Saturday, August 19, 2017

I Scream. You Scream. We All Scream. And Scream. And Scream. #BB19


Well, once again the Reddit spoiler was correct, because they said that Christmas would be the new HoH when the live feeds returned after a 24-hour hiatus.  And she was, of course.

As BBAD returned, it looked like Alex just finished cooking a batch of hot dogs, and was rolling up her gear to shove it in her pack as she talked to Jason about financial matters.  Like how high income taxes are in California, and now that I know Jason's wife sent him a sonogram along with his HoH letter, I think he was talking about how his money will work with two kids now.


But I also think I heard Jason mutter that he "doesn't know how he can vote against that guy", with Alex encouraging him that indeed he can. I got a bad feeling about that.  Yep. I'm worried now.


 Alex's sister, her husband and nephew had to live with her parents while her sister gets her Master's degree, working to get a higher-paying job.

Jason got some sort of $2,000 credit on his student loans for being a farmer, or something like that.

Alex:  Thanks for helping me clean up my campsite.

Jason:  Duh.

Although Jason wasn't allowed to touch any of her camping equipment.  He just stood and watched.  And apparently Derrick fucked them both over by mentioning how close their relationship is during his visit to the house, depicted on Friday's episode.  Paul has been running around saying both of them need to go, after Alex called Jason her "ride or die" in front of Derrick.  And Paul has decreed that Jason needs to go first, since "Alex and Kevin hate each other."

(What, did Paul want Alex to say he was her Ride or Die in front of the group?)

Oh, and now that Jason was HoH, even for a few hours, I guess they are letting him take off that Xtreme helmet in favor of his cowboy hat.  And he's eating real food now, so at least that's something.


Julie Chen told us that there would be some sort of new Temptation released over the weekend and now we get a hint of what that might be.  As Alex and Jason trudge past this little apple tree under the stairs, Alex says maybe Jason should trot right over there, "pick one, and open it up".

Jason:  No thank you.

Alex:  What did your's say?

Jason:  I didn't get one.

Alex:  But the one that fell off and broke open?  What did it say?

Alex:  Oh, it was "can't play HoH next week".

I heard Josh talking later about hearing the apples fall off the tree and break open.  Perhaps Production should have tested that concept out in the control room or something.



SPOILER ALERT:  Christmas nominated Jason and Matt for eviction.

Speculation is that Mark will be the backdoor target, which is what would be expected.  I'm not sure that is her plan, though.  I know we'd all like to think that she is going to target Paul, particularly since she made a comment in the DR during last night's show about how she was going to "shake things up".

I hope that doesn't mean she targets Kevin instead. I hope she doesn't forget how kind Kevin has been to her.  I hope she doesn't think blindsiding a 56 year-old father of seven is kicking ass in this game.

HERE'S THE THING:  Hope is not a plan.


You can see the BBAD poll on this screen---I don't think anyone is particularly excited about Christmas making any big moves this week.  I hope to be shocked and surprised, though.  And since the Zingbot is expected to visit the house on Saturday, I hope his chip is loaded with Zings about how everyone is a sheep drinking Paul's Kool-Aid.   And I hope those caustic Zings echo in Christmas' head for the rest of the weekend, since she would be naming a replacement nominee on Monday morning if whoever wins the PoV uses it.

ALSO:  The Reddit spoiler also told us that Paul threw the HoH to Christmas.  While nauseating, this would make Christmas turning on Paul an extra special holiday gift, right?  I don't want to get my hopes up, particularly after the whole Jason fiasco on Thursday night.


Christmas is pretending to like Raven here, saying she loves the fact that they've hung out the whole time together.

(Christmas DESPISES Raven and CAN'T STAND how Raven interrupts her with stories trying to top her all of the time.)

You know, that whole Friday night episode was a waste of our time, because it was designed for the CBS casuals who love showmances to lie prone in their Lazyboy recliners while they shovel snacks and coo over the sweet love of Jessica and Cody.  That's all well and good, because CBS needs to pay the bills and reap some rewards from the high ratings this season.  But why did the feeds need to go down for 24 hours?  Why not just block out the HoH competition that we already knew Christmas won?  And why not just block out the Temptation situation (or whatever)?


It sucks that we didn't get to see Jason open up his HoH letter, and see him react to the sonogram.  I know we will see that eventually on the CBS show, but I like to see the actual footage, not the edited version.  That's what the live feeds are all about, yo.


Christmas hopes she gets to play in the PoV competition.

Raven:  Yeah, maybe it will be The Wall again, and we'll both have legs this time.  It's so weird that while you were having surgery, I fell down the stairs and split my toe open.

Christmas, obviously reconsidering that fateful Horsey Ride:   What was I thinking...

Raven: Paul ran over and pulled down my sock, and blood squirted out everywhere!  He freaked out and had to run away?  You were there Matt.....tell her what happened.

Matt:  I was playing chess when I heard her fall.  I thought she was dead.

Raven: And of all people, Cody had to carry me to the DR. He didn't whisper in my ear, though.

Christmas:  Cody actually apologized to me later about that.  He said he thought he saw a bone sticking out, but I saw the X-rays....there was no bone sticking out.

