Saturday, August 27, 2011

Kalia Moons Over the Hot Production Guy

who was out there during the challenge.  He had his hat on backwards and was "standing behind the pole".

Adam:  Yeah, he gave me the metal sign at one of the last challenges.

Porsche hopes they get to meet everybody when this is all over.  Shelly assures them they will.

Now Shelly tries to get the Purple Room door open and it doesn't work.  She is very stubborn about it but the door doesn't open..  Big Brother shows us the handle on the other side.

Shelly: Don't Mope for Me!


*** Let's All Remember ***

that Big Brother is just a game within a TV show.

You may have heard that someone has made threats against Shelly's family.  That is totally unnecessary and is over-the-line.

It is great to be a fan and have favorites and root for them, but please don't get so into it you make a mistake you can't apologize for.

Rachel: Jordan We Got Really Lucky....

and she says "they need to earn their keep now".


The challenge was endurance-related, and involved hanging from a rope of some kind.  Porsche comes in to wash her hands and congratulates Rachel and says that competition "was nothing like the banana.

Porsche and Kalia have cuts and scrapes.  The whole thing only lasted about 30 minutes.  Rachel thinks that BB thought it would last longer.

She wants to go in the DR, but I think Shelly might be in there.  BB asks them to go to the storage room to exchange their batteries.

Jordan:  I feel like you're mad at me.

Rachel:  No, Jordan I'm not mad at you.  We have to win HOH this week Jordan.  This is our last chance and everyone is against us.  We have to do this! It's me and you against Adam and Kalia!  We have to win this!  We have to!

Rachel:  If we don't win on Thursday, I'm going home.  Then you'll be going home and you won't make Final Three.

They hug and Rachel says she tried to be a good sport and not react too much when she won.  So she does a quick little happy dance while she can.

The POV is Over

and Rachel Reilly won!  Rachel is back, y'all.

No sign of Shelly yet on the feeds.  Rachel tells Jordan that they have to win HOH on Thursday.  They aren't as pumped as I thought they would be, which is weird.

The POV Competition is Still Going

It's been nearly two hours now.

Shelly Tries to Strongarm the Fortune Teller

by fiddling with the buttons and then sitting and staring at the machine.  She came out of the DR and went straight to it, like she thinks the Fortune Teller is going to help her in the game somehow.

Meanwhile Rachel is chatting in Candy Land with Kalia and Jordan about shoes, shopping, etc. They discuss Chad Ochocinco and Basketball Wives, etc.

Shelly keeps messing with the Fortune Teller and BB doesn't tell her to Stop That, so maybe she is on to something.  You can hear the machine cycling inside.  The lights in her eyes come on and I see her chin moving like she is speaking, but  I can't hear anything she says.

Meanwhile Jordan tells a story about being out with Jeff somewhere and seeing Terrell Owens out with some girls. Jordan tried to be cool and act like she didn't notice.

(I think Shelly should focus on the competition rather than being obsessed with the Fortune Teller.)

Jordan tells Rachel and Kalia about doing the DR with Jeff and saying "Nobody comes between me and my man!"  They all laugh and she tells them the DR gets Jeff to say "Nobody comes between me and my wo-man!".

BB tells Jordan not to talk about Production but they waited well after she told that story to the girls.

Dick at Nite Show

This episode of Dick at Night was taped sometime in the last few weeks.  I tried to figure out the date, but I don't have a calendar handy.  I guess it doesn't matter.

Dick's guest was only Ronnie Talbot (BB11) at first, but then James Rhine (BB6 & Allstars) beamed in from Chicago to save the day.  The theme of tonight's episode is a definition of terms--"Big Brother 101".  (Although I must admit that at first I thought the sign said "Big Brother LOL".)  I'm not sure why the slide has the name "Bryan" at the bottom of it, because a new feature of Dick at Night features each panelist having their Twitter handle published at the bottom of the screen.

1.  The first lesson is the term "backdoor".  Dick is pissed that so many fans and BB players don't know what the term means.  He points out that Jeff did not backdoor Daniele, since she had the chance to play for the POV.  Both Jeff and Dani have said she was backdoored and Dick disputes it.

