Friday, September 1, 2017

It's Unnatural....In So Many Ways..... #BB19

As the CBS live episode began, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.....I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

How can this be?  How can this happen?

More importantly.....WHAT IS THIS?  WHAT PLANET AM I ON?  IS IT ME?  HAVE I GONE INSANE?


WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

It's not just the silhouette of this top....it's the texture of the "cuffs"...and the color of the "cuffs".....and the color and texture of the rest of it, too.  I'm starting to think that it's cruel of us to make fun of Julie's fashions, because maybe Julie is not well.  Maybe Julie has sustained mental damages of some sort, maybe the early onset of brain deterioration.  Or maybe Julie is just daring us to say something.

Julie:  HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW, BITCH.


I wouldn't even know how to describe this mess....the "cuffs" remind me of the coconut husk liners I used to buy every spring for my hanging baskets of flowers on my patio.  Coconuts are not exactly indigenous to the Atlanta area, so the birds would be really excited when I hung up my planters every year.  Apparently the coconut fibers are very soft and durable, and make a great lining for bird nests.  So within a week my Coco Fiber Liners would look fuzzy and damaged as the birds pecked away at them.

So that's the only comparison I have....either that...or Julie is wearing fashions from the Fall Sasquatch Line.  It's egregious, really. Someone must be held accountable, but Julie is clearly not up to that task.
Julie's ensemble is very upsetting, but we must move on  and discuss Matt, because It's the end of the road for him.  And Raven has decided to wear Matt's trusty Orange Blouse as a special tribute.  Matt and Raven believe that the Orange Blouse is "their thing", much beloved by the vast CBS audience, because just last week Julie asked Matt why he insisted on wearing that dirty, tattered scrap of fabric every damn day in the BB house.


It's a sad but special day for Raven.



Although we've come to end of the road.....


...still I can't let go....


...it's unnatural....you belong to me....I belong to you....


***record scratch***

Don't you fucking talk about Kevin's kids....he's not having it.  This was such a STUPID fight, started by Christmas, who was just dying to get some camera time.  She's such a bad ass, right?

There was another fight between Matt and Kevin that I think we might see on Sunday night's CBS episode.  We already saw Kevin approach Matt as he lounged on the pool toy....the fight happened after Matt dutifully reported back to everyone what Kevin said, which was then twisted into something to shout about.  And NONE of that fight, or the fight that apparently followed between Kevin and Alex was aired on the live feeds, which were down for nearly 2 hours.

So I'm sure we'll see some of that action.....what else do they have to show us, if not the constant Kevin-bashing?


At least we're starting to see Paul own it in his DR sessions, gloating about how stupid and pliable all of the other house guests are....don't play us for a fool Paul.


In the Jury House Cody and Elena already know what's up, but that doesn't mean they won't vote for Paul in the end, if he indeed makes it there.  And chances are very good that will happen, of course.


Elena didn't pack any brassieres to wear in the Jury House, either.


She was happy to see Mark.  She really likes him, but she seems to be taking the 2nd grade approach to the budding romance.

I used to like this boy named Wallace B________ in elementary school.  One time he ran up to me during recess and kicked me in the shins and ran off, so I knew that he liked me, too.  I just googled him and he is apparently EXTREMELY successful, living out west in what appears to be a multi-acre spread with a mini-mansion.

(Note:  If you ever hire a party planner, the video footage of the event often winds up on the internet as publicity for their services.)


As usual, Mark seems to be a good sport about his fate.  He's not happy about losing, but he's glad to spend a few weeks with Elena.

If you go to Jury later in the season, you don't even get to go to the Jury House.  The last week of the show the Jury is moved to a hotel, where they are separated to prepare for the finale.  So if you're going to go, you might as well get there early enough to enjoy the amenities, along with being included in the much-anticipated Jury House footage broadcast on the live shows.