(Note Orwell's Poll below....Production HATES Maven.)


And Orwell himself is rather disgusted by them as well.  Matt does this ALL the time in PUBLIC, which is DISGUSTING.

Christmas said she knew immediately that her foot was broken, but the first place that she was taken to wasn't the hospital, but some place where they took X-rays.

Christmas:  They didn't think my bone was broken, because there was only mid-foot swelling at that point, but I knew it was broken. I felt it.

Well, the cameras don't want us to hear about this somewhat substandard level of care, so they switched over to the Green Room, where the team is reunited in their old beds, but I'm not sure the bonds will ever be the same.  With Alex, anyway.


Jason:  One of my buddies killed one of my horses once, but he didn't mean to.

Jason proceeded to tell them what happened, and it involved a cut to the horses's Big Important Artery, and it was too much for me, and also the cameras.


This sight wasn't much better, though.  The poll says it all, too, basically that Paul is expected to run things up there this week.

But polls are often wrong, and I think America knows that now.  But that topic has been done to death, of course.


Christmas was in the room with Paul, listening to her music when she got called to the DR.  Before that  happened, she and Paul discussed Kevin.

Christmas:  I heard Kevin tell Jason that if he wins the PoV, he shouldn't use it, so we can vote Matt out this week.

Paul:  Kevin really wants Matt out!  He says that all the time.


The house is very quiet tonight, after the late night they must have had on Thursday.  You know, with the Double Eviction, Derrick's visit, and another HoH competition and all.

I'd like to point out that Raven DID NOT get a segment on the "clip" show.  Nope.  Matt got a cereal segment, where we learned that he cannot keep a box of cereal at home, because he eats the entire thing.  And also that he gets up to eat cereal in the middle of the night so people won't think he's weird.  Too late, brah.

But no CBS segment involving Raven, even though Derrick teased talking about "one more showmance" before launching into the Alex and Jason segment that I believe hurt their game.  It's possible that the house guests talked about Matt and Raven, but if they did the CBS audience didn't see it.  And Christmas and Paul weren't featured in a segment, either, but they have surely gotten their share of camera time this season.  (Yeah, but still....)

Matt:  That butt is going to eat those pants alive, Babe.

(***retch***)


They are making their nightly run to storage to pick up a half-gallon of ice cream.

Or "ahce" cream, since Raven seems to really pour on the Southern accent at a time like this.


And as they walk back to the kitchen, they walk past two  tree structures with what looks like six different phrases, which seem to represent both positive and negative outcomes.  I'm guessing that the house guests can pick one of the faulty cracked apples to win one of these items.  I'm not clear if anyone has picked an apple yet, but we know that as of last night Jason and Alex had not given in to Temptation.

Here Raven pointed out the various choices, which include:

*  Eliminate 2 Eviction votes
*  Bounty on Your Head

Raven: I don't want the $5,000 bounty...I just want us to have more food!


*  Second Veto


*  Can't play in Next HoH
*  Save a Friend

Matt:  That one must be for Paul, because Friendship.

Raven:  Awww.


***FUCKED UP-DATE***

Well, apparently Mark did win "Save a Friend" and he GAVE IT TO PAUL, so Paul cannot go on the block this week.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Supposedly Mark didn't feel like he had anyone else to give it to, and wanted to be sure everyone else was a potential evictee this week.

Um....maybe Mark could try playing the game, extending deals to make some game connections.  He could try.  Anything but just bending over and blowing Paul.

And Raven won the "Can't play in HoH Next Week".  Like that even fucking matters.

The "Bounty on your Head" means that if you draw that "prize", then the HoH who eventually evicts you wins $5,000.  Damn that is harsh.

As you were.  Probably screaming.

****

The ice cream is pretty stiff since they store it in the storage room freezer.  In past seasons I have learned that the freezer in the kitchen isn't really very cold, perhaps since so many people open and close it, so they keep the ice cream in storage.

Raven frequently drops blobs of the ice cream on the counter, so she picks them up with her hands and plops them in the bowl.


Raven:  I wonder what the Zingbot will have to say to me....maybe about how many times I keep hurting myself?

Matt, sarcastically:  It's gonna be hard for him to find anything....there's not much to go on.

I forget to tell you that Raven didn't get called into the Diary Room for one week.  And she kept talking about it, so everyone in the house knew about it.  If Raven was a savvy player, she would know that this indicates that she's doing NOTHING in the game, with NO strategy or game plans. And that would help her chances, just as getting called in constantly throughout the day can make you a target, since you look shady as hell.

But she finally got called in on Wednesday night, I think, and ran down there crowing the whole time. And now she keeps talking about that.  For example:

Raven, to Christmas: So the DR asked me, How is Matt?

BB:  RAVEN. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR DIARY ROOM SESSIONS.


Then Raven added huge blobs of generic-brand peanut butter.  Peanut butter is about 100 calories a tablespoon, so that's about 300 additional calories right there.


As we went to commercial Raven was using her hands to pull apart cookie dough to put it on the ice cream.

