Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Vanessa (or her Robotic twin) Blogs: Here's What Happened, If You Don't Know What Happened #BB17


Any doubt I had that CBS may be cooking these HoH blogs is now gone.  I am sure of it now.  There is no way Vanessa could be this boring.  There isn't even any poker lingo in this blog.  After the first paragraph, it's all a not-very-colorful retelling of what went down this week.

If you're not the type of fan who seeks out information beyond the CBS prime time episodes, why in the world would you want to read the HoH blog?  Whe would you care?

You wouldn't care.  As Da'Vonne would say "Period. End of Story".

I like to hear the HoH's dish some dirt...vent some frustrations....talk some trash....even make hella typos, as long as it's real.

Hey all,

Wow… I’m not sure where to start! It has been a rollercoaster this week, but, by far, the best part was being able to hear from my girlfriend Mel!!!! This game is excruciatingly difficult and it has a way of making you feel like you are all alone in the world at times, so reading her letter and seeing pictures of my family was just what the doctor ordered!!! :) 

As far as strategy goes, so much went down this week and I want to let you all into what I was thinking along the way, so here goes:

To begin with, I’ll break down a "helicopter view" of how I perceive the house to be organized in terms of strategic alliances. (You may have seen me make a model out of gummy bears at various points in my HoH room in an attempt to visualize these dynamics.)


Coming into this week, the house was divided into five interconnected subgroups: In one corner, you had the remnants of the Old Insider Alliance—these aren’t real alliance names, just my descriptions for ease of explanation—with Jason, James, and Meg. Across the house, you had The Go-To Pawns with Jon, Steve, and Becky. Between them was the Power Couple with Shelly and Clay. In another group was "JJ" with Jeff and Jackie ,who were loosely aligned with the Old Insiders and also had ties with The Power Couple, as well as The Pawns. And, finally, you had "3.5," alluding to the fact that we are 3.5 people since Liz’s twin was half-way into being allowed into the house, with myself, Austin, and Liz. 

That leaves Audrey, who—through our Sleeper Cell alliance, which includes Audrey, Shelly, Clay, myself, and Austin—was sitting between 3.5 and The Power Couple. Oh, yeah. And I have a budding alliance with Steve called SOS, which I want to note here for completeness.After Austin and I won HoH, we decided to initially take a shot at the Old Insiders—specifically James, since I felt that he was the strongest player of the three. (Not to mention he had lied to me about his motivations for evicting Jace, so I didn’t trust him.) This was because our corner had the least ties to the Old Insiders and JJ—and since JJ was only comprised of two people and the Old Insiders was made up of three, we decided to launch a missile in their direction.


We set it up so that Meg and Jason would be on the block on Austin’s side and James and John (as our pawn) would sit on mine. We really wanted John and James to lose the BOB so that I would remain in power because Austin already has a target on his back. (He’s a beast and he’s in an obvious duo with Liz.) Plus, I was confident that I could make the moves that needed to be made this week without creating too big of a target for myself.

Luckily for us, things worked out for us with the BOB, and John and James remained on the block, leaving me as the sole HoH for the rest of the week. Unfortunately, the POV didn’t go as well. And while Austin had a shot to win in the finals against John, he decided in the moment to let John take it and minimize the blood on his hands.

Austin agreed that morning if it came down to him and John, he would give it 100-percent because he knew it was best if the POV remained in our hands and allowed us to keep nominations the same—and minimize the blood that I was getting on my hands this week. So, when Austin throws the final round to John, I began to doubt my alliance with Austin for the first time. We had been going strong since day two when we made a final two deal, but now I was forced to wonder if Austin was really willing to work as a team or if we was just going to look out for himself.


