Saturday, June 24, 2017

Meet Cody Nickson: I'm Going to Have to Ask You to Step Outside, PonyBoy. WAY Outside. #BB19

Big Jeff sat down for a chat with Cody Nickson, who says he is from Dallas Texas, and he's "in sales".

Cody immediately looks at Jeff after he says this with his mouth open.  He looks scared, like he might not have answered the question correctly.

Jeff and I both knew immediately that this was probably going to be "one of those interviews".  You know, the kind where Jeff has to try and pry the information out of Cody.  The kind where he'll have to keep reminding Cody to look at the camera.  Because Big Brother is a TeeVee Show, Cody, and you're being filmed for broadcast.


Jeff:  So, are you gonna use some of those sales tactics to persuade some of the house guests perhaps?

Cody, exasperated already: I don't know.  I mean....

Jeff, laughing and feeling punchy:  At least you've got it all together!

Cody, in a sluggish fashion:  It's sales for like, roofing, so I go and knock on doors...

(Oh my god.  Study hard in school, kids, so that you can get a job that you don't feel like you have to apologize for, like our new friend Cody here.)

Jeff:   So you actually go door to door?

Cody, positively suicidal:  Yee-aaah.

Jeff:  It's tough. Believe me.  I know the sales game.

Cody:  Yeah.  It's not fun at all.  I've got people slamming doors in my face all day.  I'm not going to do it after this, though.  It's just a small gig.


Jeff:  OK.  So you're planning on winning this, taking home half a million:

Cody:  Oh yeah..... I guess.

Jeff, grinning:  ...and maybe starting your own company?

Cody:  Maybe.  I should hope so. But not in sales though.

(I think Jeff was indicating that Cody will need to create work for himself.  Because who in the hell is going to hire him after watching this performance?  I mean, other than a porn company, because their target hiring demographic is probably disenfranchised youth with good abs and poor judgement.)


Jeff does his best to counsel Cody, while providing some not-so-subtle clues that he needs to step it up and start putting out some personality here.

Jeff:  Well, I think the sales skills can help you in the game, to maybe be more personable in there.  Because you might hate what you're doing, but you're gonna have to...just like this....act like you like the person you're in the house with.  RIGHT?  At least for a little while.

(Note that Jeff kept using his hands to indicate that there is an audience out THERE, so Cody has to be personable in HERE, using his notecard to point at us, the viewers.)

Cody, not taking any hints at all yet: Yee-aah.  I mean, I don't have to like 'em.

(All of this happened in just 57 seconds. Fifty-seven PAINFUL seconds.  With only 275 seconds left to go...)


Jeff asked Cody if he had a strategy going into the house, but I could tell that Big Jeff had little hope that Cody would be able to provide a cogent answer.

Cody:  Uh...I can't imagine trying to keep them from seeing that I'm strong right away, so I want to win that first competition.

Jeff, somewhat encouraged:  Oh!  Okay.

Cody:  Yeah...I want to win that first competition so maybe it will open up the lines of communication with the other house guests?  (Yes, he turned it into a question.)


Jeff:  OK.  Very interesting.  What do you think one of your downfalls might be, maybe?

Cody: I don't know.  Honesty?  (Cody must think this is a graded quiz or something.)

Jeff:  Yeah, okay.

Cody:  I don't lie very much in my everyday life.  I kinda think that when people lie, they're scared of something. So I'm gonna somehow have to condition myself to lie in there, I guess.

Jeff:  So are you having a good time?

Cody, hesitating:  Yeah.

Jeff cracks up and so does Cody.  It's funny.  It's possible that this is as painful for Cody as it is for Jeff.

Jeff:  THAT WAS A LIE!  CODY, WHAT'S UP?


Cody:  I'll figure it out. I think I'll just condition myself in there.  For example I'm gonna lie about my age in there first thing, and then lie about everything else after that.  I'll figure it out.

Who else is offended right now?  Is THIS what Robyn Kass thinks we want to see?  Why does Cody think he needs to lie about everything?  Why would he lie about his age?  Who cares if he's 32?  I mean, I guess he can get higher porn money if they think he's 19 or something.  Did they run out of guys in Texas that can talk?  Maybe the twist is that we're getting punked with this interview.  Maybe Cody was just repairing the drywall in the office down the hall and they offered him $50 to sit with Big Jeff and pretend that he's a house guest.  It would be a funny prank to pull on Jeff.

Seriously, this Cody is making Corey Brooks seem like Chatty Cathy.  We're only at the 1:39 mark right now and I'm ready to slam my head against the wall so I don't have to finish this.  It's AGONY, actually.  I'm trying to entertain myself by wondering what Les Moonves would think if he's watching this.   I'm scared, and it's not even my fault!


Jeff:  Are you single Cody?

Cody:  Yes.

Jeff:  Are you looking to find someone in there?

Cody: Am I looking to find someone?  No....I mean, showmances are kinda dumb.

Jeff looks at us and laughs heartily, so Cody does too, but I don't even know if Cody knows what is funny about it.

Jeff:  Well, they work for some people.

Cody: If it doesn't make me an outsider, then I might do it.  But if it makes me an outsider, I won't do it.

(We're at the 1:57 mark.  I'm going to either kill myself or crack open a beer right now.  I'll let you guess which option wins out.)

Jeff continues to Beat the Dead Horse because hey, he's got another three and a half minutes to fill.

Jeff:  So it's all strategy for you.  You're sayin' there'll be no love for Cody in there.

