Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Big Brother After Dark - Outsit. Outwhine. Out Last.... 9-18-12 #BB14

This episode aired on Showtime at 9:00 pm BBT on Monday night, and in the wee hours of Tuesday where I live.

The Final Three of Dan, Danielle and Ian are still in limbo, waiting on Wednesday's finale to determine who will win the final HoH of the season---will it be Dan or Ian?  Whoever wins will send someone to the Jury live on Finale night, and the Jury will cast their votes for the BB14 winner.

Only two more BBAD episodes this season, including this one.....so let's go.

1.  As the show begins, the Final Three are all in the backyard.  Dan and Danielle are sitting on opposite sides of the couch.  Dan is laying down and Danielle is propped up, staring into space.  Ian is rocking in the hammock, and it is LOUD.  The squeaking and groaning noise seems deafening.  I can only conclude that it is so loud due to the placement of Ian's microphone. I can't imagine Dan taking a snooze on the couch if the sounds were that loud for him.  I also can't imagine sitting in the control room with headphones on, listening to this.   (Supposedly there is a person from Production that is assigned to each house guest to track their actions for story purposes---I guess someone drew the short straw with Ian.)

As a matter of fact, I haven't really heard too many complaints from the house guests all summer about the hammock noise.  So either it is not that loud to them, or they know the hammock is Ian's pacifier and they are happy to just have him out of the way, where they can keep an eye on him.

(Kind of like those automatic swings for infants, so they won't cry.  But I guess it would suck if you actually did want to sit or lounge in the hammock without swinging like a baby.)

Danielle comments on how she needs to do her fingernails.  I guess she has just been so damned busy she hasn't had a chance to take care of that.  She musters the energy to go inside and sits on the bathroom couch, starting her manicure.

Ian appears shortly to ask her if she would like any ice cream. She says no.

2.  In the kitchen Ian snacks from some small food items in a white bowl by the stove.  I'm thinking that they might be M&M's.  I'm also thinking these people are nuts.  Hasn't there been a constant ant problem in that kitchen?  With ants found even in the cereal boxes, and frozen in the ice cubes?

Yet there is a dish of uncovered candy on the counter top?  There is also a 13 x 9 glass Pyrex dish with what looks like chicken breasts laying in a large pool of blood just sitting out uncovered as well.  (Sorry.  I'm a vegetarian.)  I think they tried to make Chicken Parmesan earlier in the evening.  Ian takes the glass dish and puts it in the fridge, uncovered.  Ian commented that they had a lot of beer in the fridege.

He gets a container of Breyer's chocolate ice cream out of the freezer, and it looks like it is frozen solid.  He gets out a large spoon and labors to scrape off several large pieces of ice cream and puts them in a bowl.  He then goes to the storage room to get a jar of generic creamy peanut butter and puts two huge globs of it in a coffee cup.  He heats it up in the microwave for 20 seconds, gives it a look, and puts it in there again for another nuking.

Once melted, he pours the peanut butter on top of the chocolate ice cream and goes back outside to his hammock.  (I think he learned this peanut butter trick from Chef Joe, who used to enjoy this snack on the reg.)  Ian makes an exasperated noise when he gets on his hammock, saying "Dear Lord!", like this is all taking so much energy and effort.  He is capable of rocking and eating at the same time, and he does.

3.  Danielle has decided to "work out" tonight, and sees Dan curled up in a ball in his bed.  He is apparently playing a new role tonight, of a Big Brother player who is depressed and pouty.  He is a horrible BB player, he sucked at all of the competitions, he played a shitty game, he will not win.  He speaks into his pillow, and is muffled, but Danielle snaps into a Supportive Role and tells him:

*  his social game is amazing
*  she has not been carrying him, if anything, he has been carrying her
*  he survived his own funeral
*  she hasn't seen anybody have the social game that he has, and get away with what he does
*  he is great at controlling people, and that is what Dr. Will did

Now she gives him bullet points for his Jury Speech.  (Oh, is that what this is about?)  Now she says that she would have fallen off the Pirate Ship if it wasn't for him cheering her on.  She tells him how amazing he was, and how crucial he was for her game.  Dan mumbles that he didn't win anything and keeps saying "it doesn't matter" to every argument that she brings up.  She tells him everybody knows he played the best game in this house.  Dan says it doesn't matter, and if that is true, why would Ian take Dan to the finals?

Danielle:  Because he has a Final Two with you!

Dan:  But that is because he thinks he can beat me..that's why he's not taking you...

Danielle says that she can get jury votes for him, and Dan mumbles that "he's never thought about this until today".

(Oh BULLSHIT.)