I switched over to the live feeds later to review what was said about the Temptation Tree and found that part of the live feeds is not available.  Nope.  You can't currently choose to watch the live feeds starting at 9:00 PM, which includes the "action" I've just discussed, up until the point Raven and Matt went in search of the tub of ice cream.

I would think that is Production hiding something if I wasn't sure it was just another Fuck Up.  It's not like we missed anything big, so while I was there I reviewed the footage of what else Raven piled on top of the peanut butter, which was piled on top of the ice cream.


You can see here that the peanut butter isn't even visible anymore, because it's covered with cookie dough.  I'm no prepared cookie dough expert, but that's got to be about 3-4 cookies worth, right?  And maybe another 375 - 500 calories, too.

And then she put a relatively dainty dollop of Cool Whip on top, which is actually the lowest calorie part of this entire "snack".


And then she did a little presentation about how we can make a "snack" like this of our own, using every bit of fake Southern accent she could muster, since Matt was sitting on the couch, watching her.


Matt helped her eat the "snack", so it's not like she ate the entire bowl.  Only about 65%, I'd say.

They whispered while they ate, plotting and scheming about what they think everyone else will do in this game.  They really don't seem to have plans of their own, and unfortunately that has worked for them so far.


This isn't the sort of "snack" that you don't have to chew, due to all of the textury cookie dough.  Raven had a full mouthful when she smooched Matt here.  I thought for a second that the plan was to give Matt a "shotgun", but thankfully that did not happen.

(Do the kids still give "shotguns"?  I guess you'd need to roll 'em up the old fashioned way to do that.)

Note the tweet below....the fans went NUTS with the snack-shaming tweets, so if  you think I"m mean, you really have no idea.  The tweets BBAD puts through are ROUGH.

NOTE TO SELF:  Why don't you try tweeting during BBAD sometime?  If I can stay awake long enough some night, I just might.  It's tough to watch live if you're an East Coaster.


Raven:  That damn puzzle comp.....FUCK ME....fuck me.  I hated everything about it.

Matt:  So gumpy.

(I feel like I'm going to vomit up THEIR snack, watching Matt's blatant, ACTUAL ass-kissing of Paul when he's NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM.)

Raven:  I'm not even gonna want to watch that episode, it was so bad.

Matt:  It was so bad, I'm not upset I lost.  It was so bad that it doesn't matter.  It would have taken me a whole hour to just do the first puzzle.

Raven:  Holler Derrick!  I hope Derrick wasn't freaking out when he rang the bell and I was right there, jumping into his arms.  I'm such a big fan, Derrick.  You need to watch my DR Derrick, to hear all about it.

(Ha ha ha.  Raven thinks her DR sessions will actually air on CBS. Ha ha ha ha.)

Matt:  Now I'm expecting a visit from FRANKIE next!

(MATT.  IS.  LITERALLY.  THE.  WORST.  EVERYTHING.  EVER.)


Well, after Matt spewed the EFF WORD, the cameras couldn't wait to change channels, even though the new conversation was less than scintillating.

Mark:  My Buffalo commute is a bitch, after my new job.  It's 15 minutes, which is a lot for Buffalo.

Mark:  Driving 45 minutes to get anywhere is normal for Miami.

Jason is sound asleep in the next bed and Josh says he sleeps like a big baby.  Josh wants to expand his business when he gets home, adding more products and expanding his web page.  (His family has a beauty product business and Josh started an online store, which has outperformed everyone'e expectations, including his family's.)

Josh:  I want my own warehouse, too, with my own office.  Right now I'm working out of my dad's place, but when I get home I'm going to start looking for deals on office space.


Mark told them about the Semester at Sea program he went on through the University of Virginia.  They started by flying to the Bahamas for a few days, then sailed to Barcelona and various other European ports of call.  Mark said the Italian women were all tall with long brown hair and they were very sexy.

Josh:  Ummmm.

Kevin:  Did you kiss one?

Mark:  No, I didn't do that.  But they love big men.

Josh:  I need to go there, then.

Mark said that there are big cruise ships sailing around, and then there are tiny little boats like his Semester at Sea boat, which held around 300 people.  You could walk the entire ship in about 30 minutes.

(You know, once upon a time the Real World filmed an entire season aboard a Semester at Sea boat.  It was a pretty bad season, except for Veronica stealing Pua's shirt and then getting caught lying about it. It was a simpler time, when it took much less to make a scandal.)


They're not sure if they would come back and play BB again if asked, but they all say if they have enough time to decompress, maybe a year, then it might be something to consider.

Kevin says that five of his kids are sure to be at the Finale, and everyone will think they can be the entire cast of the show next year.  He doesn't think Andrew will attend, since high school will have already started and he's really into school.  They wondered who Andrew will stay with, since Kevin's wife will be in California.

Kevin: Andrew can stay with Lori and Gene, our friends.  They have a daughter who's a sophomore who goes to the same high school.  My daughter goes with their son, you know.


BB:  JASON IS DOING SOME EXTREME DREAMING!

Jason wakes from a sound sleep and fumbles with his Xtreme helmet, trying to put it on so he can stand up and shout, as required by his punishment.

