Saturday, August 20, 2016

Today's Forecast: Scattered Frickin' Clouds and Bursts of Frickin' Tears. (If We're Frickin' Lucky.) #BB18

Friday was a big day around the house.  Michelle had no idea what was in store for her when she sat in the Nairobi Lounge, putting on her makeup.


***AMERICA'S CARE PACKAGE SHOCKS AND STUNS***

When the Care Package touched down in the backyard, we were all shocked to find that Michelle won. The online contingent of fans seemed to be voting for Victor to win, but the viewers of the CBS show are the ones who pull the real weight....even if they don't vote 20 times each day like we did, there are over 7 million of them.

I really thought the TV People would vote for Paul, because that what Production seemed to be pushing with all of Paul's special edits last week.  You know, his dancing in the Diary Room, all of his Secret Service duties, and even giving letting him get Zingbot's closing Zing.


But that was all for naught, because Big Meech pulled out the win.

Michelle:  Thanks Reddit.

(Redditors certainly know Michelle, but the love-hate ratio seems to vary widely, usually tipping towards the negative side, particularly after her Co HoH nomination...)


Michelle announced that the Care Package benefit is that she gets to be the Co-HoH, enjoying all of the perks and prizes of Natalie's HoH reign.  We had several lengthy FISH sessions during this reveal, so I feel like we missed some action that may or may not have been interesting and entertaining.

(But you know I can always find something to say about just about everything that happens in that damn house.)





Michelle got some brownies in her Care Package and wasted no time digging in.

Victor:  Maybe they're hash brownies.

Michelle:  They're so heavy....and so good.

Michelle can't believe that America likes her enough to vote for her to win.


James probably couldn't, either.  He's probably thinking, damn, I should have gone on Reddit.


And Corey got shunned, too.  This really was the best Care Package, with the strongest prize.  Next week's prize of a "$5,000 bribe" sounds rather crappy, even if the winner is allowed to keep the money, rather than use it as a bribe.

How would Production even enforce the bribe agreement?  If a Big Brother house guest can bounce checks, surely they can welsh on a bribe offer.  If you already know you can trust a person, then theoretically you shouldn't need to bribe them.  But maybe you can agree to split the money later.

(But note, only one person will receive the 1099-MISC reporting the prize money.  If I was going to give the bribe to someone I would make damn sure that Production put the recipient's SSN on the W-9 paperwork.  Because taxes....)


What do you think Nicole is thinking here? Perhaps it goes something like this.

Nicole's purported thoughts:  Oh crap.  I thought Corey would get the Care Package because he's so frickin' cute.  And frickin' Michelle called me a frickin' snake on live TV.  This is so frickin' crappy because now we're probably going on the frickin' block. And  that's crappy.  Corey, let's go frickin' cuddle.

(I'm so OVER Corey's crappy frickin' costume.  People all over the internet refer to him as "Borey", but I don't like to use disrespectful names like that when I write.  I just think them instead.)


But if Nicole frickin' thought she and Corey were in danger, Nicole would be frickin' wrong.  Natalie and Michelle had a meeting almost immediately after Big Meech choked down that big brownie to discuss the situation. They made several important decisions.

1.  They both planned to get dressed up, wearing high heels for the nomination ceremony.


2.  After a short talk, they agreed that Michelle would nominate Paul, and Natalie would nominate Victor, because Michelle likes Victor too much to put him on the block.

Yes, Paul and Victor.  I guess Michelle can kiss that Final Three deal goodbye.

At first, Michelle was really pushing the Nicole angle, but Natalie overruled her, saying that she didn't want to put any girls on the block this week.  Because Girl Power.  Natalie wants to even the number of men and women in the house, but it's not like the guys are working together anymore.

Only Paul and Victor are working together.  James will work with whoever from week to week, regardless of gender.  And Corey isn't doing any work at all...unless Nicole frickin' tells him to.


Natalie made the point that Nicole and Corey "don't win anything", but Paul and Victor represent real threats to win competitions.

I was waiting, and WILLING Michelle to point out that Corey just swept BOTH competitions during the all-important Double Eviction, but she didn't.  I was also waiting for Michelle to point out that nobody would vote for Victor to win the game since he had already been evicted, and also to point out how many friends Nicole has on the Jury....basically to get Natalie to think in terms of the end game.

But she didn't.  Instead Natalie was really focusing on what a liar and busybody Paul is, and how he's been playing everyone in the house, and also spying on people and blabbing info.  Oh, and she found out that Paul is the one who actually made up the "F.T." nickname.