Now Danielle goes on and on about how she wouldn't be here if it weren't for him.  He has played some incredible moves, and every single one of them has worked.

Danielle:  Don't you dare give up!  Don't you dare think you can't win!

(Maybe this is research for Dan's new book, "Coaching the Crazies". Clearly he's trying to reverse roles and have her play the coaching role.)

Danielle says this is absurd, and she's not going to stand for it.  Dan is laying on his stomach and is wearing his karate kid headband.  He rolls over on his side to talk to her, but his mouth is hidden, so I can't see if he is smiling or smirking.  She tells him his game is amazing, and that no one has carried him, no matter what he thinks right now.

The fact that Dan has said that he thinks she carried him is pretty funny, huh?

Danielle:  You're sitting here, having one of my moments.

This goes on and on and then when Danielle finally leaves Dan looks up at the ceiling and smiles.

***continue reading after the jump***
4.  Danielle goes outside and tells Ian Dan is ill.  When Ian is concerned she says that he is upset about the joke she made earlier, and that they shouldn't make jokes about him like they did earlier today.  She mentions the exchange Ian had with Dan, where Ian asked Dan how many nights he slept in the HoH room and he said "I didn't need to".

Now Danielle tells Ian he's really mad at her, not him, and not to mention it to Dan.  Dan is called to the DR.

Meanwhile, let's talk about Danielle's workout.  She went outside and did three round offs, which all ended in a resounding thud.  A round off is like a cartwheel, but you land with both feet on the ground.  It is commonly performed just before doing flip flops.  Danielle does not look graceful with her roundoffs.

Next she does a handstand leaning against the wall, but something goes wrong and one of her arms bends and she falls on her head.  Ian jumped up and asked if she is okay, and she said yes and giggled.  She tried it again.  Her workouts seem to be mainly focused on stretching and pilates type moves.  She is bending over at the waist and Ian is watching her, swinging on the hammock of course.

Ian:  Oh my god!  There are two cameras totally focused on your ass!

Danielle, not moving:  Oh, are you serious?

Now she does some more stretching and says that she wishes "that camera would get off her".  Ian laughs and says it probably won't, because he is the only other one out there and they "didn't cast him for his looks".

5.  After commercial everything is still the same.  Stretching and rocking.  Now Danielle picks up the handweights---looks like the five-pounders, and stands on the edge of the pool table deck and bends over, touching the weights to the floor.  She keeps up with the weights and the abdominal exercises for at least 20 minutes. Danielle is very flexible and limber.

After what seems like hours, Danielle finally comes inside and irons two dresses for tomorrow.  Apparently they all have to be up and camera ready for something in the morning.  She sits on the couch and then Dan appears in the living room and asks her what's up?

She asks if he is okay and then he came over and gave her a hug.  She said she's been waiting for him.  Dan wants to know if she's had dessert yet, and she says no. He wants her to have dessert with him and they discuss various options.  They finally decide to bake cookies and have them with milk.

While she was preheating the oven and getting out the pan, Dan asked her if she won the game, would she retire?

Danielle:  No!  If I won this game, I would give it to someone who's helped me the whole way...(off camera I think she gestured at either him or the memory wall)

Dan:  You can't do that.  You can't talk about doing that.  It's in the Rule Bok.  I can show you...

Dan goes outside to sit on the couch and wait for the cookies.  When he walks outside we hear him ask Ian if he wants to "talk about Survivor".  Danielle moves around the house, and then we see Ian and Dan sit down outside.

Dan:  Now, where were we?

Ian:  We were talking about Steven Fishbach....

Dan: I'm sure even Steven Fishbach would go to Dan Gheesling.com now and then.  I'm just sayin'.

They both look up at the cameras.  Now Ian starts talking about Survivor Gabon--he thought that was a good season, when Bob won.  Ian mentions Randy Bailey the cranky old guy, and Sugar.  Ian is not a fan of Sugar because he thinks she is a coattail rider.    Ian describes how someone "useless" like Suzy went to the end with Bob and Sugar.  Suzy ended up getting 3 votes to Bob's 4 because so many jurors were mad at Bob for voting out Matty, who left in 4th Place.

Dan really perks up at this story and asks what type of other game moves Bob made.  Ian starts discussing in vivid detail how Bob made a fake immunity idol out of old challenge sets and feathers.  Randy ended up using it at Tribal Council and Jeff Probst announced that was not the real immunity idol and tossed it in the fire.  Then the tribe voted Randy out.

Dan asks a lot of questions---why did Bob do that? What was the point?  Ian doesn't remember, but says Randy gave Bob the winning vote, even after that, because Suzy was so useless.  Ian says the entire season would have been a waste if Suzy had won.

