Thursday, June 29, 2017

Premiere Night was Tempting, All Right. #BB19

Well, last night was an action-packed two hours, and we haven't even started the first HoH competition yet.  I'm already overwhelmed just trying to figure out how to present all of the information coherently.  Plus, I'm a little rusty since I rarely post during the BB off-season.  I think the best course of action is to just get started and see where things go....


Julie Chen isn't playing around tonight, because as the show starts she lets us know that before the end of the two-hour episode, there will be a temptation for someone to win $25,000 and a "former fan favorite" may "get back into the game".  She also threatens to send someone home tonight, too, but it all depends how well the other house guests can "avoid temptation".

SPOILER ALERT:  They couldn't.  Avoid the temptation, that is.

Then we meet the house guests in two groups of eight, and it's fun to see them in their natural habitats, pretending to live their daily lives before they enter captivity.

Alex Ow really got the Gamer Girl footage, as they showed her getting in a little go cart ride (or whatver) and playing video games, but apparently with a wireless console (or whatever) that wasn't even turned on, according to some sharp-eyed nerds.

I thought Alex came across extremely well last night, playing a tough and brazen game, as well as a very strong competitor.  I expect to see some fireworks from Alex and her sharp tongue, perhaps as early as Thursday night.


We saw Christmas Abbott bending and contorting, and lifting heavy things.  No sign of an engagement ring in her intro video, but apparently she was wearing it on Instagram the first week of June in pictures with her fiance.

It's not hard to find the scoop that Christmas has been engaged before, and broke it off rather suddenly. So who knows....I'm going to try and forget about the fact that her wedding is reportedly scheduled for September 3rd (Labor Day weekend).  I just hope she doesn't do something really terrible like bounce if she's on the Jury.  Or just leave the game when she needs to get to the church on time.  I'm thinking she is too competitive for that.  At least, I hope so.

Christmas is actually very likable, I'm pleased to say.  But I bet Paul didn't think so, after Christmas was VERY VOCAL in front of everyone about not being happy to see Paul join the competition.  For example, after Julie gathered everyone in the living room to formally announce Paul's status, Christmas said "I don't know why ya'll are clapping---it's just another person we have to compete against".

Not smart Christmas.  Not smart at all.  But maybe you've got a bridal shower to get to.  Who knows.


Here is Jason Dent, doing his auctioneer job.  He's auctioning off livestock, not paintings at Sotheby's, in case you don't know.  I am very sensitive to animals, so it is hard for me to talk about that stuff, or even to watch the rodeo footage, so I'm just going to try and focus on how much Jason loves his pet bull Ole.

(I've actually gone to a livestock auction before in Texas.  I was visiting the DFW area as part of my job with a leading consumer products company, and the person I was hanging out with for the day was trying to show me a good time.  Before we walked into an auction already in progress, I was sternly warned not to move my hands, or even my arms around when an auction was "live", because  I could end up buying a steer and cause problems for him if I didn't come through with the purchase.  The guy ended up holding my left wrist down because I couldn't help myself....it's hard to stay still  when you are watching something you want to ask questions about.)


And here is Whistle-Nut the Clown.  I think America was fascinated with Jason, because there were a few surges of internet traffic as TV viewers searched the internet to find out more about this clown.


Kevin Schlehuber's BB key was placed on top of this delicious-looking pizza pie, eating with the family.  I like his wife's hair, and I think I saw that top yesterday at Target.  I almost bought it, actually, but didn't because of the bra strap issue.  But now I want it and wish I had bought it.


Dominique Cooper found her key inside of the Bible.  Someone, somewhere is probably very insulted by that, I'm sure.  She mentioned God or Jesus at least 22 times during the Premiere episode, including an announcement that "God is with me, so he's coming in the BB house, too".  Dominique has also used her bathroom mirror, apparently, to document scripture and various Jesus-related graffiti with some sort of writing implement.


And here are Kevin's children in what I hope are Christmas Elf costumes.  What a good-looking family, with such great skin, too.  When I saw the daughter with the blue hair eating pizza, I immediately thought that Kevin may be better at coping this summer than originally expected.  That told me that Kevin can embrace individuality and not sweat the small stuff.  Not that having blue hair is any Big Whoop anymore, but for seeming so traditional, Kevin might be anything but once we scratch below the surface a little.


If Kevin's family gets a lot of airtime this summer on CBS, would anyone be surprised to see them all on TV, somewhere?  I'd rather watch the Schlehubers than Honey Boo Boo.

