Thursday, June 16, 2016

Meet Jozea Flores - Turn to the Right #BB18


The gentleman in the hat is Jozea Flores, who is a 25-year-old make up artist who grew up in Bridgeton NJ.  But Jozea lives in Los Angeles now....because that is where the action is, right?

In case you don't get the title reference, its from Raising Arizona, one of the funniest movies ever made.


I don't want you to get your hopes up about reading this.  I'm not sure I can make Jozea's introduction compelling reading, without straying far, far away from the script.  But I'll give it a try.  I am going to have to dig deep, though.

Are you wondering why Jozea is sitting sideways like that?  I know in the real world it is considered polite to face the person you are talking to, but this is not that.  This is a freaking on-camera interview and we'd like to feel that Jozea is talking to us.  The bigger question is WHY DIDN'T JEFF TELL HIM to turn towards the camera?

I can already tell that I'm going to act like a big Know-It-All during this interview.  In fact, I'm already annoyed with myself, so I apologize in advance for being obnoxious.


OK.  As the interview starts, Jozea turns toward the camera to introduce himself, and then turns back to Jeff.  So he KNOWS where to look....he's just not doing it.

Jozea:  Hi everyone.  My name is Jozea and I'm a celebrity make-up artist from New York City.

(He pronounces it "Joe-zay".)


Jeff:  Whoooo......celebrities.  Got any good dish for us?  This is about you, but....

Jozea shrugs.

Jeff:  Maybe just one good story.

Jozea:  Maybe I'll just keep it to myself.

Jeff, pretending to be happy about that response:  OK!  I like it!

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

I could tell you names Jeff, but I'd have to kill you, ha ha ha, because all of the big stars like to keep their business private.....I can say that I work on several local TV productions and also a few runway shows.  I also helped a few ladies get ready for the Grammy Awards this year, so that was a big accomplishment for me.


Jeff:  Do you know Jose Aldo, the fighter?  This is about you, but it's just an association.

Jozea:  No, I don't know him.

Well, Jose's name isn't even spelled the same, but I guess Big Jeff is trying to dig deep, too


Jeff: So, are you a fan of Big Brother?

Jozea:  Yeah...I recently got into it after the recent season just past, and I find it to be such an amazing show...very strategic, very amazing...kinda to play with...you know...different contenders...and learn how to play the game.

Jeff looks over at us with bug eyes, nodding:  Yep, a lot of different personalities...a lot.

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

You know Jeff, it's the funniest thing.  I was wandering around the CBS parking lot last week, trying to find out where I can drop off my resume to do the makeup for Two Broke Girls, and a skinny, tan lady outside smoking a cigarette asked me if I'd heard of Big Brother.  I started telling her about my big sister, and she asked me to come in the office and fill out some paperwork.  She told me there would actually be four broke girls in the house for me to work with.


Jeff wants to know how far Jozea will go...what does winning mean to him?

Jozea:  Winning is going to mean a lot to me.  I have a lot riding on this, so I'm going to pull out all the stops, and all the tricks to win.

Jeff, surprised:  Oh!  So you're going to play hard!  We're going to see some game play out of you!

Jozea:  Superb game play. Superb!

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

I don't have a god damned clue, Jeff.  And if you're wondering why I'm sitting to the side like this, it's a tip I got from Ariana Grande when I was on her Glam Squad for a video shoot.




Jeff:  What are you leaving behind this summer besides your job?  Are you single?  Are you leaving somebody behind?

Jozea, sighing:  Well, that topic is a little bit touchy.  But you know....I am single...and I left behind family, and friends, and definitely the job, but you know, jobs come and go.

Jeff:  I hear ya.

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

Well that's none of your damn business, Jeff.  I don't even know you!  I don't kiss and tell on live TV!  That person knows who they are, and I know who they are, and speaking of leaving behind, I'll just leave it at that.  ***snaps***


Jeff:  What are the positives that are gonna be great for your game?