And every year the fans say, "we should get Jury House live feeds", like that is a clever or original thought.  HINT:  It's not.  Neither clever nor original.  And it will NEVER happen.  During the really boring seasons we see more Jury footage on the CBS shows, and sometimes they do arts and crafts for CBS All Access videos, but that's about it.


House guests, it's time to vote.


And I'd like to point out the various sartorial choices made by the house guests.  Can you see Alex over there on the left couch....she's wearing a pool floatie who is wearing a hat.  Kind of like a joke, wearing a joke, who's wearing a floppy hat.

And as usual, I can't understand a damn thing Alex says when she votes in the DR.  She's so worried about making a bunch of mumbled shout outs that she can barely place her vote.  Maybe that's what happened last week, when she voted out Matt by accident, only accepting the truth after being reminded of her actual vote in a DR session.


And Christmas has decided to go the costume route, too, wearing one of the old competition tutus.


As promised, Matt held the door open wide for as long as possible, so the inmates could get a glimpse of the outside world.  Do you think they noticed that the cheers for Matt were rather subdued?


Matt's interview with Julie was so cringey....I was so uncomfortable watching this, it's like Matt needs deprogramming or something.  The audience was mostly silent---you could hear a pin drop after many of Matt's answers to Julie.  He was noticeably nervous, with his voice shaking  a little and a few words stumbled over as he spoke (like in his eviction speech).

Julie:  What is it about Raven that made you give up your shot to win $500,000?

Matt:  Well, anybody who's watched the show knows that she's an amazing person....she's the best human being I've ever met.

and

Matt:  I think Raven will win...she and Paul are the best players in the game, both socially and strategically.

(SOCIALLY?  Everyone but Matt CAN'T STAND HER.  And STRATEGICALLY?  Don't make us choke on our nachos, Matt.)

Matt reports that he and Raven definitely have plans to spend time together after the show.  Raven wants to get her first tattoo, of a raven, and "a few other things".   Raven has never spent time in California, so Matt says they will likely visit San Diego, and Scottsdale.  I'm hoping Matt knows that Scottsdale is in Arizona, not California.

and finally:

Matt:  It's day 72, and Raven and I have never had a fight!

(WHAT??????  Maybe a CBS-only casual would believe that....but all they've done in the past week is fight and fuck.  If you read my posts every day, you already know that.)

Matt later said on his live feed interview that he thinks he's had about 200 bowls of cereal.  The count is actually in the mid 700's, so Matt is just a damn fool.  Seriously.


The good-bye messages were rather scathing, from Kevin just saying "so long...good-bye", to Paul saying that Matt was Raven's Ride or Die, until "he just died".  But Jason delivered a message that fits right in with the fight segment that we saw earlier in the show.

Jason: We really haven't had too many conversations in the house, and the last conversation we had was a high-pitched scream.....


And then this.....I can appreciate a high fashion couture look on the catwalk, but this isn't it, and it's certainly not a catwalk.  More like a cat left out in the rain.  I've already told you that this is Christmas' purple lipstick, that she is very irritated about Raven appropriating it for herself.  I think Raven did Christmas a favor, actually.  It's just not a good look.

Raven: ....and Matt, you're the best man I've ever met.


Julie told the group that this is the first time that the HoH competition has been postponed for a rain delay.  We can tell from what we see that it is the "Ready Set Whoa" HoH competition, where each player gets in the starting blocks as if it were a track meet, and then has to wait to see the word "GO" flash up on the screen before taking off on a sprint to the buzzer, with one player being eliminated each round, or as soon as they step off the starting block in error.

I thought.....Christmas can't play in this one, and Josh will certainly DQ off the starting blocks, so I went to bed thinking Paul's plan might need to be altered this week.  (Because his plan was for everyone to throw the competition to Christmas or Josh so they can target Jason or Alex, taking the blame for it.)

But SPOILER ALERT:  Christmas was cleared to play (HUH?) and she won the HoH.

