Thursday, June 16, 2016

Meet Jozea Flores - Turn to the Right #BB18


The gentleman in the hat is Jozea Flores, who is a 25-year-old make up artist who grew up in Bridgeton NJ.  But Jozea lives in Los Angeles now....because that is where the action is, right?

In case you don't get the title reference, its from Raising Arizona, one of the funniest movies ever made.


I don't want you to get your hopes up about reading this.  I'm not sure I can make Jozea's introduction compelling reading, without straying far, far away from the script.  But I'll give it a try.  I am going to have to dig deep, though.

Are you wondering why Jozea is sitting sideways like that?  I know in the real world it is considered polite to face the person you are talking to, but this is not that.  This is a freaking on-camera interview and we'd like to feel that Jozea is talking to us.  The bigger question is WHY DIDN'T JEFF TELL HIM to turn towards the camera?

I can already tell that I'm going to act like a big Know-It-All during this interview.  In fact, I'm already annoyed with myself, so I apologize in advance for being obnoxious.


OK.  As the interview starts, Jozea turns toward the camera to introduce himself, and then turns back to Jeff.  So he KNOWS where to look....he's just not doing it.

Jozea:  Hi everyone.  My name is Jozea and I'm a celebrity make-up artist from New York City.

(He pronounces it "Joe-zay".)


Jeff:  Whoooo......celebrities.  Got any good dish for us?  This is about you, but....

Jozea shrugs.

Jeff:  Maybe just one good story.

Jozea:  Maybe I'll just keep it to myself.

Jeff, pretending to be happy about that response:  OK!  I like it!

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

I could tell you names Jeff, but I'd have to kill you, ha ha ha, because all of the big stars like to keep their business private.....I can say that I work on several local TV productions and also a few runway shows.  I also helped a few ladies get ready for the Grammy Awards this year, so that was a big accomplishment for me.


Jeff:  Do you know Jose Aldo, the fighter?  This is about you, but it's just an association.

Jozea:  No, I don't know him.

Well, Jose's name isn't even spelled the same, but I guess Big Jeff is trying to dig deep, too


Jeff: So, are you a fan of Big Brother?

Jozea:  Yeah...I recently got into it after the recent season just past, and I find it to be such an amazing show...very strategic, very amazing...kinda to play with...you know...different contenders...and learn how to play the game.

Jeff looks over at us with bug eyes, nodding:  Yep, a lot of different personalities...a lot.

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

You know Jeff, it's the funniest thing.  I was wandering around the CBS parking lot last week, trying to find out where I can drop off my resume to do the makeup for Two Broke Girls, and a skinny, tan lady outside smoking a cigarette asked me if I'd heard of Big Brother.  I started telling her about my big sister, and she asked me to come in the office and fill out some paperwork.  She told me there would actually be four broke girls in the house for me to work with.


Jeff wants to know how far Jozea will go...what does winning mean to him?

Jozea:  Winning is going to mean a lot to me.  I have a lot riding on this, so I'm going to pull out all the stops, and all the tricks to win.

Jeff, surprised:  Oh!  So you're going to play hard!  We're going to see some game play out of you!

Jozea:  Superb game play. Superb!

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

I don't have a god damned clue, Jeff.  And if you're wondering why I'm sitting to the side like this, it's a tip I got from Ariana Grande when I was on her Glam Squad for a video shoot.




Jeff:  What are you leaving behind this summer besides your job?  Are you single?  Are you leaving somebody behind?

Jozea, sighing:  Well, that topic is a little bit touchy.  But you know....I am single...and I left behind family, and friends, and definitely the job, but you know, jobs come and go.

Jeff:  I hear ya.

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

Well that's none of your damn business, Jeff.  I don't even know you!  I don't kiss and tell on live TV!  That person knows who they are, and I know who they are, and speaking of leaving behind, I'll just leave it at that.  ***snaps***


Jeff:  What are the positives that are gonna be great for your game?

Jozea:  Um...some amazing things that are gonna be great for my game are basically being myself, and being true to my strategy...to the max.

(OMG. Even Lawon could have answered that question better than that.)



****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

My friend Lawon shared a lot of great tips and inside information that is going to give me the edge this summer against the others.  He won a Super Power, you know, so that advice is legit...to the max.


Jeff:  What are some holes in your game?  You know, like some road bumps...do you see anything like that for this summer?

Jozea:  Yet, I haven't.

Jeff:  Oh, wow!

