Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Big Brother After Dark - A Couple of Lightweights 8-29-12 #BB14


This episode aired on Showtime at 9:00 pm BBT on Tuesday, and in the wee hours of Wednesday where I live.

Frank is the HOH, and Britney and Danielle are on the block.  Somebody's leaving on Thursday, and is going to Get to Steppin' right out of that house and join Ashley in the Jury.

OK.

1.  The show opens with Ian having a sorrowful conversation with Britney.  He is telling her he has a lot of respect for her, and he needs to tell her that she will be going home on Thursday.  He is near tears, forcing Britney to comfort him.  He tells her the vote will be 4 to 1, and he said she would know who the vote to keep her was from him.  I think he is going to give her a pair of his sunglasses, and he's going to "make sure her next couple of days are good".  I'm pretty sure he said he wanted to tell her in advance because he respected her, "not like Boogie".

(What a little dick this kid turned out to be.  And all Britney will do is make fun of the sunglasses.)

Britney then goes into the Arcade, where she tells Danielle that Danielle has the votes to stay.  Danielle starts whining and saying she doesn't want Britney to leave.  They both cry and Britney has to pull it together and console Danielle, which is kind of messed up. She says that she has been so stressed out about this--her body has been breaking down and she's glad Ian told her.

(This is why Britney didn't deserve to be a Coach with the likes of Dan and Mike Boogie.  She is accepting fucking IAN telling her she's going home.  She's not even going to fight it.)

Britney tells Danielle that now she and Jenn will be the only girls in the house.

Danielle, whining:  Who am I going to talk about Marc Jacobs and Michael Kors with now?

(OMG I'm trying not to vomit up my lunch.  Michael Kors might file a cease and desist order to keep Danielle from ever uttering his name again.)

Britney:  Well, you've got Jenn.  You're going to have to learn to talk about Hot Topix and Spencer's!  And listen to Cyanide and put safety pins on your clothes. Maybe you can draw on yourself with pens or cut yourself with knives!

She gives Danielle a bug eyed stare intended to demonstrate just how bad it's going to be around there. She tells Danielle that Dan is very good at this game, and Danielle should never trust him again.  Danielle whines that she "just feels so used".

She wants Danielle to win the next endurance comp, or "she'll kill her".  Now they joke about hiding Ted somewhere that Frank can't find him.  Britney would prefer to chop Ted's head off, or set him on fire.

Britney: What if Frank came out to the backyard and I was holding Ted's ear, and he was in flames?

Now Britney asks Danielle to imagine having to lay around the house and the pool with Jenn "I Eat Canned Baby Hearts".  (WTF?)

(Uh...Britney...Danielle has a final two deal with Jenn that involved your eviction this week.)

2.  I see Jenn participating in a Boot Camp session in the backyard.  They haven't had a boot camp for at least a week, not since Mike Boogie was in the house.  I think all of the turmoil that has happened has thrown everyone off their fitness goals.

But now I'm really confused about Jenn's clothes.  Did she not have to give them all up for the POV?  Because now she is wearing that "studded romper" that she wears to work out.  I guess we'll figure out what punishments she took on tonight's CBS show.

(**update** on the CBS show I learned that she only had to burn the clothes she had on at the time)

3.  Dan played pool with Ian, but I did not feel the usual comraderie with them, nor the chatty banter.  Shane is laying nearby in his hot pink shorts watching them, complimenting good shots.  Dan is not wearing his blue flowered shorts, so I guess they are spreading bacteria to his other clothes in the Have Not room, probably balled up on the floor.

Britney appears with her huge glass mug of coffee.  She doesn't want to sit in the hammock because "it always smells bad over there".  She and Danielle decide to sit on the couch.  Dan has a bad pool shot and says "Stuffing nonsense" and tells Ian that line  is from Willy Wonka.

Ian: I know.

