth.  I think he put some honey in there too.

Dan goes outside with his smoothie to play pool with Ian, and Frank pours the rest of the smoothie and chugs it down, tapping the bottom of the glass to empty it.

8.  At the hot tub Danielle is obviously buzzed, and demonstrates different greeting hugs with Joe.  Danielle hates the half-hug.  Shane says that after the Zingbot zinged her, Shane knows he gave Danielle a half-hug and he apologizes now.  Joe says that the week that Janelle went home she told him something was wrong because she got three half-hugs after the POV.

Jenn was humming Hash pipe by Weezer under her breath but BB didn't catch it.  (Great bass line in that song.)  She continues to look a little leaner every day.  She says she likes girls with a little ass...no pancake ass for her.  They've got to have a booty.

At the pool table Ian and Dan mentioned the Justin Beiber-type guy they saw at "Convention" and then had a strange, stilted, coded conversation about some sort of medication Ian may be on, and whether or not he talked to "Cole Slaw" about it.  Ian wanted to know if Dan was asked about it in the DR and Dan said yes.  Then Ian hoped that Dan would "be respectful" and Dan said, "of course...I told you about my brother in law.." and the cameras change.

Danielle is asking everyone which celebrity has her face and body? Who does she look like?  Everybody got in on the act and threw out names.  Someone said Salma Hyack, Kim Kardashian, even Marilyn Monroe.  Danielle keeps interrupt to say, "but what about my face?" and "does she have my body?"  Jennifer Lopez...gradually the guys get up and go to play Baggo and throw the Hula Hoop.

Jenn is trying to talk about Tyra Bank's ass and Danielle keeps interrupting.  It is obvious that Jann has met Tyra and was going to elaborate, but Danielle just plowed right over that.  Now Danielle is stumbling about the yard, trying to Hula Hoop. with a lollipop in her mouth.

9. Frank and Joe are playing Baggo and yelling and cursing with gusto.  Danielle has collapsed by the hot tub where Dan has brought her a bottle of water to drink.  Jenn is stuck dealing with her.  Danielle is slurring and saying the stupidest thinks you can imagine.  Now she lays down with Jenn in the backyard and Danielle is giggling like she is on shrooms. 

Jenn gets up to leave, and Danielle says come down here so I can tell you a secret.  Danielle's secret is to tell Jenn not to tell anybody that she's drunk.  Jenn escapes across the backyard and Danielle sucks on her lollipop like a pacifier. 

Then Danielle is lumbering across the back yard to the chaise lounge and Ian alerts Dan of the situation.  Dan runs over to try and get her to drink some water but she kind of stumbles to a seat on the lounge. 

Shane and Frank are playing Jenn at Baggo.  Or maybe Jenn is just standing there to get away from Danielle. Now Danielle is up and needs help with her microphone.  She and Jenn are going to play the guys in Baggo.

And now I am watching four house guests play Cornhole.  Or Baggo.  Whatever.  Jenn makes Dani take a sip of water.  Shane says Jenn's game is on fire and Joe says she does really well near the end of the game, too.  Now Jenn begs Danielle to drink more water, like a child.  Shane laughs across the yard that he wishes he could get that wasted off of two drinks.  He's kind of disgusted, right?  Has to be?

10.  At the pool table Ian is acting very weird.  I mean, more than usual.  He is breathing really loud but he just made a masturbation joke so maybe all is well.  Dan and Jenn both cajole Danielle into drinking more water, like a child.  Dan took her lollipop away so she woudn't "choke on it".

(No, I am not making this up.)

Danielle turns to the camera and tells it "to get off her".  The camera moves but a few minutes later Danielle is over with Jenn having more trouble with her microphone and Dan comes out to push the water agenda.

Now they all go inside and Danielle gets up on the bar stool like she is getting on a horse.  She is still wearing her glasses and is now making sexual innuendos and seems to be putting on a little show.  Dan snaps into Dad mode and brings over water for Danielle to chug.

11.  After commercial Danielle is playing cards and Shane is sitting there eating a crunchy sandwich.  I think it is a tuna melt with hot sauce.  Dan had some turkey hot dogs on a plate with mustard and asked Danielle if she wanted a bite.  She took one, and then grabbed the plate and finished it.  She ended up with ketchup on her knuckles and Dan made her drink more water.

Out at the hammock Ian is swinging and talking to Joe, laughing about Frank going home.  Ian is so excited about possibly having to vote on a tie live on Thursday night.    Ian asks Joe what he thinks Dan might do on Thursday.  Joe thinks Dan might keep Frank. They go through the choices and Joe is assuming he is staying, and I think he thinks he might be in a twosome with Ian.  Ian has learned how to rock in the hammock with his legs crossed under him.  He doesn't have to have his feet on the ground.  I think that would be a good core work out, actually.

Joe would want to nominate Dan and Jenn next week.  Ian says Dan could be a "meat shield" to use as the next big target.  Frank would be a "meat shield" too, but the risk is too high.   Joe and Ian are working together, or so Joe thinks.  Jenn came outside and Ian said he "wasn't a Rummy fan" and Jenn said that was "understandable".   I think the card game inside is Rummy.  Jenn gathered some cups from the hot tub and patio and went in the house. 

Joe tells Ian he got rid of the biggest two players in the game and now Ian gloats about his achievements. 

Ian:  You know the night I won HOH?  Frank came up there and said, you and me have been wanting to work together?  And I was like yeah, sure..

As the show ends, Joe says that Frank has escaped eviction so many times...he's like Houdini!

Ian:  Well, Houdini died young...

And the show ended right there.

1 comment :

  1. I saw that Soup episode - it was awesome! I couldn't tell if Ashley was just "playing" dumb or really is that stupid. Emancipated? Introverted? REALLY?!?!


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