(I want to watch that season over again at some point--sounds like a good one.  Season #16, I think it was.)

6.   They start discussing the season that J.T. won, and Ian describes him as a good looking, friendly farmer.  After commercial Ian is talking about Randy Bailey again, and mentions Randy's audition video, and the other show highlights that are all available featuring Randy.

(I'm going to watch those, too.  I liked Randy and have enjoyed him on Rob Cesternino's podcasts. )

Ian has incredible memory about each Survivor season, and who played, and who voted out whom.  It really is amazing.  Dan is a Survivor fan, too, because the questions that he asks Ian are leading questions that he obviously knows the answers to.  For example he asked if JT did anything memorable on Heroes vs. Villains (J.T. gave an immunity idol to Russell Hantz), and if Erin's last name started with an L.  (Erin Lobel)

Now Ian is discussing Coach, aka The Dragon Slayer, and is getting peppered with questions from Dan about his accomplishments and how Coach did in the game.  Ian even remembers what Coach said when he voted for the winner, and what he wrote on his ballot card.  Now Ian says that Steven Fishbach went to the finals, and blew it with the Jury based on what he said at the final tribal council.   Dan pounces on that, too, but Ian says J.T. was much more likeable.

Now they move to another season, and once again Ian can list who was on the show, and who voted for whom.  Ian thinks Russell Hantz played a good game and should have won.  Instead Natalie won 8-4 because the Jury was so bitter towards him.  Ian is clearly unhappy with the results of that season. He describes how Russell found two different immunity idols and used one to blindside the others and it was brilliant.  Dan is asking who was on each side, and how strong the players were.

(I'm sure this is a big drag for anybody reading if you've never watched Survivor.  Sorry.  I probably felt the same way when Ian and Dan spent three days discussing the fucking Pichachu and Pokemon and Whathaveyou cards.)

7.  Ian said that he and Willie discussed Russell's time on Survivor.  Ian said he told Willie "on the couch" that Russell should have won a few seasons of Survivor.  Willie told him that he "definitely should have won Samoa, and that Parvarti should have won Heroes vs. Villians".  Ian goes over the big picture of the competition that year, and says Russell absolutely deserved to win.

Now Ian starts talking about Heroes vs. Villains, and what happened in the Final Four.  Ian lowers his voice and says that "what Russell did to Tyson was like what you did to Danielle the other night".

Ian:  I mean, what Tyson did was almost as.....you know....stupid.

Now Ian mentions Boston Rob and how he got the boot after Tyson left, since his group lost their numbers.  Boston Rob and Russell were never tight.

(I ****love*** Boston Rob.  I mean, like more than Danielle loves Troy.  That much.)

8.  After commercial Dan is telling Ian that if he "skullduggers" him, Danielle will get his own vote, plus Shane and Jenn at least.   Ian says he won't do that.

Dan:  But if she wins, is it a black mark on season 14?

Ian tries to be diplomatic, and says she won some things, so it wouldn't be awful, but she woudn't go down as one of the best players.  They let it go at that.  Nuff said, there.

Now they move on, and Ian is talking about how horrible it was that Fabio won Survivor.  We see Danielle with her hair up in a green towel.  She just checked on the cookies--I was starting to wonder about those.

Danielle is Q-Tipping her ears and looking at herself in the mirror.  I think her acne is much better, but I will let you know.  Of course.

Back outside Ian is talking about the season that ***Boston Rob*** won, and how Russell's team lost a challenge on purpose so that they could vote him out.  They talk about Philip Shepherd who wore the pink underwear and said he was a special agent.  They both love him, and Ian tells the story where someone stole Phillip's shorts and hid them.  Dan remembers that Philip wanted the crispy rice.  Dan says that he and his Dad watched that season, and they used to quote him all the time.  Dan tweeted him one time and told him he was hilarious.

Oh now they discuss the South Pacific season where Sophie beat Coach.  Ian is very upset about those results--he thinks Coach deserved to win.  Dan watched the most recent season just to see Leif the little person.  He said that season was not that interesting because that tribe of girls just steamrolled and it wasn't good TV.  They both liked Troyzan and Ian says Troyzan got a lot of flak from fans on Survivor Sucks because he didn't vote for Kim to win.  Dan says that all he really remembers about Kim is that "she has a mustache", but that "she looked good at the finale"...

9.  The cameras change on that.  You can't accuse Kim of having a mustache, apparently, even though we all clearly saw it.  Every Thursday night at 8:00 pm we saw Kim's mustache.