Ian wins the game and gloats about it.  Dan tells him to "take the charity" and he joins Britney and Danielle on the couch.  Britney put cinnamon and vanilla extract in her cup of coffee.  She asks aloud if "someone can please give her a bottle of effing wine".  She accuses Dan of having a bottle stashed somewhere, and notices the wine opener on the table and demands to know why it is there.

Britney goes off on a rant about all the punishments Frank took from the POV and calls him the best player who ever played the game just to use the veto anyway.  Britney is being loud and calling Frank a genius and laughing uncontrollably.

We see Frank is laying on the hammock.  I guess that is why Britney said it smelled bad over there.

Britney:  Yeah Frank.  I do have to go on Thursday.  And you have to go next Thursday and I can't wait to see you.  And I will take my shears and cut off every lock of your hair and paste them to your chin while you are sleeping.

Danielle laughs as Britney talks about taking Frank's hemerroid pads and "putting them in her bed".

(WTF?)

Britney says Frank has benched himself for the next eligible POV contest, and he could have just let Dan win and save himself.

Britney:  And he's wearing a carrot suit!  Genius!  He's the best player whose ever played this game!  The best!

Dan thinks they need to get Britney some wine, and he says in his microphone "let's expedite that delivery of beer and wine, please".  Britney just goes on and on about Frank and how good he thinks he is.

Britney:  This guy...he won't even admit that he got misted.....he acts like it was his plan to give up playing 2 HOH's.  We can have facials in the Jury together.

(It's too bad we won't get to watch Britney bawl when she discovers Danielle turned on her and lied to her all week, since she knew the night before that Jenn would use the POV.)

Dan is just laughing, but Britney thinks he's laughing at how funny she is.  That might be part of it, but that's not all he's laughing at.  She goes on and on, saying that she will never vote for Frank to win.  Never.  She will vote for a house plant before she votes for him.

Britney: His social game sucks.  No one likes him, get a clue!  There's a reason why you go on the block every week, Frank!  Everyone things your an effing D-bag.  Good luck getting that half a million.  I will sooner make a $500,000 donation to Mad Love Cooking.

Danielle wonders what would happen if they had unlimited alcohol in the house.  Dan says whew--that would be Bad News City.

Britney comments that the Non-Jury side of the fence at Finale night is going to be huge, since it will include so many people.  They all agree that Willie will not be invited.  Britney thinks BB probably thinks she will break the bottle of wine and slit somebody's throat tonight.  Dan says from what he's seen, Britney is a happy drunk.

***continue reading after the jump***
4.  They discuss the sequester process and how long some of the people like Kara stayed in sequester.  Danielle wondered if Kara was in a situation like Sequester One, or Two after she was evicted.  Dan told Danielle it was like Sequester Two and they all groaned.

(I'm assuming Sequester One was their early trip for Semi Finals or Finals.  They could watch TV and probably had their phones.  But Sequester Two was when the cast and the alternates were locked in, and there was no communication with the outside world or any television.  So that is much tougher.)

Britney started talking about how she suspected the Coach idea was a crock of crap, because "they told her sequester would be much shorter, and..."  the cameras changed at that point.

We now see Ian and Shane inspecting a stream of ants on the kitchen counter, behind the coffee machine.  Ian sprayed them and they both watched the ants die.  Then Shane stood for several minutes, watching the ant area for more action, I guess. After Shane left the kitchen to go outside the camera gave us a nice long shot of a big metal bowl of something  on the counter with a wooden spoon stuck in it.  The camera kind of goes in and out like 'can you believe this?'

In the backyard Dan is talking about Survivor and gives a shout out to Troyzan from the last season.  He was the really good looking one (to me, anyway) who was the Playboy photographer.  Dan told the group that Troyzan applied for Survivor 20 times, and went to "convention" twice before.  Dan can't imagine trying out for Big Brother 20 times.  Dan recorded a podcast with Troyzan and said he was a great guy.  He split the podcast up into three parts but only had time to post the first two before he left.


