Will we meet only newbies? Are there any newbies? Just how deep is Production going to go to cast returning players, IF there are returning players?
Are we ever going to see Frank Eudy again?
These are questions that may be answered by the end of the day. If we're lucky, or unlucky, as the case may be.
No matter what, I will still be here to perform my annual FeedWatcher duties, so don't worry about that.
*** BUT FIRST, WHILE WE WAIT ***
Every year I've been watching the kickoff of the BB UK summer season, but I only get a few episodes into it before I have to abandon it for the BB US series.
What I've seen so far is SHOCKINGLY eff'ed up. And let's just say it's not easy to SHOCK me. Is anybody in charge over there? What in the hell is going on?
Let me give you a few headlines about what has happened:
* The season kicked off with a houseful of players who had some tenuous connections to being famous. From what I understand, a few of them have TV presenter roles, or are journalists, or had sex with some famous people. (Sounds like Celebrity BB UK, doesn't it?)
* Then they brought in a group of house guests called "The Others", who are living in a separate section of the house, and are supposed to be secretly targeting the "normal" house guests for eviction, in some sort of flimsy scheme to get inside the "normal" part of the house.
* The Others appeared on screen wearing some creepy masks, and matching blue jumpsuits that make them look like auto mechanics. I was excited about this part---it was scary. But admittedly I had been doing a little pre-show vaping, so really, who the hell knows if it was actually scary or not.
* It turns out that a few of The Others are associated with the "normal" house guests, but they were as surprised about this as we were. The Others get to see selected snippets of the live feeds, and then they are shown snippets from the "normal" house guests' casting videos, where they specifically discussed their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends. As you might guess, the comments were not flattering. Not at all.
* For example, "Sam" described his most recent ex-boyfriend as a smelly bitch who smeared spray tan all over the sheets. "Ryan" from The Others stood up and had a screaming hissy fit about it, as he was clearly the smelly spray-tanner.
* Previously Ryan had a tantrum in the DR, saying that he didn't want to be An Other...he wanted to be in the main house, getting all of the the attention. He wanted to wear his real clothes, too.
* And a "normal" house guest named ________ (?), who is a stuntman, talked about how he had a hard time getting rid of his ex-girlfriend, and made some very ungentlemanly comments about the whole business. The ex-girlfriend (Charlie?) was quite distressed about this, and obviously humiliated.
* Needless to say, there is a lot of tension in The Other camp. They all seem to hate each other and have screaming fits about it. At one point, the fracas was so loud that the "normal" house guests could hear them on the other side of the wall. Clearly they are not going to function as a team, as Production hoped.
* Meanwhile, I'm certainly not a religious person, but it seems like the "normal" side of the Big Brother house is doomed. I expect the floor to crack open at any minute and suck the entire studio into the depths of hell.
* There's this guy: Marco. His dad is a famous chef, apparently. I googled him and saw that he does some shows with Gordon Ramsey---the type of shows where they terrorize local restaurants and shops in an attempt to "help" them. Marco probably started out life as a nice young man, but something went wrong on the factory floor after that. He told a story about going to some island or something for a month, and spending $250,000 on hookers and drugs. He softened this by saying that he just talked and hung out with most of the hookers though. Which is even more fucked up, if you ask me, wasting your dad's money like that.
* Marco can say what he wants, but clearly he is a victim of extremely low self-esteem. He does say he loves his father, though. There are clearly some family issues though, I'll just leave it at that. Here he is below with "Sam" who had the stinky spray-tanning ex-boyfriend. Marco reminds me of a demented Dave Navarro. Maybe that's the look he's going for. Marco has little respect for Production, and seems to just ignore Big Brother when he's given any sort of instruction or warning.
* Marco is engaged, but claims he has an open relationship and is free to pursue whatever strikes his fancy this summer in the BB house. And that would be Laura. As best I can tell, Laura has no tattoos, and with the proper attire could fit right into the PTA meeting or Teacher's Lounge.
