Sunday, July 26, 2015

Mixed Messages and Bad Ideas. #BB17

I'm trying to figure out who's who and what's what in that house right now, after that the Crapfest that was Saturday night.  It probably doesn't matter, anyway, because whatever the story looks like now, it will look totally different by tomorrow.  Or in a few hours, anyway.

So far Jackie has been the backdoor target, then Becky was going to get voted out, then Steve was considered to sit next to Becky on the block, then Meg or Jason.  And Austin is still lurking in everybody's mind, of course.  It's exhausting, but no one can be more exhausted than the editors on the CBS show....what a mess their lives must be this summer.

Last night Liz slept in the HoH room with Vanessa, but she went downstairs to check out the situation this morning.  She gave Austin some words of encouragement, saying she thinks he has a good chnce to stay off the block.  Why is she letting Austin claw her leg like this?  While he was talking he ran his hand back and forth, and up and down.

Move your leg Liz!


Back upstairs in the HoH, Vanessa and Liz talk about the options, and what they should do.  I think Judas has popped up again, as Austin has apparently been pretending to overhear conversations that make it seem like the other side of the house is gunning for them.  This is putting a bad light on Jason, of course.  And Austin really wants Steve to go on the block, too.

Liz:  In that purple room it's Becky and Jackie in the same bed, and Jason and Meg in the other one.  And then James on that couch.

Vanessa:  Oh, they're all together now, huh?

Liz:  And Jason is the Gay Glue....without him they're nothing...

(Surely that is something Jason told Liz, right? Because that is what he told Big Jeff in the pre-season.)

This is what it looks like when they watch views of the dining area and the hallway outside the HoH Room on their Spy Screen. (aka "Netflix")



For someone who seemed so perceptive and shrewd in the early weeks of the game, Vanessa sure is saying and doing a lot of stupid things now.  In the last few minutes, she's said the following:

*  Vanessa went on and on about trying to figure out the "phone booth" thing.  She knows everyone is saying that Da'Vonne won the last laugh, but she says no way that is possible due to the three people whose votes were cancelled.  Vanessa feels there is no way that Da'Vonne would not have cancelled Clay's vote, since they didn't get along.  So now Vanessa thinks that Jackie must have won the Last Laugh, and is going to try and grill Becky  to see if this might be true. (A total waste of everybody's time, including our's.)

(In reality, Day was trying to plan ahead, wanting to deflect attention, instead of cancelling votes that might have helped her stay in the house.  It was not smart on Day's part, trying to plan ahead when she should have been playing in crisis mode.)

*  Vanessa is positive that Becky is the one who voted for Jeff to stay (one of the two hinky votes that week) and says Becky is a terrible liar.  Liz wondered if Vanessa already interrogated Becky about this, but Vanessa says she did ask Becky about it.

(Liz placed one of the hinky votes!  Liz, who is right there while Vanessa is saying this!)

*  Vanessa wondered what would happen if Clay didn't use the PoV.  After waiting a moment, Liz told her Shelli would never let that happen.

(Clay's ass would go home, Vanessa!  Duh!)


Back in happier times (yesterday afternoon, before the PoV competiton), the mood was a lot lighter in the HoH room.

Jason visited Vanessa and they bonded over both having bad skin right now.

Jason:  These bitches don't know what it's like!

Vanessa:  I know...why am I having this problem at 32?


Jason:  When I get out of here I'm going on Accutane.

Vanessa:  Once I have kids, I'm going to do that.  They say you can have kids a year after you stop taking it, but I still don't trust that.  The side effects are too serious to risk it.


Vanessa got a card from Big Brother that instructed her to pick three Have Nots this week.  That was an easy task, though, because three people had already volunteered.


A bunch of house guests gathered in the HoH room and had some laughs with the Spy Screen.  They saw Clay come out of the Diary Room and all screamed his name, watching him look around to figure it out.  He walked here and there in that room, and they screamed whenever he came into view.



Everyone cracked up and someone later said that the five minutes they played that "game" were some of the most fun they've had this summer.


Clay came upstairs and was a good sport about it.  Becky was in the DR now and they planned to do the same thing to her when she came out.



Jason was listening to Jackie's Drake CD and was dancing around and lip syncing so the cameras didn't want us to see it.  But I could tell from Meg's reaction that it was really funny.