Dan doesn't really watch Survivor that much, but watched it last season to see Leif the little person, just for the human interest of it. Frank watched it and remembered that Troyzan got voted out because the guy he aligned with was in too good with the girls.  Dan says that was Jay and he was the "model cast for the show".  Dan also has talked to Coach and says you'd think he is really pompous, but he's not.  He's a nice guy.

5.  Now Frank and Danielle recite the Spiritard cheer that they did and it is funny.  Frank says he'd like BB to get Ted a little carrot costume, with a little Carrot Top hat.

Frank: You know they have it back there, those jerks.

Danielle is telling a story and is laughing and so happy discussing the movie Home Alone.  Britney is sitting next to her on the outdoor couch, chewing her fingernails and watching Danielle whoop it up.  Maybe she's realizing that Danielle's not so upset, after all.

Britney has never seen a Christmas Story, nor 16 Candles, The Breakfast Club, Never Ending Story, Wayne's World, Karate Kid, or Fight Club.  The guys can't believe she's never seen all of those movies (plus quite a few more) and they react to each movie name.

Danielle asks what the difference is between Star Wars and Star Trek.  (WTF?)  She and Britney have never watched any of the Star Treck or Star Wars movies.  Frank saw a lot of movies "at convention".  For finals last year he watched E.T.  This year he watched Batman Begins, the Goonies, and several others.

Britney has never seen the original Willy Wonka movie.  The guys can't believe that.  She knew a little bit about it because she was in a play for Willy Wonka and played Violet Beauregard, the gum chewer. She was sitting in the audience and then stood up and said, "I've got a golden ticket".  Then she had to go up on stage and freeze until the entire cast was onstage, then the curtain closed and the play started.  She says she was 12 years old and had her natural brown hair color.  She doesn't really remember much about the storyline, and because she's never seen the movie she didn't know that much.  Frank and Dan know many details about the movie, and Frank can recite Violet's lines about chewing the gum that tastes like a three course meal.

Britney's first big play was for a benefit production for a pregnancy crisis center. She was nine and played the aborted daughter of some girl dreaming who was struggling to make the decision.  Or something like that.  She said there were some heavy crying scenes for a kid that age and the entire audience was adults, as opposed to the Willy Wonka play, where the audience was "her entire school".  At he end of the play she was screaming and crying "Mommy don't leave me" and then the room went dark as the mother woke up from her dream.  (Damn.)

For Willy Wonka, Britney really wanted to be Veruca Salt, and was jealous of the girl who got the part.  Britney is called to the DR and complains, saying she's tired of it and how many more DRs should she have to do?

Britney:  Can't they just let me go in peace?

She got up and walked inside.  Dan started singing a song from Willy Wonka.  Danielle liked Bedknobs and Broomsticks and all of the Disney Princess movies.  Now they talk about Never Ending Story and Frank has to refresh them on the plot of the movie.

Shane is working out during all of this.  I saw Joe picking his teeth, and it turns out Frank and Joe are playing Cornhole.  I think Shane calls it "Baggo".  Probably for the added self-respect that name offers.  You know, as opposed to calling it "Cornhole".

6.  Dan claims to have only cried twice in life before this week.  He cried at his wedding, and at his grandpa's funeral.  He says he cried a little in the DR right before he went into isolation and now that is going to be on TV forever.

(It was on the CBS show.)

Frank and Joe are screaming insults at each other about the Cornhole game and are laughing too.  Britney comes back outside with a bottle of red wine. Danielle opened the bottle for her and she filled up an entire big glass coffee mug with wine.  Danielle wants Britney to "have every drop of that wine", which is nice of her.

Britney says this has been a fun summer.  Dan asks her which season was better for her, cast-wise.  She says it was definitely BB12 and she lists all of her friends in that cast.  She enjoys the company of some of the BB14 people, but it doesn't compare to BB12.  They were always laughing and having fun back then.  (Also an all-original cast..)

