Saturday, July 7, 2012

Newbie Preview - Meet Joe Arvin, Lucky Bastard #BB14

I just want to say a few words about Joe Arvin.  You probably know that one of the Big Brother 14 Newbies was replaced at the last minute with Joe.  As a matter of fact, the new Big Brother commercial featuring Mike aired on July 4th, and by July 5th Mike was gonzo.  You can see Mike here, probably for the last time.

I have a vivid imagination, and I like to speculate that something crazy happened to Mike, like maybe an FBI Agent saw Mike on the commercial and recognized him as a suspected bank robber, or something like that.

But more likely, Mike asked for a DOR  (Dismiss on Request, if you haven't seen Officer and a Gentleman lately), or maybe they found contraband in his bag.  Maybe he just tried to call home.  Who knows.  In past years one male contestant was disqualified for trying to contact his girlfriend from sequester, and two years ago a woman dropped out sometime after her SuperPass interview.  Evel Dick later said that Chelsia scared the lady by asking her questions that scared her about the live feeders.  You know, something like, "are you prepared to have thousands of internet junkies watch you get in and out of the shower?"

That lady packed up her shit and got the hell out of there.  Or so the story goes...

I asked Missyae @TheGameSurvivor if he had any scoop on this situation, and he confirmed that there was no Big News to speak of.

Let's face it.  Mike looked really boring, and could barely muster an adequate energy level on that commercial.  If he can't put on a show in front of a green screen, how is he going to be able to speak about anything in the Diary Room in a remotely-entertaining manner?  (Lane from BB12, anyone?)

So, on to Joe Arvin, who is the lucky bastard plucked out of sequester to take Mike's place.  Joe seems like an interesting character.  As I suspected, Joe is a chef.  He was actually one of the founders of Smashmouth Burger.  Don't get it twisted though...not Smash Burger, Smashmouth Burger.  You know the one on the corner of Route 30 and BFE in Indiana.


I read somewhere that Joe recently sold out of Smashmouth Burger, with the intent to be a Reality TV Star.  That could be good news for us, or bad news.  Hopefully he is a Big Brother fan and will know how to play this game, as well as how to put on a good show for the live feeds.  But if he is just another Reality Show Whore, we may be in for a disappointment.  I still think he's better than a Sailing Instructor though, because there is no lake in the Big Brother backyard.  But there is a kitchen, and hopefully Joe will set up camp in there.

There are a number of YouTube videos of Joe out there, but I found a good one that highlights some of his best work on the various how-to cooking spots he has filmed.  If you can get through the somewhat corny-but-clever intro, I think you can get a good feel for who Joe is.  He is passionate about food, and his food seems designed to appear to Joe America.

He looks married to me.  I didn't catch whether he was wearing a ring or not, but he has that Married Look.  (Of course, the article above says that too, and there are kids involved.)  I am guessing he has been divorced before, too.  You can't work in a restaurant kitchen with a personality like that and not have a few torrid affairs.  (In fact, I may or may not have made out with someone in the frigid salad bar cooler at a steakhouse where I worked in high school.  I mean, "allegedly.")

Let's have a look see at Joe:


After seeing this, I like Joe.  I might even have a little crush on Joe.  Even though I am about one year away from being totally vegan, I like the look of Joe's crunchy chicken fingers.  And that big sloppy panini sandwich he cooked up?  You know, the one just oozing with fatty cheese?

Yeah, I could get used to that, I guess.

FEEDWATCHER FORECAST:  If Joe can tone it down a little with the Big Personality, he might do well on the show.  I can see him fitting right in with the guys who are going to work out in the backyard, and if he can stay long enough for the unveiling of the Big Brother Grill in the backyard, he can win some fans in the house with that.  (Why do they have to wait so long to have a backyard grill every year?  Just give them the damn grill now, Alison.)  I would have liked to see Joe speak to us, the fans, through an interview first, but I can say I like him.  I think he should be honest about being a chef, obviously, but he doesn't have to tell them he used to own a restaurant.  In fact, I think he should say he lost his life savings when the business failed due to the bad economy.  Something like that.   That way he could tell them some good (true) stories about his adventures behind the grill, and feel free to seduce them with his delicious fatty comfort foods.

I would enjoy sitting on one of those counter stools in the Big Brother kitchen and watch him work.

Who Will Be Joe's Mentor?  I think Mike Boogie will make a play for Joe, if he knows Joe is a chef.  Also, he seems like a Man's Man, so Dan would like him too.

Hungry for more?  Well here is the current menu at Smashmouth Burger, but if what I read is correct Joe can't be blamed for those high-calorie treats anymore if he did indeed sell out his ownership shares.  Fried PB&J?  I might have to make an Indiana road trip...



1 comment :

  1. lucky 4 us he sold out since he takes a s...t ,does not wash his hands,then sticks his finger in the house mayo,licks his finger and cooks 4 the houseguests! He does this on tv and wants to be a celebrity chef. God help us!

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