1. Jeff starts doing his introduction about how he's live from the Diary Room to meet all of the BB14 house guests, and then tells us that he knows we didn't even hear a word he just said.
Jeff: You're too busy staring at this guy!
2. And Jeff is probably right. It's hard not to stare at Clay Honeycutt. He looks like the prototype of a Ken Doll, or maybe a department store mannequin.
3. Finally Clay speaks.
Clay: What's up ya'll? My name is Clay Honeycutt and I'm from Dickensen Texas and I'm in grad school at Texas A&M.
Jeff: Texas A&M? Wow. So you're just in school right now?
Clay: Just in school right now.
I need to tell you that Clay has a melodic voice, with a soft gentle Texas twang. He doesn't need to speak loudly....he knows you're listening to every word. And certain words sound very sensual when he says them. When you hear him, you'll know what I mean. Jeff and Clay are not really even saying anything right now, but it is downright fascinating. I just listened to the above exchange TWICE.
4. Jeff: So...you're having the time of your life down there?
Clay: I'm having the time of my life. I'm lovin' it.
Jeff: Are you killin' it over there or what? Are you single?
Clay: I am. I am.
Jeff: So, what are you coming in the Big Brother house for? To find a wife?
Clay says he's here to play the game. I think he wanted to change the subject. Once again, they had a conversation about absolutely nothing, and it was riveting.
5. Jeff asked if he is a fan of the show, and Clay says he's a SuperFan, and he loves it. Jeff was surprised.
Clay: I was just introduced to the show this year and I love it now. Someone told me about it, but I'd never even heard of it.
(Don't even get me started on what Clay just said. I don't think he's lying to us, I just think he doesn't know any better. I don't think any of us thought for one second that Clay has spent one second watching the live feeds. Or can you imagine Clay posting on Jokers?)
Clay: If you can become a SuperFan in just four months, than I am one. I'm addicted. I love it.
Jeff, still reeling from this news, apparently feels the need to clarify: So you just started watching recently?
Clay goes on to explain that he was out in LA for an internship and someone saw him and thought he'd be good on the show.
Even Jeff is a little offended, I think. Somehow we all just have to regroup and move on. I guess we could just look at the pictures.
6. Clay did say that he just binge-watched "like, eight seasons". He is getting his graduate degree in sports management. Jeff asked him if he played sports and then correctly guessed that Clay played football.
Jeff: Did you play with Johnny Manziel?
Clay: I did. I did.
Jeff: Maybe he'll be watchin' you on TV now.
Clay: Well, I hope he would.
7. Clay really loves the social and competitive aspects of the game and wants to play as hard as he can, but doesn't want to compromise his values and integrity.
Jeff: You never know what can happen.
Clay: No, you never can..
Clay hopes that he's able to keep those values and avoid compromising who he is and where he's from. He was raised a certain way, and both his mom and his grandmother are going to be watching.
Jeff: That's what I said...I would play like my mom is watching me....but sometimes it gets away from you.
Clay: Yes, it does.
Clay says he'd never want to be hated by America, and it's not worth the $500,000.
Clay: You know, money is just money. I'd rather be loved by America. I want to be loved.
Jeff: That's what I said when I came in here......20 years ago.....it's like looking in a mirror, talking to you.
Jeff puts his hand up like you see in the picture below and gets Clay to do it, too, and they moved their hands around like they were mirroring each other.
8. Clay: I wouldn't mind still looking like that in 20 years.
9. Why don't they just blow each other? I'm not kidding..if you added some music to the background of this "scene", it would totally seem like porn. I keep waiting to hear a knock at the door and then see a burly pizza delivery guy on stage left.
10. Let's see: I need to speed things up:
* Clay knew who the Zingbot is, but couldn't even venture a guess as to what the Zingbot might say to him. He was totally stumped so they just moved on.
But I think the Zingbot would have said: CLAY---WHY DON'T YOU JUST BLOW JEFF? ZING!.