In fact, I don't think it's impossible that they might already have received some inquiries....one of the daughters has a YouTube show about "K-pop" (?) and from what I hear, she's not been shy about joining the conversations about her dad online.  And Kevin's house guest profile was the most popular one searched-for after the show last night.  Everybody wants to know about Kevin, who was quite charming and charismatic on his first TV episode.


And we saw footage of Dominique strutting around somewhere, presumably in Washington DC, with a briefcase full of something or other.  She looks too happy to be going to work though, right?


And we saw Big Mark Janson doing his thang in the gym.


We also saw Mark's other thang in the backyard photoshoot, too.

Note that this is the picture that spoiled Cameron's eviction....apparently people in the know about photoshop noticed that Cameron's feet aren't touching the ground, over on the far left side.  Or you can just stare at Mark's pink shorts.  Whatever.


And on a more wholesome note, here is Mark with his grandparents, as Grandma serves Matt his dessert, an entire apple pie. Deep dish, from the looks of it.  Because you know Big Mark can shred some damn food.  I'll be ready to report on that, you can be sure.

When I used to go to Wendy's with my high school sweetheart, he would get "six singles, plain with cheese".  A few years later, in college, I went to a Wendy's far, far away on the way home from bar-hopping with my friends.  The Wendy's manager behind the counter somehow recognized me while I was waiting in line, and pointed and called out "six singles, plain with cheese".  He told me that he used to work in the store that we visited in high school, and all of the employees would talk about how big my boyfriend was, how much he ate, and how I was so small and usually just had a Diet Coke and fries.

I guess it's good to be known for something, after all.


And here is Elena Davies and her big mouth.  Her mother warned her to keep it zipped up this summer, but I don't see much chance of that.


And here is Ramses Soto with his "cosplay" outfit.  Does anybody know what he is supposed to be here?  Is this a good costume?  We have Comic Con every year here in Atlanta, so I've seen plenty of pictures of some of the freakiest costumes, and also scads of scantily-clad, slutty-looking females who attend that event.

And before you start yelling at me about that last comment, please feel free to do a google search for photographic proof.  Because in order to get attention anymore, those girls just have to show more and more, and outdo each other.  Soon this trend will reverse itself, and it will be time to dress like Laura Ingalls Wilder.  You know, with the aprons and bonnets and all, and that will be the cool thing to do, Little House on the Prairie style.

But for right now, Ramses is dressing like this. And I'm still disappointed in the ensemble.  Maybe CBS didn't want to show us a really weird look, with extreme make-up and all.  Who knows.  I certainly don't, except I wouldn't be surprised if this whole situation wasn't being exaggerated for casting purposes.


I'm going to zip through the rest of the episode, because I just ate all of the dark chocolate-covered almonds that were intended to be my TV snack tonight while watching the second Premiere episode.  I'm getting a sugar crash and need to lay down.  I must keep telling myself that documenting the BB season is a marathon, not a sprint.  I won't be first with the information, but I do try to be somewhat thorough and add my own spin to it all.  I tend to get overwhelmed in the beginning, with some much going on in there.

Anyway, here is the evidence that Alex Ow lost BB19, if you are superstitious and believe that whoever is first to walk in the door is doomed to lose.  Ramses was right behind her, and I am fairly certain he could have shoved Alex over to the side and been the first, except as a SuperFan I know he must be aware of the "First In, First Cursed" situation.

I just tried to go to the attwx website to grab a summary of the previously-cursed losers, and sadly found that the website owner "quit" during BBOTT after the whole defective HoH equipment incident. I don't want to incite a riot by including his closing statement (posted on JokersUpdates), but he was very frustrated after he felt Jason was done dirty by Production.  (I was almost ready to quit, too, after BBOTT, but have signed on for another season after agonizing about it throughout the April-May time period.  But that's all I have to say about that.)


Did anyone else notice that there was a lot of "jiggling" on last night's show?  Even Stevie Wonder could see all of the bouncing around that was happening in there, I'm sure.

We didn't see this bedroom during Julie Chen's tour, but based on previous seasons I expect this room to be converted to the Have Not room before the end of the weekend.


Being a radio gal, I guess Elena doesn't know how to do "TV makeup", which results in a situation that is very difficult to look at.  Way, way, WAY too much lip gloss, which is running all over her mouth area.  Even fucking Whistle-Nut does a better job with his lipstick, so maybe Jason can help Elena create a more natural visage this summer.