Mark started watching BB with his mother when he was in middle or high school, and says he "fell in love".  Kevin asked if there were any old people on the show, and Josh assured him "no one like you".  Kevin pushed further, asking if there were any old people "who dressed up".   Earlier in the season it was clear that Kevin knew who both Renny and Jerry were from BB10, but in his attempts to get the other house guests to say their names, it was also clear that no one was familiar with that season.

Mark:  Donny was an old guy but I don't know how far he got in the game.  I usually fall in love with a girl on the show, and get really into it, but then I kind of fall off and don't finish watching the season.  It all looks so easy on TV, and then you come here and find out that it's not.

Josh:  I never watched a full season either, but I might watch this one.

(***sigh***)


Kevin claims he was meeting his daughter in Boston and saw the line to go to the open casting.

Kevin: There were 490 people there.

Kevin was cryptic about saying that "the kid from last night was there, too", and then saying "the one with the last name starting with C"  was, too.

Josh: Yeah, I know who you're talking about.

(Cody Califiore?)

Kevin was on the same bus as Josh during casting in LA.

Kevin:  I gave you gum, remember?

Dominique and Elena were on the bus with Josh and Kevin, too.  Mark said it was just he and Jessica on his bus, and Josh suddenly remembers that Whistle-Nut was on their star studded bus, too.  Josh said that the interview day gave him anxiety "through the roof".  He was requesting melatonin to help him relax.  Cody was always just before him in his interviews.  (I'm assuming he is referring to interviews for the casting process.  I know the final session is in a room of CBS executives like Les Moonves.)  Mark says he didn't see shit as far as any other cast members on his interview day.

Supposedly Cody got very far in the BB15 casting process, from what I've heard him say, and I think Mark got very close to the action last summer, for BB18.


This is an interesting fan poll.  Paul was NOT happy when Derrick showed up holding a BB duffle bag, but I'm sure none of the house guests would have liked to see Derrick move in with them.


The clock neared midnight, the end of the Have Not week, so Paul and Kevin went in the kitchen to start cooking.  They both wanted breakfast sandwiches, which are an easy option, I guess.

Jason got a can of sardines in his HoH basket.....dude has some weird food cravings.  He dumped out a can on a plastic tray and popped one in his mouth.


Kevin told the cameras that Paul planned to toast his bread in bacon grease, but Kevin plans to just build his sandwich with an English muffin from the toaster.


Kevin told the group about seeing Cody open a package containing four chicken breasts.

Kevin:  He started chopping them all up and after he chopped an onion I asked him if he was gonna eat all of that chicken by himself.  And he did...four full chicken breasts.  I know his stomach hurt after that, but he ate it anyway, out of spite.  And then I told him that I noticed he put weight on.

Paul:  You did not!

Kevin:  I DID!  He was right there when I said it.

(It's true that Cody had developed quite a gut in the weeks before he was evicted the second time.)


Kevin:  And that motherfucker ate a whole dozen eggs, too!   I watched him crack one egg at a time.  Do you know how much cholesterol is in a dozen eggs?  He'll be choked out dead before 35 eating like that!


Paul gave Kevin some bacon for his sandwich as they watched the clock.  There were five or six minutes to go at this point.


Josh:  Sit down and eat, Kevin.

Kevin:  I can't!  I've got five minutes left to wait!


Christmas cracked the eggs for them.  Kevin requested his egg be "solid", with nothing running out of it.


Thank god within seconds it seemed like the eggs didn't even look like eggs anymore. That's a good thing, to me.


And then the kitchen clock struck midnight, and it was Go Time.

Kevin, joking:  I'm not hungry.


Paul sliced his sandwich and immediately crunched right into it.


Paul:  Mmmm.


Kevin ate his sandwich standing up, outside of the camera's view.

Another group of Have Nots survived another Have Not week.


***ABOUT THE TITLE***

Sometimes when you stare at a word, it looks very strange.  And keeps getting stranger, the more you look at it.  "Scream" is one of those words to me.


Friday, August 18, 2017

I've Got No Beef With You, Babe. #BB19

We've waited nearly two months for tonight to occur, and finally tonight is here.  The first Double Eviction of the season aired live on CBS on August 17th, 2017.  And I guess Julie is opting to go the safe route again with her live TV fashions, choosing a basic A-line frock clearly designed to be wearable right off the rack for a variety of department store customers.

I conclude that the Chenbot would like us to focus on the show from now on, and not her various fashion faux pas.  OK Julie, I can respect that.


But I do have to mention the bows on either side of your waist on this frock, Julie.

 Yes, there is a large pale pink bow on either side of the waistline of this dress.  I'm pretty sure the CBS seamstress could have carefully removed those bows before the show tonight for you.  And I'm also fairly certain that the CBS seamstress could have artfully stitched them back on so the dress could be returned for a full refund on Friday afternoon.  Just saying.


There was a short clip of the "Cereal Gate" argument shown during the first segment of the live show, but it mainly focused on the Josh vs. Elena portion of the tag-team fight.  And I LOVE this shot of Mark staring down the action.  But where was the cereal in all of this?  We saw no mention of Alex verbally shredding Cody because he consumed her entire box of Honey Nut Cheerios.