Once John won the POV, the whole house was expecting me to backdoor Audrey, but I had other plans. I preferred to put up another pawn next to James or appease my allies Clay, Shelly, and Austin, who were all gunning for Jeff to go up as a backdoor target. While Clay, Shelly, and Austin all had reasons for wanting Jeff gone—he had lied to all of them and thrown each of them under the bus repeatedly—I didn’t have any reason personally to put him up. I mean, yes, he was on the other side of the house so I wouldn’t mind it if he left, but I didn’t have any reason that would make sense to the house for putting him up instead of Audrey.

This is where "Operation Expose Jeff" comes into play. Basically, I needed Clay, Shelly, and Austin to confront Jeff about his lies in public. I believed that if this happened, the rest of the house would begin to wonder about Jeff being some kind of manipulative mastermind, and with all the paranoia in the house, I could somehow spin it that he was a bigger threat to everyone than Audrey. 

This was the plan….

But what I got ended up being even better! In the middle of Operation Expose Jeff, he decides to make one of the worst strategic moves I could have imagined. He turns to me—the HoH, who is looking for a replacement nominee, no less—and tries to make me the fall guy for his manipulations!!


Unfortunately for him, I think he underestimated my ability to defend myself and by the end of the night, he publicly admitted that he had lied. After that, his fate was pretty much sealed, and the decision to put him up next to James was an easy one.

Vanessa Tweets, and Keeps it Short and Sweet #BB17

Vanessa had a lot on her plate this week, but she wrote her HoH tweets on Wednesday after the nominations were set and things were settling down.

Would it kill her to be a little more chatty with us?


Has anybody found Mel on Twitter yet? I'd be interested to hear what she has to say, if she's saying anything....

It's Time to Get Involved Again, America #BB17

For the first time this year, the live feed community will be choosing the additional foods the Have Nots will be eating this week.

I don't know what a "Grunge Cake" is, but I voted for that over the "Y2Kale".  I have kale almost every morning in my green smoothie, but I can only have kale when it does not taste like kale.  Today it tasted like pineapple and honey dew melon, but I don't wish the taste of plain old kale on my worst house guest.

So I took a chance on the Grunge Cake.

And it looks like America is on board with that, too.  At least, so far they are.  



Clean Up on Camera 2 - The Inmates Revolt - "We'll Do Anything For Booze" #BB17

Everyone is ready to break some rules at this point in the game.  They're getting bored....and they still want to drink their boredom away.  But who doesn't, right?  This all happened last night, on Tuesday July 14th, as the house guests waited in vain for libations to be delivered to the Storage Room.

There is a rumor going around that Big Brother is going to put some booze in the storage room for them, with the understanding that they will do some sort of dating "show" or speed dating.  Someone said the DR people thought that might be "compelling", so that gives them all hope that they could be blackout drunk in no time.  Or all split four beers.  Whatever.

There was a big jumbo pizza in the oven, which Jason and Meg immediately pounced on as soon as it came out of the oven.  You can tell it's too hot to eat by the way Meg is working with it.



Liz and Becky are cooking some salmon and vegetables, but Liz is very insecure about her fish-cooking abilities.  She keeps yelling for "Clay-ah!  Clay-ah!  Come here-ah!"  Apparently Clay is the designated cooking consultant around there.


I heard Becky say these were vegetables, so we'll just have to take their word for it.  The cameras all moved away from the kitchen as they were getting ready to load up their plates, so I don't have all of the information that I feel I need about these dinner options.

I did see that the salmon was small filets, with a slice of lemon on top of each one, rather than the whole-side filet like you would buy at Costco.


When the cameras came back to the kitchen (just a few minutes later) all of the eating was over, and Jackie was doing the dishes, with Liz putting things back where they belong.  I guess her salmon was not cooked enough, and she frets that people weren't happy with the raw fish.

(Salmon is supposed to be medium rare.....)


Becky is talking to Austin in the bathroom, giving him surprisingly good advice about the whole Jeff vs. James situation.  If Jeff gets to stay in the house, things are going to get ugly, she says, because lines in the sand have been drawn.

Austin must have told her that he wanted to say something to Jackie about all of the disrespectful comments Jeff makes about her, in hopes of getting her to vote Jeff out on Thursday night.

