Sunday, August 26, 2012

Big Brother After Dark - Punishments A'Plenty - 8-26-12 #BB14

This episode aired on Showtime at 9:00 pm BBT on Saturday night, and early Sunday morning where I live.

Frank is the HOH, and has nominated Dan and Danielle for eviction.  The POV was this afternoon and it certainly was a doozy.  It was a How Bad Do You Want It? competition, and everyone except Joe and Ian competed.  Ian won a Golden POV earlier in the week, so there's that.

I don't know yet who won the prizes----we won't know that for sure until it airs on the Wednesday TV show because everybody always lies about the prizes they took.  (I haven't heard anyone mention prizes, so that should tell us something right there.)   Here is what I have managed to learn so far:

*  Frank took 4 punishments - Wearing a Carrot Costume for one week, taking some sort of "chum bath" for 24 hours, on cue, he gave up the right to play in the HOH comp two weeks in a row, and I think he had to get in a tub of something gross during the competition.  Frank got DISQUALIFIED from the competition for speaking to someone so he didn't win even though he took the most punishments.

*  Britney - Has to be shackled to someone for 24 hours.  She picked Danielle, of course.

*  Dan - Is in a "24 Hour House Party" in the Have Not Room.

*  Danielle - The group got to "throw paint on her" for two minutes.  (?)

* Jenn - won the POV, assisted by Frank's DQ, of course.  She took slop for the rest of the season and I think she had to forfeit all of her clothes.  She actually burned at least one item during the POV.

Why in the world would Jenn do that? She wasn't at risk---she won't be going on the block no matter what happens, and her "girl" Danielle has already told her not to use it.  She's not even on the radar for anybody right now, but I guess she doesn't know that.

OK.  Let's go.

1.  The show opens with Frank wearing his Carrot Costume in the kitchen, yelling that here comes the "Ghosts of Christmas Past".  He says that because Britney and Danielle have that noisy chain dragging behind them, making a huge racket as they move.  Frank looks absolutely ridiculous in the Carrot Costume---it's the hat that really does it.  The rest of the costume is a cheap piece of crap, but the hat is outstanding.

We see footage of Dan in the Have Not Room, lights flashing.  The music doesn't play continuously---they play a set and then Dan has silence for awhile.  (And the silence is really a continuous hum from the lights, I think, and is worse than the music in my opinon.)  It is a disco beat with a guy rapping about a "Solitary House Party".  It's not bad---I would dance to it. Maybe not all night long, but ..  He also has an iced birthday-style cake and a bottle of Champagne in an ice bucket.  I heard him tell Britney he was going to "save that for later", but I've seen Dan drunk and I think he should drink it now so he can sober up before his release tomorrow.  He'll have work to do then, because his ass is in trouble.

Britney and Danielle think they're really cute shackled together and make a big deal of "what a nightmare" it is.  They went to the storage room for booze and didn't find any.  So they went to the door of the Have Not Room to talk to Dan through the door.  He ignored them.  He was just sitting there staring at the ceiling, and when the girls were LOUDLY calling for him at the door he closed his eyes and remained silent. 

Danielle has been whining that Dan wouldn't look at her after the POV.  Maybe he thinks she took the prizes!  She must have....someone did.  Being chained to Britney wearing her skin tight jeans with metal trim on the back pockets is not a good look for Danielle, from the rear view.  Let's just say that...

2.  Ian sat with Danielle, Britney and Shane discussing the Amazing Race.  Britney says that Brendon and Rachel had a Fast Forward where they had to shave their heads, but "Rachel didn't, obviously."  Ian describes in detail an episode where a team was eliminated before the race even started, like a "Jodi situation".

Ooo  Now he talks about the pre-season Big Brother rumors out there about former Surviviors being cast, including "Joey Fitness" and some other lady from Survivor.  Ian was like, "what the hell?"

(I can't believe they got to read all of that on the internet.  I can't imagine the Powers that Be will allow that sort of thing to happen next year.  Hint to AGP:  Look at the IT department.  It kind of sucks because I ended up knowing who will win the next two seasons of Survivor from that rumor source, and I did not want to know this....)

Britney:  When I met Russell Hantz, he told me that he wouldn't do Big Brother because it films for too long, and the money isn't high enough.  He said they asked him to do it, but he said no.  It may have been for my season....

(Survivor films for about 40 days for a $1,000,000 prize.)