PoV Aftermath - Everything is Squirrelly and Helter Skelter is Coming Down Fast. #BB17

Just when we all thought the plan for this week was set, that after Clay won the PoV it was pretty much a done deal that Austin would be nominated for eviction at the PoV ceremony tomorrow, lots of stuff happened.

***LOTS OF STUFF HAPPENED LAST NIGHT***

And now I feel like everything is one big cluster. And all because of some paranoia bouncing between Shelli and Vanessa like that little silver ball inside a pinball machine.

And I wish I could scream at these two girls and tell them to "STOP THAT".  

OK.  Let's back up. Clay won the PoV dressed like a giant squirrel.  It was that competition where you have to keep a ball (or a nut) moving in two chutes while you run back and forth.   Vanessa said that as soon as she saw the backyard setup, she knew it didn't play to her strengths.

Shelli:  Yeah, I told Clay he would need to win this one on his own.


And apparently you can be like Clay and own your own squirrel costume.  I mean, Halloween will be here eventually, right?

So the ground was set for Clay to use the PoV during Monday's ceremony to save himself, paving the way for Vanessa to put Austin's scruffy ass on the block.  Most of the house guests knew about this plan, and were all for it.  All of the pieces of the puzzle were in place.....all Vanessa needed to do was have a few conversations to get some unpleasantness out of the way.  She needed to talk to Liz about all of this, and then she wanted to let Austin know, too.

So far, so good, right?  

In the last day or so, Shelli has been noticing that Liz and Austin were together all of the time, and thinks they are in a full blown showmance. She's been worried that Liz is actually starting to like Austin, and will mess up the plan to get Austin out of the game this week.


Shelli met with Vanessa in the HoH, and Vanessa had some exciting news.

Vanessa:  I went over to Liz and told her I needed to talk to her later, and she said "HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Shelli was relieved, saying Liz must be acting, after all.  Vanessa thought this would be a lot easier than she expected it to be...Liz would support the plan once she heard all of the facts.  But then Vanessa remembered a comment Austin made to her earlier that day, and wanted to ask Shelli about it.

***CLUSTERF*CK STEP #1***

Vanessa:   Austin mentioned earlier that he thought there might be a six-member alliance trying to get you and Clay out of the house.

Shelli:  WHAT?

Vanessa:  Have you heard that?  Do you feel that?

Shelli, anger clearly visible:  Vanessa....yes, I do! 

Vanessa says that Austin told her that today that he was worried about Clay being targeted, and they needed to get him off the block this week.


Shelli:  You know what I've been thinking?  That Becky volunteered to go up with Clay, and then she threw that BoB to keep Clay on the block.  And that is why she was so upset that you picked me to play, and was crying after Clay won.  Because when have you ever seen Becky compete so poorly?

Now they start spinning, and running with it.  The paranoia is growing, and you can just see this week's target changing in front of our very eyes.

Vanessa:  Maybe we've been so stupid....



***CLUSTERF*CK STEP #2***

Before they had a chance to pull Liz in the room, Austin came upstairs.  Vanessa asked him to repeat what he told her about the six-person alliance targeting Clay and Shelli.

Austin:  I don't know anything specific, but Clay and I were talking about it earlier, about the risks of what could happen.

Vanessa:  So you don't know anything for sure...it was just speculation?

Austin:  Yeah, but things have felt weird in here all day.  Liz noticed it, too.

Austin gave an example of walking in the bedroom where Jason and Meg were talking to Jackie, and hearing Jackie say "everything will be all right", but they stopped talking when they saw Austin. So I was thinking, of course Shelli and Vanessa will realize that everybody stopped talking, because they were talking about AUSTIN BEING BLINDSIDED THIS WEEK.

And I thought, okay, these girls are smart....they will realize that Austin is the paranoid one.  As well he should be, if he wasn't so stupid.  But no....Shelli is too far gone to nip this Clusterf*ck in the bud.

Austin:  And when Vanessa picked Shelli to play PoV, there was not one happy face down there.  Did you see that?  And when Clay won the PoV?  People were upset...I think they wanted Clay out.

(Of course Clay and Shelli are going to be a target...they are a pair!  And of course the other house guests are sick of them running the game every week.  Of course!  Why is this New News for Shelli Poole?)

