Thursday, September 3, 2009

Jeff's Last Day

And I feel pretty comfortable calling it that. Jeff is toast, and even he knows it.

BB just gave them a wake up call, and it looks like Jeff himself is the only one who got out of bed and exchanged his batteries. He is fixing himself a bowl of cereal. Now I see Jordan putting on a hoodie in the Splash Room.

That must mean that Michelle will be up soon, since she can't seem to leave the two of them alone for longer than 10 minutes.

Yesterday Jeff and Jordan left their goodbye messages for each other. Jeff joked (?) that he was very weepy during his and had to take a break for a few minutes. Jordan didn't believe him, and started telling him about her message to him: she won't have any fun anymore, she will miss him, etc etc etc.

BB put the kibosh on that conversation.

Last night, Jeff, Jordan and Michelle had quite a little conversation about sex. I watched the flashback earlier and it included the following:

1. Jordan doesn't own a vibrator, and isn't even sure how to use one. ("Do you just stick it in your cooch", she asked a laughing Michelle.) Michelle assured her there were all types of vibrators and that wasn't necessary. Jeff joked that Jordan would swing by Michelle's house on the way home and pick one up--it's probably in the kitchen drawer.

2. Michelle discussed the use of butt plugs. Yes, it's true. She explained that "if you have a dick in you, it kind of feels like a threesome". As if that was an enticement to young Jordan. Michelle recommended them.

3. Jordan asked Jeff a lot of questions about blue balls. Jeff ended up saying that the one good thing about being evicted is that "tomorrow he would beat his junk like it owed him money". (An old but good joke.) Jeff joked that when he walked outside he would tell Julie Chen that she needed to wait while he found a bathroom.

4. Jeff had an 8 year relationship that started Sophomore year of high school. Michelle could have asked a lot of follow up questions, but she didn't. Jeff said that if they weren't in the house (and on TV) he would talk about himself a lot more, and probably would tell more stories when the show is over.

5. Jeff told Michelle that if Jordan wins she has to buy him Chicago Bears season tickets. When Michelle asked him what he had promised to buy Jordan if he won, he said it was probably a good thing he's leaving, since "she made a whole list of things". Then he called her a Gold Digger when she came back in the room and threw her down on the bed and kissed her. (I only heard Jordan ask for a decent pair of diamond earrings. Something tells me she will get those from Jeff even though he isn't going to win. Maybe he'll get the Viewer's Choice money or something.)

6. Michelle cleans her house wearing a french maid's costume and says it makes it more fun. She also said that if she isn't in the mood, putting on a costume always gets her there fast. Jordan mentioned wearing a costume around the house (I forgot what she said---a Playboy bunny or a cheerleader maybe?) and said she thought it might be fun. Jeff asked her if she would really do that---could he come home from work and she would be wearing a hot costume? Jordan: Yes. Jeff: Fuck yeah!

7. All this talk excited Michelle. She said she couldn't wait to get out there and do it. Jordan said she bets Michelle has really wild sex with her husband. Michelle did not deny it.

8. Jordan asked some technical questions about a man's penis, and where it felt good to be licked. Jeff: Well, it feels good when you lick the top. And it feels good when you lick the side...(laughs). Michelle defers and says she "hasn't really worked that many penises". And she repeated that twice for good measure. Jordan also asked Jeff a lot of questions about waking up with a boner and then needed to pee, etc.

Back to Now:

Jeff finished his cereal and went back to bed, with Jordan right beside him. Natalie went up stairs and knocked on the HOH door over and over and over, but Kevin never answered. So she is laying on the couch outside, wrapped in a blanket.

Jordan is awake , just laying there next to her man. And of course Michelle is there, too, because she probably can't bear the thought of Jeff leaving, either.