Thursday, August 17, 2017

Who Told You That I'm Paranoid? Did Someone Tell You That? #BB19

I was trying to find a joke about paranoia for the title, but ended up writing one myself, but I'm actually kind of paranoid that it's not funny.  I did find a few good paranioa cartoons that I will sprinkle here and there in this post to keep things light and cheery.


We all saw proof that Matt won the PoV on last night's CBS show, but I feel it was also proof that he didn't really "win" the PoV --- he just got lucky that Elena feels so comfortable on the block this week that she didn't trade him for it.  Plus, she's greedy and wanted to snag the $5,000, so there's that.  It was probably the right thing to do, under the circumstances.

I know Matt didn't want to get stuck with the Xtreme punishment, so I understand why he wanted to get rid of that, but he would have been better off taking Mark's trip to Colorado instead.  Why win the PoV if you're not going to use it on yourself?  Because if you report to Paul, you do what he says, apparently.  Even if you are nearly a decade older than Paul, you still follow his every wish and command.  If you're Matt, that is.

I heard Matt tell Raven yesterday that he felt anxious about this Thursday, but not because he's on the block, he's more worried about the HoH competition, and who will win it.

Matt:  I know I'll feel better after I talk to Paul.  Whenever I'm anxious, I always feel better after discussing it with him.

Yes, Matt is a Damn Wuss.  And about that Colorado trip....Mark certainly didn't look too thrilled to win that, but I'm guessing that is because Mark used to live in Colorado.  I think he moved back to Buffalo to live with his grandparents after his mother died when he was 17. So I'm sure he'd rather win a trip for two to Cabo San Lucas, or even New York City if it had to be a US trip.  But the BB contestants usually opt to receive the cash value of the trip once they get a load of the undiscounted value of the trip, because that is what they get taxed on at year end.  It's reported on a 1099 form, and I think the various costumes they get to take home are taxed that way, too.  I heard a former player make a joke about how the new sneakers you take home aren't so exciting once you get that 1099-MISC form and start filling out your tax return.


I thought this was funny----Production woke Alex up at 4:20 AM to build her campsite and grill eleven hotdogs.  I have really enjoyed Alex's punishment myself, because a crowd often gathers at the campsite to talk and to eagerly wait for their food, of course.  It's like a little break from the game, a mini vacation in the woods.


On this episode, Matt got more screen time than he's received all season.  Sure he did participate in the big events depicted on the show last night, but they also need to build some sort of story line for him in case he ends up going far and outlasting some of the audience favorites like Jason and Kevin, as well as the big schemers like Paul and Alex.

But this episode also made it clear (to me, at least) that Production can't stand Matt as much as they can't stand Raven.  For example, they didn't even address Matt not choosing Raven for the Outback dinner.  Sure Matt said that he chose the other PoV players, but it did seem like a slam to his showmance that her name wasn't even brought up.  I'm sure Raven would have loved for us to see a DR session from her about how eating steak will kill her, because she has a disease, ya'll.

Kevin:  She's the healthiest sick person I've ever seen.

Jason: She eats all the damn time!

Anyhoo, I took this picture to show you that Matt's pint glass was empty, and you will see that it was empty throughout the entire Outback meal segment.  Matt said that he immediately chugged both of his allotted beers as soon as he got them, and watching the dinner on TV kind of proved that.  Aren't 32-year-olds supposed to be over chugging beers like that, outside of Alumni weekends at the old frat house?  And aren't you on TV tonight Matt?  The live feeders already know what Matt is willing to do on TV stone cold sober, so I can't even imagine what crimes Matt might be willing to commit when he's tipsy.  Or maybe I can imagine it, but I don't want to.  Because revulsion.


After the dinner Christmas said she was super annoyed by Elena, due to the way she refused to eat her dinner, and we can see that in this picture.  I think Elena hand-fed herself a chunk of meat because she was wearing all of that greasy red lipstick for the occasion.  And that can be a disaster waiting to happen when you're eating on camera.