Becky told him that whatever the situation between Jeff and Jackie is, it is their business and they will need to deal with it between the two of them when this summer is over.

Becky:  You should stay out of it and not get involved.  Believe me, I have seen and heard so many things around here that I've wanted to react to, like I would in my real life.  But I just keep my mouth shut, and hope they (us, the viewers) see the same things I do.


Becky feels like she's ready for booze and the dating show, if that ever happens, but I heard her ask Jackie if her bun "looked stupid".  And speaking of stupid, she then went outside and played pool with Jeff and acted happy about it.


Austin doesn't know, like, if he should like, leave his hair down tonight or like, put it up.  He gave Becky the responsibility for figuring this out.  She took a long time thinking about it and then said he should wear it down tonight.


Austin then spent a lot of time fussing with the flat iron, and spraying his hair with various substances.  He then pulled his hair back on a bun, but I think it is part of his de-frizzing and styling process.

Austin spends more time on his hair then most of the girls in that house.


Liz was taking a shower and talking to whoever walked through the bathroom.  Due to the cheerful chatter, we know this is Liz and not Julia.  As a matter of fact, the camera guys did several close ups of her rear end, letting us all know Thickums is in the house.


She got out of the shower and wrapped that blue towel around her front, holding it closed in the back, and walked across the room to get some lotion or something before going back to the shower stall.  When she got across the room she looked up at the camera and her jaw dropped, remembering that she is on TeeVee.

If the camera was shooting from the other angle (it wasn't on the 4 views we see on the live feeds) then we would have seen a butt shot where the towel didn't meet.

Liz, once safely back in the shower stall:  Oh my god-ah!  I am going to die if anyone saw that-ah!

(The control room has every camera angle, though.  I've told the story before on this website, but I once got to visit the control room during an NBA game that was being televised on Prime Time through a friend in the media.  There were two TV monitors that were 100% focused on the crotches of the NBA dance team girls, and sometimes their chests.  So when I hear about an inappropriate camera shot showing on a live TV show, I am never surprised. Not at all.)


Austin saw that Liz was wearing her green dress and was excited that they both wore the same color.


Liz wishes she knew if the were really going to have the "show" tonight, so she can know if she needs to put on her makeup.

Austin:  You don't need any makeup, Liz.


So, Liz has dark roots, but Julia's dark roots are much longer.  Don't you think the sisters would have both had their hair colored just before coming in the house?  It's kind of a big deal, and much easier than one of them trying to gain 5 pounds, or the other trying to lose 5 pounds.


Clay and James have been trying to pull some stunt in the DR by both going in there.

Jason:  They let you do that?  I walked in there with Day one time and they were like, GET THE FUCK OUT!

James said he crawled in the DR, and hid behind the couch while Clay was about to be interviewed, but he got bounced.

James:  I was back there behind the couch where the box is.


Jason:  They were like, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM OUR BOXES.

They had to explain to Jason what the box is for...there is a makeup bag for each person that they can use for their on-camera interviews.

Shelli:  You're supposed to use it if you cry.

(Shelli used her's before her pre-season interview with Big Jeff.)

Meg: Or if you look shiny.

Jason:  But how do they know which shade you need for each person's skin?

Shelli acknowledged that was a good question and no one seemed to know the anwer.


Liz came in and someone told her that there was "kissing with tongue" promised if BB gives them some booze tonight.  Liz puckered up as she put on her Eos Mint lip balm.


Everyone in the bedroom was really punchy and there were lots of verbal jabs and laughing.  Clay and Shelli are very flirty with each other, but it feels kind of platonic.  I read somewhere that Clay was telling her that he wanted more from this relationship, and that Shelli laughed and said "you're cute" to him.

She might as well have said "bless your heart, Clay".




Audrey was actually speaking up quite a bit and being pretty funny. She and Clay throw a lot of stones at each other, and Audrey jokes about Clay's big head.