So once again, Natalie's fake boobs are part of her strategy, her reasoning for making decisions.

(When she was upset about Paulie calling her a "Venezuelan Princess" on the live show, I heard her proudly proclaim that she paid for her fake tits with her own money, so she's not a Princess after all.)


Paul burst in the room and started putting on a big show that felt very fake, and forced, particularly since he walked in on a Paul Bitch Session.

Paul:  We're so good!  They LOVE US!  They LOVE US!

(Paul, you didn't win the frickin' Care Package, hon. There is no proof that "they" love you.)


Michelle awkwardly fiddled with stuff so he wouldn't see her smirking, or make any eye contact.


Michelle started clipping in her extensions to get ready for the ceremony.  She makes it look so easy, but I really don't understand any of it.  I wouldn't know the first thing about wearing hair extensions, or even false eyelashes, for that matter.



***WORDY SIDEBAR***

I have a neighbor friend who used to have "sewn-in" extensions.  She let me feel the "seam" that ran along the back of her head and it really creeped me out.  I asked if it hurt to sleep on that seam, and she said that you get used to it.  And because she was dating a lot on Match.com at the time, I asked her what the guys said when they touched her head...didn't it gross them out? She basically said all of the Match.com guys were creepy fucks who didn't care whether her hair was real or not.

I wish I could tell you about the "fiance" she eventually met on that website, who was later sentenced to serve time in a Federal Penitentiary for nearly 15 years.  They got him for tax evasion, but the real crime was all of the MILLIONS of DOLLARS he stole from people he met online.  Agents from the Treasury Department actually staked out my neighbor's house for a few days, but they didn't look like Treasury Department people to me.  I actually walked over to the stake-out car while I was walking my dog one morning and gave them some "frickin' crap" about not being allowed to park where they were parked, which is funny in retrospect.  My mouth is going to get me killed one day if I'm not careful.

I heard one of the people who lost MILLIONS is trying to shop a movie about the story.  We have a neighborhood joke about who will play us in the film.  The popular choice to play my role is Sandra Bullock, but I doubt she would take the job, since it would be such a small supporting role.  Because basically Sandra's character in the movie would just walk her dog around the neighborhood and talk shit about the now-convicted criminal.  And Sandra would never agree to be on a Lifetime or Discovery ID movie at this point in her career.

***END OF WORDY SIDEBAR***


Victor came and and Michelle gave some small reassurances that their plan was still on. Victor was happy, and visibly relieved that Michelle had his back.  But I saw Michelle basically give Nicole the same type of assurances, so I really hoped that Nicole was the party being lied to.


But she wasn't.  Nicole and Corey escaped being nominated AGAIN.  Nicole thanked Michelle later, and they dragged Paul's name through the mud a little.  Or a lot.

Note that if the noms stay the same, Nicole and Corey will be the decision-makers this week about who goes home.  Because there are two HoH's only Nicole, Corey and James would be the voters.  So even though the chatter now is that Paul is the target, I have a Very Bad Feeling about Victor's game.

Victor needs to win this PoV.  And that's all there is to his game right now.  A PoV win is the only way he can keep safe this week, from what I am seeing in there.


Michelle got an HoH basket, with a letter and pictures of her sister and mother.


Both Victor and Paul spent considerable time studying the picture.


I think the sister on the right is the youngest one.  Michelle told a story about her going on an international flight and getting wasted, wearing that same exact outfit.  I think the sister wearing blue is the sister who had that tweeting episode a few weeks ago (Renee).

Victor wondered how old Michelle's mom is, and she said she thinks she's 51, which is the same age Victor's mom is.


Michelle's dad designs military tanks as a contractor for General Dynamics.  Victor's dad was in the Navy for 20 years, and his sister is in the military, too.  Michelle's mom is Hungarian, so the family travels to Europe quite a bit to see family.

(Pretty sure her dad has a boatload of Frequent Flier miles for them to use, too.)


James used to drive tanks in the military.  He said being so small is what qualified him for that role, because it's a cramped space.  It gets really hot inside the tank, he says, but he liked it because once you were the driver, it was "your tank" and no one else could mess with it.

Victor and Paul thought that sounds really cool.


Michelle got a can of black beans in her HoH basket and likes that the beans are the plain variety, without spices.  I think she plans to make brownies with them, using a brownie mix she also got in her basket.

(Vegans make desserts with canned beans all the time.  I've made Black Bean brownies, but from scratch and they're okay.  I prefer making Raw Brownies with dates, nuts and cocoa -- a super-delicious but highly-caloric snack.)