I've heard Elena say numerous times that she"doesn't really eat food", and prefers to just "pick off other people's plates".  With all due respect, you can just quickly glance at Elena and see that she does indeed "eat food", and likely quite a lot of it.  Or maybe she just eats the wrong foods, like a huge bowl of ice cream just about every night.


And the Outback dessert, as another convenient example of Elena's food habits.  As the group filed back in the house, Elena stopped by the dessert plate that had been in front of Christmas and ate some of that, too.  I guess her dessert plate was already empty, down on her end of the table.  And the editing team wanted to be sure that we saw what she was up to down there.  So maybe Elena isn't their favorite, either.

I traveled through Texas for two weeks one time for work with a girl named Susan who was HUGE.  She didn't play the type of games that Elena plays, but she is familiar with some of these same techniques.  For example, one time we went to a rather famous local Tex Mex restaurant in the Houston area, and Susan announced she wasn't hungry for dinner.  Instead, she ordered and ate two portions of cheesecake, but she had the waiter bring them out one at a time, so that she was eating at the same time I ate my entree.  The rental car was in my name, but she borrowed it one time to "go to the drugstore".  The next morning there was food debris all over the front seat, and Susan told me that she stopped by "Taco Bueno" on the way back from Walgreens.  So I figured out that Susan didn't want to eat "real" food in front of people, only the desserts, so I started just offering to give her the car keys once I was in for the night.  I would have been interested to watch her meal eating process, but I get that she wanted to do it privately.  Coworkers are like a box of chocolates sometimes, you know.

Oh, and Jason tried to bag up one of the Bloomin' Onions as takeout for the other house guests.  He said he got it in the bag and was stashing the bag under his cape when Big Brother stepped in and reprimanded him for it.  Jason also had some sort of reaction to the food, with one side of his face swelling up.  He said he felt sick, and several people urged him to ask for medical assistance in the DR, but I don't think Jason followed their advice.


OK, let's get back to how Production despises Matt.  On two separate occasions on last night's show, we saw Matt prancing around, but I couldn't find either of those occasions just now to take a picture for you.  I know one of the Prancing Occasions was when he was in the kitchen with Raven, and they both pranced with their hands clawed up under their chins like animals.  It wasn't a good look, but you'll have to take my word on that.  But I'm sure you saw him licking his lips or touching his mustache for yourself, right?  Because that happened in nearly every camera shot he was in.

And this sassy little number---the hair bow and the tutu, just as he was agreeing with Paul to stay on the block while he used his PoV to SAVE SOMEONE ELSE.


 I'm sure Matt wearing these frilly, pretty items was part of some hilarious inside joke, but the story editors weren't letting the viewers in on any joke.  Other than Matt, of course.  They made a joke out of Matt.

Matt got at least 10-15 seconds of screen time in this ensemble.


And because Big Mark won the Safety this week, he was barely in this episode at all.  I can assure you that Big Mark ate his steak, and probably most of Elena's too.  And Big Mark was Big Drunk afterwards, basically passing out on the couch in the living room to sleep it off.



*****



As BBAD began a group was gathered in the BB Campsite area, as Alex was apparently wrapping up serving another batch of hotdogs.  I love the camera shot looking down into the kitchen like this, because it looks like Kevin is in the booth at a sporting event, looking down on a cereal-eating competition in the kitchen. Matt is crushing it, by the way.

I've heard both Paul and Alex say that their questions "from the fans" on their HoH social media session (or whatever) included asking a guestimate of how many bowls of cereal Matt has eaten this summer.

Kevin was talking about My Chemical Romance here, telling the group that his daughter met her boyfriend at their concert.


Jason says he likes the BB campsite, but he'll be glad when it is gone, because that means that his punishment will be over soon, too.  He's very over the whole thing, because he says he's wearing a rubber suit and it is very hot in there.


Later, when the group broke up, Jason and Alex were in the HoH room, and Jason was grumbling about being extremely paranoid right now.

Jason, to the camera:  You can say, Jason is extremely paranoid!  No.....no....please don't say that, because I'll have to answer questions about that all night long.