They asked Britney how she met Russell and she started talking about Natalie Tennerelli (sp?) who won Russell's first season of Survivor.  She was from Arkansas and Natalie's "boyfriend at that time" organized different events at casinos.  I think this was how Britney was tying back to meeting Russell, but we'll never know.  The camera changed to Joe alone in the kitchen, peeling and slicing a cucumber.

(I heard originally that Britney met him at a Survivor Finale party when she lived in NYC.)

Ian:  They probably asked Russell for this season, too, and he said no and that's why we got Willie.

Ian knew immediately that Willie was related to Russell.  Britney says they sound just alike.  Danielle starts asking Ian about the Fast Forward week and what that is like.  Danielle did the math and thinks we will lose an extra houseguest this week, too.

(I'm sure Production is TERRIFIED at having only people like Jenn, Joe and Shane in that house at the end.  They need a reason for viewers to tune in so I'm sure they are crafting the schedule very carefully at this point.)

***continue reading after the jump***

3.  Now they talk about the "BB Gallery" in one of the competitions, where Ian says there was an "Art Wing".  Danielle remembers that because she was "painted in the Gallery".  They talk about Frank's chum bath punishment---he will have to take off his costume, jump in, then hose off and put the costume back on.

Danielle and Britney can't take off the shackle for any reason.  Britney has been saying over and over that she needs to take a shower tonight, but I don't see how they will even get their clothes off with the shackles on.  I guess the clothes can just hang on the chain?  I've never been shackled, so I don't know.

And where is Dan's disco house party music?

Now Britney has to make her huge mug of coffee.  She adds sugar with a 1/4 cup scoop straight from the package, instead of spooning the sugar out.  OK now I hear the disco music, and Ian can hear it to0 from the Boom Boom Room.  It sounds like the sort of neighbor music that you might call the police about, if you lived next door.

Ian tried to speak to Dan through the door but Dan ignored him, too, apparently.

4.  Britney did a little show for the camera, listing everything that happened during the POV today.  When they got to the part about Frank being DQ'ed, the cameras shifted to Jenn listening to Frank's Biggie Smalls CD upstairs.  I think we might be seeing the leopard print miniskirt that Jenn is wearing for the duration of her time on the show.  Maybe Danielle can loan her some clothes to wear.

Britney and Danielle whisper to the camera about Joe mouthing off to everybody and being their bitch, apparently.

For those of you who think Britney is a nice girl, she just started asking Shane if he "would rather look at a random stranger's butthole, or his own".  When he said his own, she then demanded over and over to know when the last time he saw his own butthole was.  She reported that she "also asked Ian these questions over breakfast".

Thankfully the cameras switched to Dan "enjoying" his disco music.  Britney takes "30 minute craps" and says Dan does, too.

(Not surprised at all, due to Britney's extremely poor diet.)

5. Ian told the group that he has learned to be more sociable in the house, and how to better assimilate into groups.  After Jodi left the first night, he thought he would be the first to go on the block and go home.  This didn't help his nervousness.  Britney points out that he might have gone home, if Mike Boogie didn't save him.

Ian would have fought against Kara, and thinks if Frank could somehow stay in the game over her, he may have had a shot.  Ian compares his game to Cochran on Survivor, who had an early scare in the game but who later turned on his original group in a scandalous manner.

(Ian neglects to mention that Cochran had his torched snuffed shortly thereafter.)

Ian mentions that on Survivor Africa the contestants had to stay up all night in pairs to keep watch for lions who might invade their camp.

 6.  So funny, now we see Ian in the Boom Boom Room, dancing around to Dan's music, which is still loud in the Boom Boom Room.  He has on sunglasses and is twirling his Mardi Gras beads with one hand.  Too bad he's not in the 24 Hour Party Room instead of Dan.

Danielle can't believe that Jenn agreed to be on slop for the rest of the season.  She points out that Jenn has never been on slop, and even 7 days is torture.  Frank hopes that they give her some kind of America's Choice additions every week to make it tolerable.  Frank doesn't think mozzerella is a great one, because "you can only eat so much of it".

Danielle disagrees, and says you can melt mozzarella with salsa and dip the Matzao crackers in it.  Frank repeats that for Joe, who is in the kitchen, and Joe says he can coat the cheese with slop and crushed Matzo and make fried cheese.  (Hell yeah.)  Britney says she lived on fried cheese in sequester. She also saw a "black bear cross the street in Gatlinburg Tennessee".