Austin also said that Johnny Mac had been acting strangely, too, isolating himself and being very quiet.  The girls thought about that and agreed.  Austin thinks that Audrey did a lot of damage to them by telling everyone about the Sleeper Cell and Sixth Sense alliances before she left.

Austin:  You think everybody is just going to let that go?

Austin also brought up that hinky vote to save Jeff, blaming it on Becky. (It was Liz!)

Before Austin left, Vanessa asked him point blank if he knew who cast that hinky vote to keep Audrey last week.

Austin:  I don't know.

Vanessa:  You swear you don't know?  I want to you speak an entire clear sentence stating that you don't know who did that.

Austin did, and then went downstairs to fetch Liz per Vanessa's instructions.

Vanessa:  Did you see that?  He just lied right there.  That's why I asked him that in front of you...to show you that he lied.  It was obvious that he lied. I can see the vein in his neck when he's nervous

But could just hear Shelli's brain churning.

Shelli:  But who told you that Vanessa?  Who told you that Austin told Jason about the Twins?  Was it Jason that told you?

(Paranoia will destroy ya.  Jason told Vanessa, but Julia also told Vanessa that, too. Julia heard it from the Big Dummy himself, not Jason.)

But Shelli is fixated on this new clear and present danger.  She's got a new enemy now, and conveniently that girl is already on the block (Becky).


***CLUSTERF*CK STEP #3***

Liz finally headed up the stairs to see Vanessa, coughing here and there as she made it up the stairs.  Shelli and Vanessa knew that Austin had cornered Liz before sending her up there, and suspected he was trying to badger the witness somehow.

(I found out later that during their brief conversation, Liz told Austin that Julia had already told Vanessa about Austin's hinky vote, so she's known that all along.  So add that info to the stew of paranoia going on right now.)


When Liz walked in, she smelled trouble.  There was plenty of tension in the room.

Liz:  I don't want to be in the middle of all of this.

Vanessa:  Well, you already are.  Come over here and sit down.


The meeting started poorly, because some of the bombshell information that Vanessa hoped to lay on Liz was information that Liz already knew.  Liz was basically defending Austin and making excuses for his actions.

Liz:  Yeah, I knew he told Jason about the Twins....I knew that.  he did that to protect us. I'm close to Austin, but just between us girls, he likes me a lot more than I like him.

Vanessa:  Everyone in this house sees you and your sister and Austin as a three-headed monster now---everyone wants him out of here now.  And now that Austin is telling everyone that you were kissing him, it's even worse for you!


Liz:  What-ah?  He said we were kissing?  No...he just grabbed my face and did it.  Ew....I could feel his beard in my face-ah!

Shelli and Vanessa laugh, relieved that Liz isn't really into Austin romantically.


Liz:  He's a nice guy, but he's not my type-ah.  I'm not attracted to him at all.  All of that long hair and that beard-ah....it's so gross!

Look at the delight in Vanessa's eyes in the picture below, as she looks over at Shelli.  She was worried that Liz would object to the plan, but now she is full of hope.

Vanessa told Liz about Austin telling Jason that he wanted him to get Julia out of the house so he could work with Liz alone.  Liz was surprised at that, and finally seemed like she'd heard enough evidence.

Liz:  The thing is, she's my sister!  I'm used to guys sucking up to her to get close to me...but he's always saying shit about her...I can't stand that!

Shelli:  I know! I'm a twin, too!  Austin told us that both you and Julia liked him, and he got to choose which one of you he wanted.

Vanessa:  If he really liked you, he would try to bond with your sister, not push her out of the way.  He's throwing away his game for you!  You must have some kind of golden ass to be worth half a million dollars!

Liz, disgusted: Oh my god-ah.

 Liz told them Austin told her about the hinky vote, and how he planned to blame it on Steve.  She is very concerned that Austin will take this out on her like Caleb did after Amber rejected him during BB16.


Vanessa dropped the bomb on Liz about Austin being the backdoor target this week, and now most of the house guests already knew about it.

Liz: I'm uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed as him...he repulses me!

Shelli wishes they had named Liz as a Have Not so she could have some space from Austin.  But then Liz tells them that everybody did want Clay out this week if possible.  (But did she hear that from Austin, who was oblivious to the real plan?)

Liz:  I thought he was really my friend and had my back to the end.  Can I sleep up here and not down there with him?


As Liz left the room, Vanessa told her to just be honest about what they discussed, that there is no need to lie.

