Meet Paul Abrahamian, who is only 23, hailing from Tarzana CA. I say "only" 23, because if you told me he was 33, or even 43, I might believe that, too.
Before you have to ask:
Oh, I have a beard, so I'm so cool.
I am going to eat a Tofurkey sandwich while I watch
OK. I feel better now, thanks to the food and also due to Paul's swagger, just sitting in the chair staring at us. He looks defiant, like he dares us to do something about it. I think he may be hunching in the new velvet DR chair, too, not even trying to sit up straight for the camera.
I'm thinking Paul might be the guy to do some Dastardly Deeds in the house this summer. You know, lying, betraying, maybe telling someone to shove it. So I like that about him.
But he says he's only 22, not 23 as the CBS bio states. As a point of reference, Steve Moses was 22 last summer, too.
So just chew on that for a minute.
Paul tells Jeff that he owns a clothing company called Dead Skull Apparel.
*** OK. TIME OUT. ***
Of course I looked at it. Paul's company sells a variety of T-shirts and some jewelry. And it all has a certain theme. Here are a few examples:
You can see the website for yourself here. There is a little video linked that features Paul doing cool things like frolicking alone in a desert-like atmosphere, flipping us off, and chugging down a bottle of Jack Daniels. I like the background music, too. It's a French guy talking about being crazy every morning. Something like that. I think we can all just stop this whole interview nonsense right now, after watching that. Because that is what Paul is all about....it's what he's going to give us this summer.
But I'm a business woman, so I'm thinking about that side of things, too. For example, I have no doubt Paul is all staffed up for the summer, so his company can sell, sell, sell. I hope his team has stocked up their inventory, too, because even at a $30 price point, he's bound to move some merchandise in the next few weeks. But I caution them against placing a huge order of T-shirts until we get through the first few weeks, maybe until July. Although even if Paul is evicted first, he can still be highly visible in today's BB world through the end of the season, promoting his brand the whole time.
Here's The Thing: I don't think Production will ever let Paul wear any of his Dead Skull Apparel on the show this summer, due to the profane nature of the goods. But if he gets the right kind of CBS screen time, viewers are going to seek out his merchandise.
So Paul's beard is a part of his schtick...his brand. And I get that. No one wants to buy "fuck you" T-shirts from a clean-shaven actuary.
But I still say that was iced tea in the Jack Daniels bottle. Because death. You know, the actual kind. Not the pretend website sort of death.
*** OK. BACK TO THE SHOW.***
Paul says he's a big Big Brother fan. Ever since he was a kid, it was just "always on in the house".
Jeff: You don't seem that impressed to be in the Diary Room right now.
Paul: Oh, I'm impressed. But I'm easygoing.
Jeff: You're a cool guy.
Paul: Well, I wouldn't call myself a cool guy, but....
Jeff: Dude, if you've got a beard like that, you're cool.
Paul: Okay, I'm cool. I'll take it.
(Jeff is part of The Problem here, making comments like that.)
Paul says he has to be smooth as ice in the house this summer, because if he's not, everyone is going to say "this kid has got to go". So he wants to go in there and lay low.
Paul: I'm the guy who's going to kick back, drink a beer with you (really "whichu") and let you talk about how weird your life is, and just smile and nod. In the house, anyway. In the DR it's going to be chaos, a catastrophe.
(We'll be the judge of that, Paul. But god knows I hope you're right.)
Jeff: What ruffles Paul's feathers?
Paul, snorting: What DOESN'T ruffle Paul's feathers? I don't have any feathers left!
Jeff, enjoying this: Well, you're gonna be trapped in there with a bunch of people.
Paul: They're going to be trapped in there with ME, so....
(Who knew Jeff could speak French? )
Jeff starts to ask the next question, but kind of shrugs in the middle of the question, already knowing what Paul's answer will be.
Jeff: How far are you gonna go Paul....
Paul: Far. Far. Unless they just hate me right off the bat, but that isn't NOT possible.
(But Paul didn't really understand what Jeff was about to say. He wasn't going to ask how many weeks Paul thought he would last, he wanted to know what Paul was willing to do to get there.)
And of course we have to go back to discussing the damn beard. Because apparently we have to club every damn trend to death before it's over. When is THIS look going to be trendy again? Because Don Draper really didn't GAF, either, now did he?
Jeff: Would you shave the beard off if it meant winning the game?
Paul: I can't imagine a scenario where that would be, but if it sounds enticing enough, I'd do it. I don't care.
Jeff: Even week one?
Paul: Oh, not on week one. I'm not putting all the eggs in the basket on week one.
Paul finally admits that if he is forced to shave the beard now, before he can even get in the game, he'd do it.
Paul: I don't care.
(Oh, but I think he does care. How I wish Jeff would pull a Dastardly Deed, even a joking one, and pull out a pair of clippers and tell him to seize the mother effing day and shave it off. Call his damn bluff.)