Jenn came out with six cans of beer.  Britney said Ian should drink them all, but the guys have a big discussion about it--there are four of them that are drinking.  Shane, Joe, Ian and Frank.  Joe does a long example of how many beers each person owes to others already.  He comes up with a plan and they all lean forward, watching him move the cans around to demonstrate his plan.  I swear it is like they are negotiating a million dollar deal.  I am very confused but Ian ends up with a bunch of beer.  Joe is going to get either 6 beers or one whole bottle of wine next time they get booze, according to  his negotiations.

Britney says she would like someone else to get really drunk with her, so they're on a similar level.  They still continue to discuss it, and not beer tabs have been popped yet.

Joe, to Britney: You want somebody to go with you....I get that.

Ian says that he is okay not drinking beer for the rest of the season, if he gets all 6 beers tonight.  Joe continues going through his beer calculations and updates who owes what to whom, now that Ian will be drinking all the beer.

Danielle tells Britney, "bottoms up", and tops off her mug of red wine.

(I fee like there should be sinister music playing in the background.)

We see Jenn in the kitchen mixing up a chocolate protein shake with Lactaid milk.  She cleans up after herself, putting things away.

7.  Outside Britney is already starting to relax, saying her "belly feels like lava".  There are two conversations going on across the table.  Britney and Ian are already drunk talking across the table and Dan and Frank are discussing Lost, I think. Britney tells Ian about watching him act like a rat (a hamster, actually) on the Spy Cam and Frank says to Dan, "La Fleur!".  (I've never watched Lost.)

After commercial Frank says the women in the house are so messy. If he has to step on another clear plastic razor guard he's going to lose it.  Danielle keeps telling Britney "bottoms up".  Frank tells her that if she's "gonna get twisted she'd better get with it".

Meanwhile Ian is saying that the first week he loved to watch the girls in the shower, but by week two he was "so skeeved by JoJo he was scared to go in there".  I did not get the opportunity to hear what she did was so maybe I'll never know.

Britney is getting the drunk talk going big time.  She goes on and on saying what would my life be like if I never met Joe Arvin?  Now she moves on to Frank and mentions "they had a moment two years ago".  She saw Frank at Finals at the hotel and has a great story to tell him "about the Cafe".  She has to wait until they are out of the house to talk about it though.  I've heard her allude to this story before. (I wonder if it involves Rachel?  I think Britney was in the same hotel as Rachel.)

8.  Dan stops by the Boom Boom room to talk to Jenn.  Jenn is having a hard time listening to Britney bitch and moan.  She says Britney didn't bat an eyelash when Dan was going home, but now its a little hard to listen to her whine about her own fate 24-7.

Jenn:  I can't eat, and I can't drink, so it's just too hard right now to be out there watching it.

Dan understands and gives her a hug.

Oh shit back outside Ian is getting loose lips and they discuss Ian's habit early in the game of sitting and watching the girls take a shower.  Ian made some sort of comment about Kara and tube socks and Dan said he really had to "talk her down after that".  (I think he said something to her about men jerking off in tube socks looking at her in Playboy.)

Ian said that he knew she looked familiar when he saw her, and is glad he didn't say anything about it back then.  Ian said she said some really horrible things about him, and then told everyone Ian had a Final Two deal with Frank.  He gets cocky about the girls complaining he was staring at them in the shower.

Ian:  So what?  I couldn't see anything, and couldn't get my kicks or anything.  She just wasn't comfortable with me yet.

Dan:  Let's look at it this way.  Two pretty girls in the shower.  And one young guy sitting right there, and no one's talking.  What would you think?

Ian concedes that you might think that, if you didn't know better.  Dan is eating a slop cookie and thanks Joe for making them.  Ian mentions this---I think they found a note in the back yard that said "We love you J.S." some time ago.

Ian:  I think it meant we love you Jeff Schroeder, and it's here a year too late.

They all scoff at that.

9.  Britney goes in the Bom Boom Room and asks Jenn "why are you in bed?  It's like 9:30 Jenn City, let's go".  She tells Jenn she's had half of bottle of wine and she wants to have her last hurrah.  She's going to drink it up and go in the pool.