The competition was not shown on the live feeds, but apparently EVERY SINGLE PLAYER was disqualified, in the EXACT ORDER that PAUL HAD PLANNED.  And the entire charade, including the rain delay, were over within about an hour after the live show ended.  From the snippets of house guest chatter, it seems clear that there wasn't even ONE successful round of play....Christmas didn't need to sprint because everyone else DQ'ed.  All she had to do is place her fucking boot on the launch pad and then hobble over to the buzzer, taking her own sweet time.

And it seems as if Paul has approved Christmas' plan to nominate Jason and Alex from the start, but I am unsure if she will perpetuate the charade of Kevin being the backdoor target.  She might say that to Jason and Alex, but everyone (EVEN KEVIN) knows that is not the case.  So until further notice, the next big drama will involve the PoV player pick-----only one person will be left out, but if the nomination of Jason or Alex are made directly, there is no drama, because both nominees will play.

If Jason doesn't win PoV, he's out this week.  If Jason wins PoV, then Alex will go.  It's as simple as that.  And Paul's new "plan" as told to Josh is that he will let "them" win the HoH's, and Paul will win the PoVs from this point forward.

DO ANY OF THESE CLOWNS SEE THAT PAUL HAS ALREADY ACCEPTED HE IS IN THE FINAL TWO AND IS TRYING TO TURN EACH NEW EVICTEE AGAINST THE HoH WHO EVICTED THEM?


I guess stupidity is contagious, and there has been an epidemic of stupidity in that house this summer.  And it's spreading outside the house, too, but that's another story.

***LET'S REVIEW***

We knew that Dan had some disparaging pre-season comments about one of the male contestants this year, as follows.



Well, turns out that dumbass was Matt, who is still a dumbass, obviously.


Dan deleted this tweet later, which is a strange thing to do, but thanks to the "fine" posters on Reddit, the tweet will live forever.  Or at least as long as the internet is functional.

***WHAT CAN WE LOOK FORWARD DO?***

Well, the Jury certainly seems like a candid crowd willing to take the gloves off and talk some trash.  At least, Elena does.

What will they say about Raven to Matt?  And will that change the way he feels about her?  And if his feelings do change, will we be able to learn about it on any future Jury CBS segments?  Or on the live finale?

Or will Matt have to wait to get home, or at least in touch with some people from his real life who will tell him some harsh truths about Raven?

Is Matt's love for Raven strong enough to overcome the avalanche of bad publicity she is due to receive only seconds after the season is over?  Is this THE END OF THE ROAD for Maven?

***ABOUT THE TITLE AND THEME***

It's a Boyz II Men song, obviously.  And Matt famously has the lyrics to a fucking BOYZ II MEN song tattooed on his left arm.  I think the real reason why Matt clung to his Orange Blouse is so that he could rep those lyrics, a song for his mother, apparently.


22 comments :

  1. They had to kill Chewbacca to make them cuffs.

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    1. I am so grateful I found this blog. I am a crocheter. I was horrified thinking I was gonna be whacking off my top sleeves and crocheting ponytail hats on each sleeve. Love you take on the whole houseguests. Used to look forward to bb summer. This year am looking forward to the end of bb.

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  2. The only thing I can say about Julie's sleeves is, good luck to Wil Heuser recreating that one for the Saga! Ugh, for shame Julie, for shame!

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  3. Love your blog. Just thinking that the reason Matt is always sticking out his tongue and licking his front teeth is probably because he has caps. They always make fun of Gary Dell'Abate on the Howard Stern Show for doing the same thing.

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  4. Maybe Julie was trying to camouflage her hands for the inevitable handshake with Matt. I'm hoping they took Matt directly to the hotel instead of the Jury house.

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  5. It is soooooooo beyond my comprehension as to why ALL the houseguests are so snowed by Paul that they just LET Christmas have HOH. It used to be that winning HOH was a privilege, and mostly a hard earned one at that. But now its just thrown to someone right and left.
    Very sad...

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    1. Get this: Paul just told Raven he would ENSURE that she won an HoH this season, so it could help her with the Jury.