Cody:  Well, if there's a bunch of it in there and I'm the outsider because I'm single, I might jump in.  But if I'm going to be an outsider because I'm not in a showmance, then I won't do it.

Jeff:  OK.  You're laying it out there right now.  No love for Cody!


I would KILL for Jeff to call Cody PonyBoy right now.

I feel like we all need some good hearty  laughs.  But maybe Cody will mention being on BB All Stars next season, or being voted America's Favorite Player this year, so we can guffaw over that.


And we're STILL talking about the damn showmance possibilities, I guess.

Cody:  She's going to have to be gorgeous for me to do that.

Jeff:  HAVE YOU WATCHED BIG BROTHER?

Cody:  Yeah, a bunch.

Jeff:  So you know there are gorgeous people on da show.

Cody:  Yeah, I know.

SORRY CODY THAT JEFF IS BOTHERING YOU WITH ALL OF THESE PESKY QUESTIONS.  I'M SURE YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF THERE AND GET RIGHT BACK TO YOUR DAY JOB.  THOSE DOORS AREN'T GOING TO JUST KNOCK ON THEMSELVES!

(We're at 2:24.)


Jeff is finally ready to leave all of this romantic showmance chatter behind, and asks Cody if he wants a partner to go through the game with, showmance or no showmance.

Cody:  Yeah.  If there's a strong girl in there....I've never seen a really strong girl in there...then that's my go to.

Jeff:  The last house guest in here bench-pressed this couch.

Cody:  Really?

Jeff::  No

(Do we have Christmas Abbott to blame for this casting choice? Although, with any luck she got subbed out with an alternate Wednesday morning.  It's not too soon to pull the plug on Cody, Allison.  Please.  I'm begging you.)


We're not even halfway through here, so I'm going to wave the white flag and just write bullet points so we can put this interview out of it's misery.

*  Cody wants to win this game, but he's not going to "sell his soul to the Devil" for it.

*  Cody casually drops that he has a kid, pointing out that you can't teach your kid integrity by being on Big Brother because it's not that kind of game.

*  Cody's daughter is 5 years old.  This summer was Cody's time to have her, but he's giving that up to be on Big Brother.

Jeff:  Oh, Wow.

Cody:  It is what it is.

*  Cody doesn't cry and swears not to cry at all.

Cody:  I never cry.  Never.

Jeff:  You're telling me you're never gonna cry in here?  I'm calling it right now...you're getting in a showmance and you're going to be sitting right here crying about it. I'm calling it right now. They're gonna bring you some tissues and you'll be fine.

*  Jeff asked Cody the Big Question, about choosing to lose and be loved, or win and be hated, and Cody actually has an awesome answer.

Cody:  Well, I'm not sure they're gonna like me at all, anyway.

*  Cody's pet peeve is people who make "victim noises".   I thought he meant people who make excuses and whine and complain, but it turns out to be something different.  Cody demonstrates for Big Jeff that he means when athletes are hit by something and they grab their leg and groan in pain. (WHAT?)

As the interview finally ended, Big Jeff stood up quickly, slinging his notecards angrily at the glass wall in front of him.  "I've had it with this shit, man", Jeff yelled as he stormed out of the room.  Then a timid-looking girl with a headset and a brown ponytail came in the room and led Cody out to safety.

(Made that last paragraph up. Sorry. I just felt like we needed a big finish.)


***FEEDWATCHER FORECAST***

Yeah, well this is bad.  One of the worst, actually.  I'm never going to get that time back.

How did Cody get cast?  I just can't accept that who I just saw in that video is who Cody was during the casting process.  He was so hostile about having to talk to Jeff, when in reality, Jeff may be one of the nicest guys in the world.  Every summer I hear the house guests sit around in the backyard and talk about how excited they were to meet Jeff, and how fun it was to talk to him.  Yet Cody acted if he were being audited by the IRS or something.

Cody got mocked in Entertainment Weekly, but I think EW could have been much more brutal.  And does anyone actually think Cody is "problematically hot"?  I do think he looked sweaty in the interview with Jeff, and that's kind of a problem,  guess.



I actually think Cody is more like Caleb and Lane, with a healthy dose of Monte from BBOTT., but I can see their point, too.


I took a look at Cody's CBS Bio, and it does seem as if a different person wrote it.  Someone who wasn't irritated by being questioned, and actually wanted to control their own narrative.


Why didn't he bring up the Marines?  People like to hear stuff like that, and it might have helped to explain how he got to age 32 and is working in a job he hates.  And he's a surfer?  That would have been some good conversational fodder as well.

Cody says he plans to be "part of every conversation".  WHAT?  I'll be watching for that, I assure you.

Cody's "Fun Facts" are all rather interesting.  He specifically mentions the Rubik's Cube---Cameron Heard also mentioned being an expert Rubik's Cuber, too. And Cody swears he's never been offended.

WHAT?  What a strange thing to say, right?

I'm fairly certain that somehow, someone (probably on Reddit) is going to spend A LOT of time trying to do just that.

3 comments :

  1. Just when I thought you could not make me lmao any harder,,,I read this blog! Gonna be a great, hilarious summer , thanks to you! You r da best writer!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Did you notice his knuckles are bloody on the video of this, BOTH hands.
    Am sure they are playing this up, he's not going to snap and go Chima, Rambo style?
    Is he?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After Megan, I'm sure the entire executive team is re-evaluating the house guest screening and background process. There is a risk to casting edgy people, but Cody is like a caged animal in there...what if he goes nuts and Mark and Matt aren't handy to hold him back?

      Delete

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