I hope a lot of casting directors are watching this, to get a load of what Big Mark has to offer the entertainment industry.  Not only is Mark a He-Man Beast, he is also very handsome and can say quite a bit without speaking a word.


We feel your pain, Big Mark.  And we will all gladly pay the $14.50 (or whatever) to buy the admission price when you are co-starring with The Rock (or whoever) on next year's blockbuster action movie.  Or to see Big Mark play the role of the lovable fraternity (dare I say it) meatball, costarring with Jim Carrey as the hapless doofus  president of the national chapter, cracking down after campus complaints over unruly frat conduct.

Speech coaches can easily erase Mark's Buffalo accent, but I hope they let him keep it, because I find the northern accents charming and the movie-goers will, too.


Julie announced to the group that tonight was a Double Eviction, and you can see Jason put his hands up over his mouth, an "Oh my God" type of action.

You have no idea Jason....and neither did we.


Elena, Cody and Matt were on the block of course, and took their turn making their speeches.


I'm sure Elena would like another take of her speech, but that's not possible with live TV.  She made the mistake of trying to be too clever, taking aim once more at Dominique's (WHO?) eviction speech and tripping over her words MULTIPLE times.

Elena was just a little too sure that she was safe, I think, and this speech will surely not be included on her Sizzle Reel.  The cameras weren't even focused on her during the worst of it---we just saw her hands flailing in the corner of the camera shot as Josh enjoyed a tight close up of his mostly-expressionless face.


Last time Elena took aim at Dominique with her eviction speech, Dominique had some things to say about it, but I just checked her Twitter feed and all she did yesterday is re-tweet messages from her pastor.

Is Dominique calling herself a liar here?  Because I think she fits the two stated criteria.  Just saying.  But it's nice that she's not gloating about tonight's live show results.  Or maybe she's just over it and didn't tune in.


And Matt was super comfortable up there, cracking wise about his cereal-eating habits.  Matt does have a goal this summer after all, folks---he wants to eat 1,000 bowls of crunchy crap.

Matt isn't just a Pawn Star, after all.


And Cody dropped some bombs of his own, telling the house guests during his own speech that Alex and Jason tried twice to flip the house last week, coming to Cody for help both times.  Cody admitted to Julie Chen later that he made it all up, but I wish he had consulted with someone before making up the False Facts.  Someone like Elena, who could have helped him craft a better story to help out both herself and Mark in the game.  Elena could have helped Cody dribble back those false facts into more digestible nuggets of fiction.

For example, if Alex and Jason went to Cody with just one plan to flip the house, why wouldn't he have worked with them on it?  And if Cody just said Jason did that, or maybe Jason and Kevin, it might have been believable. But Alex?  Paul is well aware that Alex has nearly OD'ed on his Kool Aid at this point and would never turn against The Friendship now.

So Paul was flouncing around on his way to the DR to vote Cody out, really putting on a prancy display as he made his way across the living room to cast the first vote. But THIS is the view of Paul that we all want to see as soon as possible.

Don't let that door hit you on the ass, Paul, even if it is just the Diary Room door, and not the door that leads to civilization, and the Chenbot.


Raven cast her vote to evict Cody, too.  I don't know about you, but I would have hated Raven at least 18% less if she had cast a secret hinky vote for Matt to leave.  You know, just for fun and to stir some shit up in there.  Because NO ONE would have suspected that out of Raven.

Of course, Kevin would have been the one to blame.  But that would help out both Matt and Raven, right?


It was Christmas' turn to wear Richie Schlehuber's shirt, except I don't think Richie actually owned this shirt.  Based on some old news articles I found, I think Kevin put together a softball team to play in Richie's honor, and that is where this shirt originated.


When Julie revealed the unanimous results, Cody jumped up and walked right across the glass table. The worrywart in me was immediately concerned that the glass might break.  Because Ikea-like quality.

Christmas: WOW.

They must have discussed just sitting there and not saying goodbye to Cody, because not one person stood up as he walked right over them to the door.  And the table held without cracking, so that was a relief.

Standing on the coffee table after being evicted isn't unprecedented though.  You might recall that Zach Rance stood on the table after his eviction vote was announced, and he did his little Zach Dance and tossed out a few handfuls of Froot Loop to the crowd.  Nicole later said that when it was time for the Jury Buy Back (which she won) Zach wasn't even that excited about the opportunity to get back in the game, because he was happy with the way he left the first time.


On RHAP last night, Jessica said that she wished Cody had closed the inner door before leaving, to prevent all of the camera whores inside from getting a look at the audience.  You can see Kevin and Jason peeking out in this picture, but unfortunately I didn't capture Paul jumping UP and DOWN behind Kevin to get his own view of what was just outside the door.


The HoH competition is indeed a shuffleboard contest, but in the "knock out" style, where the winner of each head-to-head battle will name the next two contestants, which allows the contestants to "knock out" the players they fear most.

I had to laugh this morning when I listened to RHAP as they bemoaned the fact that this style of competition made the odds of Mark or Elena losing much higher.  I think it was Brent that said Production was stupid for holding this competition because the format ensured that Mark and Elena would be broken up as a duo.