      And Alex is laughing with Paul about how nervous Christmas is today, because Alex thinks Kevin's eviction this week is a slam dunk, so why is Christmas scared?

      What a bunch of IDIOTS.

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  6. Oh, I am thoroughly convinced that we are all being Punk'd by Julie at this point. (Is that show still on?) It's been a subtle progression from hmmm, why doesn't she have a stylist? to WTF IS THAT? Just wondering when she will 'fess up or how far she's willing to go!!
    I also find it funny that nobody recaps whatever Maven say in their speeches, as I always fast-forward through that part myself, hehehe

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  7. And - I just saw this as well...
    Christmas says she has done better -
    than Kevin in every competition they've both competed in.

    doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that one.
    Especially since Kevin was bullied into throwing the latest HOH by Paul, and all Christmas had to do for her 2 HoH's is not know an answer, while Paul stands next to her, blatantly throwing it to her, and then just moving inches to win last night's comp...
    Yep, she's a great competitor alright...

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  8. Hey girl, I....I....I...don't have words to describe the "gutter rat fur cuffs" that Julie is wearing. I....am....so...FREAKED OUT!!!! As soon as the show started, and the camera was zoomed in on the top portion of her shirt, I already was like no, but then they zoomed out for her walk across the stage, and I immediately told my husband to hand me my phone to send you a message!!!! OMG! It's like she told her stylist, "I want to wear something fur tonight, but bunnies and minks are just too cute to be made into clothing, so I will only except an animal that isn't cute". Then they walked to the nearest LA alley way, and found 2 huge gutter rats, killed and skinned them, and then sowed them onto a gym workout netted shirt. I....I..I...don't know how else to describe it. But of course, you brilliantly came up with a great comparison to a plant basket weave thing. Dead on!!!! Has Julie or her stylist simply given up, or is this season so bad, that Julie is trying to get her husband to fire her.....or her stylist is the one trying to get fired????? IDK, but something has seriously went wrong. Anyways, we didn't get our wish that he would be banned from participating in jury. DAMN IT!!! And of course, just as you predicted, he licked his mustache......GROSS!!! Maybe he does it because he always has a clump of Ravens, I mean Christmas', lipstick stuck in his mustache, because those two are dead set on making me vomit, with the constant "all over each other" bullshit. (Mimics blowing my brains out with a hand gun). Well we might not have gotten the boot of Matt that we wanted, but look on the bright side, until Raven is sent to jury,(IF she is sent by the master Paul, which might not happen since he knows his odds of winning will be higher sitting next to that maniac), we don't have to watch that mess of a "couple", slobbering all over each other anymore. Ok off that, Paul's puppets played right into his hands, not ONLY throwing the comp, but actually going as far as to do it IN THE EXACT ORDER HE "ORDERED" them to do it in. WOW??? This will not ONLY go down as the worst season, but will also go down as the DUMBEST cast ever!!!!! Like I said earlier....WOW....just...WOW! We can pretty much call the season now, and give the money to Paul. But it does seem like there may be a shake up this week, if Christmas noms Alex and Jason. But for the last little bit of hope I have for this season, please send Alex packing and not Jason. I will probably stop watching if Jason or Kevin goes, and we are left with that mess of a cast to watch. I've almost lost all hope. If Alex goes, I might jump up and dance. Anyways, great read once again girl. Hope you're getting your work done. Thanks for still taking time to bless us with your opinion "yes OPINION on your own blog". Lets see what happens when noms are announced. Could make for some great t.v., I hope, at least.

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  9. I've given up on these losers. Paul's smirky face when he was voting out Matt? It made me want to choke the life out of him (see, this season has turned us all into maniacs!) I was hopeful Kevin would defy the great and mighty Paul--but NO! Kevin still thinks Paul is on his side. When his pal Whistlenut gets the boot, maybe he'll catch on?????? It's all so disappointing.