Jenn is good natured about it and lets Britney talk her into going outside with her.  Britney is hoping to go to Hoffoween this year and Ian hopes to see her there.  He's on Beer #4 and they try to get the fire pit lit.

Ian:  It's a piece of shit!

Ian starts naming songs he wants to hear in the morning--he thinks "they owe him for winning the POV".  Britney already knows that she doesn't want to hear any music tomorrow morning.

(ha ha ha)

Now Britney and Ian are wasted.  Britney makes a little speech about how she loves them all and will regret nothing.  She looks around and says one of them is going to win a half million dollars and she'll be happy to give it to them.  Ian tries to add something nice, but Britney reminds him that him using the claw machine in the Arcade is sending her home.

Britney says that they are all deserving in some way, and putting that key in for any of them will not make her want to vomit.

She and Ian both say the other is their favorite.  Britney says that he came into the house a young kid "without a hair on his nutsac and left with a full bush".

Britney doesn't want to drink anymore but they all encourage her to drink it down.  She says maybe she's going out eighth, but she's leaving after two of the best players to ever play this game. She says Janelle is her favorite BB player of all time!  And Boogie is "probably having the last laugh with his extra $16K, but whatever".

Ian thinks they've all crossed paths before at some point, there are so may similarities and connections with their backgrounds. Britney starts naming all of the bars she and Jenn have both gone to in NYC.  Ian tried to open a beer and broke off the pull tab, and beer spewed out of the top.  They all laughed and then Shane went over with a knife to get it open for him.  That's his fifth or sixth beer.

Ian says that Matt Hoffman had it all wrong when he called Britney the sucubus.(sp?)

Ian: What about that time you were fucking your boyfriend on the couch and his dad came in?

They all go crazy over that and Britney pretends she didn't hear the question.  Then she tells the story and she was in her cheerleader outfit at her boyfriend's house (who is now her husband).  She was having sex with her boyfriend on the couch and his dad had come home and they didn't notice.  The dad went outside to wait and when he came back in the house he slapped Ryan's butt and said "Hey Stud".  Britney wouldn't go to Ryan's house for three weeks after that.  Frank wanted to know if it was before or after the game and she said before.

Ian says when he looks at himself in the glass reflection he looks hideous.  He asks Frank to give him a rating and Frank says a 7.5.  Now Ian tells Frank that he looks much better with short hair, referring to a picture of Frank in the HOH with short hair.  Frank says he does rock it and it works with the ladies.  Ian agrees, but says he's just giving constructive criticism.  Now Ian says he told the DR some time ago that Frank looks like Carrot Top and Frank thanks him for that and says he doesn't like Carrot Top.  I should note that Ian is taking a very nasty tone in his voice.

Britney is seeing double and saying she loves everybody.  She 's a happy drunk but I think she's going to puke at some point.  Shane wants her to chug the rest and Frank says to take a big girl drink.

Frank:  We want you at the apex.  We don't want you a little drunk..we want you fucked up!

Now they talk about going to see Frank in Naples.  Shane will go if his friends Juice and Cake go and Frank says he always takes Juice and Cake to a party, and he'll bring his friends too.( joke)  He mentions that he and Mike made up those nicknames for them this year.

Ian:  Well, Mike's not in the house right now, but you want to know what he's in?

Shane:  His own house?

Ian:  No, he's probably in Kara.

They all say oooohhhh and Jenn says What?  They are laughing but are kind of uncomfortable with it.  Now Britney needs to go inside to get her bathing suit and can't walk,  Danielle is having to help her walk and hold her up.  It's not a good sight.

Ian:  Good lord.

Jenn:  I hope she had a good dinner, cause it's about to come back up!

Ian:  It will be the best tasting vomit of all time, thanks to Chef Joe Arvin.