Look, I'm not happy about The Paul Show either, but Production rigging the game to help "Marlena" out is just as wrong as Production arranging for Paul's safety in the early weeks of the game.  In fact, Mark and Elena could also have used the knock out strategy to target the others, but when the time was right, this DID NOT occur.  In fact, Paul only played in this competition when he had to, being the only one possible to play against Christmas when it was down to three players.

So.....chew on that for a few minutes.  Mark had TWO chances to select the teams to play next, and he didn't choose Paul EITHER time, as you will see shortly. I've been watching Big Brother from the very beginning, and can say that I've often felt really heated after a live show for one reason or another, but then after reviewing what actually happened later, and maybe watching the show again, things look a little different.  If it was stressful for me watching from home (AND IT WAS) then the pressure they must feel inside the house is unfathomable.

I actually had to STAND UP and move about 10 inches away from my TV screen to watch this play out, I was so damn nervous.  So let's try to forgive the mistakes these human beings made tonight on live TV.  Right after we discuss those mistakes here, of course.


Julie told us that the first two contestants, Matt and Josh, were selected by random draw during the commercial break.  Whoever's disk slid furthest from the starting line without falling off the shuffleboard would win the round and select the next two players.

I must point out that in keeping with the shuffleboard theme, the set was decorated like a cruise ship, or an ocean liner.  Or are those the same thing? Either way, the plastic panels hanging like curtains certainly captured that "Lido Deck" feeling.  On several occasions the wind blew as they played, which caused the panels to sway in the breeze.  I already felt seasick, watching this, so that certainly didn't help matters.

Josh won this first battle, sending Matt over to the side to stand alone, the first loser of the competition.  Josh chose Mark and Elena as the next two contestants, showing us that he does understand the concept of the knockout approach.


The results of this round were a squeaker....you can see that Mark's red puck just barely made it farther than Elena's puck.

Then Mark chose Josh and Christmas to compete against each other.  Why not throw Paul in the lion's den, Mark?  I started to worry a little about Mark's plans in the game, to be honest.


Christmas fumbled with her crutches as she stepped up to shuffle, and also when she stepped down after winning this round, eliminating Josh and choosing Raven and Mark as the next two players.

(And note that after tonight is over, if Raven and Matt don't flip sides they are truly the BIGGEST IDIOTS Big Brother has ever seen.  In the US version, at least.  Because the choices made by people they were supposed to be working with tonight proved they are INCIDENTAL to the game.  But I guess they skipped on by again, so maybe they will look at tonight as a victory.)


Mark made easy work out of Raven, beating her soundly and sending her shuffling over to the Loser Deck.

THEN GET THIS:  Mark chose Christmas and FUCKING KEVIN to play each other next.

WHY NOT PAUL, MARK?  Surely Paul was just laughing his ass off over there under all of that nasty beard hair.  We'd never know if that was the case, of course, under that thick skeevy mess.


And look how close Christmas' red disk was to the edge.....she really took it to the limit on this one, sending her friend Kevin over to the side, where I'm sure he admired the attention to detail that was present in the plastic backdrop.  If it weren't a busy Double Eviction night I'm positive the losers would have enjoyed fruity cocktails with little umbrellas in them to complete the vacation theme.

Christmas was running out of options here, choosing Mark and Jason to compete in the next round.


And Jason won.  Once again Mark's facial expressions say it all here as he gives Jason a sorrowful high five.  And Josh decided to be the Biggest Loser on the sidelines, clapping to show how happy he was about Mark's defeat.  All he needed was his Teflon pans to make sure we understand what group he's with.  We get it Josh.

After Jason won the round, the only two players left were Christmas and Paul so that decision was already made for Jason.  Christmas was caught off-guard by this, seeming shocked and unprepared to play again, fumbling for her crutches and looking slightly panicked as Julie pointed out the inevitability of this match up.

Julie:  Whoever wins this round will face off with Jason to be HoH.


And Christmas DID IT AGAIN,  landing on the edge of the board to eliminate Paul.  You might think I just copied the same picture here again, but please scroll up and look---I'm not that lazy.  And she was literally on the edge, sending Paul overboard to the side and out of the competition.

(On RHAP, Brent said he thought Christmas tried to throw it to Paul here.  I disagree.  Christmas couldn't have been any more accurate here with her shot.  Even a millimeter more might have tipped her disk over the edge.)

Do you think Paul was that worried though?  With the new HoH being Christmas or Jason?


Jason won the final round, his colorful fringe flying as he slapped hands and hugged everyone who approached him.  We would not see Jason appear happy again on this live show, however, until it was all over and the closing credits scrolled by, calling it a night.


Julie shooed them all inside the house, saying that Jason would be making his nominations next.

There was quiet tension as everyone filed in, until Josh came inside, that is.

Josh:  BYE!  BYYYYY-EEEEE!

(Totally unnecessary, and quite foolishly premature, as the nomination seats hadn't been filled yet, and we still had the PoV to look forward to.)


Reality slapped Jason HARD as he realized what he was about to have to do on live TV.  I do think that if he was given a day to plan and take meetings like a normal HoH reign, the outcome might have been different.

I had to stand up during this segment, too.  I was too nervous to stay seated, and I was wishing I could telegraph what I know to Jason, issuing the order that we all wanted desperately to see happen.