Audrey:  I've actually been worried about you, Clay.  Sometimes when I walk in a room I hold my breath to be sure you get enough oxygen.

Audrey was twirling the chains attached to the wall and James made some suggestive comments about liking her wrist action.

(James better be careful...the vote is expected to be very close on Thursday.)


Steve thought that was funny.  (The big head-oxygen joke, not the wrist action material.)


There was a lot of chatter in the room at one point and the cameras focused in on James and Steve talking.  James thought that Steve could beat him up, but Steve thought that was crazy.

James:  You're bigger than me...

Shelli, jumping in:  But James you've been in the military!

James showed Steve a few "focus points" to cause pain and intimidate people (prisoners, I guess, since that is what James did in the military....just like Caleb).  He wanted to demonstrate one move on Steve's pinky finger but Steve was understandably nervous about it and finally got James to describe it instead of doing it.

There were focus points on the back of your hand while bending the thumb, a spot on the back of the neck, and also a torture spot focus point on the upper lip, pressing into the gum line.


They talked about viral videos, and Audrey wanted Shelli to tickle Clay's foot for several minutes, betting that the video would go viral.

(It probably already has....lots and lots of "foot people" watch Big Brother, since the house guests rarely wear shoes.)



Outside everyone just waited, hoping that as soon as the PopTV show was over, a virtual wave of booze would wash over the house.

(Vanessa:  What is PopTV?  We don't have that at our house.  Everyone: I don't know.)

(It's TVGN, dummies!)

Austin is a real ladies man around there, you know....he is currently juggling romantic entanglements with both Liz and Jackie, but is most concerned with how Liz feels, and doesn't want to upset her.

Austin's imagination is a busy place.  And Jackie saws at her nails in a very loud manner.


Jeff is sitting across from her and they actually have a pleasant conversation as a group.  Jeff described how his front tooth got chipped---some sort of rough housing with a friend while he was drinking a bottle of beer as they were getting liquored up to go out on the town.  Jeff's friend didn't understand why he was upset and didn't want to go out anymore.

Jeff: I thought it was a big deal.

Liz:  It is a big-ah deal-ah!

Earlier I heard Jeff and Jackie talk about how they traveled with a huge security guard on TAR.  Apparently there were issues when they did the "Lady Boy" challenge and another time the security guard almost had to beat up their cab driver.

(If you didn't watch TAR, Jeff had to dress up like a "Lady Boy" (in Thailand, maybe?) and do a dance onstage in front of an all-male audience.  Until he did the dance routine perfectly and got a certain level of applause, he and Jackie could not move on to the next TAR challenge.)


Johnny Mac came over to inspect Jeff's tooth and agreed that, yeah, it's chipped.

Jeff said a dentist said that he was a prime candidate for Invisalign braces, but it would be about $4,500.

Johnny:  Yeah, that's about right.  I have to pay Invisalign $1,700 each time I use the product.


Jeff:  So, can I fly up there and pay you $1,700 for the braces?

Johnny:  Yeah!  Sure.  But you'd have to fly up there a few times.

Someone asked about the chipped tooth.

Johnny:  Oh yeah.  I'd throw that in for free.  That only takes about 5 minutes.

Jeff is thrilled with that.


Clay lifted some iron.


Shelli and Audrey straightened up the purple room, and made up a little musical about it.  Shelli has obviously been in musical theater productions and is able to make up credible lyrics and dance motions right on the spot.  Meg and Jason were the background dancers.  Some of the lyrics were about knowing "this is real" because "Audrey dreamed about it".

It was funny, and probably the sort of cheesy thing that Julie would ask them about on the live show.


Johnny Mac took a little catnap face down on the couch, with his legs hanging off the side.  I think he wanted to be as close as possible to the storage room door in case the liquor got delivered.


Yep, Thickem's is still in the house, the camera crew wanted us to know.  In what universe would this girl be considered "the fat one?"  That is just crazy.