Joe says you can feed the bears by hand.  Britney says Gatlinburg is a cute little town for family vacations.  Britney is combing through Danielle's hair with her hands, pulling out the occasional gray hair.  Dani says Jenn pulled out "like 30 of them" a few weeks ago.

7.  In the kitchen Joe says he would "love just one glass of Maker's Mark" right now.  Frank cosigns that idea.  Joe has a friend who "runs moonshine" and he's going to get some to send to Shane so he can try it.  The cameras change on that comment.

Ian says he can wear the HOH necklace for a minute---he put it on and says it feels good.  Jenn is back downstairs now and jokes about burning her clothes.  Jenn hears Dan's loud music and says he is "getting the fuck down" in there.

Now Britney and Danielle are using Dani's hair to make Britney look like a brunette.  She looks good but says it doesn't go with her skin tone.

Frank looks at his toenails and is grossed out because they still look green.  I now think the Avocado bath was something that he had to get in there during the POV comp, and the chum is the hourly dunk.  (That substance is orange---bright orange.)  Ian says Dan's music is "really good" and that he stood out there and danced for "about 5 minutes."  He says it is something he would listen to at home.

Jenn said the equipment that Dan has in there is pretty good--the turntables are Technics and she says they are decent.  Danielle thinks that Dan might have to dance in there when the music plays.  (We wish that was the case...).  Jenn is removing her nail polish and chatting with Britney and Danielle in the bathroom.

8.  A little while ago, Frank wanted them to move to the living room so they could all talk.  He didn't want to "hang out in the bathroom", but they pointed out the lounge in the bathroom is the only place where they can sit on the same place without their shackled feet messing them up.  Frank then said they could go in the bedroom, but they shot that down, too.  So Frank has to settle for talking to Ian and Joe in the dining area. 

Jenn said she heard Dan's party music in the DR and was fist-pumping to it.  Britney comes to the table with a meal she made herself. 

Britney:  It's avocado, parmesan cheese, olive oil and salt---my form of guacamole since I don't like tomatoes.

(That is NOTHING like authentic guacamole.)

Ian showed the table his right armpit, where the hair is growing back.  They joke that they almost had to airlift him out of their for a skin graft or amputation, after the Nair incident.

Jenn is painting her nails now.  Britney points out that a "girl has never won this game sitting next to a man at the end."

9.  Joe made pickled cucumber slices for Jenn and says she will like them better then pickles. She gave him a hug and said thanks.

Shane teases the girls about watching them shower while they are shackled.  Earlier they discussed what it would be like if they really lived like that.  They could be married to the same guy. Jenn tells Danielle that Mike told her weeks ago that he thought Danielle was a nurse.  Danielle asked a few questions about that, and Jenn assured her he didn't mean it in a bad way.

Jenn:  I think you were nice to him about something, or helped him with something...

Dani:  Did he think I was Miss Alabama too? 

Jenn:  What?

Danielle repeats it.  Shane says, I think we all did.

10.  Frank is sitting at the dining table, and his Carrot Costume is already filthy.  And at this point it's been less than 10 hours.  Frank says he was in the DR and "Sosa" made fun of him when he put on the Carrot Hat.  When Frank was dressed as the cheerleader he told her "I'm in a Spirtard and I'm bummed!".  So she said "I'm a carrot, and I'm bummed!"

Frank can move his hat's greenery around to provide shade from the bright house lights---the green carrot top has wire frames so it is bendable.  Frank is glad that they are locked in because that is cutting into his 24 hour chum time.  Shane warns him not to talk about that out loud.

Shane brings up MacGyver and Jenn said so many women were in love with him.  Ian says that on the Simpson's Homer's sisters both had the hots for MaGyver.

Ian:  Selma and Patty...

Frank says one of the sisters came out as a lesbian and Ian remembers that, too.

They think MacGyver is really rich now (the actor) because the show always plays on TV Land.  Shane mentions that even though Janelle's scene in a movie was cut, she got paid an extra $8,000 when the movie did so well.  (I think that was Bruce Almighty---you can see Janelle briefly in a crowded party scene.)

They give some girl named Sarah who is on Attack of the Show a shout out and Shane says has the hots for her.  Jenn calls out to the camera to hook Shane up.  Frank gave her a detailed shout out but I don't watch that show and didn't understand it.

11.  Frank brings up the show Solitary on Reality TV Channel.  Ian watched that , too, and says the things they make you do are horrible.  The winner got $30,000 for 10 days.  They couldn't see any of the other players so they always competed alone, but others were doing the same thing. Frank says it was so creepy--the voice that you spoke to sounded like a computer, and the room was maybe the size of the kitchen counter area.