And she got these Fiber One bars, which she's really excited about. Victor said that in New Orleans, no one gives a damn about eating healthy food, so it's hard for him to find sometimes.

Victor:  I'd never even heard of Trader Joe's before I came here.


Let's sit back and watch Big Meech enjoy her Baked Lay's chips, wearing her coveted HoH robe.






These are cola-flavored gummy snacks, which sound absolutely disgusting, but Michelle likes them.  Paul was into it if they were rootbeer-flavored, but he says the cola flavor sucks.


Victor is being mature about his nomination, probably already focusing on what he needs to do to get ready for the PoV competition.  It sounds like a weather-related PoV, because the house guests listened to recorded messages in the wee hours of the morning that gave various "storm forecasts" about previous BB18 house guests.  Basically a lot of crap to memorize that will come into play for the PoV in some fashion.

Victor is known to have a photographic memory.  Or at least a very strong memory, so I hope he's ready for this.  He already knows that he'll be a Have Not on Saturday morning.


***PIES, AND MORE PIES***

And speaking of Have Nots, the special foods this week are pies.  Yes, more pies.


As usual, James started the "Rah Rah" happiness speech about the pies on his way down the spiral staircase, saying he hopes they'll get lemon meringue pies.

James:  Cheesecake!  Yeah!


Victor picked up a slice of Hershey Pie and said it looks good.  But we already know that Fit Vic isn't into sweets, but he didn't start complaining about it.  I'm sure he would have preferred Corndogs or some other fair-themed snack with more protein.

James:  Don't none of ya'll touch our pies.  These are our pies.


James grabbed a slice and said it was delicious.  Both the Memory Wall Victor and Real Life Victor look on stoically, aware this will not be a great week for them.

Victor later said he doesn't plan to eat much pie, because he doesn't want diabetes.  I think he might change his mind after eating slop for a few consecutive meals.  Just a guess.


Natalie read the card and did not appear to make any reading comprehension errors or pronunciation mistakes. Michelle was supposed to be a Have Not, but is now safe due to the Care Package win.


Michelle notes that she likes the pie situation, and feels she and Nicole got really screwed last week, when their only extras were sunflower seeds and corn.

It is important to note that shortly after nominations were held, both Natalie and Michelle realized they made mistakes, and are now apologizing for it.  Paul confronted both of them, but neither HoH was able to clearly articulate why they made those particular nominations.  Both girls, however, had been bitching about how Paul "swears to god" about things, but is an atheist, so his swears mean nothing.

I've said this here before, but I don't understand the whole "swearing" process.  If I swear on my brother's life and I lie, does that mean you are allowed to kill him?  And what does "swearing on the Bible" mean?  It's a book people.  If I swear on my treasured copy of Norton's Anthology of Short Fiction, and I lie, what does that mean?  Will Norton lose his residuals?

Anyway, the key point here is that the nomination excuses were lame.  They could have merely said that Paul and Victor are big threats, which they are, but of course Natalie needs to compose a list of personal infractions.

And Michele should know better.  In an alternate universe, Michelle would be savagely mocking Natalie on Reddit right now.


So now the supposed plan is for everyone except NiCorey to win the PoV and take one of the guys down, and to blindside Corey instead.  But that still leaves everything up to James, because Nicole sure isn't going to vote out Corey, leaving James and either Victor or Paul to cast the deciding votes.  But in that example I think the only deciding vote would actually be James'.  And I'm not comfortable depending on James Huling for anything except more lame pranks this season.  Sad but true.

And Victor is already running his mouth in front of James about  how this might be his 9th competition win.  Not very smart, but Fit Vic is nothing but confident going into competitions.  That's his thing...being confident.

And topless.  Confident and topless.

(T-O-P-L-E-S-S.  When you get here, you'll do it. ===> A little treat for the old school Stern fans.)


James and Victor wasted no time getting ready for naps in the Have Not room.

James:  Which bumper car do you think they boned in?

Victor, laughing:  This sucks man.

James:  Just wait until you try to stretch out in that thing.


They picked the players for the PoV, as follows:

Natalie - HoH
Michelle - HoH
Victor - nominated for eviction
Paul - nominated for eviction
James - random choice (?)
Corey - random choice


Nicole is hosting, so she's getting made up for the event. She hopes her Weather Girl costume (or whatever) is cute.  Corey doesn't plan on studying any more for the PoV...but adds that he can't remember much more than the first 2 or 3 "weather reports".

Nicole has a bad feeling though, saying that she's noticed that James won't look her in the eye.

Nicole:  This is going to be a tough week...I'm telling you.