And this whole "contouring" trend can't go away fast enough for me  This process isn't fooling anyone, Elena. You look so much prettier without all of that grease paint.  With any luck, the other females will use all of Elena's makeup, as is often the case.  Then she can't get the makeup replaced until she wins HoH.  And this will start some fighting and name-calling, an unintended benefit.  Bonus.


Then we met Cody Nickson, who can smile, after all.  I'm sorry about the arrow button...I did not intend for that to appear, but at least it's not covering up much of Cody's bulging muscles.  It turns out that Cody was able to recite quite a list of military achievements and experience.


Including being able to get out of a pair of handcuffs.  But is he using the handcuff key below to do this?  Or something else?  I'm actually more interested in your thoughts about the abrasions and/or scabs on his right-hand knuckles.  Is that from punching someone?  Or maybe "carpet burn" from making love on the living room floor? (I can't elaborate on the position, but trust me that can happen, because "my friend" told me.)

I'm kind of worried that Cody is going to hit someone in there.  And hurt them.  Just being honest.  He seems very, very angry.  About nearly everything.


And instead of focusing on Raven Walton's medical issues, her intro package instead featured her ghost-hunting group, in addition to her dancing school.  Along with the Princess Leia-like hair bumps, of course.  I don't think CBS would let her take those out until she gets in the house, to be honest.


And here is Josh Martinez, who was the victim of the false pre-season eviction rumors.  Here he is dancing with his Mami, I think.


I loved the footage of Josh strutting around his neighborhood like a Kingpin.  Miami is full of fun little neighborhoods and it looks like Josh is in charge of one of them.  One of the most surprising things I learned during the Premiere is that Josh is apparently straight.  I did not expect that.  At all.


And here is Cameron Heard, who got his key inside of a board game box.  When I watched this episode again this morning, there are TONS of foreshadowing moments regarding his eviction, once you know what is going to happen.  We don't know yet if he will have a chance to return to the game, but it is sad that someone who is so into Big Brother is the one to get the boot.


Megan Lowder showed us a different side of herself...the military badass who is trained in interrogation and prison crowd control, all skills that should be able to help her play the game this summer.


Megan found a group to relate to in the house, and looks to have a good preliminary plan, but she will need to be flexible to stay alive in there.

Once again, I have to laugh at all of the BB fans who got all up-in-arms about the various strategies that were discussed, or not discussed with Big Jeff in the pre-season interviews.  The purpose of those interviews is to get a light, breezy feel of the personalities involved, and their Big Picture approach to the game.  And you see how having a detailed plan helped Cameron....NOT AT ALL, given the twists and the way Production played with time on the premiere.  They stepped outside of the predictable format for the first night and kept all of us on our toes with these new activities and challenges.


And Cameron done fucked up all night---and was unable to convert on several different opportunities to save his own ass. If Production invites back one of the first-evictees to play again, it has to be Cameron.  I believe he can learn from this and show us more next time.  I was rooting for Cameron, but he was too loud for my liking on Night #1, and he should have tried to align with the other nerds instead of just focusing on the Kool Kids.


A poster on Reddit was able to phrase it better than I can, when discussing whether or not Cameron was unfairly booted or not.


And here is Jessica Graf and her tits, finding her key somewhere by the pool.  I think Jessica was very close to having an accident on the right side of her bikini top here.


And she thought so too, from the looks of the next frame.

I liked Jessica on last night's episode.  She came across as shrewd and calculating, as well as someone who is planning to keep her secrets safe. Such as, she's a closet SuperFan.  I'm big enough to admit that I may have been wrong about her.  But Ill keep an eye on her for you, of course.


And here is Matt Cline pretending to do construction work, even though he's previously said he just sells the renovation projects.  But whatever puts asses in the seats, I guess.  Matt apparently has a paragraph tattooed on his right arm, but I'll  leave that to you guys to figure out what it says.  Back in the early days of the Tattoo Trend, it was huge news to figure out what a house guest's tattoo said, but we're much more jaded these days, now that we know that there isn't actually much meaning behind many of them.  Just my opinion.


Matt told the group that he started going gray after high school, and we saw several of the ladies swoon on camera over the Silver Fox, including:

*  Christmas
*  Elena
*  Raven

I actually thought Matt might be getting the Bye-Bye edit, but that was ultimately not the case.