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  10. The screenshots of Julie are very helpful, now I can really zoom in and investigate this "ensemble." I thought the cuffs were feathers, really gross feathers from a dead swamp bird, but now I have not a clue. And I thought the fabric--which does NOT compliment the cuff color--was a plaid (?) But on closer look its maybe like a sheer dotted swiss or something of the some sort, WITH a camisole under it no less. WTF? Never mix dainty feminine textiles with remnants of an old torn down duck blind or deer stand. Then, her pants? SO ill fitting. I think they are off-size Dockers khakis from the clearance rack. Paired with Earth Shoes or Clarks sandals. Makes my eyes bleed.

    Julie has been saying she longs for Big Brother to end for good, but the ratings stay so good, CBS won't do it. Maybe she's dressing like this so they fire her. There's GOT to be a clause in her contract about maintaining a certain standard of appearance ??? Les Moonves, even if she is his wife, can NOT be happy about the fashion choices. Although last night made all the other live show ensembles this season look like runway couture compared to cuff-gate.

    FW, please tell me WHERE to find or buy the coco fiber liners!!! Great idea for wild birds like you discovered, also my friends parakeets...They love to rip stuff up ("toys") and it has to be natural fibers, etc. That is the coolest product!!!

    My favorite part of the eviction was when Matt 1st sat down and looked off to the side. Complete silence, like I thought my TV froze. Then Julie finally says uh, Matt? Awkward. Maybe she was adjusting her cuffs or something.

    As for the "rain delay" I talked to my friend right there in Burbsnk, and others elsewhere around SoCal, and they told me it was a light mist with maybe a sprinkle mixed in every now and then. Typical Californians, freaked out about "rain."

    OMG Raven in her goodbye video? HORRID. That orange is NOT flattering, especially on a redhead, mixed with overdrawn black lips? Ewwww! Well, Halloween IS coming up. We can all carve Raven pumpkins and dress up as Julie, go as muff divers and cuff divers. Trick! Or treat?

    Christmas won a RACE comp for HOH? Pathetic! Who even wants to watch this "competition" on TV? Alex threw it, dumbass! I would NEVER throw an HOH comp, especially cuz someone ELSE wanted me to. Its so obvious that's strategy, duh. She will live to regret it. If Jason gets evicted cuz of this, I'll jump on the fuck Alex bandwagon too. Hopefully, he wins POV and SHE goes. Or, 1 of them win POV and convince the house to backdoor Paul. Yeah, right. A girl can dream anyway, sigh.

    P.S. Julie is REALLY pushing for the jury house to have live feeds. Ya think she of ALL people would have some pull here, yeah?

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    1. Wow you are a TOTAL bitch. I LOVE IT.

      I got the Coco fiber liners at Home Depot, but I found that picture on Google, so someone should be selling them online. Measure your hanging basket first, because two years in a row I bought them a size too small and had to exchange them. Maybe I'm just not good at eyeballing things, though.

      I'm still STUNNED by Julie's "ensemble". The dotted swiss, the road kill pelt, and that is just the tip of the iceberg, per your detailed list.

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  11. I know that Dr. Will invented lying to everyone to win BB2, and bragged and continued to brag about it for a decade and a half, but yeah, this year's edition of liars and etc. are a whole nuther "one step beyond". Obviously it is an entrenched tradition and houseguests are expected to use lying and or disguising the truth to win, but this group took it to a very ugly place. Makes it close to impossible to even have a houseguest to root for.

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  12. Oh great, Imna go to HD this weekend and look/buy! Good luck trying to actually FIND anything in that store OR find someone to HELP you find something though. I guess I'll start in the garden dept.

    Anyway THANK YOU so much for the info!!! I always hand-make toys for my friend's parakeets--they're like kids, they get bored with toys and want NEW toys every couple weeks--but retail $ on bird toys is outrageous...Guess now I know why, its cheap to buy the materials and simple to create, but each damn toy eats up at least 2 hours...And I for one HATE "crafting!"