* But Laura likes bondage, and rough trade. She actually debated how she wanted "it" from Marco, before making her decision to just get it "hard, from the front". In just a few episodes, I have seen his hands all over her, pulling down her bottoms. I saw him put his hand down the front of her pants. I heard them dirty-talking about rough sex topics. It was graphic. GRAPHIC.
* And note that I've only been watching the PRIME TIME NETWORK SHOW. Not the live feeds. Not the highlights. The PRIME TIME show.
OK. Before I make myself sick, and rethink the way I've chosen to spend my summers, I will try to wrap this up.
* On the first live show, The Others nominated a bunch of house guests for eviction, and decided to evict the two most popular and friendly guys. Neither of which I have discussed because they are relatively normal. You know, compared to Marco.
* But the two house guests were not evicted---instead they were sent to live in The Others' side of the house. These two guys are visibly miserable now, missing their "normal" friends and hating being in the middle of this pack of vengeful, screaming lunatics.
* The British public voted to send two of The Others into the "normal' part of the house, to wreak havoc of some sort. The two most volatile and scary Others were chosen, including Alex, the smelly spray-tanner who wants vengeance.
* And let me say that Emma Willis had a hard time discussing what was going on with both sets of guys during the live show. The two popular guys were shocked to be evicted first, and could barely understand what Emma was telling them about where they were going. The two Others were being told that they had to keep The Others secret when they were in the house, as they had a mission to accomplish. (Emma: Do you hear me? Are you listening? Will you put your game face on? Are you listening?)
* (Just quit, Emma. You're too good for this.)
* It was hard to watch what happened next. The two Others went in there like a tornado. Alex, the smelly spray-tanner started YELLING at his ex-boyfriend Sam, who was trying to maintain his composure on live TV. It was clear that Alex had seen Sam's audition video disparaging him. And then the other Other who went into the "normal' house named Andrew had to find a way to top that. I find Andrew frightening. Something about him is just terrifying.
* Andrew is from Chicago and has an American accent, although he does use British slang and has a few British twists to his pronunciation of certain words. He is obviously extremely intelligent, and is a professional kickboxer. Andrew is also the kind of guy who believes rules don't apply to him. And he doesn't give a fuck, obviously. About anything.
* Andrew went into the "normal" side of the house and said he knew that out of 10 house guests, 8 of them were snakes. This sent the house into uproar, right on live TV. There was shouting from the men, and some of women lost their minds.
* There were two young female twins playing as one that started banging on the windows and doors, yelling "get me out of here". They broke through a door and we could see dark footage of them running through the hallways of the Production office, with a security guard chasing them.
* Shortly after that, Marco the Tattooed Demon started saying that he didn't need all of this---he'd already been in the house and been on TV, and he was ready to leave. He kept calling out for Big Brother to bring his luggage, and got another house guest to agree to leave with him. This is a guy named Chelsea, who is an older Indian gentleman who frequently brags about how rich he is. Marco and Chelsea started yammering about how they were going to fly immediately to Miami and party.
* Marco ended up BREAKING OFF A DOOR HANDLE and leaving the house with Chelsea for parts unknown. (Marco: Fuck it. I'm rich and I'm leaving.)
* And THAT is how the first week of the season ended, folks. So let's not be too quick to bitch and moan about the US version. I'd love to hear Alison Grodner's comments on this whole fiasco. It really is the definition of a SHIT SHOW.
* Oh, one more thing you need to know. This Andrew character, the scary smart kickboxer, was ejected from the house yesterday. The rumor is that he tweeted out some racist stuff in 2012, and the house "just learned about it".
Well, whatever. Here is what Andrew looks like, so you can run the other way if you encounter him in the normal "normal" world. Kind of like James Rhine's evil cousin, without the feels.
Oh, and somehow one of the Twins, and both Marco and Chelsea ended up returning to the house, without any sort of satisfying explanation as to what transpired behind the scenes to make that happen.
And the TV ratings are PLUMMETING. Let's all be glad that whatever happens this summer in the US, it won't be a disaster like BB UK.