Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Britney's "Would You" Game

I am struggling with how best to describe what I saw this afternoon in the BB house.  I'm worried that I won't be able to do it justice.  I guess I will just get started and see what happens.  OK.

Briitney was in one of the bedrooms, perched on one bed talking to Lane.  They were talking about what would happen in future weeks if certain people won HOH.  Britney has no idea who Kristin, Andrew, or Ragan would nominate.  She does not know what kind of game they are playing.

A little this, a little that, and all of a sudden Britney has a small crowd around her, hanging on her every word.  She is playing 'Would You" with Lane, and then Annie joins in, and Monet, and Matt, and Ragan, and Brendon, and so on.

The basic gist of the game is to offer choices for the HG that feature a fabulous BB achievement to be earned if you are willing to perform a horrible, dreadful task.  And the horrible, dreadful tasks are to be performed with a few people generally assumed to be ***horrible and dreadful***, like BB11's Ronnie, Lydia, Natalie, and their own housemate, Andrew.  Enzo is also featured in a few vignettes.

The descriptions of these events are where I will not be able to convey everything---there was just too much going on, and I even rewound it twice to try to catch it.  I ended up staring, mesmerized with wholesome Britney calmly, methodically, and energetically describing choices similar to these wearing a sweet pink T-shirt.:

1.  Lane, if you had a guaranteed spot in the Final Three, would you have sex with Lydia thrice in one night, on camera, with Dae Yum Yum watching?  She is also wearing that shiny metallic bra.  Because you will be on camera, there is also the possibility of receiving residuals on the porn footage?  (I think Lane said yes, but he is a horny bastard.)

2.  Monet, if it meant that you were in the final six, would you put the tip, just the tippy tip of Andrew's peen in your mouth?  Monet:  The tippy tip?  Probably not for final six, but for final three!

3.  Matt, if you were a Have Not the first week and on the block, in order to survive Week #1 would you sit under Meow Meow's ass, bare naked, under his hole, and let him drop a grenade in your mouth?  Matt, eating a plate of something, immediately answers: Yeah!  Monet:  Yeah, I mean, it would be horrible while it's happening, but when it's over you're good!

[Is a grenade a fart?  Or doo doo?]

4.  Lane:  For Final Three, would you let Ronnie give you a Superman Get-that-Ho (or something like that) to your back?  Lane had to ask what that was---accordingly to Britney it is when a guy will "splooge on your back and then stick the sheet to you".  (WTF are kids doing out there today??)  After clarification as to the meaning, I think Lane said that he would do it as long as the fans understood why he was doing it.

5.  Ragan:  For Final Four, would you let Ronnie dry-hump your back, wearing only old, worn, "tighty-whiteys'"?  Ragan, immediately:  YES!

[I'm sure Ronnie is already posting this on his facebook.]

Rennie even got dragged into this filthy mess, although after 10 to 15 choices fly around and ricochet off the HG, I was a little shellshocked and just can't describe the act she was to be involved in.  When Brendon came in, he was matter-of-factly pointing out the health risks of the different choices, and then he said, "Where IS Andrew?".  And no one knew, even though they had been throwing his name out there as a horrible, dreadful price to pay.

It was one of the most entertaining hours I have ever spent watching BB.  You will NEVER, EVER see any of this on CBS, and probably wouldn't even see it on SHOWTIME.  This happened around 11:00 AM if you want to Flashback it yourself.

Also:  Ragan refused to perform full penetration with Natalie for Final Two.  Matt would not let Enzo put more than two fingers in his ass---Britney had already clarified that there would be "back and forth motions, not just sticking it in".  I think one of the guys said they would put Andrew's tippy-tip in their mouth but it was all so crazy I couldn't keep up.  Most of them would cut their nipple off, and not be able to reattach it, to be the winner of BB--Britney assured them there would be local anesthetic, but not general.  Both Annie and Monet agreed to that.   Britney would not cheat on her boyfriend to win unless she could talk to him about it first.

If I were in that house, Britney would be my New Best Friend. It was hilarious, and I wouldn't want to miss anything else she said.  I hope her mom is not too horrifed---I know she watches the feeds.

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