In the house Britney is so wasted, and stops and tells Danielle to trust Ian in the game.  She loves Danielle and her friendship means so much to her.  She tells her that Dan will slit her throat in the game.  Britney will "kill herself" if she sees Danielle in Jury because she wants her to win.  Britney says Danielle is the best friend she's ever had in the BB house, and Danielle says Britney is her best friend ever.

10.  Outside they laugh about Britney bringing her wedding video with her to watch at the Jury House.

Frank:  I don't know if I would have done that, maybe bring a few porno videos.  And a few that I've been in...that's the twist!  I'm a porno star!

They all laugh.  Ian says Sheila (BB9) did "low budget sex comedies in the 80's, and that Crazy James did some hardcore gay porn.  Frank wonders if BB knew that he was a porn star.  Ian said no, and that is why they ask them that now in the casting process. He says Steven Daigle did some porn movies but that was only after BB10 was over.  I think Dan had some sort of reaction about that but I couldn't hear what it was.

Ian:  I call BB9 the slut edition.  Pretty much the whole cast was addicted to coke!

Dan: Ian...that's a pretty broad statement.   I'll bet at least 6 of them are watching.

(Uh...Chelsea Hart is in management at Real Networks--the SuperPass people...)

Ian says he watched the live feeds and Jacob (1st voted out?) said that he would fill up a paper bag with pot smoke and put it on his dog's head.

(Don't ever do that!  Not only are you wasting weed but a dog has a different nervous system than a human being and they can be traumatized.  Do not, please!)

(Also, I would love to hear how Ian goes from Jacob's statement about his dog to how the whole cast was coked out?  I'm not saying that's not true, but I would love to hear Ian's analysis. Just go through that cast in your head and think about it...)

Dan was in Finals for BB9 and Ian said that if he were on that season he would have won, because he knows any seventh grader would strategize better than anyone on that show.

11.  In the bathroom Danielle had to help Britney in the WC.  Not sure if she was peeing or if she vomited, but I did see the toilet flushing.  Britney went outside and jumped in the pool, laughing.  Ian went in the water, too, saying he was really drunk.

Now we see Jenn go into the WC and Frank is talking to her.  They are complaining about Ian and Frank says he came in a child, and is going to leave here a child.

Jenn came out and says that was hard to watch---really embarrassing.  They walked off somewhere together.

In the pool Ian and Britney are laughing about BB12.  Not sure what exactly, but it involved evicting "a piece of furniture" and Hayden breaking pool sticks.  Ian is glad to have made Jury and they start whispering.  They pinky swear on something--evicting Dan I think.  It is hard to hear over the pool jets and the water sounds because they are not wearing their microphones.  It is game talk though and I hear Frank's name getting tossed around.  Of course.  Frank the Tank.

They whisper and talk in the pool for a good ten minutes, moving around from one end of the pool to another.  Everyone else is still on the couch and we can hear Joe in the distance.  You may have heard that Chef Joe has a big mouth.

***ALSO***

I didn't see this on the show tonight--it must have happened when we were watching Britney and Danielle in the shower.  But I read that Ian said something like "I've been wanting to be on this show since I was ten, before a plane hit a tower".  Jenn was upset by him using that that phrase like it was a joke.  She went inside and I think that is when I saw Frank waiting outside the WC door for Jenn.  I saw Ian approach Jenn in the storage room today to make an apology for his behavior.

2 comments :

  1. I caught this and it was extremely creepy. Danielle, who knew Britney had taken Xanax beforehand and hopefully knew alcohol and benzos are a deadly combo, kept ordering Britney to chug the wine. From her nasty snickering and mugging at the cameras, it was obvious she wanted Britney to make a fool out of herself and to keep her from campaigning. FYI, production kept Britney in the DR for a long time while a medic monitored her

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  2. You know, I thought I saw mention of Britney seeing a medic but it must have been after BBAD. I didn't know she had Xanax....I'm sure BB didn't expect her to drink the whole bottle by herself but it was discussed enough to let them know and they could have stopped it.

    "Tartar Sauce" the medic is like a house guest at this point.

    Thanks for the heads up NJ.

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