Saturday, September 15, 2012

Big Brother After Dark - Couch Potatoes 9-15-12 #BB14


This episode aired on Showtime at 9:00 pm BBT on Friday, and in the early hours of Saturday where I live.

No one is HOH now.  Dan won Part #1 of the final HOH competition, giving him the right to play whoever wins Part #2 to win the final HOH of the season.  That competition will be held live on Finale night.  I think Part #2 will be held on Saturday.

OK.

1.  As the show begins Danielle is sitting on the couch eating Cheez-Its and complaining about how bored she is.  They are locked in the house and they are frustrated by that.  Danielle wants someone to "ask her some questions" but Ian says he hates the 20 Questions game.

Ian goes through the meat in the refrigerator and claims most of it is spoiled according to the package dates.  Dan claims it is okay because it has been frozen for part of the time, but Ian objects.  He is cooking something that I think is a scramble with meat and veggies.

Dan lays on the couch and starts asking Danielle a variety of questions about her favorite things.  One of the questions was about Danielle's favorite teacher.  She said she couldn't name just one and starts talking about her two favorites.  Dan asked her if the (female) teacher every "made a move on her" and continues this line of question after Danielle objects to it.

We get FISH as Danielle talks about her home economics teacher, and some lesson she taught a male student.  Danielle also claimed that she used to "break into the home ec classroom and cook".

Ian says that they really "got the shaft" with the deli meat this week.  Dan wants to know full or half shaft, and Ian says full shaft.  Now Danielle starts asking Dan questions and they are a little better than the questions he asked her.  He talks about "all of the fires he had to put out" dealing with Kara and Danielle that they never even realized.  Danielle jumps on this and wants to know specifics.  He gives as an example that one girl would say "why is she looking at me like that?" and "is she really trying to help me in this game?"

It turns out Ian made a quesadilla, and is eating it folded over with his hands.  No one likes the outdoor patio furniture, but if Danielle had to pick one piece of furniture to take home she would pick the coffee table.  Ian says he wishes Jodi could have had a chance to play the game, but both Dan and Danielle say they disagree.

Dan says he is happy with the 15 people they had in the house, and thinks he would have had problems dealing with Jodi's attitude.  (He would have been stuck with her as a coach, and would have had to do damage control constantly.)  Dan wishes that  he could have had the chance to give money to his team like Mike Boogie did.

2.  Danielle wants to know who Dan would switch out of the cast if he had to make three changes.  He says that he would trade out Memphis for Mike Boogie, and Danielle pushes him for two more.  He really can't come up with anything, but makes a joke about trading someone for Ian's ex-girlfriend.

They discuss the redhead in "convention" and Danielle says she was so Plain Jane.  Ian disagrees with that, and says she had a nice body.  Danielle describes her ideal guy is being tall, into sports, and they discuss what choices she would make as far as living situation, having to work, etc.  She starts discussing an ex-boyfriend she had, and we get FISH as she names names and describes the negative influence the relationship had on her family.

Ian is messing around in the kitchen and said his quesadilla was "ridiculously good".  I think he used the veggies leftover from their breakfast platter.

(They had a special breakfast this morning for Final Three, with champagne.)

Dan imagines how Chelsea felt watching the first episode of the show, and seeing him pick the two girls for his team. He thinks there may have been 30 family members over to watch it, and knows they must have given her some shit about Dan picking those girls.  He knows they think differently now, but imagines that was a tough night for her.

There are audio issues tonight, just as there have been the entire BB14 season.  I can barely hear what Danielle is saying.

Now Dan tells Danielle that Mike Boogie wondered why Shane "chose Danielle over Kara" and she calls out to Ian to ask if "Boogie ever said she was ugly".  Ian can't remember anything like that.  Danielle wants to know what America thinks about her and Shane's relationship.  Dan tells her it is a showmance, then he and Ian remember that Mike called his relationship with Erika a "Homance" during Big Brother All Stars.

Danielle addresses Mike Boogie, telling him that if he is watching, his comments about everyone were totally inappropriate.

Dan:  If he's watching, he's probably saying Danielle is so not John Blaze.

Ian:  He's saying he doesn't know why Shane picked you...

They laugh.  For the umpteenth time this summer, Ian states that Mike had a huge "crushy wushy" on Kara.  (***douchechills***)

Now they remember when they picked the first Have Nots of the season.  Shane volunteered for Team Britney, and now they remember that Danielle volunteered from Team Dan after that.  Dan and Ian tease Danielle about this, saying she volunteered because Shane did.  Danielle objects, saying that she "would have never picked slop and to sleep on that hard bed just for a boy".

***continue reading after the jump***


3.  They discuss the day's power outage.  Supposedly the kitchen appliances lost power, and Ian was frantic trying to get into the DR or Storage room.  He thought that there must be Armageddon outside, and BB "forgot about them".  Dan brought it up just now and we got FISH.

