Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Fortune Teller Finally Showed Up

last night during Big Brother After Dark.  She made a series of predictions about each of the the 14 BB13 houseguests.  This will be the basis of one of the upcoming HOH competitions. Maybe the one tonight?

Since competitions like this one favor Kalia, they would be smart to remove her from the game.  Adam has been quizzing himself and the others on the predictions, but has been telling Porsche mis-information.  For example he told her the city was Juneau instead of Anchorage, or says the year 2015 instead of 2013.  Porsche is aware of this.

This would seem to replace competitions from previous years where people called in to CBS with wake-up calls and then a competition would be based on them.  Or when a parade of dwarfs and circus people would visit and say random stuff that might be important later.

Here are the Fortune Teller's predictions, one for each houseguest.  Some are kind of clever.  Others, not so much.  I'll let you be the judge.

-In 2018 shelly will make millions when her book "How I created the perfect tan and how you tan, too." reaches #3 on the all-time best seller list.

-In 2017, after the hot Miami sun becomes too much for her to bear, P will move to Anchorage, Alaska, and buy an igloo with an Eskimo named Ernie.

-In 2014 Jeff will disappear from society. He will be last seen wandering the Chicago streets muttering two words: Clown Shoe

-On Oct 15th, 2011 at 3:42pm Dani will reconcile with her father Dick. On Oct 15th, 2011 at 3:49pm they will go back to not speaking.

-In 2014 after sleeping for 19 straight days and making national headlines in a sleep study Kalia will earn her dream job as a mattress and pillow tester.

-In 2016 Lawon will take New Iork fashion week by storm when he launches his handsomefied line of hats, ties, and jackets.

-After taking 9 years to earn his PHD, Brendan will shock scholars and physicians alike after discovering the cure for an ailment that plagued him his entire life: Athlete's foot.

-In 2020 Adam will file for bankruptcy after investing his life savings into a line of bacon-scented, heavy metal teddy bears for children.

-In 2018 Rachel will give birth to a 9lb 6oz bouncing baby boy, naming it Bookie Jr. after its proud father.

-In 2012 Cassie will land a role alongside international mega star David Hasselhoff in the country-fied Baywatch reboot, RIVERWATCH.

-In 2015 Evel Dick will start a Christmas tradition by bringing gifts to heavily-tattooed orphans, changing his name from Evel Dick to Old Saint Dick.

-In 2013 Dominic will grace the cover of Seventeen magazine with the headline "total DOM-ination". He will dethrone pop sensation Justin Beiber as America's favorite heart throb.

-In 2015 Keith will land a job hosting a new dating show called "Love Rejection" but it will be short-lived, after it's revealed he tried to date all 29 female contestants.

-In 2011, after the runaway success of the Humilitard, Jordan will launch a line of Humilitard inspired items including the Humilicar, the Humilifier and the Humili-bake oven.

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