2.  When Dick does his interviews live in the backyard, they are going to be broadcast (and probably taped) for Dick's website.  The screen will look like the one above, with the interviewee in the main panel with Dick. There will be former BB houseguests beamed in in the little squares to ask questions.  That sounds super cool but I hope Dick is judicious in his choice of panelists.  There can't be too many, and the ones who participate need to know their shit, like Jun and maybe James.  Ronnie is pretty good, too, since he is a Super Fan.

3.  Dick is not a fan of Jeff or Jordan and elaborates on this as usual.  He says he never specifically roots for anyone when he watches the show---he just looks for good gameplay.  The one exception is Dani, who I guess he is rooting for. Or was rooting for.  Whatever.

4.  Now Dick defines the term floater, which is says is grossly overused in the BB house.  I guess people have called Jordan a floater, but he says she is actually a coattail-rider.  He says Rachel is kind of becoming a floater, which is true.  And ironic, in my opinion.

5.  Dick mentions that James has "dated" a number of BB houseguests, including his daughter Dani.  Dick says he knows that James "made out with her at Kail's", which I think refers to the "Rainbow Reunion" that Kail threw at her motel in Oregon.  James sidestepped that topic with much effort and says that was many years ago but he has certainly enjoyed being a BB houseguest due to all of the people he has met.  And screwed, I guess.

6.  James says last year he was hired to conduct interviews in the backyard after the BB12 season ended, but then the offer was rescinded and it all fell through.  Dick says this is due to Chelsia scaring one of the BB12 contestants so that she walked out of sequester before the season started.  (This would explain why Chelsia did not conduct the pre-season interviews this year, wouldn't it?)

That is about all I can remember from this episode.

The POV Competition Has Been Delayed

until tonight, due to the heat today in California.

So that indicates it is a physical competition, or something endurance-related.  I think a physical competition favors Rachel and Jordan, if both team members need to perform.  (Because Shelly and Kalia would likely lose it for their partners.)

I am assuming that this POV and the Pandora's Box twist are Production's efforts to keep the marquee players in the game a little longer, for rating's sake.  (Everyone keeps saying that "this is a game", but it is actually a TV show.)

Porsche, Shelly and Adam are chatting in the HOH and Shelly is bad mouthing Rachel.

Shelly:  She kept peeing all morning----that is a huge sign of being pregnant.

Porsche:  Really?

Shelly:  Yeah...a huge sign.  You have to pee constantly.  If she is making this up, then I don't have words for her.

Adam: Especially since she's been drinking wine every night.

They joke about Rachel naming the baby after the house, like Hammock, or Purple.

Ha ha ha Porsche Wanted Nose Strips

I forgot to mention that Porsche has been complaining that her HOH basket did not contain what she asked for . She asked for nose strips and Big Brother gave her these:

But what Porsche was really asking for was these:

I guess Porsche has a nose full of blackheads, huh? Not a big shocker for me....

Anyway Jordan just reported that she saw Porsche's replacement nose strips were in the Storage Room for her.

I wonder who has to sign off on a purchase like that.  Surely not Alison Grodner herself?

Jordan Can't Stop Talking About Production

She is sitting in the Spaceship Room talking to Kalia and Adam about general b.s.  She was talking about how upset she got this week and says that "they called her mom on Thursday night".

The feeds get cut after she said that.  I think she was saying that they called her mom to assure her that Jordan is okay after Jeff was evicted.

When we return Jordan is mentioning that she didn't want her Grandpa to see the way she had been acting, getting in fights and yelling.

Kalia: Well,'ve never been in the Big Brother house.

Jordan has cried more in the BB13 house than she does in a year, or on the whole BB11 season.

Adam asked about Jeff's schedule, and lists all of the TV shows Jeff has appeared on since BB11.

Adam: Has he had any type of break where he has a month or so off from TV?

Jordan:  Oh, yeah.  And his boss at his job is his friend, so he can go back to working there whenever his schedule works out. Amazing Race and Around the World were Jeff's type of thing...he loves that.  Not me though.  The Amazing Race was hard....