***JEFF WELDON BONUS CONTENT***

(Wait...don't leave!  ha ha ha ha ha)

After what I wrote above, I went in search of a picture of Jeff dressed up like a Lady Boy from TAR.  First of all, I learned that "Lady Boy" is actually "Ladyboy", but I don't think that is information that I will ever need in life.

I could not find the Ladyboy picture, but I did find a picture of Jeff and his twin, Eric.  They look identical to me....if Eric shaved and fixed his hair like Jeff.  But Jeff does look taller, so maybe that is what makes them look different from each other.


And here are two pictures of Jeff and Jackie from TAR.  I didn't know much about Jeff---Jackie was much more distinctive on camera but I think they both fought a lot....but I really don't remember.



Jeff is technically in this trio of pictures, but it's really about Jackie, isn't it?


HoH Picture Time, and Jeff's Amazing Resume #BB17

Yesterday the house guests enjoyed HoH Picture Time.  They were all locked down outside while they had the camera, so Vanessa had an easy time getting a 100% participation rate.  Shelli complained that she had a hard time last week, because so many people were napping during the hour she had access to the camera.

Shelli:  I had to keep taking pictures of the same four people...over and over...

(Just wait until later in the season...last year the HoH often took pictures of sleeping house guests because that's all they could get.)

Oh....the house guests have noticed that certain items are disappearing in the house, which could be happening during these outdoor lockdowns.  BB scholars like Steve know that this could be related to an upcoming competition, but it also might be a disgruntled house guest bogarting souvenirs.  For example, when she knew she was headed to the Jury, Dani Donato hid some of the chess pieces, as well as some people's stuffed animals.


Shelli always smiles big for the cameras, and posed in many of the shots.

Meg:  Shelli, you're a camera whore!

(I'm not sure Shelli would take that as a joke.....and she is not the type of person who would smack Meg right back with a stinging put down.  Because Meg Maley likes to be in pictures, too.)


Vanessa is the type who wants to do a good job with every endeavor.  She directed each shot and rearranged people, telling them what their motivation should be.


Like this shot of Jeff, Austin, and Clay. After some initial posing, Vanessa had them put their arms up and then said "the ladies of America will love this one".

Meg, snorting:  The ladies of America....

(probably thinking that her gay friends at home would also be a target market for this)


The BB cameras gave us a close up on Steve when Vanessa said that.  What are they trying to say to us?  I'm sure Steve knows that there are people who want to see his pictures, too.  He's actually been working out with the guys here and there, and both Clay and Austin are very patient with him as they explain the various moves.

Lots of ab work has been going on in that backyard.  Johnny Mac is into it, and Steve is getting there, too.


I heard that Becky scoffed at the idea of a showmance with Johnny Mac.  She made some sort of comment about how she'd like to see him in a "line up with the other guys she's dated", and added that "her last boyfriend was 51".  From what I've also heard from her, her pool of dates are all close to 7 feet tall, and none of them are white guys.

Being the outlier in a police lineup could cause you to get chosen, right?  Because it's easier to pick you?


I listened to Neda from BB Canada 2 on Rob Cesternino's podcast this week, and she sure was hating on Jackie.  She made some sort of comment about how obvious Jackie's weave is....isn't that all Jackie's real hair?  Does it look like a weave to you?

I don't know much about that, to be honest.  I usually assume that everyone's hair is real, and am often shocked when I find out that is not the case.  For example, I knew one of my neighbors for a full year before she told me her long red hair was fake.  She had a hard ridge on the back of her head from ear-to-ear where the fake hair was sewn on.  Wouldn't that freak someone out in an romantic situation?

Anyway, part of Jackie's success as a dancer is her physical look---I would think she takes good care of her hair and body and it looks natural to me.  Whatever.


Vanessa's hair is real, right?  And Shelli's too?  I know Da'Vonne wore a weave, because she told Big Jeff that the Zingbot might have something to say about it.


When Jeff and Meg were holding James up for this picture, James made some sort of comment about how the "outline of his penis" was showing.