Jozea:  Um...some amazing things that are gonna be great for my game are basically being myself, and being true to my strategy...to the max.

(OMG. Even Lawon could have answered that question better than that.)



****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

My friend Lawon shared a lot of great tips and inside information that is going to give me the edge this summer against the others.  He won a Super Power, you know, so that advice is legit...to the max.


Jeff:  What are some holes in your game?  You know, like some road bumps...do you see anything like that for this summer?

Jozea:  Yet, I haven't.

Jeff:  Oh, wow!

Jozea:  But as the competition proceeds, I will be observing.

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

Whatever, Jeff.  Stop being so negative with me.  Next.


Jeff:  I know you know the motto, Expect the Unexpected...you know that, don't you?  What are you expecting in there?

Jozea:  I'm expecting people to be a little bit different...

Jeff, laughing:  Well, let me tell you right now, you can definitely expect that!  What else?

Jozea, laughing too, even though he doesn't get the joke:  So, people to be different, and kind of to watch out for my surroundings, to make sure that I'm on top of his game 24-7 throughout the whole competition.

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

Well, I came in here with my kit and expected to be doing your makeup, so I'm not sure why you're asking me all of these questions.  I do expect smokey eyes to be the trend right through the summer, with a pale lip.

OK.  This is just too damn painful for everyone.  And we're never getting this time back.  Let me just extract the remaining conversational nuggets like this:

*  Jozea doesn't expect the boring downtime to be a problem for him this summer, because he's an "Energizer Bunny".

*  He's not going to be the philosopher of the house, instead he's going to be "spartan".

At this point Jeff just kind of gave up and said it would be awesome if he and Jozea were dressed just alike for the interview.  (ha ha ha)

*  The last time Jozea cried was when he found out someone took some food out of the refrigerator that he had been looking forward to eating.  It was "specific food" from Puerto Rico, and he "had no more".  It was a fruit called a quenepa and they can't get it very often.


*  Jozea knows how to cook, and might use those skills to put some people in the house to sleep.  They "joked" about serving turkey because it contains tryptophane.


Jozea doesn't care if America hates him.  He's going in there and he's going to win it, no matter what.

Jeff:  So you're aware of the live feeds...you know this is 24-7, all the time.

Jozea, nodding:  Oh yeah!


*** FEEDWATCHER FORECAST ***

This may be the worst house guest ever selected for the US version of Big Brother.  I'm sure Jozea is a nice guy and all, but he has no business being anywhere near the BB house, unless he's touching up the Chenbot's powder during a commercial on the live show.  And believe me, by the time this is over, he'll wish that was the case.

My biggest fear at the moment is that he will receive goat status, and get dragged way too far in the game.

Why didn't he say he'd use his makeup artist skills to curry favor with the girls, and make himself an indispensable part of the live show preparation in the house?

Why is he wearing that damn hat?  It reminds me of this, which we'd be lucky to get this summer.


But I'm really afraid he'll be more like this:


And I know there are pictures out there of Jozea in his undies, but to me beauty does not make up for his total lack of verbal game.  But while we're here, we might as well take a peak.



If you want to read Jozea's CBS bio, here it is, but I'd just scan it if I were you.  Prepare yourself for the Frankie Grande reference.  If you're still here, that is.


In case you need me to say it, Jozea doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning BB18.

Finding qualified candidates for this show must be harder than we think, right?  Because this seems like a HORRIFIC choice so far.  Maybe some other guy couldn't pass the background check or something.

****

And Jozea, if you ever read this, I watched the damn video twice and reported almost exactly what you said. So please don't go all James Huling on me and freak out.  Thank you.

Get Ready for a Trip----Julie Gives us a Tour of the #BB18 House

I have to say I love the Departure Lounge, and also all three of the bedrooms.

(And they got rid of that sandy floor in bathroom, as expected.)


I wonder who holds the HoH title right NOW?