Because Paul has them all hating on Kevin all the time now, making sure that there is target after target stacked up to make sure Paul is safe.  Alex and Jason have been trying to keep track of their punishments in case that information comes in handy for a competition

Jason:  I've been extreme 44 times.  So remember that.

Alex thinks she's "done hotdogs" nine times, (Is that all?) but she's really not sure about that number.

Alex:  You say 8, I'll say 9, and Paul can say 10...that way we'll all be covered, just in case.

Alex also told Jason that everyone in the house noticed how the first time Jason has ever joined into a fight this whole season was to defend Alex against Cody yesterday.

Alex: People are talking about it because you were different....they saw that....


Then Paul arrives and kicks off the Let's Hate On Kevin session by mocking how devastated Kevin was when Paul didn't follow him into the Lounge just now for "story time".  Paul has everyone thinking that Kevin is Osama Bin Laden or something, plotting treachery at every turn.

Paul:  Look, Kevin is a PROBLEM.  Matt and Raven are problems too, but they can't do anything about it right now.

Apparently Kevin has been spotted talking to Mark, so this is definite proof that he is plotting a coup against his friends in the house.  Alex cursed as she saw Matt and Raven on the SpyCam making their approach to the HoH Suite, and then mistakenly thought Christmas was headed upstairs too.  Apparently their biggest fear is that Kevin would come upstairs and join the group, too.

***shaking my damn head****

Alex is particularly incensed that Kevin had the nerve to fill her in on his conversations with Mark and Cody earlier today.

Alex: Why would he come up here and tell me that, acting so weird all the time?

(Because you are accusing him of plotting with them, Alex!  Kevin is no dummy!  Kevin even asked her recently why she's treating him differently all of a sudden....Kevin knows something is up.)

I mean, just look at the BBAD poll at the bottom of this picture.....Kevin becoming a target is unfortunately a big story right now.  It's a true story in that he is clearly being made into a target, but the reasons why are totally bogus, in my opinion.

Alex urged Jason to go downstairs and sit with Kevin and make up some stuff about why everyone is staying upstairs tonight.  Paul gleefully repeated that Kevin is crushed about Paul opting out of story time, and would be spinning with paranoia soon about this rejection.

(I hope Paul AND Alex are spinning with paranoia tonight after Mark wins the damn HoH in the Double Eviction.)


The camera shows us Christmas getting comfortable, settling in for story time with Kevin.


When Jason arrived, Kevin said he's been waiting for Jason for an hour.

Kevin:  Please tell me you've been solving the world's problems up there tonight.

(This is a frequent Kevin-ism that Paul used yesterday as proof that Kevin is condescending to everyone in the house......and all of the Kool-Aid drinking sycophants agreed with Paul.)

Jason says his socks really stink, which is a fast way to deflect any questions regarding what is really going on upstairs.


With Matt and Raven, Paul drills the importance of evicting Mark and Elena, probably to make sure that the two couples don't team up again before Paul gets a chance to have someone else evict them.

Raven:  I hope Josh wins HoH again.

Alex: I do too.

Paul:  Yeah.  If Josh wins HoH again I'll just relax and sleep all week.

(Maybe in the JURY HOUSE!!!!)


Then BBAD shows us which room is more fun for them to watch, and for us as well.

Jason:  I wonder what position Jessica is in right now?  Knees to ankles?  Knees to elbows?

Kevin, trying not to laugh:  This guy is cold blooded.


Jason: Or doggy style?

Meanwhile Paul has realized that a group of three has gathered without him, so he makes a beeline down there to make sure they aren't plotting against him by spreading the actual truth about Paul's actions in the house.  They would need more than 5 minutes to untangle all of the lies and manipulations, but Paul doesn't want them to even begin to discuss that topic.

But they're not discussing Paul right now, of course.


Christmas:  It's more like this position.

Paul is confused, so Christmas explains that Jessica can't get to sleep unless she is in a position like this.

