Monday, August 13, 2012

Dick at Nite - Feat. JoJo, Adam Poch and Sam Simon #BB14


This episode was taped on Thursday, just after the live show where Janelle was evicted.  The panel includes Jun Song (BB4), Adam Poch (BB13), JoJo Spatafora (BB14, of course) and Sam Simon, for some reason.  He says Adam looks like he was just released from prison tonight.  (ha ha ha)


Sam is one of the creators of The Simpsons, but he left after the 4th year.  He still gets paid though, and the show has been on over 25 years.  You can see all of his Emmy's behind him.  I know Sam from his affiliation with the Howard Stern Show.  He is good friends with Ralph Cirella and lets Ralph stay in his guest houses in California and Maui.  He was also married to Jennifer Tilly at one point.  Sam is very, very, VERY rich.  He puts a lot of money and time into animal rescue and other related charities, and is a vegan, so I'm into that.  I guess if I were a multimillionaire I'd still be a Big Brother fan, right?  Smoking dope in Maui and talking to Evel Dick on a webshow.  Sure.  Why not?  (I don't know that Sam smokes dope, but his friends sure do....)

The kick ass intro for this show played in the lower right box, and you could see the panel watch it and laugh.  It's funny, and it kicks ass.  You can see it here.  JoJo had no idea we could see her as the opening intro played---she started primping herself, arranging her hair and posing with her cigarette as the intro ended.


OK.

1.  Sam lit a big fat cigar during the intro.  JoJo is smoking a cigarette, of course.  Jun is drinking out of a large Campbell's soup mug.  Dick opens the show by introducing everyone, with Sam getting a special mention, of course.  He's a real "celebrity".  Dick takes the opportunity to talk about his own significant experience working on the Fox Channel.  He was an extra in the background of most of the early shows, and saw Tracy Ullman smoking a ton of pot while filming her old show.  Dick wanted to go up their onstage and get some for himself. 

Dick is all hyped up tonight.

(If you don't know, the Fox Channel started from scratch way back in the early 90's.  They had a handful of shows they played several nights each week.  That was just crazy and unheard of back then---to air the same show several nights each week.  But everyone does it now, right?  There was a show called 21 Jump Street that starred Johnny Depp and he was a teen idol back then, but hated it.  So he moved to France and tries now to look as dirty and unappealing as possible.  He's a rebel.)

Dick got to meet Richard Greico and did some stand in work for him on 21 Jump Street.

2.  Dick starts with Ian in the Dog Costume.  He asks Adam about it, since he was Cruddy the Creepy Elf last year.  Sam remembers that and laughs.  Ed mentions the bunny suits during BB8 that a team of HG had to wear for the week.  (I remember Zach and Danielle Donato wearing them.)  He said Kail was supposed to wear it, but he watched her balance it on the tip of her toe by the pool while she was sunbathing.  Dick went into the DR and said "Does Kail need to wear the costume or not?" and then Kail was called to the DR and was told to put on the bunny suit.

They agree that Ian did a great job in the costume.  Adam asks JoJo what she said when she was asked in her BB interviews if she were willing to wear a costume.  JoJo starts talking, but we can't hear it.  JoJo has a microphone problem.  (Perfect for people who don't like listening to JoJo run her mouth...)

Oh, now we can hear her.  Great....  She says "she would have rocked that shit".  Ed says she would have been in the Spiritard.  Dick says that little skirt would not be there on JoJo though---he thinks it is only there to hide Frank's package.

JoJo:  What package?

They all laugh.  JoJo says that the ones who brag are always the ones with the smallest ones, and that Ian probably has a bigger dick for all we know.    She hasn't seen either of them, though.  She and Jun are enjoying this conversation more than the guys, I think.


4.  Ed calls Frank Sideshow Bob, and says that it is too easy to compare Frank to clowns because of his hair.  Sam said he is discouraged by BB this season, and only watched tonight because of his appearance on Dick at Nite.  He didn't like the Ashley-Ian "Showmance" (Sam:  Ashley and Ian?  C'mon...) and he doesn't like the Coaches twist because they obviously planned to bring them back from the beginning.

This gives Ed the license to start bitching and moaning about how he will never watch BB anymore after this year.  He brings up how Shane got screwed out of the biggest blindside since Dustin was evicted in BB8.  (True...)

Sam:  They used to be good at manipulating the show into a way that you wanted it to go, but now they are going in ways you don't want it to go.  Even the Diary Room seems so scripted...and so unreal.

He says they must have new producers...you can't get to meet new people and be charmed by them.  Instead we have to hear "Mike Boogie talking all of the time".  He says All Stars is when you bring back the former players.

