Thursday, July 14, 2016

Shut That Door and Throw Away the Key. #BB18

OK.  Once again, things in the Big Brother house have changed.  The script has flipped once again!


Even Paulie is on board with the new plan, it seems, but I think Nicole, Michelle and Paulie all plan to blame their votes to evict Bronte on someone else.  I LOVE THAT.  We are about to see some DASTARDLY DEEDS in that house!  Along with what just might be a BRUTAL BLINDSIDE for several cast members.  Like Frank.....and Natalie.....and Bridgette....

If this goes forward, tonight's live CBS show is going to be EPIC.

The HoH competition is going to be the one where the house guests saw a series of show clips on the memory wall, and they will need to memorize every detail in order to win.  Nicole said she won this competition during her season, and apparently Frank won it during his season, too.

So...get your snacks ready for tonight's live show.  Yes, indeed.

*** AN APOLOGY TO THE READERS ***


I don't know how I missed it yesterday, but on Tuesday night Nicole decided to go rogue and try to align with Frank, to harness all of his power and brute force to get her to the end of the game.  Nicole has decided that she wants Da'Vonne out next week, and knew Frank would be on board with her plan.  Corey was in on it, too, but in true Team Coconuts style, somehow Zakiyah found out and told Da'Vonne.

Da'Vonne doesn't need much of a reason to start spinning and accusing people of lying to her.  So she asked Nicole if this was true, and Nicole freaked and ran from the room to get Corey to help her.

I'm sure we will see this footage on the CBS show, because two vets going for each other when there is NO NEED to do that yet is TV gold. But I didn't want you, the reader to get blindsided by this, too.

If you read yesterday's post, you know other important facts such as Natalie was being gassy all night, and Frank having a huge moth land on the heel of his foot, so let's not forget the crucial public service I am providing here.  I can't be everywhere and see everything at once, unfortunately.

*** AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW ***

Yesterday Bridgette watched the Spy Screen, and talked out loud, telling us that everyone was up until 5:00 AM, and also her thoughts about her cast mates.  For example:

*  Natalie is WAY too emotional about everything.  Bridgette said this several times.

*  Bronte is also emotional, and has tied herself to too many people in the house.


*  Zakiyah is too homesick to play this game properly.

*  Paulie's game is getting ruined by Zakiyah.

*  Corey --why is he even here?  All he wants is a billboard to sell himself.  He doesn't care about this game.


Bridgette was crunching on a bag of snacks, and even held it up to the camera before she opened it so we could all see it.  But I missed that too.  Sorry.  They sounded like nuts or something, though, very crunchy and fresh.


Vanessa was confused about the post-Outback Steak dinner snuggling we saw with Bridgette and Frank on last night's CBS episode.


Maybe Bridgette's boyfriend was a little upset, but I don't think Ashton should be worried about Frank.  You see, I KNOW guys like Frank, and he was very careful in this scene with Bridgette.  If you noticed, when Bridgette asked Frank if it was okay for her to put her head on his chest, Frank carefully said "it's not hurting me", indicating that it was her choice, not his.

Also, Bridgette was the one putting her arm across Frank's chest...Frank was very careful to keep his arms up over his head in a passive manner, like this:


And then in the DR, Frank told us that he was working Bridgette, since she was buzzed and he had some bad news he needed to tell her.

This reminds me of what one of my best male friends told me about lap dances.  He said that when he is at a bachelor party or a nudie bar, he makes sure to sit on his hands during a lap dance so he won't forget and touch the strippers.  Because those strippers are often totally naked and grinding all over the customers, who are often drunk, and one false move can get you thrown out of there.  He also told me about when he visited Dallas, and got a "Texas Lap Dance" along with a guy who lives there. Apparently Texas does not have a "Hands Off" rule, so there is no need to sit on anything.....

Nicole sat down on the couch and said good morning to her family and friends, and introduced them to Zakiyah as someone who she will be friends with forever.  Corey came in and got in on the action, saying hello to Nicole's family using their first names.


Frank is in the living room, too.  Corey and Nicole are both grumpy after sleeping in those bumper cars all night, and Corey is fed up with listening to Tiffany complain about it.

Corey:  If I have to hear one more time about how her hips stick up on one side in there....

Nicole:  I've never heard it.

Frank:  I've heard it.