Jozea:  But as the competition proceeds, I will be observing.

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

Whatever, Jeff.  Stop being so negative with me.  Next.


Jeff:  I know you know the motto, Expect the Unexpected...you know that, don't you?  What are you expecting in there?

Jozea:  I'm expecting people to be a little bit different...

Jeff, laughing:  Well, let me tell you right now, you can definitely expect that!  What else?

Jozea, laughing too, even though he doesn't get the joke:  So, people to be different, and kind of to watch out for my surroundings, to make sure that I'm on top of his game 24-7 throughout the whole competition.

****WHAT JOZEA SHOULD HAVE SAID****

Well, I came in here with my kit and expected to be doing your makeup, so I'm not sure why you're asking me all of these questions.  I do expect smokey eyes to be the trend right through the summer, with a pale lip.

OK.  This is just too damn painful for everyone.  And we're never getting this time back.  Let me just extract the remaining conversational nuggets like this:

*  Jozea doesn't expect the boring downtime to be a problem for him this summer, because he's an "Energizer Bunny".

*  He's not going to be the philosopher of the house, instead he's going to be "spartan".

At this point Jeff just kind of gave up and said it would be awesome if he and Jozea were dressed just alike for the interview.  (ha ha ha)

*  The last time Jozea cried was when he found out someone took some food out of the refrigerator that he had been looking forward to eating.  It was "specific food" from Puerto Rico, and he "had no more".  It was a fruit called a quenepa and they can't get it very often.


*  Jozea knows how to cook, and might use those skills to put some people in the house to sleep.  They "joked" about serving turkey because it contains tryptophane.


Jozea doesn't care if America hates him.  He's going in there and he's going to win it, no matter what.

Jeff:  So you're aware of the live feeds...you know this is 24-7, all the time.

Jozea, nodding:  Oh yeah!


*** FEEDWATCHER FORECAST ***

This may be the worst house guest ever selected for the US version of Big Brother.  I'm sure Jozea is a nice guy and all, but he has no business being anywhere near the BB house, unless he's touching up the Chenbot's powder during a commercial on the live show.  And believe me, by the time this is over, he'll wish that was the case.

My biggest fear at the moment is that he will receive goat status, and get dragged way too far in the game.

Why didn't he say he'd use his makeup artist skills to curry favor with the girls, and make himself an indispensable part of the live show preparation in the house?

Why is he wearing that damn hat?  It reminds me of this, which we'd be lucky to get this summer.


But I'm really afraid he'll be more like this:


And I know there are pictures out there of Jozea in his undies, but to me beauty does not make up for his total lack of verbal game.  But while we're here, we might as well take a peak.



If you want to read Jozea's CBS bio, here it is, but I'd just scan it if I were you.  Prepare yourself for the Frankie Grande reference.  If you're still here, that is.


In case you need me to say it, Jozea doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning BB18.

Finding qualified candidates for this show must be harder than we think, right?  Because this seems like a HORRIFIC choice so far.  Maybe some other guy couldn't pass the background check or something.

****

And Jozea, if you ever read this, I watched the damn video twice and reported almost exactly what you said. So please don't go all James Huling on me and freak out.  Thank you.

6 comments :

  1. That's the same guy? Freaking crap. He isn't much to listen to, I don't expect much out of him either.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I won't be looking forward to his diary room sessions or any time Julie puts him on the spot during a live show!

    Still, I can picture him becoming friends with Paul (reminding me of a Simpsons moment when Lisa tried to fit in with some popular kids).

    Jozea: Like, ya know, whatever!
    Paul: Yeah man, whatever, ya know?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope we get to see Michelle rip him a new one in the DR. I can't even imagine what she would say about him on Reddit.

    I blame casting, though. They know they are throwing Jozea into the lion's den. And by that, I mean US, the Super Fans. I think he's going to be taking a makeup brush to a knife fight.

    But maybe he will surprise us, and have a few loud, messy tantrums in the backyard.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I would love to know what the comment about James meant!
    This Jozea annoys me and I haven't even watched, yet.
    P.S. stellar movie reference.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Sup Groucho! Welcome back!

      I gave the tea on James here, and I feel relieved to get that out of the way.

      http://bigbrotherlivefeedupdates.blogspot.com/2016/06/welcome-back-james-huling-bb18-new.html

      Delete
    2. Thanks for the link. I just went down the rabbit hole of updates....it was great.

      Delete

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