Dick agrees and says he still "doesn't know shit about Jenn" and that "he's had more time on the show's commercials than she has this year".

5.  Adam asks Dick why he agreed to come back last year, if he felt that way?  (!!)  Dick says he wanted to play with Dr. Will --no one told him who he would be playing with.  He says that in the week he was there, he set up a month's worth of evictions for the group, implying no one knew how to play.

He doesn't like Boston Rob going on Survivor 4 times, etc.

6.  Dick says Robyn Kass is "up Boogie's ass about being a great player".  Dick wants to know where these people were last week, when Frank was about to get blindsided?

Sam says he started watching BB because of Evel Dick, and doesn't get the whole Mike Boogie sensation.  He thinks he is just some clown in the DR.  Dick explains that he only came on All Stars because Dr. Will wouldn't appear unless they brought him back.

Adam says the Coach's meeting in the HOH and how Boogie handled it will go down in BB history but Dick disagrees.  Sam asks isn't Britney a dumb player?  Isn't she easy to manipulate?

Dick agrees and says she got blindsided so hard on her show. You can see Sam sucking on his stogie in this picture.  Adam tried to say that all of the guys were pulling the wool over Britney's eyes, but Jun says no, that little bitch knew exactly what she was doing.

JoJo:  Why did they even bring her back?  Of all of the coaches, I didn't want her, and look who I got stuck with...Britney!

***continue reading after the jump***



7.  Jun starts slamming Janelle again about leaving a newborn child at home to play the game.  JoJo cosigns everything Jun just said.  Jun also thinks CBS "dangling that carrot" in front of them is not right, either.

Jun:  Dan should be at home eating out his wife, instead of playing Big Brother.

Dick talks about that Porno Coach challenge and JoJo says the whole thing was so sexual.  Dick hates all of the competitions this year.  Adam says at least they are different this year, but he loves the Glass House competitions since they gave Mike O'Sullivan creative control to design and implement those challenges on the new show.

Sam is confused about what The Glass House was and Dick sets him straight.  Sam says the only time he had sexual thoughts about Janelle was when she was moving her hips in that comp and JoJo agrees with him, although she states she "hates Janelle".

Heath is the new competition guy on BB this year.  (The house guests call him Heath Bar Crunch.)

8.  Adam's girlfriend is from Staten Island from a town close to JoJo.  He says Fara was pulling for JoJo and she appreciates that.  She says that Willie screwed her over, and the Twist did too.  Jun points out that Jodi got screwed over by the twist too.  Jodi and Kara will be on the next Dick at Nite show.

Dick mentions a charity event he just attended in Florida with a bunch of Survivor people.  He met Colton Cumbie and really wanted to tell him off since Colton's conduct on Survivor disgusted him but decided to hold back for the good of the charity event.

9.  JoJo says that Britney was very negative in the house and is a Debbie Downer.  JoJo was on the block and Britney came up to her and said everyone in the house hated her and she needed to tone it down.  She said that Britney would definitely get a piece of JoJo's mouth at the finale.  Dick told her that the time she would have to talk to Britney on finale night is very limited and she should just let it all go now, on the Dick at Nite show.

Jun advised her to just ignore Britney and that would be the best way to handle it.  They discuss Britney's eye (Dick says it is wonky.) and Sam Simon wants to talk about Janelle's nose.   Jun says that when Janelle was in NYC they would meet and go for drinks, and over the years Janelle has had so much plastic surgery on her nose that it looks like a penis.  Jun says Janelle, Ashley, and Julie Chen all have the same nose now.

Jun doesn't understand why she did that to herself---she was much prettier in BB6 and BB7.  Janelle will be coming on the Dick at Nite show soon and Evel Dick is going to tell her everything Britney has done and said about her.  Adam laughed during Britney's DR sessions when she was pretending to cry.

Dick says CBS is trying to give Britney a good edit for this season and doesn't want America to know what a bitch she is.  Sam says that Wil is the hottest chick on the show right now (joking).  JoJo says he has "mad extensions".  Sam says the contestants are old enough to have watched the show since they were children---they should just start playing the game once they are cast and get over the fan part of it.   This is fairly awkward since Adam is sitting right there.   Sam points out that Adam yelled a lot on the show and  you can tell Adam is far from Sam's favorite houseguest.


10.  Supposedly Dan's wife is getting death threats.  (Is that true?)  Dick says that is nothing compared to what Danielle will get when she gets out of the house.  He thinks she will receive packages of shit in the mail.

They all accept that fans will give Danielle a HARD time after the show is over.  JoJo says she is delusional.  Jun says that if she came in the DR and said she was going to be a mad liar this year, it would be different for the fans.  Adam said she thinks she and Shane are the next Brenchal.