Corey:  Why don't you go in there and ask her..she'll tell you all about it.  I'm so tired of hearing about it.

Frank, snickering:  She can see the doctor on Thursday.


It's never too early for Frank to tease Nicole.  First he says she looks like Jozea wearing his cape, but Nicole says she's cold and needs the blanket.  She's not trying to look like Jozea.

(Nicole should have said, "Who?")

Frank:  Nicole you and Tiffany are like birds of a feather.


Nicole says Tiffany has FOMO, but she herself has JOMO when she's at home.

Frank:  JOMO? What is that?

Nicole: Joy of missing out.

Frank agrees that he has that, too.

(Vanessa called this "HOMO" last season---the hope of missing out, but god knows we can't get Frank on tape saying "homo".  Someone would gif that and then an angry mob would gather outside the gates of the CBS lot with lighted torches.)



Nicole is having some skin problems right now, and everyone commiserates.

Corey:  I had bad acne growing up.

Frank:  Me too.

Nicole:  Really Corey?  I didn't have any acne until I got to college.

Zakiyah says she had really bad acne in middle school, and all of the kids made fun of her.

Corey:  They called me Pepperoni Face.

This blows Nicole's mind.  I don't think Nicole even thinks Corey is human, she is so infatuated with him.


Bridgette joins the group and wraps up her foot.  She's not using the crutches anymore, but says there is still some swelling.

Apparently Tiffany has contracted some sort of toe fungus now, but the living room crew doesn't seem that concerned about it.  Maybe that's what prompted Tiffany to scour the shower yesterday.

In prison you should use shower shoes to avoid this sort of thing, but you can't bring them in there with you when you get locked up....you have to buy them through the commissary.  That's what "my friend" told me.  Ha ha ha.


*** SIDEBAR ***

Actually, I may have a slight problem with a prisoner that kind of frightens me.  I read the book "Orange is the New Black" last fall and decided to get a prison pen pal, after realizing how much the prisoners look forward to mail call every day.

I picked a guy who lives several states away from me, who is serving a life sentence, to avoid any sort of confusion on his part regarding my intentions.  I think I wrote him three letters over a six week period, just chatting about my life and what is going on in the world right now, using a conversational tone much like the one I use to write this blog.  My prison pen pal has been in prison for one reason or another for much of his life.  He was involved in Mexican drug cartel activity in his youth, but is now imprisoned due to a VERY violent act against his girlfriend.  I was watching Narcos on Netflix at the time, so I enjoyed hearing about the drug smuggling, etc  And of course I watched Breaking Bad so I was picturing that whole scene going on at the fried chicken chain.  Anyway, my prisoner knew I was  nearly 20 years older than him, so I thought things were cool.  We have the same birthday, which is one reason why I picked him off the prison pen pal website.

But then I opened a letter from him just after Christmas, and found that he sent me a bunch of ORIGINAL photographs of his family.  He said that I could "make copies if I wanted to", but he needed the originals back.  If I wasn't creeped out by that alone (Why the hell would I want copies of his sad fucking family pictures?), I was definitely skeeved by the letter, where he suddenly decided to tell me that I was "his #1", and he read my letters over and over, and feels he understands me now, and begged for a picture of me.

Oh HELL NO.  I sent his photographs back (picture Tiffany handling them wearing those yellow rubber gloves) along with a short statement that we clearly have different objectives for our pen pal relationship, and that I was uncomfortable reading his letters now and would not be writing again.

I got two more letters from him, that remain unopened in my prison pen pal file.  (You know, just in case.  The folder is on the bottom shelf of my desk on the left side, in case John Walsh needs to find them.)

Out of the blue I got another letter from him last week.  I was coming home from a dinner out with friends, and was kind of buzzed, so I opened it.  He was saying that when he got that letter from me with the pictures, he felt like I dumped him (I did, in a way.) and was very upset.  But then he reported that he "has a new scar on his face", was "getting transported to a new unit", and that "he's back in my life" now.

Um....I was the one who "left", dude.

Another letter came this week, but I didn't open it.  It's in the file with the others, sorted in order of mailing date.  (Accountants are very organized people.)  Honestly there was nothing in my letters to him that I wouldn't have said to the person behind me in line at Publix...just normal one-sided chatter..