I don't want all of us to get too excited about this, but if Heath Luman says it, it must be true.  I don't think he'd yank our chains about this...he knows how crazy the Super Fans can be....


Meet Zakiyah Everette - She's Slaying For Love and Money. #BB18


This new house guest is Zakiyah Everette, who is a 24-year-old preschool teacher from Charlotte, North Carolina.

First of all, she pronounces her name just like it's spelled, with a soft "y".  Like this: Zak-e-ah.  And obviously Zakiyah is a KNOCK OUT.


Zakiyah:  I'm a pre-school teacher.  I teach three-year-olds.

Jeff:  That's perfect timing for this summer!


Zakiyah is just bursting with energy and excitement.  She keeps kind of clapping and waving her arms around.  It should come as no surprise that she's a BB fan.

Jeff:  So, are you a fan of da show?

Zakiyah:  I am!  I am!  I've been watching since Season 3.  (giggles)


Jeff:  Are you tripping out, being here?

(i.e., sitting next to me?)

Zakiyah laughs and says it is becoming more real now.  I can see that she is indeed tripping, which makes me so happy. In fact she's nearly speechless, putting her hands up in front of her face as an ineffective shield.

Jeff:  I mean, this is happening.  You're on!  This is real.  It's all happening now.  The wait is over!  You're here!

Zakiyah:  And I'm sitting next to you!

Jeff:  This is it---it's all going down!

(I think it would be so funny if she scooted way over so she was touching Jeff.  Do you think he would be the one tripping out?  What would Big Jeff do if someone went in for a kiss?  I DO NOT want to be on BB (maybe Survivor, though) but I kind of want to apply just so I can make a (faux) move on Big Jeff to see what he would do.)

(Although, we've already seen a house guest be very suggestive with Jeff, and that didn't go so well.  Yes, I'm looking at you, Amanda Zuckerman.  And get a load of that HORRIBLE spray tan.)


In response to Jeff's probing questions, Zakiyah admits she is single.

Zakiyah:  Yep, and I'm ready for a showmance.

Jeff:  You just went right for it!

Zakiyah:  I'm trying to be like you and Jordan!

Jeff, holding up his wedding ring:  Hey...you never know!

Zakiyah:  I'm ready for him!

(One of the rumored returnees lives right there in Charlotte,too, and they would make a beautiful couple. Now get in there and go get it, girl.)


Jeff:  You're a good looking girl, so are you gonna use that in da house?

Zakiyah:  I am going to use my looks and my flirty abilities to my advantage, yes.


Jeff:  But what if you really fall in love?  And what if someone is playing you and you don't know it?

(What a fucking buzzkill.  Shut up, Jeff.)

Zakiyah:  See, that's the thing.  That's where you need to play smart.  You gotta read people, you gotta observe....hopefully I have options, so I don't have to worry about that.  I feel like if I really meet somebody, he's going to prove himself to be genuine towards me and we're going to take each other to the end.

Jeff:  Awww.  I like that.

(You don't look like Zakiyah does and not have experience with guys trying to play you.  So there's that.)


I think Jeff looks different this year.  Maybe it's the lighting in there.  Maybe our Jeff is just growing up.  You know, with getting married and being a father and all.  I watched his Houseguest Hotspot interview and he said that Jordan got a job helping to manage a hair salon, but he is still "grinding it out and going to auditions".

Advice to Jeff, for the last time:  Go to a sports channel and do whatever they want you to do until you can get some on camera work.

He'd fit right into that scene, right?  I can see him now, standing in the snow on the sidelines in Buffalo, holding a mic and asking the players some tough questions:  So, Gronk, are you single and ready to mingle?

Ha ha ha.


Zakiyah says she wants to win, so she's willing to lie, and you have to manipulate.

Zakiyah:  It's nothing personal.  I just need this money, so you gotta do what you gotta do.

Jeff wonders about any negatives....what could be her downfall?