* Jeff asked Clay about his guilty pleasure, but Clay had no idea what Jeff just asked him.
Jeff: A guilty pleasure....like something you really like but are embarrassed about?
Clay looked legitimately baffled and made Jeff explain it again and then said he didn't have anything like that, so they moved on.
(Clay doesn't like to watch professional wrestling? He can't say he dips his fries in mayonnaise? You can't tell me he doesn't watch The Bachelor?)
* If Clay was a zoo animal, he would be a wolf. He says he loves wolves and he used to have one at his house.
Jeff: You had a wolf?
Clay: I had a wolf.
Jeff: Just like, running around your house?
Clay: Just like that. We've got raccoons now, just running around the house.
Clay explains that his mother does wildlife conservation, or something like that. It's probably a ranch, right? Not a 3-BR ranch house, but a real live ranch. With a campfire.
I wasn't going to tell you this part, but at one point Jeff asked Clay if he walked the wolf on a leash while wearing no shirt. Clay said something about having a flag wrapped around him. I know they're talking about some damn movie, but I don't know and I don't want to know what that is.
* If Clay wins the money, he will use it to pay for grad school, and save the rest. He's not in a big hurry to spend it all at once.
11. Clay would like to thank us in advance for our support.
Look, people. Every year we bitch about how there's not enough eye candy in the BB house. There's not enough muscles, or not enough boobs, blah blah blah. I've been guilty of it myself. But if we want to have that, casting needs to recruit the lookers.
Sure we see BB fans in the house who are attractive enough, but for a stunner like this you have to recruit. I'm sure we're all cute and fit and everything, but let's face the facts. SuperFans of any reality TV show do not look like Clay. Unless maybe it's The Bachelor.
At least Clay doesn't seem like an obnoxious braggart. He's probably used to having all of the good things in life, so he doesn't need to point it out to us every five seconds.
He knows that we know. But we know that he doesn't know what we're like----and that we will be watching every second, and watching, and writing, and discussing....Clay will be astounded by what goes along with being on the TV show. I really think he will. I hope his mother stays out of things, since he loves her so much. Not unless she wants to see a bunch of dick pics.
Let's just go ahead and review some evidence of how perfect Clay's life is.
He's with a modeling agency in Dallas. I think I saw this picture on his poster profile over on JokersUpdates.com.
Yeah, right. Don't tell me you fell for that one.
C'mon. Get the fuck out of here.
So Clay is going to dress up in a large sponge costume and flop up and down on somebody like Jason Roy to squeeze the juice into a large plastic pitcher?
Clay is going to wear a BallerinaTard and walk on his tippy toes?
Clay is going to split 4 beers and 2 bottles of wine between eleven people who all desperately need to catch a buzz?
I just can't make sense of all of this. I'll bet the BB UK viewers are just going apeshit over Clay.
I don't know what to think about Clay's game. He couldn't even name one guilty pleasure. I can't imagine someone like Clay ever getting the boot in the first week, but due to that maybe some of the gamers in the house this year would do exactly that. They've got to know that if they don't strike fast, he'll be in a showmance and that will make it harder to get rid of him.
Shelli Poole better start weaving her spell on him as soon as she can, if she wants to convert.
HERE'S THE THING:
Supposedly instead of an eviction the very first night, I'm hearing that the eviction will be held, perhaps live, on Thursday night, June 25th, the second evening of the premiere. And then we'll roll right into an HoH competition. And I think the live feeds will kick off after the west coast airing of that Thursday night episode.
My Point: If this timing is true, whoever gets evicted first will never appear on the live feeds, unless they end up coming back in the house someday.
So even if we won't be too sad to see Clay get to steppin' before Jury, we need him to survive at least the first week so the live feeders can get busy trying to get the picture. Even bare buns would be fine, but I know a lot of fans would want to get some poolside pictures of Clay, wearing flip flops.
That's all I'm saying.