(Supposedly there were rolling "brown outs" in the Los Angeles area that day.)

Dan doesn't want to discuss his political affiliation, but then starts talking about going to Republican events, and says his grandmother is "obsessed with Mitt Romney". 

Ian is sitting in the nomination chair with his stuffed bear in his lap, and "Snakie" on the arm rest.  (***even more douchechills***)  Danielle says Jessie's arms are too big for her.  Ian says if anybody is watching Showtime, he wants to buy the drugs that we must be taking.  Dan says they probably want to gouge their eyes out with a rusty spoon, but then says they are probably just watching for Danielle.

Ian calls out his 11th grade science teacher by name, and wonders if he is watching right now.  Ian wonders if they have any Marshmallow Peeps left, in the stash.  Ian mentions that "they" took his pork rinds that he was saving to sell on Ebay, because he wasn't allowed to store food in the bedroom.  Ian says that they went into the bedroom to get his hoodie and "greek out" the logo.  Dan asks about that term and Ian says that is BB's term for covering the logo, not his.  He mentions they don't like him talking about it, but they saw the pork rinds in the bedroom when they went to get the hoodie and took them.

(These are the pork rinds that Willie threw at Janelle the night of his eviction.  Ian put them in a Ziploc bag to sell on Ebay and was upset when someone took them.)

4.  Now Dan and Danielle discuss how Kara asked them for advice about how to "shut down Mike Boogie".  Ian thinks Frank seemed to think that Mike would hook up with Kara after he was evicted.  (But then again Frank thought that Mike would be able to make drug deliveries to the Jury house.)  Dan thinks it is strange that Kara was actually older than him.

Danielle is wearing Shane's gray sweatpants and they are eating cheese puffs now, which Danielle describes as "amazing".  Dan sits next to her on the couch and they notice the camera zoom in on them.  Danielle got up and went over to the kitchen with Ian, and they watch the same camera zoom in on just Dan sitting alone on the couch.  Dan takes the opportunity to plug his website.

We have a brief FISH while Dan sings, and when we return Danielle is asking him to stop talking about John Blaze and he wonders what she will do if he doesn't.  Ian claims that Ashley got jealous when he used to sit with Britney in the hammock all of the time.

Ian:  I said, Ashley, Britney is married...you know that right?  She's married...you know that right?

Danielle:  I remember when Ashley kept wanting me to take a lot of HOH pictures of her and Frank.

She stares at Ian as she says that, knowing that comment would bother him.

Dan walks over to the couch where Danielle is laying down and dumps a bag of plain M&Ms on her, and they laugh about it.  They are trying to find things to do to entertain themselves and Danielle and Dan want to play Table Topics.  (The cards BB gave them with questions on them.)  Ian complains and says that is the worst game ever invented.  He suggests a game of chess instead but Dan says that only two people can play chess.

5.  Now Dan returns with the cards and asks Danielle what sort of business she would own. She says "shoes" and Dan pushes her with a lot of related questions---where would she source the materials, who would be the celebrity spokesperson, what is her cost per shoe, would she expand beyond shoes.

Ian sits and plays with Snakie in a somewhat suggestive manner, then starts beating Snakie's head on the chair violently, saying he is bored.  Dan asks him the questions but he answers them in a joking way, with a negative attitude.

Dan asks Danielle what is the most amazing thing she's ever seen.  She says the Great Wall of China.  Ian says Frank's unshaven stomach.

Dan asks them about times they have been rejected romantically.  Danielle reacts as if that has never happened to her.  Dan describes a time in college where he bought flowers and made preparations for a date that he was really looking forward to, but she called him at the last minute and cancelled.  She called him a year later and wanted to go out and he said "Sorry" and hung up on her.  Now Dan says he told a girl his sister had a car accident to get out of a date one time. He checked with his sister first to be sure it was okay with her if he said that.  He had an opportunity to go somewhere in Canada instead with some friends.  The girl worked at American Eagle and was "an eight", according to Dan.

Ian says he will not get back together with his ex-girlfriend but will not be mean to her if she contacts him after the show.  Danielle won't even mention a particular guy's name because she knows he would want to get some sort of advantage from her doing it on the show.

6.  Dan is changing the questions on the cards to "Dan topics".  The conversation is pretty boring, and they are all bored, too.

Dan asks if they had to stay in the BB house all alone for one year, with the storage room stocked every Thursday but no competitions, would they do it for $1,000,000?  Ian says yes without hesitation, but Danielle says she would never survive that.  She says it is bad enough with two other people.

Now Dan says Ashley said she "drinks Molly" all of the time, and says that liquid is like Ecstasy.  Danielle needs clarification on that, but then says she "so sees that".  Ian looks disgusted.  Dan says she just said that in normal conversation.

