Thursday, August 14, 2014

Zach Breaks It Down For Us #BB16

As Zach conducted a private Zach Attack for all of us, we got FISH on all cameras for a minute or two, and when the cameras returned Zach was in The Hive, talking to us in a normal tone.

I'm guessing Production wanted him to re-do everything he just did, but with a louder voice, requiring less post-production.

(You can see that here.)

(Because they know this is TV gold.  Zach is TV gold.  It sucks for Zach that MTV VJs aren't really a thing anymore, because I'm pretty sure their people would have called Zach's people by now to request a meeting when the BB season is over.)

(If they want to bring more young fans to golf, however, that may be a solid option....those golf announcers are dull as paint.  Maybe Zach could spice that whole sport up and bring it up to date for the young fans.  You know, with his swag and slang.)

(Right?)


This discussion was less of a Zach Attack, and more of a Special Moment With Zach.  He was calmer, and spent a few minutes giving his boys at home some shout outs.  There were a lot of nicknames there, but I did try to look up a few of them on Twitter.

(Too bad "Speezy26" has protected his Tweets....I'll bet he could drop some truth bombs on us.  Shout out to Speezy26!)




Zach tells us it's hard in the BB house.  You can't watch television...no internet....all you can do is play pool, sleep and eat.


Zach knows that might not sound too bad to all of us, and he might have said the same thing, but it's a little harder to live it.

Zach:  It's not easy....always thinking, talking, and doing...game.  There's a lot of people in this house that you cannot trust.  And very few people that you can trust.


Zach:  You gotta know who your friends are here, but know who your enemies are as well.  Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.


Zach:  That would be a good philosophy when playing Big Brother, but however it does not always work.  If you keep your enemies close, it is easy for them to stab you in the back.  A lot of my fans ask me, 'Hey Zach, have you ever been stabbed in the back?'

(Zach has obviously watched a lot of CourtTV, because he has the pacing back and forth and hand motions of an attorney making a closing argument down pat.)


Zach: ...and I say, I have been stabbed in the back.  But did the knife break the skin?  No, because I have been fully suited in carbon fiber armor.


Zach:  And where did I get that carbon fiber armor?  I got it at the Big Brother store.  The Big Brother store sells three things...



Zach: ...carbon fiber armor, for potential back-stabbing, a great memory, for memorizing all of the songs and stupid announcements that we have to memorize for stupid HoH competitions, and third, a zipper for your fucking mouth.  Zach, shut your fucking mouth!


Zach:  I speak WAY too much.  And I'm always telling the fucking truth!  Zach, all you need to do is lie, and you can fucking win!  I just can't lie...I'm too good of a fucking person to lie!  All you feedsters out there, I just wanna say....

(meaningful pause)

Zach:  I love each and every one of you...if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be who I am...the backbone of this house.


Zach adds that he's spent 24 years honing his social skills...he knows how to "communicate....reciprocate...and conjugate".

Within moments, Zach climbed into bed on his ice cube in the Have Not room.  I'll bet the crew stepped outside for a smoke...

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