After Liz was gone, Vanessa and Shelli started batting names around...who should they nominate to sit beside Becky?   Vanessa actually is considering putting Jackie up on the block next to Becky.

(WTF?)

They realize that if they don't put Austin on the block as planned, the rest of the house will not only be furious, they will know for sure that the alliances Audrey spoke about are real.  But they planned to have Vanessa scare the crap out of Austin in order to make him swear loyalty, and then consider keeping him this week and getting support to evict Becky.

(If they keep Austin, I think the others will want Steve out...)

Shelli left the HoH Suite and told Austin that Vanessa wanted to see him upstairs.

***CLUSTERF*CK STEP #4***

From the second Austin entered the room, it was Game On.

Austin: Do you want to start?

Vanessa:  Why don't you start?

Words just come spilling out of Austin as he confesses about the hinky vote, saying he wanted to tell her, but he just couldn't find a way to do it, and didn't want to talk about it in front of Shelli.

Austin:  I didn't want to lie to you in the game, Vanessa!

Vanessa:  What else have you lied about?  I trusted you!  Why did you you betray me like this?  Do you know all of the things I've done for you in this house?

Austin is cowering, saying "I know" "I know" "I know" over and over.

Vanessa:  And you told the info about the Twins to the person with the biggest mouth in this house!  (Jason) And you didn't think you had to discuss that with anyone first!  You've made a glaring target of yourself!

She brings up his Judas moniker, saying how convenient that name is right now.

Vanessa:  DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING STUPID?

She asked him about the tattoo on his back...the JS tattoo that she thinks he lied about.  He says that is the name of one of his ex-girlfriends...and says her name before FISH can stop him.

(I had a few beers last night, but I'm pretty sure her initials were not "J.S.".  I will not be publishing her name here, though.  Let's just leave her out of this.)


Austin is still running his mouth...talking in circles and backtracking.  He's not helping himself.

Austin:  Wait....you're not putting me up, are you?

Vanessa:  That's a big possibility...you've been the backdoor target this whole week for everyone in this house!  It's you!  That's why everyone has been talking about Steve...it's really YOU!

Austin:  OH MY GOD VANESSA...NO....NO...NO...PLEASE!  PLEASE DON'T DO THIS VANESSA!


Austin:  NO! DON'T TAKE ME OUT WHILE THE TWINS ARE COMING IN....YOU CAN'T DO THAT...PLEASE VANESSA....

(All he cares about are the damn Twins.)

Vanessa:  This is Big Brother, man. These people are not your friends.

Austin:  Well I just fucking figured that out.


He continues to beg Vanessa not to do this, and seems to think his excuses of "falling in love with a girl" might absolve him in her eyes.  Every so often he seems to get a flash of what getting evicted on Thursday might mean to him.

Austin:  OH MY GOD VANESSA.  NO, PLEASE.

At one point, Austin clearly said "I'll kill myself....I'll do anything", and Vanessa told him not to be ridiculous.


Austin:  Who knew about this? Everyone?

Vanessa:  Julia knew about it....

Austin reacts to that piece of news.

Vanessa:  ....Liz didn't know though....Steve doesn't know...Johnny doesn't know for sure....that's it.  Everybody else knows.

Austin:  PLEASE VANESSA....I NEED TO GET TO JURY...I NEED TO BE THERE WITH LIZ!


Austin starts yammering on and on about his ex-girlfriend, so the guy working the FISH button got some exercise back there in the Control Room.

Austin:  I was just getting off a plane from Costa Rica after going through hell with my ex-girlfriend and I got a text from Big Brother, and it was like my life changed....

FISH

Austin: I'm not even supposed to be here!

FISH
****

OK...I've heard Austin say things about BB16 here and there, but the FISH always came up too fast for me to feel I could report on this accurately.  But based on what Austin says here, along with snippets during his conversation with Jason and a few other things that I've heard him say:

I think Austin was cast, or close to being cast last year on BB16.  He makes it sound like his girlfriend made him turn it down, but he said that he was "supposed to be Judas last year".

He also had spoken numerous times about some deep, dark secret about why he claims he didn't watch BB16, or at least the live feeds.  I'm guessing bitterness was the reason.