I did save a Google search for his name, so hopefully I will be notified if he escapes or something.  You know what they say, "no good deed goes unpunished".  Sorry to go off track here, but it freaks me out now that someone is confined to a tiny space, potentially obsessing about me while I carry on with my life, oblivious.  I think there is a Big Brother parallel in there somewhere...

*** END OF SIDEBAR ***

Zakiyah, Tiffany and Michelle really hate Bridgette. Zakiyah does an impression of her where she is baby-talking about making butter cookies, and then turns around and says "FUCK YOU" in a mean voice.

Tiffany:  I just can't....I just can't with her.

Zakiyah:  And she keeps telling me I'm cute....I'm like, no bitch YOU'RE cute, I'm FINE.

And so on.  They also mocked James and Natalie, first calling them The Minions, and then trying to figure out what they should call them.

Tiffany:  I hate to say this, but when I see them I think of Santa and an Elf.  I mean, Natalie is a beautiful girl, she really is, but she could be an Elf, right?  She kind of looks like an Elf!


Corey and James had what to me was a very upsetting conversation about what they plan to do with their BB earnings, and potential prize money.  Corey is obviously a Man of Means, and talked to James about putting money in the stock market.

Corey:  You need to put at least $20K in there to trade, and you can make money off it, like at least $1,000 in a short period of time.

(But you can LOSE IT ALL in an even shorter period of time, if you don't know what you are doing. I see this ALL THE TIME with my tax clients.)

James says he's going to do that.  (NO NO NO.)  Nicole wondered what he did with his BB money from last year.

James:  Well....I gave half to my Baby Mama...and used the other half to pay off my truck and all.

Nicole:  How is your relationship with her?

James: With Brianna?  We're okay.  But our relationship is built off a one night stand...

***FISH***

Because like I told you, CBS did that girl WRONG during that segment last year that made it clear she had no idea who the father was until she saw the baby, and she wants NO PART of this nonsense this year.  However, she might change her mind if James wins the big money, although the courts can do the collecting for her, if she wants to go that route.


Frank and Nicole met for a little whispered session.  About Da'Vonne, as I recall.

I think Nicole is smart to try and work with Frank---why let Bridgette be the only beneficiary of Frank's unleashed power?  But of course I feel that way -- I am #TeamFrank, but I am also pulling hard for several of Frank's adversaries.   September is at least three years from now, and many things will happen before then.

People who say they are bored with this season obviously don't understand what is going on right now.  Because this shit is CRAZY.  Who would have thought that the vets would be going after each other like this, so soon?  Particularly when they were set up for success with their group of eight?

And let's not forget that everyone turned on Frank when they thought he was turning on them....and now I can barely keep track of all of the deception among the allies.


Zakiyah came in, and wanted to know what was going on.

Nicole: We're just talking about next week.

Zakiyah:  Um hmm....

***awkward***


Corey wanted to stretch out on that cushy shag carpet in the loft area.  I saw him go in the telephone booth and say hi to his mom and dad, and a host of other people, too.  I think Corey came into this game pretty clueless, but he seems to be hanging in there as good or better as Clay was last year at this time.


I think that pillow under Corey's head is made out of seat belt material.  There was a company a few years ago that was trying to make seat belt purses happen.  Like this:


Do you ever wonder what Corey is thinking about when he goes blank like this?  I heard him say how much he wants to be on Dancing With the Stars, so maybe he's dreaming about the Pasa Doble or whatever the fuck it is.  He had to clarify for Michelle that he would be the "celebrity" paired with the dancing professional, so let's just ponder that for a moment.

Corey:  My ex-girlfriend's family were all on Family Feud.

Everyone:  REALLY?

***FISH***


Paulie sat at the chessboard and had a chat with Michelle.  About the many evils of Frank and Bridgette, of course, or "FRIDGE".

Michelle:  Bridgette is going to go back to those girls once Frank is gone.  Frank is nothing without Bridgette, and Bridgette is nothing without Frank in here.


Michelle is in a good spot right now.  She's established herself as an Anti-Frank person with the right people right now, but if Frank wins HoH or the PoV or the Road Kill next week, she can easily appeal to him, too.  Even if he constantly tells people that he wants to "clip" her.

Da'Vonne is the one who needs to worry just as much as Frank now, since NiCorey wants her out now, too.