JoJo:  I'm going to tell you the truth because I was there.  Four days into it we were sitting at the hot tub and all she talks about is boyfriends, and getting married, and she told me every boyfriend she ever had cheated on her and broken her heart.  I asked her if she was doing anything to cause that and she was there on the show for a showmance and nothing else.  She is pathetic.

11.  Sam hates the Ashley - Ian storyline and says that CBS is even coaching their families on what to say.  Adam says that CBS is trying to draw parallels to the Big Bang Theory show.

Dick:  Ashley is getting sued for $800,000 for backing out of an S & M porn video.  Ian still masturbates to the Sears catalog---I don't think this relationship will work!

They all laugh at that.  Dick thought Ashley looked "pilled out of her head" on tonight's show.  JoJo said she's always like that.

JoJo:  They're just focusing on the veterans on the show---we got fucked so bad.

12.  Dick thinks the best move in the house is to put Mike and Frank on the block against each other.  Adam disagrees and Dick told him he sucked last year and doesn't know what he is talking about.  JoJo says Shane got so screwed because he made a big move by putting up Frank and it got denied by the twist.

JoJo says that you can win if you are a floater and Jun corrects her by saying that she perfected the art of floating, and she won BB4.  Dick holds up his iPad with an article that says Adam is one of the worst players of all time.

13.  Dick likes to make it all about himself, of course, so he tells us how he studied all of the seasons before he appeared on BB8, and took notes so he could remember.  Dr. Will had said that it was okay to skate if you could, but to be ready to play when you needed to.  He brings up Dani Donato last year and as an example of playing too hard when she didn't need to.  (so true).

JoJo bitches that they didn't show her playing on the show--Dick said why didn't you go to Jenn and Ian and tell them they needed you on the show and JoJo said, I did I did!  You didn't see it on the show!

Jun:  I saw you on the feeds JoJo.  I saw you.

(Jun isn't a JoJo fan, I don't think.)

14.  Dick thinks that Production is pissed that they pulled the move last week to save Frank when they would have rather saved Janelle this week.  Adam notes that her exit interview was the longest ever and Jun says she is a Big Brother great.  Dick thinks she won't ever play BB again--she's done now.  (That's not what Janelle said in her chat today.)  Dick would love to play with Janelle in the game.

Janelle introduced Dick to Jun by handing her phone to Jun while she was talking to Dick while she was with Jun in NYC at a premiere party.  Then Jun and Dick twittered each other and met in person in Paris when Dick visited Europe with his fiance Amy.

Dick says most of the BB family are people he hates, but he loves his friends like Jun and Janelle and James Rhine.  Now JoJo starts talking again and relating what Dick just said to her own experience.  No one cared until she said she talked about sex and weed all of the time. (she did)  Dick said he had to sit and talk to Zach during BB8 for HOURS about comic books and other crap he didn't care about in order to win the game.


15.  JoJo is feeling the need to comment on everything Adam says now and won't let him finish.   Dick says that Jenn sucks so bad that all she is doing is "taking up a goddamned bed and might as well be at a homeless shelter".  JoJo attacks her too, saying she isn't even a good floater.  Adam knows friends of hers and wanted to like her in the game but he just can't.

They start talking about Dan claiming to throw all of the competitions, and Sam brings up the shitty team that he picked to begin with.  Dick said he picked them with his dick.  JoJo starts saying that Dan said he didn't want to pick the East Coast girls because he couldn't control them.  The whole panel just sits and waits for JoJo to STFU. Alas, it did not happen soon.

Adam thinks Dan is playing a shitty game this year by making sloppy statements to Mike several times.  Dick says that Mike knows Dan is a big liar and will get him out as soon as he can.  Dick mocks the way Dan voted to evict Janelle by telling America that he did everything he could to keep her.

Dick:  Dan didn't do one damn thing to keep Janelle.  He's a fucking liar.

Jun:  Dan wants Janelle's fans to buy his book.

(ha ha ha)  (Did you know the name of Dan's upcoming book is "Punch it in"?  And that is what he said as he pressed the Reset button?  Dan is all about Dan, 24-7.)

16.  JoJo wants Shane to win.  Jun thinks Ian is in a good position to win.  Adam also picks Shane to win and tries to promote his SuperPass show but Dick shuts him down.  He hates Super Pass and says they can suck his balls.  Sam tries to say he wants Mike to win because he is a good player but JoJo talks over him and they can't seem to shut her up. 

17.  The fans of the show aren't big fans of JoJo, or of Adam.  Here are some of the comments, for your reading pleasure.



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