(I never saw that but it sounds interesting.)

Shane just brought up his friend Shane Black and mentioned walking some kind of catwalk with him.  This is him---Shane made sure to let everyone know this guy was in Cosmo, too.

The top part of the kitchen counter near the sink has pulled away and is warped now.  Shane shows them how far the damage goes across the wall.  In the bedroom Britney says she can't wait to sleep in a clean bed.

Britney:  We're probably sleeping in Boogie's masturbatory fantasies.

(She is a vulgar girl.)

They notice all the hairballs on the ground and they are gross.  Britney says to keep your eye's trained about 12 inches from the ground to avoid seeing it.  They went up to the HOH shower and are in there now.  Joe talks about what he saw Frank say or do during the POV and the cameras shift quickly.  I think the word "Shit" was somehow involved.

Shane:  Even Dan said, I feel bad winning like this.....but he still wanted to get that last question right.

12.  I guess that information is on a Need to Know basis, because the cameras just went to the Have Not room,where we got to hear most of the Solitary Dance Party song.   Dan just laid there.

(I actually danced around the living room while they played the song---a game with my dog.  When I snap my fingers she starts snorting at me and jumping around.  She would probably dial 911 if she could reach the phone.)

Oooooo....Now Joe refers to how Frank went off during the live show--he said some things to Joe about keeping Ashley...Joe says it was like the Jerry Springer Show.

Ian:  I don't know if this made it on the show, but Jenn asked me if I needed anything and I said, a body bag, for when he wrings my neck!

Joe tells his kids that when they have an issue, he's going to lecture them for 20 minutes, and then they never bring it up again.  Jenn thinks that is good to not hold grudges.  Joe is pretty sure some of what happened on Thursday would make it to The Talk, or Talk Soup.

13.  Tomorrow is Sunday, and Jenn would like to hear four wake up songs.  Joe can't wait to get into the backyard to work out tomorrow.  Shane wants to do some good cardio to work up a sweat.  Jenn might have to just walk as she adjusts to her new slop diet.  Shane thinks that is a good idea.

Joe has noticed some improvement in his physique and wants to keep it up.  They bring up that Jenn will be looking good too after another month of slop and working out.  Jenn jokes about texting "the ladies" out there to stay in LA to meet up with her. 

Shane says that "he heard" they would all stay in the same hotel so they can set up a party central.  Shane says Jenn is "going to be a busy girl" and they all laugh.  They discuss travel arrangements to get to Vegas and Jenn thinks some of her friends and contacts may be able to score better deals for them.    Frank may not go to Vegas...he has said he might go home with Nana.

Joe's plans will depend on his wife----if she can't get somebody to watch the kids then he'll go home with her---even if the entire cast is all having fun for three days.  Joe says if it was "career oriented", he will go.  But if it's just partying, he wouldn't go without her.  Jenn says if she had a gig that weekend, she knows what he means and would probably pass it up, too.

Joe mentions that the fans probably want to see them, too.  Ian says if anybody ever goes to Pittsburgh, they can go to his tailgate party with Ashley.  They planned on this a few weeks ago, for a Steelers game and he hopes that that is still an option.  Everyone assures him that Ashley won't hold on to that anger.

14.  Shane comments about how long the shackled girls have been showering upstairs and Joe starts making nasty comments about their long, slow shower.  Ian fans his ears and points out that out of everybody left in the house, only Britney and Danielle like dick, and one of them is married.  They all crack up about that, particularly Jenn who compliments him on that comment several times and gets up to high five him. 

Shane oddly points out that, "well  they are the only two FEMALES that like dick...well Ian for you and I KNOW we don't......I'm just sayin'........

(WTF kind of slip was that?  That was around the 2:53 or 2:54 mark of the program, in case you want to look it up for yourself....)

A few minutes later someone jokes about it being a "penis party" and Shane qualifies that he "will play with his own penis, but no one elses..". 

(WTF #2)

They give a shout out to Ryan, Britney's husband and Shane says Ryan is a lucky man.  They all say when Britney is pregnant, god help Ryan.

Ian says he only was HOH for about 20 minutes---he didn't get the room, and his influence on that game was only about that long too.  There was no ass kissing, no private bathroom, no masturbating...just people coming into the Arcade to ask me "what's up?  what's up?"

Ian:  And Joe said in there, are you going to fuck me?  And Rich came on and said, no swearing please. They probably had to cut all of that out!

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