Mark was the first to interact, with Jason saying he would "make a speech.....I'm going to make a speech, and everything is going to be okay".

And Paul fucking HOVERED, making sure he was present whenever someone else tried to speak with Jason.  Was Paul suddenly worried about Cody's lies during his eviction speech?  Because Cody specifically said that Paul would be one of Jason's targets, but only after he won HoH.  And Paul couldn't help but notice that Jason just won HoH.

Paul started to blabber about Jason getting a letter from home, and pictures of Holly and Gatlin.  I tried to send the green apple on the top row, second from the left, an urgent message telepathically, to hurl itself off the wall and into Paul's scalp, causing him to fall to the floor, writhing in (silent) pain.

But alas, that did not happen.

Jason:  How much time do we have?

Paul:  No time.  There is no time.


Get out of there you camera whore.


Finally Jason was in the room alone with Alex, saying he needed to get his thoughts together.  But Paul had to barge back in, tempting fate that the apples wouldn't attack him after all, mashing his head into a fruity cobbler.

No, I am not high.  And this wasn't fun to watch, because I could feel Jason's shock and fear.  He's not afraid to run in the path of a pissed-off 800 pound bull, but what he is about to do is terrifying.

Jason:  Being HoH on this live show is my biggest nightmare!  I'm gonna barf.

Paul mentioned the pictures of Holly and Gatlin AGAIN, also saying something about "seeing them online" and "it hasn't happened yet'.   He told Jason that he needed to be strong now, that now is the time for Jason to be strong.


After a short commercial break, Jason nominated Mark and Elena for eviction.  And this part is important, because everyone online missed it.  I know I didn't get it when watching live, but after re-watching the entire episode this morning, I now understand Jason's speech, and his message was quite different  on a second viewing.

Jason wasn't speaking to the studio audience, he was speaking to Mark, telling him that Cody told him day after day after day not to trust Mark, that Mark cannot be trusted.  And then Jason mentioned Mark telling him after they played chess that if they "don't take him out this week, it will never happen".

Jason:  I just can't get in between whatever was going on between the two of you.

So Jason is talking about Mark targeting CODY, NOT PAUL.  Jason wanted to work with both of them, I think, but he knew they both distrusted each other. He didn't feel he could really trust Mark, after what Cody said about him seemed to be true.  Jason also wants to be friends with Mark after the season is over, and that is genuine.  It's not a plea for a Jury Vote-----Jason did not have time to even think about that.  He's a fucking RODEO CLOWN, not a TV presenter.

 

Sorry Janelle---you will always be the BB Queen to me, but Jason was talking about Cody, not Paul. Mark knew exactly what Jason was referring to (He nodded.), and it's too bad the viewing audience didn't know. Maybe we will see some footage that clarifies this on a future episode.  I hope so.  I wish that Jason would have nominated Paul, but he didn't have the votes for that. Of course, I'm not even sure Jason knows he needed to do that, but whatever.  And for people who think Jason should have nominated Kevin, you can all go fuck yourselves.

Just kidding.  I don't talk to my readers like that.  But c'mon.....Kevin is Jason's buddy.  You'd might as well blame Jason for not nominating Alex.

***DISAPPOINTING BUT IMPORTANT UPDATE***

I'm watching the Friday night episode now, and there is footage of the situation, and apparently I was wrong.  Jason was referring to Paul here, and not Cody.  So I wanted Jason to display a mind of his own here, but that was NOT THE CASE.    I love Jason and was trying to make excuses for him.  But if Paul was a rodeo bull, Jason might be in the ICU right now.

***SIGH***

Jason:  And you Elena....I've got no beef with you, Babe.  We're a rodeo family and I hope you don't hold it against me.

Straight from the heart.  Sincere. That is Jason Dent.


And as we came back from commercial to see the PoV, we saw the Zingbot working the crowd, waving his tiny arms around like a true showman.  That is our signal that the Zingbot PoV will occur this Saturday (tomorrow), pumping us up to get ready for some great insults.

I would have liked to see Cody interact with the Zingbot.  Maybe next year.


Julie tells us that Raven, Josh and Matt have been randomly selected to "play" for the PoV.  And I say "play" because I think they were just pretending to compete, it seems.


Each PoV player had to assemble three puzzles, laying all of the pieces flat before moving on to the next one.  These type of puzzles can be a challenge, since they are all angles and shapes, and having to put them together on live TV adds another layer of panic, I'm sure.

I noticed that Jason's fringe got in the way several times.  But he was neck-and-neck with Mark the entire time.


Everyone else was neck-and-neck too, vying for the role of Most Pathetic Competitor.   I think Josh and Elena eventually finished the first puzzle, but Matt and Raven couldn't even do that.

I'll bet no one is angrier about all of this than Les Moonves. I'll bet Les would like to punch Matt right in his smirky face, or at least designate that task to one of his lackeys.  Maybe having one of the production assistants spit into Matt's bag of cornflakes would be close enough for Les.