Kalia asked about the breaks between legs of the race.  Jordan says you aren't allowed to talk to the other teams at the Pit Stops.  (Really?)

She mentions again (I have covered this before.) that in May she and Jeff went to an Amazing Race reunion party and everybody is so nice.  On the Race you can feel an overall competitiveness, but it's not catty and people get over losing.

Jordan: The Big Brother people can't get over it.....they hate everybody.

Kalia starts talking about how Lauryn Hill from The Fugees went a little crazy and the feeds cut out.

Also...About Pandora's Box

I forgot to mention yesterday that Porsche said the prize she won was $5,000 and a bottle of champagne was there with two glasses.

I think Porsche was thinking that someone would come in the house to drink the champagne with her.  She was thinking it might be her father, but apparently he didn't sign the confidentiality release beforehand, so that might be unlikely.

I don't think we will know if this really happened until Sunday night's show.  Remember that Natalie said her fiance came in the house and proposed to her with the ring made out of garbage Twisty-Tie?  I would have bet my life that she was lying, but that turned out to be true!

So, what the fuck do I know?

Right now Shelly, Porsche and Kalia are having a powwow in the HOH.  They say that the only thing keeping Rachel in check right now is Jordan, and she has been babysitting her for a long, long time.

Rachel visited the HOH earlier to make nice with Porsche but Porsche mocked her with Kalia when she left. Porsche admitted that she was the one who hid Colonel Quackers and says she will be on the look out for Rachel's puppy dog, which Shelly supposedly hid.

Kalia is very tired.  Porsche is angry that she got called to the DR and she hasn't even brushed her teeth yet.

Jordan: Dani Would Always Say, "Production Loves Me"

and BB cuts the feeds.

Jordan was talking to Rachel about what's happened in the house, getting prepared for today's crucial POV.

We come back and hear this:

Rachel:  She's just so stupid...did you hear that they told Adam that her dad....

Again the feeds get cut.

The two of them are stretching and getting pumped up, cementing their relationship.

Dick at Nite Show 8-18-11

This episode was notable due to the presence of Lawon Exum, who did appear to survive being evicted from the BB house in that live shocker.

Evel Dick's other guests are recent BB13 evictees Cassi Colvin, Dominic Briones (PT) and Keith Henderson, as well as BB All Stars Howie Gordon (BB6) and James Rhine (BB6).

I did manage to take a few pictures before having to reboot the video.  Evel Dick's fringed valence cracks me up.  Rock and Roll Baby!

1.  Dick showed Lawon his favorite BB clip of Rachel jogging in the back yard and falling.  Lawon says he was on the elliptical machine when it happened and it was hilarious.

2.  Lawon had a chance to explain himself, and he went on and on and on, raising his voice like a TV preacher, while everyone else cracked up in the background.  They weren't laughing WITH Lawon, however.  At one point Dick asked Lawon a question and he answered with some garbled crap about "you say pig and I say pussy" and Dick said, after a pause:  Well, hey now, that may be!  (because he had no idea what the fuck Lawon just said).  A hilarious moment that I watched twice. (Because I had to reboot the video, but it was still funny the second time.)

3.  They showed Lawon the You Tube video of Kalia eating ("Kalia Hongry") and he said things like "oh that is just WRONG".  During Lawon's preacher rant he said something about Kalia not being able to protect him because she was too busy eating pita chips and Dick made him repeat it.

4.  Dick told Lawon about Rachel blowing Brendon in the Spaceship Room in the middle of the night with Shelly laying right next to them and Lawon reacts violently.  He can't believe that happened!  Dick assures Lawon that, yes indeed, sex was happening in the Big Brother house.

5.  Keith's phone keeps ringing in the background and James jokes that Keith works at Pizza Hut.  This leads Dick into showing a "picture from Keith's previous jobs".  It was an Abercrombie & Fitch ad that Dick says looks like a scene from a gay bathhouse.

6.  That is Keith in the picture above.  Keith explains that he earned $13,000 for that ad, and he went to the open call audition in Chicago "on a whim". He knows it looks like a bunch of homos but he is a straight man.  James wants to know why they are all trying to pull that guy's pants down.