Did you think of me when you saw that camera shot on the CBS show last night where they panned those huge white "ribs" from top to bottom?

The ribs are fucking STUPENDOUS.  I don't know where they came from, or how they even got them in there, but they are SPECTACULAR.


Natalie is going to be very upset if Bronte leaves tonight.  Do you think Bronte is going to wear those horrible pink cordoroy shorts on the live show?

They may need to shoot her from the waist up, if so. Just sayin'.   It's at least a PG situation down there right now.


Frank told the group about the Have Not room in his season, where the beds tilted down at a 45 degree angle.

Frank:  They ended up sleeping on the floor, it was so uncomfortable.  Ashley hurt her back sleeping in there.


I thought Bridgette was a vegan, but she is actually a vegetarian who can't have dairy products.  She told the group that she went vegan for a short time, but started having heart palpitations while she was watching the Finale of Breaking Bad.

Bridgette: And I had the palpitations for days, so I did some research it it was related to going vegan.


In the London room, the group who are plotting to evict Bronte tonight met, and solidified their plans.


Paulie:  If it's a close vote, that's great.  All the better to hide behind.

Corey:  Yeah, we're just going to DENY DENY DENY.


The group of rogue voters includes:  Nicole, Corey, Paulie, Michelle, and Zakiyah.

That's all they need---five votes.  So Da'Vonne might need her own closeup tonight, while Julie Chen reads the votes.  Because she might get blindsided, too.

(I'll bet she'll try to align with Frank, too, if she thinks all other avenues have closed. Yep.)

***UPDATE*** Da'Vonne apparently knows about the vote tonight.


Paulie was surprised to learn that Sid Vicious is Frank's dad.  Michelle thinks they look alike, now that Frank is older and cut his hair.


Paul came in and they immediately changed the subject to studying for the HoH competition.  They also bashed Tiffany for a few minutes, to string Paul along about who is really going home tonight.

So Paul will be glad to be safe, but he's going to get blindsided, too.

HEY CBS:  Can we get a split screen like the Brady Bunch tonight so we can get a load of each person's reaction?  There should be a look of shocked horror, or a self-satisfied smirk on each person's face.  And a blank stare from Corey, of course.


15 comments :

  1. Yikes on your sidebar lets just hope that pen pal goes away and fast!
    GAWD I hope this plan goes through for tonight and Tiff stays I cant wait to see reactions!!!

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  2. I've been quietly reading your blogs for a couple years now and just wanted to say thank you for helping get my feed fix:) Your commentary cracks me up and I love when you throw in a random Stern reference. Keep up the good work! P.S. Fingers crossed that pen pal guy gets the hint and leaves you alone.

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    1. Four inches is fine!

      (I will try to throw some Stern stuff in a future post, but you may be the only one who gets it...)

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  3. Omg, that sidebar was awesome!!! I laughed so hard that I scared a co worker!!!

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  4. I actually did think of you last night when they showed the "ribs" haha

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  5. The story about you pen pal is crazy. Maybe your next pen pal should be someone who isn't doing hard time?

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  6. You pretty much sum up my feelings about Frank. He's not my number i but I still like him. I'm really pulling for Da'. I hope you're right about them working together if they need to, because you're right, she totally might.

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  7. OMG too funny - but maybe send a "change of address" notice to that pen pal. Or return his latest letter marked "moved - forwarding address unknown" perhaps!
    Thanks for the update!

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  8. I know that we all come here for Big Brother updates along with witty commentary but you got me interested in the pen pal situation and I wouldn't mind being updated on that situation in the future.

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    1. I wasn't planning on writing about it, but Tiffany's toe fungus made me think about prison....

      Our mutual birthday is coming up, so I considered sending him a card with a note saying prisoner correspondence just isn't for me. I'm pretty sure I'll get a birthday card from him, but I'm not going to open it.

      I read the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBEcker years ago---I highly recommend this, particularly for women. Gavin is a famous celebrity security expert and the main point of the book is to learn to trust your instincts about other people, because it can keep you safe or even save your life.

      He says that if some guy keeps calling you and hanging up, if you eventually pick up the phone, all he has learned is that he needs to call 87 times before you will respond, so he will keep doing it.

      That is why I won't write back to him. I'm hoping he will forget about me. I liked the "no forwarding address" option mentioned above...I may do that later this summer.