Because there is a Safari theme, we heard frequent sound effects such as an elephant's roar, and a monkey screeching.  Even with those sounds, CBS still had to bleep some of the action as this competition played out.  And I think some of the bleeping came from the sidelines, as the other players saw what the result would be.


Julie was busy letting us know that Josh finally completed the first puzzle, or some shit like that, while we suddenly saw Mark dash down to press the button.  There was a second or two of a delay, while we all panicked.  Mark even went back to his first puzzle to make sure all pieces laid flat in the frame, and then the announcement was made.

Big Mark was the Big PoV Winner tonight, so kudos to Mark and his bulging biceps.


As we went to commercial, Jason worked to complete his third puzzle, just a few pieces shy of completion.  Mark later asked Jason how he felt about the competition, saying that he felt very shaky himself as it all played out.

I don't think Mark will blame Jason for nominating him, based on that interaction.  And I think Jason is happy that Mark won the PoV, because now Mark is safe and Jason didn't have to stick his neck out for him.  It is clear that Jason did not try to throw the PoV...he was just a few fringe-placement brushes away from winning the necklace himself.

The sidelines look like a funeral, don't they? Even down to their dark clothing choices....


As soon as Mark won the PoV, he went to embrace Elena, who said it was okay, accepting her fate to join Cody in the Jury House.

Mark, picking her up off the floor:  I'm crazy about you.

That is every girls dream, right there.  Or at least 92.6% of us, and probably at least 24.3% of the men watching, too.


And Mark spent a few minutes alone with Elena before the vote took place, if you consider millions of people watching as "alone" time.

Mark:  What we have here is real.  The feelings I have for you...they're real.

Elena told him that "if he can float with the guys for awhile..." as the cameras shifted back to the living room, and the PoV Ceremony about to take place.


Elena joked that Mark could use the PoV on her, and then Julie Chen joked that Mark could decide not to use the PoV, either.

Mark got a chuckle out of that, but of course he did save himself with the PoV, and then it was Jason's turn for another live speech.


And Jason is an old pro at it this time, already having gone through the hardest part of his HoH duties.  And there was noticeable relief in his voice that Mark was safe.  I mean, after all, Mark is a huge target in the game.  And he's still there.  So until Mark wins the next PoV, people like Paul, Kevin, Jason, Alex, and even Matt and Raven can breathe a sigh of relief.

Jason, keeping it short and sweet:  Matt, if you don't mind I'll put you right there next to Elena.


If it's any consolation to Elena, she looked GORGEOUS tonight, giving us a Bridgette Bardot vibe, if Bridgette was Anna Nicole Smith's second cousin.

The pale lipstick made all the difference here.  But the speech was still worrisome, because for some reason Elena spent precious time telling her mother to make an appointment for Lily the Dog's tooth cleaning.  And then telling her mother she would be getting drunk in the Jury House for her birthday.

Okay:

1.  Why didn't Elena provide a persuasive argument to stay in the game?  Why not bust out with some Anti-Matt Chatter, because I've seen her improvise a solid ten on that several times this summer.  Why just give up?

2.  For someone who can be so witty and sharp with her words, this speech was awful.  She was on morning radio---surely she could have come up with something more entertaining on-the-spot than that, particularly since she made it clear she expected to leave the game momentarily.

But she did go out on a high note, beauty-wise.  So I guess Elena can be grateful for that.  Elena was an entertaining house guest this summer, and always a pleasure to watch on the live feeds.  I learned a few new ways to curse from Elena Davies.  I've got no real beef with you, Babe.


And she did keep us all guessing about her plans with Big Mark after the show.  That's a good move, I think, as she gracefully side-swiped Julie's gossipy question.

She admitted that she "liked" Mark, and for Elena, that's a big admission. I am predicting boozy grilled cheese sandwich sessions in the wee hours of the morning at the Jury House for the rest of Elena's summer.


And Julie tells us that the special Friday night episode on CBS will feature a visit from Derrick.

Yes, Derrick, whose new book was just released and recently got approved by Target for sale in every store. I'm actually going to give it a look on my next visit to Target---the concept is about using an undercover detective's skills to succeed in life.  We can all use all of the success we can get.

HERE'S THE THING:  Derrick has not been shy about expressing his views about the mob-mentality of the game this season.

Will Production give Derrick the go-ahead to give the house guests some undercover advice of his own?  Maybe telling them to play their own damn game?  Or let them know that America hates the way they are treating each other?  I think they will.  I think Derrick is the perfect choice to do this, too.

Derrick actually met Kevin at a casting call this year, and Kevin invited Derrick over for a spaghetti dinner.  Derrick told the casting team that Kevin was a smooth character, so it will be interesting to see them interact when Derrick pays them a visit.  Derrick isn't a big Raven fan, either, so watch for signs of that as well.


This is Jason talking to Mark about the PoV comp.  Raven didn't have much to say about it, I'm guessing.  She did high-five Matt right on camera, saying "We suck".

Yes you do, Raven.  Quite regularly.


These bitches are angry.  And at least one of them is probably ready for her medication.  But don't shed too many tears for them.

BIG SPOILER AHEAD.


No one even questions the veracity of this Reddit tweeter anymore.  He or she has been accurate every time.

Julie Chen's son is too young to do this, right?