7.  Dick shows another photo of Keith's previous modeling work.  Keith tells everyone that he is a human resource manager at "ALS" (?) and that Dick knows that. Dick points out that at the bottom of the costume it says "Little Trees"  and asks Keith if that refers to his penis.  Keith says: Absolutely not!

8.  At some point Cassi left the screen.  Dom explains that she texted him that she is having computer problems and is trying to rejoin the panel.  If you wonder what Lawon's apartment looks like, here is a peek at his private life.

9.  Evel Dick teases upcoming guests on his show, including Crazy James and someone else that I don't remember but was excited to hear about.  I guess I have some catching up to do.

10.  Howie is kind of a waste of space on the panel.  Dick asks him a question about the live show and Howie clearly didn't know what he was talking about.

11.  Evel Dick wishes that Brendon had to wear the Humilitard and walk out of the house in the tutu and spinning Dunce hat to sit and talk to Julie Chen after being evicted.  Cassi wouldn't want Porsche to wear it, since she would have wanted to wear it.  Dick thinks they would have had to "let the costume out" for Porsche to wear it.  And they they talk about Kalia wearing it.  Dick thinks she would have had "Camel Foot" if she had to wear it.  Dick shows us this picture and everyone retches.

12.  Cassi cried on the show tonight when Shelly got her call home to her family.  Dick said, "my girlfriend cried too....Cassi you don't even like her!"  Cassi said "you said it, not me".  (Shelly will be surprised to learn that even Cassi has turned on her.)

13.  I don't know what Cassi has going on the background of that room.  Is that a huge leaf?  What the hell?

14.  And here is a better look at Dominic's haircut.  I don't like it, but that's just me. He's cuter than that.  (Great eyebrows.)

15.  The panel agrees that yes, Adam would "take it in the ass from Shelly in order to get to Final Two".  James said he would only do it with Slayer playing in the background. This was in response to a video mailbag from a cartoonized Simon Cowell.  (Yes, you read that right.)

16.  After I snapped the picture of "Rachel" calling in, I had to reboot the video, so I hope you enjoy this. Note the pimple cream on her chin.  She says she misses Evel Dick in the house.

17. Dominic and Lawon admit that they haven't watched all of the BB episodes yet.

Dick:  What's wrong with you mother fuckers?  It's not that many episodes! What the fuck is taking so long?

Dom:  It's just too depressing to see so many bad game moves!

Dick:  How do you think I feel?  That I left this season with so many bad game plays?  I could have won another check for 500 G's!

18.  Dominic and Keith confirm that Cassi told both of them she regretted aligning with Shelly in the game and feels this was a big mistake on her part.

19.  Dick made a graphic as Rachel as a blow up doll.  I don't know if you can see below but there is a penis going into Rachel's mouth.

20.  Howie says that he was playing pickup basketball a few weeks ago with James in Chicago, and they were playing a team and said their team name was the Regulators.  One of the girls on the court says "oh, you guys must watch Big Brother".  And then James and Howie beat their ass on the court.  They laugh that those weren't long-time fans if they didn't recognize Howie and James.

21.  Dick said that in BB8, when Eric Stein got evicted on Double Eviction night, he didn't have a chance to pack.  He used to jack off in a sock every night and kept the crusty socks under his bed.  Jameka packed all of those crusty socks for him in his bag after he left.  (ha ha ha ha)

22.  Dick tells another good one---after he had that big fight with Jen Johnson when she got burned with a cigarette someone in Florida called the LAPD and told them that someone was being held against her will and burned with cigarettes in the Big Brother house.  The police actually came to the set and the Producers had to show them the footage before they would leave.  Alison and Rich told Evel Dick about it and thought it was funny.

23.  Lawon was trying to tell a story and James interrupted him by correcting his grammar.  It totally stopped Lawon and it was kind of mean.  James is kind of a dick, but maybe that's why we like him.

24.  They laugh about how Evel Dick broke the ice in the house after they were all in there by giving a shout out to Big Brother for being the first season to have three black people on the cast.  Keith laughs and says Dick said what they were all thinking!