      I don't think I told him I own my home, so that might work. Thank god they can't get the internet in prison, but all he would need to do is ask one of his relatives (the ones who are not currently incarcerated) to google my name and BOOM, there I am because I own a business.

      I watched that "60 Days In" show (fantastic) and I kept picturing a little pile of my letters hidden under a ceiling tile or something. The prisoner was only a free man for three years since he was 13, so he's had a pretty fucked up life and has probably never met someone like me. It was just a bad idea on my part to write a prisoner, but I really thought I could brighten someone's dreary life and hear some good prison stories.

      Unfortunately a lesson for us all....

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    2. I just read a couple of de Becker's books. I highly recommend them to all women. The only thing I would suggest is using a PO Box next time and using a fake name. You could try writing women prisoners too. My aunt volunteers at a women's prison once a month and finds it rewarding.

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  9. Men in prison talk about getting lonely or ugly females as pen pals, saying I love you/you're beautiful/be mine/marry me...whatever the lonely woman fantasizes about. Then they can weasel money or perks for themselves or their families. It's a way of getting prey, something prisoners know very well. Of course your prisoner is going all fatal attraction on you, he thinks that's why you're doing this and he's trying to woo you to snag you.

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  10. I had heart palpitations when watching GoT. I've stopped watching it. I don't get those heart palpitations anymore, unless I'm having a panic attack or feeling ragey or panicky. I've actually started cutting down on meat for health reasons. Palpitations have subsided to a minimum.

    If Bridgette can't eat dairy, I hope she reads all the labels of everything she eats. The amount of lactic acid, or steryol-2-lactilate, that hides in breads and meat products is atrocious. I take one bite and I feel the reaction coming on within minutes. I have to be very careful.

    It's possible your pen pal mate got attached too quickly and has emotional issues. I'm sorry to hear he's being stalkish. I hope it all works out.

    If I wear too much make-up, I get pimples and blackheads. I get quite a few on my back, more in the Summer, from anti-perspirant, which I wear more of when it's hot. In the Winter, I wear more deo, and some days, I go with nothing, so that I can sweat it out properly when working out before I shower.

    Here's a pro tip for pimples and acne that is super natural. Once a week, about, wash your face with a piece of lemon, let it sit for 5 minutes or 10, dependng on your type of skin. Then rinse with lukewarm water. Every day, put Tea Tree Oil (Malelluca...I think that's how it's spelled). Not too close to the eyes, since the smell and feel is potent, but it's safe on the face and anywhere on the body. I put that stuff directly on my skin, but you can dilute it with a bit of water. I also put that on my scalp sometimes. It's anti-bacterial, anti-fungul, anti-septic, all naturally. Amazing. And Nicole needs to go a month without any make-up whatsoever. I never wear make-up, unless I've been watching Nikki tutorials or am doing a video. But even on my videos, I've started doing them without make-up sometimes. Your skin won't get perfect as when you have loads of make-up on, but it will be radiant and pimple free and look good all the same, just natural. And it feels great.

    I think Frank playing Bridgette, because he's owning up to it and talking about it, qualifies as game play, I still don't like it, but he's being honest to us about it. Natalie playing James, but claims she'd date him and all that, is sad. I don't know why CBS likes to make fun of him. He seems like a sweat and honets guy.

    If Da,Vonne plays her cards right, she could go to Frank, in case he wins BBRK again and play it off as NiCorey pinning her against him and things she says getting back to him and things he says getting back to her and how Nicole is playing both of them. Then we could find ourselves with either Nicole or Corey on the block. No one would vote Nicole out. And no one would miss Corey if he leaves. He never wins, so better chances of Bronte coming back for a hilarious overpowerment of a tiny little queaky girl who won against big beefy guys. I'd love to see that, just for the sheer entertainment.

    I think that covers all I wante to say...oh yeah, I TOTALLY thought of you when I saw that awesome panning travelling shot during the show. Maybe CBS said ''ok let's do a shot to make FeedWatcher happy'' or something. But I was like, woooot. I think it's possible they built those directly inside the house, then they wouln't have to carry them or anything like that. The effect is cool, but standing next to it would bother me on he long term.

    So, can Corey go home this week? I'd like everyone else to stay, well everyone who is not safe lmao

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  11. FRIDGE? I can't with you..ha ha too funny

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