Sorry if you're trying to eat lunch or something.

Note that Steve got as far to the side as he could, and wasn't really involved in holding James up.  Smart.


Another Jennifer Garner moment for Becky.  Last night on BBAD, Vanessa and Austin were talking about Becky.  Austin noticed that Becky likes to give advice, and Vanessa did, too.

Vanessa:  I asked her what I should do after making my nominations, and she told me that my job was done, and that I should just lay low and not campaign.

They agree to play into this with Becky and give her chances to give information.  They think she is really out there on her own right now, and is the only house guest who is not in alliance.



In this picture, Vanessa, Meg and Becky blew kisses, while Shelli talked on the "Shell Phone".


Meg:  Vanessa looks smoking hot in this picture...wow Vanessa you are really photogenic!


Where's Liz? Over there on the far right, wearing the long-sleeved shirt. She's been trying to cover up more, after that whole Birthmark-on-the-Back situation.  I haven't heard anyone making a big deal out of this since Monday.  I guess Jeff being nominated and that big blow up the night before took a little of the heat off the Twins last night.

Liz really wants to win HoH this week, not only for the safety of herself and her sister, but because she wants to see people scramble and start sucking up to her.  She noticed people doing that with Vanessa and thought it was funny.


Johnny Mac made a funny last night.  Jeff was out on the patio holding court, talking about how great his resume is and how great he is at networking.

Jeff:  I put that I was on TAR on my resume, and it opened a lot of doors for me.  People ask a lot of questions about that and I point out that thousands of people try out for that show, but I was one of the few selected.

Everyone:  Wow Jeff.  That's really cool.

Jeff thinks they should put Big Brother on their resumes, too.

Jeff:  Because otherwise they'll be wondering what you did all summer....were you just sick of working and took time off? What were you doing for three months?

Johnny Mac:  We were entertaining America....that's what we were doin'!  Hah hah hah!


***ALSO***

Last night Vanessa and Austin were having a quick conversation to catch up on what is going on in the game.  Austin assured Vanessa that he really wants to win HoH again, and is going to try very hard.

Then this happened:

Austin:  Becky told me that Jackie likes me.....she wanted to know what my status was with my girlfriend.

Vanessa, clearly dumbfounded:  Uh....really?

Austin:  Yeah, dude.  I'm going to try and get closer to Jackie...just check in with her more.  But I don't want to upset Liz.

(ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)

Of course you remember Saturday morning, right?

They discussed Jeff, too, and their concern that he will try to blow up people's games on his way out of the game.

Vanessa and Austin also helped Liz drill information for the HoH competition.  Vanessa is positive that all of the Gronk parties they had over the weekend will be a factor in the competition.  For example, they had around 11 different required "parties" and Vanessa wanted Liz to memorize the order and content of each one.

Liz, looking at camera:  I just want to tell you how fucked up it is if you have one of us do the comp when we weren't even here at the time!

Vanessa and Austin helped Liz visualize things to help her remember.  Like this:

1. For the second Gronk Party, Vanessa had her remember two as Tuna and Togas.

Liz:  I can remember the togas...but what does that have to do with a tuna?

Vanessa:  Just imagine a big tuna, wearing a toga.

Liz:  Oh okay...ha ha ha ha.

(Are you thinking about Charlie the Tuna, Vanessa? Charlie had the hipster frames before we even knew they were hipster frames.)


2.  For the sixth Gronk Party, Austin told her it was a costume party, so she should think about Halloween.

Austin:  666....you know..Halloween.

(Maybe one of Austin's tattoos is the mark of the beast....if you think about it, the days of easily spotting the mark of the beast are long gone, with all of the tattoos covering people.)

And so on.  Vanessa planned to drill Liz later with Before or After questions featuring the various Gronk Parties.  You've got to think that Production would love to see A Twin win HoH, right?

We all would.  Just so we can hear them speak.  ("What the fuck-ah.")