    I read birds love the coconut shells, but I am NOT cracking open coconuts for parakeets. And the ones at Hobby Lobby are janky, probably coconut shell knockoffs from China (I love the birds, don't wanna kill 'em). So these coco fiber liners are way better!!! The birds will play in them, shred them, and all I have to do is toss one in the cage. LOVE IT!

    Thanks again FW, and keep up the great work!!! I've said before and will say again, I think you should write a book. Or be a journalist for a publication. I love your writung style, your attention to the details--most of all us others totally miss!--and your sense of humor. I read your blog every summer, look forward to reading it every day :)

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    1. I agree with the pricing on parrot toys! So I also make my own, usually I reuse some of their already torn apart toys to make new (even though we have our own shop with parrot toys). And one of my parrots love coconut shell, so I hope you are able to find something.

      Feedwatcher - connecting bird lovers from all over the world. I love reading your stuff, especially with all the small thoughts like coconut fiber. Your blog always make me laugh.

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  13. OMG, go to Julie Chen's twitter page. There's a tweet yesterday with a photo of her magnifying the blouse cuffs (an actual close-up of them) AND she's holding an UMBRELLA to boot! I guess cuz of the "rainstorm" and all. Even with such a close-up view of the GIANT furry bells, no way in hell can I figure out WTF they're made of!!!

    Also, there's sites that detail what Julie Chen wore on BB...Like that pineapple print shift dress was an Alice+Olivia piece ($500 if you want one of your own, jk). But nowhere under any search term can I find ANY info about that blouse last nite. Maybe "blouse" is what's confounding Google? No photos either, except plastered across Julie's twitter feed (cutsie), I kid you not.

    I surmise her 10 year old neice or someone like that whipped it up in sewing class, her 1st attempt at design.

    OK, Imna go to my DVR and watch Project Runway now. I die to think Zac Posen and Nina Garcia would have to say about that blouse! (Blouse)? Oh HOW I wish they would!!!

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    1. Heidi would say they're "not cool". I think Nina would just shake her head.

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  14. My sis keeps sending pictures of the big rainstorm in Calif, she is getting a lot of pounding rain in Santa Ana and it is highly unusual and welcome after a long drought. All of Calif shuts down pretty much in the rain because the roads are slippery at first, there's little draining, no one is used to visibility limitations, and those who do get on the road drive at five miles per hour. It sounds silly to people who are used to seasons but Californians just don't get much weather.

    I have it on good authority that Julie cut up a blanket belonging to a homeless man to make the sleeves.

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  15. With all this speculation, I had to look it up. Julie Chen really does have a stylist, and her name is Carole Meltzer aka @CaroleShashona. I have to admit that despite some questionable choices, Julie Chen is still a very beautiful woman.
    I love the shot you have of Matt and Raven where not only is Raven wearing the orange blouse, but it also looks like she is stroking a phantom mustache! (What happened to your watermarks?)
    It's selfish of me, but I hope you keep covering BB. Would you consider a compromise of writing half as much as you do now? Seriously though, you do you. I can't blame you for getting sick of it. I should confess that I didn't get CBS Access this year and I don't have cable, so my main source of show info is through your delightfully opinionated perspective.

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  16. I thought a Julie had a shawl over her arms. I didn't realize it was sleeves for a few minutes. Then I laughed...and thought of you, FW.

    The throwing of comps is ruining the game. From what I'm told they all DQ'd in this HOH so X-Mas would win. Extremely obvious DQs, I hear.

    Grodner and crew need to fix this. In soccer there is a penalty for flopping. This is the equivalent and must be treated as such. They've got to do something as it's making the game unwatchable.

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  17. I have a question for you FW since you seem to know something about production... HOW did they allow Christmas to play in that HOH comp???!!! What doctor would ever give her clearance to run? My only possibility is that the producers knew ahead of time that everyone was going to throw the comp and so they allowed it. But that is just more proof that the producers rig the game. If anybody can explain this I know you can FW! Thank you for your time-consuming efforts this year... I can't wait to read what you have to say every day!

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