This begins a rather gross and totally unnecessary exchange about Paul shaving it off and mailing the beard to Jeff so he can wear it. Then Jeff says no, he has a job to do every week, but then they "joke" that Jeff will be wearing a beard in September.
Jeff: Paul, are you single? I gotta ask.
Paul: Well I'm single NOW. For the past few months I've been single.
They "joke" about how Paul suddenly became single when it looked like he might be cast on the show.
Jeff wonders if Paul is ready to Expect the Unexpected this summer.
Paul: After watching the show, I'm really ready for anything. Come at me. Let's do it. Let's party.
Paul doesn't want to go in there with a lot of pre-planned ideas---he's going in there in a "clear state" and is ready to see what happens. He wants to have a good time and get crazy.
It's time for Big Jeff's Stoopid Kwestions segment, and Paul says he wants some "crazy" questions. Jeff flips through his note cards, which by the way DO NOT feature steams of blood on them (they are red palm trees), and we learn the following.
* Paul thinks it might be okay for a vegetarian to wear a FAKE raccoon skin cap, but he doesn't recommend anybody wear this style of hat, based on his fashion advice.
(Not even in a SuperMan suit Paul?)
I'm not even going to describe the second Stoopid Kwestion. It's beneath me, and you too. It is certainly beneath Paul.
Also, I am volunteering to write questions for Jeff next year. I can be trusted with the identities of the house guests in order to personalize them, to make Jeff seem shrewdly inquisitive. Just give me 24 hours with the CBS profiles, and I'll submit at least 5 questions for each one of them. And I promise to Zip It until the BB19 cast reveal. Call me Alison. Or Jeff. Whoever.
It should not surprise you that Paul is not worried about America hating him.
Paul: I don't care. Toss a coin. Either way, I'm fine with it.
Jeff: That's such a Paul Answer.
Paul: It is...WHATEVER. If you hate me, you hate me. If you like me, you like me. If you don't want to give me money, don't do it. I'll take it.
Paul: I DON'T CARE. I'm here to have a good time. I'm here to cause chaos. I'm here to have fun. Whatever happens, I'll take it.
Jeff: Do you have anything else to say? Because I think the live feeders are going to have fun with you.
Paul: Hey live feeders. It's gonna be nuts. I'm gonna be wild. I'm gonna have fun, so hate me....like me...I'm gonna do it all.
*** FEEDWATCHER FORECAST ***
I can't even imagine what I might have accomplished in life if I were as confident as Paul is when I was 22. I like the fact that he is obviously not afraid to be himself, and seems like he will not be concerned with criticism, and what we all think of him.
If that's who he really is, then he will accomplish some amazing things in his life. Maybe not all good things, but amazing nonetheless. But will he do well in the Big Brother house?
Hmmm. I think it's either going to go one of two ways.
1. He's going to keep up this schtick -- the whole "Fuck You I Don't Care" persona throughout his stay in the house. And he's going to piss off some people with it, probably the girls. I haven't finished going through all of the newbies yet---far from it---but I do think some of the girls may be offended by him. And this may make Paul an early target.
2. We're going to see a different side of Paul. The real side. In other words, he'll back down from this aggressive persona as soon as he's faced with the reality of living with 15 other people in confined spaces. We'll see this is an act he's putting on for his intro video. (Yes, I'm looking at you, Austin.) And that may buy him some time in the house, but lose some respect from the fans.
I think it's going to be a bro-ey summer in there this year, with so many fit guys on the cast. That may help Paul, assuming he can get along with the bros, since he won't be seen as such a big target. I can't really get a sense of how tall or muscular Paul may be, so I can't get a good sense of his Threat Factor.
Paul has a good vocabulary, and is quick on his feet conversation-wise. Based on these factors, I think Paul is very, very intelligent. Not to mention the fact that he's been able to pull together the Dead Skull business at such a young age. I'm thinking entrepreneurship runs in his family, but that's just a guess based on what I see working with my own clients.
I wish Jeff had asked some questions about Paul's education (or lack of) and also maybe something like "how would your ex-girlfriend describe your recent break-up?" or "when is the last time you cried?" so we could see a different angle, but of course Jeff is gonna ask the Jeff Questions. I guess we should just be glad that Jeff seems to have retired the "what zoo animal are you?" question though.
Here's something, though. Paul obviously gets some cute girls. And California is a beautiful place, too. Based on this picture, though, I'm going to guess Paul stands about 5'9". And he still has the room to get hundreds of new ugly tattoos before all is said and done.
Let's look at Paul's CBS Bio to see if we can learn anything else.
But I hope he's not planning to be the game's next Evel Dick. Because I don't think the show will support that type of extreme behavior anymore. But the comparisons will be made, of course. I don't think Paul can win this game, but if he can follow through on what he's saying here, he has a chance to make the Jury.
I just had a flash of one of the returning female players GOING OFF on Paul, and really letting him have it. It made me laugh, but if this plays out it won't be good for either one of them in the game.
Entertaining, yes. Recipe for winning $500,000, no.