OK well now we have Danielle, who sits at the dining table thumbing through a deck of cards.  She seems to have gotten some sun today, as her face is pink.  Her acne however, is a whole lot pinker.  It's still there folks.  Still there.

Now we are back outside and they are discussing the upcoming season of Survivor that will feature three people who had to be medivac-ed out of the game.  Ian thinks they picked the right people.  Dan wonders why they didn't ask Colton back from the recent season but Ian likes who they picked.  They both like Jonathon Penner from Cook Islands who will appear.  Ian thinks he is a good thinker and was a good player.

Dan asks a question about a really old season, where they had to draw rocks after a tied vote to see who was getting voted out.  Ian remembers their names, and also the tribe names.  (Amazing.)

Oh Ian starts to tell a story about Becky from Survivor Palau, and I know it was going to be good because he leaned over, and indicated that this "happened after Palau" and the camera changes.

Now we see Danielle taking the cookies off the cookie sheet.  She brings the warm cookies out to the patio and the guys thank her, and keep talking about the Survivors drawing rocks. Now Ian starts talking about Cochran, and says he is so nebbish that "he makes Ian look like Remington Steele".  They talk about what Cochran did to skulldug his team and how that led to his demise.

Now Dan says that they probably haven't been on Showtime at all, because Danielle took a shower. (He noticed she had wet hair when she brought the cookies out.)

Dan:  She always takes a shower during Showtime....

Ian:  It's not like she's doing it to get attention...

They look at each other and Ian shakes his head, "no...no".

Dan:  You said it, not me.

There is a tense moment and Ian goes back to talking about Survivor Gabon.  Ian says that about 160 people have played Big Brother.  There are a lot more Survivor players out there.  Dan wants to know why Rob Cesternino hasn't been asked back for a third time.  Ian goes through all of the repeat players and Ian says that Richard Hatch was supposed to go back to Redemption island instead of Boston Rob but he couldn't get clearance to leave the country due to his tax issues.

They say Parvarti has played three times, and Sandra has played and won twice.  Ian is bitter about her second win, saying that is bullshit.

Ian:  If you win twice, that is one thing, but not her.  Hatch is the best that's ever played.

Dan: I agree.

James the black gravedigger played three times.  Dan brings up Amanda and they make weird faces to each other about her.  I don't think it was positive.  They said she had weird eyes.  Ian keeps describing different people as nebbish.

Ian:  I'll say one thing about Mike Boogie.  He picked some good players.  I'm still here.

Dan:  All of his players made the Jury...

Dan wants Ian to list his dream Survivor All Star team.  Ian starts ripping through all of the big male stars but gets stuck with only 5 women.  He can't think of any more.  Dan says what about Sandra? (two time winner)  Ian says no, and Dan says I'm putting in a Producer's Pick and choosing her.  Dan asks what about Kat?  Ian liked Chelsea better but Dan talks about how feisty Kat is.

Just as the show ends, Ian raises his eyebrows and starts to give his assessment, and then we fade to the Housefly picture from Fly on The Wall and the show is over.

***Kat is the girl who just attended the Brenchel wedding festivities as Hayden Moss' date.***


6 comments :

  1. I don't think you properly emphasized Dan's reaction when Danielle left the room during that conversation where he was reversing roles with her. When she closed the door he made a very devious grin for the camera to make it quite clear that he had been totally messing with Danielle.

    If he really follows through with the plan to throw the competition and not take Danielle, I find it hard to imagine how they could stay friends. How can he ever earn her respect back with all this mean and calculated behavior? It's unnecessarily cruel.

    If instead he takes her--which I sure hope he doesn't--then all can be forgiven as good drama for the TV show.

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  2. Outshit. Outwhine. Outlast.

    Emphasis on the shit.

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  3. Survivor fan here, so I enjoyed this.

    I wish they could so a Survivor season with BB all-stars and viceversa. How cool would that be?

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  4. I enjoy your blog, but you are being a jerk about Danielle's acne. I can only assume you have never had to deal with it since you feel the need to make fun of hers constantly. Yeah, she's vain and annoying, but a LOT of us suffer from acne and it SUCKS. Not cool, dude.

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  5. The truth hurts. Reality often isn't beautiful. I present the facts here, the way I see them.

    What makes you think I'm a dude?

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  6. Thank you for asking my opinion. I think Feed Watcher is a female. Why? because the writing is accurate, hilarious and always on time. I heard MAC studio makeup contacted CBS and told Danielle to not show the concealer on the air anymore. it does such a great job MAC got bombed with request for what product it was. Danielle is obviously suffering with breakouts and it's the same as saying someone is putting on weight or they are crying all the time. Feed Watcher is just reporting what SHE sees. Great Job on the postings. Janice

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