Zakiyah:  Oh, my mouth. I feel like if somebody tries me, or steps on my toes, there's going to be points where I won't be afraid to voice my concern....so I feel like this could be a problem for me.  But hopefully not!

Jeff, chuckling:  I might know a little bit about that....just a little.


Jeff wonders if Zakiyah is ready for the unexpected.  Has she thought about that?

Zakiyah:  Hmmm....maybe a surprise.  Hopefully there's no twins in the house, or no enemies from back home, ...if they have that I'm gonna be kinda mad, Big Brother.

Jeff:  You are a fan!  You are!

(Because the whole secret "frenemy" house guest concept was done way back in BB4, and BB8.)

Jeff assures her he has no idea of what BB has in store for her, but he wonders what type of player she's going to be.

Jeff:  Are you going to be a physical threat?  Or a tactical threat?  Are you gonna take naps all day?

Zakiyah thinks for a moment and says she will probably be a more cognitive player.  Jeff nods like he understands that and looks down at his note cards, shuffling them frantically.


Zakiyah:  I'm definitely going to think before I act-----I'll be more of a mental player.

Then Jeff asks the Big Question about being hated or loved.

Zakiyah, after a moment of thought:  Ya'll just gonna have to hate me, because I need this money!  I'm a teacher, I'm a student, and I need it!

Jeff:  Go get it!

Zakiyah, tripping out for a moment:  Thanks Jeff!

(Do they specifically tell the house guests not to touch Jeff? Because I've seen the guys lean back and put their arms on the back of the chair, but do they tell them to keep their hands off Big Jeff?  Why doesn't someone just put their arm across his shoulder, and then if that goes well, pull in for a smooch?  How great would it be to tell the other newbies that you took liberties with Jeff?  You could disclose that as you introduce yourself to the others, standing in the living room with your champagne glass in hand.  I'm kind of obsessed with that idea now. Objectifying Big Jeff.  Ha ha ha.)


*** FEEDWATCHER FORECAST ***

Meeting Zakiyah is a breath of fresh air.  For real.  She is obviously smart, and she chooses her words carefully.  And it's great to see a real Super Fan on the show.

And she may be the prettiest girl in the house this year.  I mean, look at her.


She seems really calm and sweet, but I'm sure she has an edge.  She says she might go off if someone steps to her, so she knows she must be mindful of that.  But we all know that you can only hide yourself for so long in there---the True You eventually shows itself whether you like it or not.

But that goes for everyone else, too.  Once again it is hard for me not to mention how she might react to some of the rumored returnees, but as a Super Fan she should be very familiar with all four of them.

I'm happy to say I didn't hear her mention religion once, so that is a relief.  I am so tired of the southern women making faith their platform on the show.  (Yes, I'm looking at you Jocosta.)

I don't see a whole lot of info out there on the web about Zakiyah, so let's look at her CBS bio to see if there are a few more clues.

And this is pretty sparse, too.  I've seen people already disparaging Jakiyah's chances because she named Jordan as the player she liked most.  But c'mon people.  Jordan is from Charlotte, where Zakiyah lives, and she played twice and built a life with someone she met on the damn show.

Why wouldn't Zakiyah like her?  That doesn't mean she's not going to play tough in there.

At least, I hope not.

Don't let us down Zakiyah.  Please play a strong, smart game while still being fun on the live feeds.  If she can hold it together in those first few weeks, I think she may have a shot at this thing.

After all, Rachel and Jordan both did...and they are also proud North Carolina natives.

I've already got this song stuck in my head today, so you might as well get the earworm, to.  I think that's what they call that.  I went to a party one summer with a bunch of strangers on the 20th floor of a high rise in downtown Chicago.  They started blasting this song.  I was dancing on the balcony with a French guy who spoke very little English, but by the end of the tune, he was singing along.

Good times.  Go ahead and click the button. Get your chair dance on. Let's celebrate a little, because Big Brother is just around the corner....