Danielle plays Crash Bandicoot and King of Hearts.  Dan perks up at that and asks her how far she got in King of Hearts.  She says she beat it, but got killed so many times.  She also played Mortal Combat and Grand Theft Auto with her brother.  She starts naming the different game systems she has had, and Dan argues she is too young for that.   She argues with that.

Dan wonders what Danielle would ask Alison Grodner if she could, about the next four days.  Danielle would ask how many competitions are left.  Ian would ask for a pizza party on the last day, maybe. 

7.  Dan wants to know what they would do if they had enough money to never work again.  Danielle would try to do good for people, and when pressed mentions "Dance-a-thons" and how she feels better when people around her are happy.  Ian says he would travel...probably go to Bangkok or Thailand. 

Danielle:  Bangkok is in Thailand.

Ian says he would start with Australia, then.  Dan refuses to answer the questions, saying that he hasn't answered so far, and he doesn't intend to.  Finally they finish the questions, and then they just sit there.  Ian can't believe it is down to just the three of them.  Ian brings up the banana suit that Mike Boogie brought in, and Dan chuckles about when he put it on and walked around.  Everyone thought he was America's Player after that.

Dan wonders if that was the angriest that "the Wizard" got all summer.  Danielle thinks they were more angry when the house guests wouldn't stop talking about the Zingbot passing out.  Now Dan talks about old Jerry wanting to buy the BB house, and how he asked Julie on the live show if he could put an offer in on it.  Ian doesn't remember that.

Ian thinks it is an awkwardly-shaped house, and thinks the Have Not room needs to be an extra bathroom or a billiards room.  Dan thinks they will look back on this and wish they had more days like this, just to lay around and do nothing.

Dan's master's thesis was a three-month project to take karate lessons from an 80 year old Japanese master.  It was 12 pages long and Dan thinks this is hilarious.  Ian has to write 80 page reports bi-weekly and Dan says do you really think your teacher reads all of that?

Dan:  That's not going to contribute anything to society--it is just a waste of time to write an 80 page report and it will just go in the garbage can.  I hate that shit.  Do you understand that has no value?

Ian ignores him and continues to discuss science and how important and difficult his classes are.

Ian:  Being a Have Not and being here, it is like a party compared to studying thermodynamics.

8.  Everyone is silent.  They are all tired and want to go to bed.  Dan says this is the longest he has ever spent time in the living room.  Danielle is laying on the couch and Ian tickles her face with the end of Snakie's tail and she laughs.

Danielle starts talking again about how bored she is.  She's come full circle on this Showtime episode, and I think she was on the couch the entire time.  Ian goes over to the memory wall and says that Frank looked so much happier back then.

Dan:  Before he got corrupted.

Ian:  Before he started walking around saying that he deserved to be here more then everybody else.  What a dick!

Dan laughs.

Now Dan goes over to Danielle on the couch and puts a huge plastic box over her head, asking her if she is claustrophobic. She's not, and says there is a hole in the box.  Ian says he can fit into it, and they try that.  Ian curls up in a ball and fits in the box.

Dan decides to walk in the Have Not room and then Ian farts.  Danielle says he is turning into Frank and he says he has stopped caring what anyone thinks, now that there aren't many people around anymore.

Dan comes in the room wearing blue headphones from the Boom Boom Room and I think he put them in his bag to take home.  Now he comes out with a Robot from the bathroom and winds it up and lets it go on railing outside of the HoH room.

BB:  Dan, STOP THAT!

Dan doesn't stop.  He has the robot perched on the railing, where it is destined to fall at some point.  He picks it up and it starts going again.  Dan says he likes the robot because it reminds him of an android.  He says there are Oreos and Snickers bars up there.  Then he finds another robot and throws it off the balcony.  Ian can't believe Dan did that.  The camera gives us a close up of the robot laying on the floor, a man down.

Ian:  Dan, I dare you to press the emergency exit button!

Dan starts throwing candy bars and other items off the balcony.  Danielle is laughing.

BB:  Dan, what part of STOP THAT don't you understand?

Dan throws a few more items and then announces he is finished, and that he wants to pull an all nighter.  Ian and Danielle are ready to go to bed. 

9.  Dan has an idea for a fun activity.  He and Danielle use rolls of toilet paper to make a mummy out of Ian as he sits in a dining room chair.  His face is covered except for his nose.  Ian is nervous and wants to know what Dan is up to.  Dan has a belt that he is going to put around Ian's neck, but decides to bind his feet first.

Ian says Showtime people are saying 'What the fuck'?  Danielle says they won't give them any games, so they are going to do this.  Dan tries to use the belt to tie Ian to the chair and Ian says hell no and frees his legs easily from the toilet paper.  Otherwise he sits calmly and just lets it happen.

Dan:  Did I ever tell you about the song they played in the Have Not room for me?

He and Ian start singing  "Solitary Dance Party".  Dan adds "I'm the solo VIP..".

As the show ends Ian is still wrapped up like a mummy, grumbling and saying "oh my gosh". 

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