Devin Shepherd took Austin's spot on BB16, right?  You can't have two huge guys in the house at once, can you?  Two crazy big hulks with unbalanced personalities?  Hell no.  I'm thinking that they wanted Devin instead of Austin, though, because Amber said she was attracted to black guys.  Just a guess.  (And Amber was hot for Devin, even though he was hot for Joey.)

Many of our favorite house guests were considered for one cast but then eventually appeared on another season.  It happens.  People like Frank Eudy, Dan Gheesling and Evel Dick. Even our current fave Jason Roy.  But of course Austin is going to make this some big dramatic episode, proving it was fate that brought him together with Liz.
***


Well this just goes on and on and on.  Austin blames everything he's done on his love for Liz, saying it will be a disaster if he leaves the game now.

And Vanessa has a lot of self-restraint, doesn't she?  Because if you were her, wouldn't you tell Austin that this isn't the fucking Bachelor and that Liz doesn't even like him...and that his nasty hair and beard totally skeeve her out?

I know I'd say that.  And I would have enjoyed saying that.  I'll just admit it.  And maybe having Austin go into a blind rage and attack me might be worth it...because I think that would be worth a whole lot more than that measly $500,000 prize.

I can just see Gloria Allred presenting my case in a standing-room-only courtroom...with numerous exhibits displayed on easels demonstrating Austin's previous instability and BB Production's spotty paperwork documenting Austin's background check.  I can even see the parade of Austin's ex-girlfriends bravely taking the stand to testify, their faces blurred out on camera to protect their safety.

But I digress.  Vanessa had her Poker Face on.  Because I think she's playing him right now.


Basically she told Austin that if he wanted to stay this week, he would need to get Clay and Shelli on board, as well as a few other people.

Personally I think Vanessa is making a Huge Mistake, because the damage she will do to herself with the other cast members could be insurmountable.

Note that in the middle of this conversation, James poked his head in to ask Vanessa if she put her squirrel costume downstairs in storage.

Vanessa:  Are we allowed to keep the squirrel costumes?

James, who didn't play PoV:  Yes, I believe so.

Vanessa:  It's kind of big...I'm not sure I will want to carry that home...would you like to have my squirrel costume James?

James:  Yes, I would!  Thank you Vanessa.

He gathered up the costume and left the room, obviously pleased.  Sometimes you don't have to even ask to get what you want from people.  After James left, Austin hissed that that was just a ploy to find out what was going on in the HoH Room.  Austin must not know James very well, though, because I think James really wanted that damn costume.  Right?  It may be worth a fortune on Ebay.


I was as exhausted as Austin was after all of this.  And I'm sure the BB world will spin on its axis a few more times before the PoV ceremony on Monday morning.  We'll go back and forth, and forth and back, with Austin's BB life and BB (faux) love hanging in the balance.

I'll try and keep you up to date on the ups and downs, but we can all be sure things will continue to be messy around there.


***BUT LAST***

Because we may not be seeing things like this again in the BB house, here are a few more pictures I took of Austin's tender "love scene" with Liz.  These pictures were taken just after this scene, but I was too disgusted to post them at the time.

It is important for you to know that after the last set of pictures, Austin stood up and walked over to the sink, grabbing a bottle of mouthwash and swishing it around before spitting it out and returning to his spot groping his Favorite Twin.


It looks like Austin was photoshopped in on the right there, next to this beautiful young girl. Where's Waldo would look more natural in a love scene with Liz, right?




Something tells me that that mouthwash didn't do the trick,right?  I mean, wouldn't the beard have an odor?  I'm not down with the whole beard scene, so I'll need someone else to testify about that.

And we all recognize the move he's doing there with his left arm, right?  That's a total boob move, but a cowardly one..


Liz is horrified here, clearly.

(Hit me up Gloria Allred, if you need these pictures one day.  I'll give you a good deal on them.)


***AND***

While I was watching all of this play out live last night, I got a Twitter notification that Charles Manson favorited a Tweet I wrote while I was watching the first live show of the season (I think.)

Becky had on some long fringed vest that looked like part of Hollister's Manson Family line, so I tweeted a crack about it.  And Charlie digged, it, apparently.


I'm not going to lie.  I was kind of freaked out.  And just a little wasted at the time.  So I tweeted about it.  And Charles Manson favorited that, too.


If I suddenly disappear and stop posting about Big Brother, someone please contact Gloria Allread for me.  Thanks.