***ALSO***

I revisited Michelle's sister's tweets, and she's much more supportive of Big Meech now, although it would be difficult for her to be less supportive than she was earlier in the season.


Renee is not a Nicole fan, apparently.


I'll just say it:  I like the Meyer sisters.  They sound like a real hoot. But no wonder the dad likes to travel all the time, right?


This makes me laugh...Ariana's fan group blocked her.


Did you know that after BB16, Nicole pretty much refused to do after-show press and interviews?  She actually wanted to be paid for appearing on Rob Has a Podcast.

So Nicole did not appear on Rob Has a Podcast.  She was supposed to be a SuperFan!  I could see not doing every Tom, Dick and Harry's podcast, but Rob's show is a must as far as I'm concerned.

I actually like Nicole as a person.  I find her quirks very endearing, but I do not like the way she's playing the game this year, and I think being so stand-offish in the post-season is frickin' disrespectful to the entire frickin' BB community.

17 comments :

  1. Love your blog, however, you are forgetting one important detail.
    And that is, that the last 5 jurors have a chance to get back in the house.
    And I like Victor's or Paul's chance MUCH better than say, Nicole or Corey against Paulie, who has a good chance to win against the other jurors...

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    1. This will be interesting because I'm actually sick to my esopahagus with James/Nat. I cannot believe what's happening. It's true what they say about character and a little bit of Power. Big Meech is so indecisive I fear Paul will be all alone. Hoping the Thracian can get back in there quickly before Varro gets sacked.

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  2. I realize that Corey is a full-on follower and not very likely to become a leader. And he might even deserve the descriptor of being "boring". But Feedster, I am in total agreement with your assessment of him as a mighty tall, mighty purdy piece of manhood.

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    Replies
    1. Not sure why I typed Feedster instead of Feedwatcher, but I apologize. And I was stone cold sober when I wrote it.

      Delete
  3. I'm starting to get worried about Victor, but I'm already very worried about Mr. Jenkins! Is he okay? He needs to stay in shape so he can coach Big Brother 19!

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    1. Mr. Jenkins.....no-oooooo. :( Did you see him, he's all droopy and dying..Made me miss Bridge

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  4. DO nice Ronnie the limo driver reference!

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  5. I'm confused as who you do like. Sounds like you're just a hater who likes to run off at the mouth. I love Nat and James. It's a great thing to see two people have each other's back like they do. Paul is a loud mouth who thinks it's his God given right to put everyone in their place. At least according to him. After he bullied his way into taking over the HOH last night and then helping his self to the bed is his way of trying to control everything. Only good thing is he got his buddy another trip out the house.

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  7. You are absolutely hilarious! I knew you'd get a 'tax' comment in there somewhere. Lol. Thanks for the great updates and telling it with such wit.

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  8. well Victor is going to be gone, those girls are just plain stupid. Nicole nor Cory deserve to win anything, they stayed in bed all season, they disgust me now. I became a Victor fan and still am, so if he doesn't come back and I'm sure BB will make sure he doesn't this season was a waste. The lazy jerks have the best chance to win. If you are looking to find a date don't go on BB, I just don't get it.

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    1. Agree. I'm sad too. Hoping for the magic. Best part is watching Pictor belabor the issue in front of James because they know he boned them....Priceless

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  9. Nicole wanted to be paid for doing RHAP? Seriously??

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    1. I wouldn't have believed it myself, if I didn't hear Rob say it with my own ears.

      I don't think he said that after BB16, probably trying not to offend Nicole, but it came up when he was discussing Nicole with a guest during BB18.

      You'd think she'd want to discuss the season with Rob, right? It kind of opened my eyes up to Nicole a little bit, not going to lie.

      Delete
  10. i can't stand Corey ... not because he is boring and his bug eyes freak me out. But because he doused a goat in liquid and TRIED TO SET IT ON FIRE. I hope he gets arrested for animal cruelty.

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    Replies
    1. Wasn't it a guy he knew that did that?

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    2. Corey told a story that he obviously found hilarious about a friend of his getting drunk and trying to light a goat on fire.

      It's not clear if Corey or any other spectators tried to stop him, but Corey could barely tell the story without collapsing in tears of laughter.

      It sickens me that this sort of thing is obviously No Big Deal for Corey and his crowd of bros. No telling what other animal cruelty has happened in their circle.

      Two other BB contestants from Texas also told "hilarious" stories of animal cruelty.

      1. Lane - BB12 Thought it was "funny" to spotlight deer

      2. Caleb - BB16 Killed a wild pig with his bare hands and FILMED IT.

      Delete

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