Paul: Oh.

(I think that might be true, or at least based on a grain of truth.)


Upstairs Raven, Matt and Alex are discussing the important things like how much money Elena spends on her beauty rituals.

Alex:  Elena gets Botox on her eyebrows....that is what makes them arch like that.  (True.)  And all of the products she uses....it's about $1,000 a month!  And she had her nose done, her boobs done, and she says she needs a hip replacement but it's not covered by insurance.  So that's shady, dude, and it makes me cringe to hear her say all that, because you actually have a disease and need real surgery.

Raven:  I need surgery every two years, or I'll die!

So the cameras can't get back to the fun conversation fast enough.


In the Lounge Kevin is talking about how Matt and Raven really overdo it on the fake laughter, and tells Paul he should tell a certain joke to them to see if they crack up, because if they do, then they are definitely putting on an act.  I've heard that Paul doesn't appreciate these type of comments from Kevin, either, because it implies King Paul is not actually the most hilarious person on earth.  I believe the joke that Kevin wanted him to tell Matt and Raven was this:

Paul:  I saw two guys walk into a bar, but one guy ducked.

This led into some "fat Mama" jokes, such as this:

Paul:  Your Mama is so fat that she broke it.

and

Paul:  Your Mama is so fat that she is on both sides of the family.

Kevin likes to talk about what things will be like when he visits Jason in Humeston Iowa.  Jason says the whole town will know about it, but that means that about 60 people will gather downtown to see them.  He mentioned his friend Jason P______, who left town after starting a Nirvana tribute band years ago.  Jason P______ came back to town after traveling with his band and now his wife is in charge at City Hall.  (I looked the guy up and he indeed exists, is Jason's age, and lives in Humeston. For that reason I will not publish his full name, even though he is likely cool as shit like his buddy Jason Dent.)

Kevin:  Oh, she's in charge, huh?

Jason:  Yea..she's a tough cookie. The train depot is actually City Hall, so we've got that, and our swimming pool is next to the fire station.

Kevin:  Well that makes sense, in case something happens.

Jason:  So we've got the pool, the fire station....three hair salons....

Paul:  Let's go there and burn down the other two.  (Holly works in one of the three salons.)

Jason:  You can't beat Holly.  She's really good at it.  She could work out here if she wanted to, but she's cool with where she is now.  She doesn't understand why I keep setting new goals and get pissed when I can't reach them.

Raven came in to say good night, making sure Matt and all of the cameras saw her in a doggy-style like position.

 We see you Raven.  We know what you're up to, hon.




4 comments :

  1. I heard that Raven nearly died (my own paraphrasing) from eating at Outback once, No Lie! So I'm sure that's why CBS wouldn't make an issue of it.

    Keep up the great work! I personally find this season excruciating to even have on in the background sometimes.

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  2. I think your cartoons are great, good job! I look forward to your posts on a daily basis. Thank you for providing your readers witty entertainment!

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  3. Awesome post! I wondered how you would write up the insanity that is the house right now and you took the best path...straight-up truth with A LOT of humor.
    Talking about Kevin, when he started playing a bit harder, I was counting down the days until he became a target (so relieved for him that it never came out about his tipping off Jessica about Ramses' impending eviction). But when he talked to Cody about teaming up with him, Jason, Alex, and Paul - he was done. Paul wants ABSOLUTE control and this move proved that Kevin would make moves without Paul's 'permission'. Paul's given eleventeen reasons why Kevin is now a target, but I think the truth of it is that in Paul's eyes Kevin 'went rogue' and tried to take control of his own game. If Kevin had only been a bit stealthier, he may have gotten some traction with Cody...*sigh*

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  4. I'm so unhappy with this season, Paul and Josh disgust me yet they are featured in the edit. The others want to be "celebs" and they will be..... sad to say but they can milk this summer into paying gigs without playing the game. The lightness and wit of your blog is the only thing I still look forward to (your headline was great).
    Oh, and Elena looks better because the botox in her lips is going down and that puts her face back into proportion.

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