You might recall that I wondered what kind of doctor would agree to perform a weight loss surgical procedure on Jillian Parker, since she only had 50 pounds to lose, and has the metabolism of someone in her early 20's.  Jillian didn't keep me guessing long, explaining that she and her mother, along with someone else (a sister, maybe?) WENT TO A DOCTOR IN TIJUANA to get the surgery.

Yes. TIJUANA.

So, trust that I will be keeping a close eye on Jillian's eating habits this summer and will issue a full report on my findings.  Because changing your body doesn't necessarily change your mind.  But she seems happy now, with no major medical complications.  None that we can see, anyway.


One additional note: Jillian showed us her Biggest Drama Queen trophy. So that's promising, because I sense some drama in Jillian.....I have the feeling that she might act like a Mogwai eating after midnight after just a few glasses of wine.


And here is Cody's daughter Paisley, who seems cute as a button and provides proof that Cody might be a human being, after all.


Christmas asked Big Mark to hit this pose twice, so Mark followed instructions.  Paul called him 'Johnny Bravo" when he gave him a friendship bracelet.  And he called Raven "Cindy Lou Who".  Ha ha ha ha.

But I'm all out of order here.  Let me try to fill in a few blanks.


The house guests entered the "Garden of Temptation", where they each sat in one of these pods and held a little clicker button. The point of the pods was that they could not see each other, and would not know who pushed the button to win the $25,000 temptation.

I like this concept better than just standing in those competition booths.  It's more dramatic, for sure.


Quite a few of them pushed the button, but Kevin won, as indicated by the green light in the picture below.  And I think Kevin might be the only one who could actually win it and keep it a secret, due to his life experience.  They don't have to keep it a secret, of course, but winning $25K is not something that would endear yourself with the other house guests, even if a handful of them did try to win the money themselves.

One of the catches is that he can't win the next HoH, so he has to throw it somehow, if he doesn't want to be discovered.  That should be easy, right?  For Kevin to throw a comp convincingly?


And of course Kevin's choice resulted in Your Boy Paul coming back in the house.

Paul:  Who bit the apple and released the snake?



So, Paul got this box with 8 Friendship Bracelets that would give safety tonight to 8 lucky recipients.  All house guests got a few minutes to convene with Paul in the lounge, which each of them handled different ways.  Cody didn't even try, and barely even tried to speak with Paul at all.  In fact, his conduct towards Paul made his interactions with Big Jeff seem like it was Cody's Make-a-Wish moment.

Paul's handling of this demonstrated why Production chose him for this....he's a fan favorite, of course, but his sense of comic timing and showmanship is obvious. Believe me, I'm not thrilled about it all, either, but I'm a trooper, I guess, after so many years of Big Brother disappointment.

Paul gave the damn bracelets to:  Kevin, Jason, Mark, Ramses, Elena, Raven, Dominique and Jessica.

The remaining eight UnSafe house guests had to compete in the backyard by hanging off a swing and then choosing an apple from one of the exciting "serpents" who were draped around here and there in the backyard in an alluring fashion.

Like this one:


And this one, whom Paul said was distracting him as he tried to focus on the competition.

Paul:  I like the Avatar one....

The person who hung on the longest won Safety (Cody, who gloated appropriately that basically Paul could kiss his ass and he didn't need any G.D. friendship), and the rest of them had to pick an apple, using various clues that were given.  Four apples contained safety, and three of them contained poison apples.


And these three unlucky, unsafe players were left On the Block, left to decide whether they wanted to face a vote, or another competition to decide who was getting the boot.  Cameron wanted to play another game, but the girls overruled him.

I was like, is Big Brother going to let Cameron put a damn shirt on before they kick his ass out?  They did -- all three of them put on a cover up before their fates were decided.


But not before Cameron made the unfortunate choice of showing the ladies a little more, in a desparate bid for their votes.


Yeah, Production had to blur out some butt crack action.  When the house guests voted, the votes to evict ended up like this:

Jillian - 3 votes (Cody, Mark, Matt)
Christmas - 2 votes  (Josh, Jason)
Cameron - 8 votes (everyone else, except Paul, who didn't vote)


Cameron was disappointed, to say the least.  He didn't even get to spend the night in there.

I guess we'll see the HoH competition on part #2 of the Premiere tonight.  And it's probably futile to hope Eric Stein's tweet can influence behavior at this point, but I hope so.

Life is full of disappointments and bad tattoos, but in order to succeed, you have to learn to deal gracefully.


Oh, and today America voted on who will win some damn "Pendant of Protection", which will keep them safe for three weeks, although they can decline it privately if they wish. And there is a consequence, of course.