Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Big Brother After Dark - First the Buzz, Then the Buzzkill 7-25-12 #BB14

This episode aired at 9:00 pm BBT on Tuesday, or the wee hours of Wednesday morning at my house.

OK.

1.  The show opens with Janelle in the kitchen baking yet another batch of cookies.  These cookies appear to be "drop" cookies rather than rolled and shaped like the sugar cookies baked earlier in the week.  Just like Monday night, Ashley hunkered down in a royal blue top to watch.  Janelle is even wearing the same blue and white cardigan.  Everything old is new again.  Ashley comments on her hidden fat girl.

2.  Dan and Frank are playing chess at the jumbo-sized chess board upstairs. They appear to be having an actual game, rather than just a cover for whispering schemes and lies.

3.  At the hot tub, Britney is trying to gulp down what she says is her second glass of wine.  Britney is one of those drinkers who always points out that she doesn't like drinking.  Joe is drinking red wine out of a champagne flute.  Jenn is in the hot tub drinking a can of Coke.  The classic kind, not Diet.

(Mike Boogie said the other day that he doesn't understand why BB continues to provide more regular Coke every week then Diet Coke, since this is what everyone always prefers.  He intended to press his point yet again in the DR.)

4.  Britney exclaims AGAIN that the wine "doesn't taste yummy".  Danielle agrees and prepares to chug her glass.

5.  Mike Boogie arrives at the chess board and surveys the damage, breathing hard and drinking a vanilla protein shake.  I think he just finished his workout.  Frank suggests Mike add strawberry ice cream to his shake, but Mike says that defeats his fitness purpose.

Frank: Janelle is killing me with those cookies.

Then the whispering starts, about somebody having a little too much to drink.  I think they were referring to Janelle, who gets a little loud with the drinky-drinky.  Dan whispers that she is trying to keep an eye on Ashley, and Mike whispers back "not too well..." referring to last night's drama, I'm sure.

Mike:  Loose lips sink ships...

6.  Frank hears Janelle taking cookies out of the oven and jumped up to go down there but Janelle calls out that she will bring them some.  Frank wants to know if he should wear his Julie Chen T-shirt on Thursday and Mike says yes, he'll be the star of the show, and it should result in a question for Frank from Julie.

Mike:  It's never been done before....Will is going to love it...

Frank: Will?

Mike:  Yeah, he'll love it.

(Dr. Will, bitches!)

7. Janelle comes upstairs with a plate of warm cookies, with glasses of milk for Dan and Frank.

Mike:  Look at this...the stay at home Mom....the Domestic Goddess!

Janelle cheerfully thanks them and heads back downstairs.  Looks like chocolate chip.  Dan says they're really good and calls out his thanks.

Mike, in a sing song voice:  I don't know if his Mom is watching, but what up to Brady Malin, not looking at the camera, just saying hello...he's in bed sleeping...

Mike demonstrates Brady's sleeping position. (I think they were told not to address the camera with shout outs, so Mike made a point not to look at the camera.)

8.  Dan went down to tell Danielle about the cookies.  Frank devoured another one and the plate is now empty.  In Dan's absence Mike starts whispering.  I think the drunk Mike was referring to earlier is Danielle--he says she is drinking tonight and seems like a lightweight.  He doesn't like it that Dan just ran down there to talk to her, either.  I'm guessing they don't want her to get loaded tonight and mess up their plan---last I heard they were keeping her and giving JoJo the boot.

9.  Frank calls down to Janelle that she should stop it with the cookies for a few days---it's killing him.  Janelle beams in the kitchen and accepts the compliment, offering to bring up more if he'd like them.

Dan comes back up, thanking "Janie" on the way.  He had a fresh cookie in hand.

10. Now at the hot tub people are indeed liquored up.  Danielle is telling a LOUD story about someone doing something that is certainly juicy since we aren't allowed to hear so the cameras shift back to the chess game.  I saw Shane sitting silently (of course) on the edge of that group.  Dan says that Danielle is hanging out with Britney and Mike seems relieved, but Dan says the word "time bomb", referring to JoJo, I think.

Mike:  I wish she could drink this week....that would be great.

(Earlier today, JoJo put make up on Shane and he pranced around pretending to be a girl called Shanie.  Yes, BB fans, that is true.  You can see the proof here.  Prepare to be disturbed.)

11.  Mike talks about his visit to Rio, and all of the beautiful naked chicks.  You can tell Dan wanted to hear more but couldn't ask because of the cameras.  Mike hates having to work out wearing the microphone.  BB is giving the backyard group various warnings about wearing mics, and talking about Production.  Typical for buzzed HG.

12.  The chess game gets serious.  Both guys stand up. Frank stares intensely at the board and puts Dan in check.  (Frank is a competitor.)  Dan compliments the move, and considers his options.  Mike asks Ian about the Showtime coverage---is it three straight hours?  Ian says yes, but with periodic Showtime commercials.  From downstairs, Janelle mentions the ticker at the bottom of the screen with info.

Dan shifts his weight from foot to foot.  Frank's hair is very curly.

Oh, now Dan puts Frank in check.  Now Frank yells "Oh Shit!" and says Frank got him.   Frank has only one "power piece" left and they continue to move pieces off the board.  Mike asks Dan if you actually have to say "check" and Dan says yes, but isn't sure what happens if you don't.

Britney asked Frank if she could use his HOH bathroom and he said yes, but to wipe the seat because she has "a dirty booty". Ha ha.  A few minutes later Britney slips past them on her way downstairs.  Mike says, "what do you have there?" and catches Britney with a stolen can of beer from his room.  They make some sort of lopsided trade for the booze and Mike seems happy about it.

13.  Back at the hot tub there is a noisy conversation about swingers, and Jenn is telling everyone about the "swingers she knows".  Something about them not wanting to leave the party.  Then the camera shifts to the pool table, where it is Janelle vs. Ian.  Ian is not the world's best pool player.  Frank comes out and describes how Dan beat him at the chess game.  He said it was a good match.  Janelle wants to play him later.

Frank:  HOT TUB PARTY!!!

The hot tub group cheers. Janelle compliments Ian's pool skills so maybe she sees something I don't.  Jenn loves Tecates and Frank says they got MGBs last night instead of Tecates.  Britney appears to be getting lit, and Danielle is slurring a little.  Both are in bikinis, perched on the edge of the hot tub.

Jenn summarizes that they have discussed threesomes, swingers, bad first dates...

(Damn damn damn damn.)

14.  Janelle wins at pool and wants to play again.  She'd like to get better at pool and they decide the BB house is the place to do it.  Janelle's husband likes to play pool and they have a pool table in their house.  Ian has one in the dorm somewhere.  They rack up again and Janelle breaks.

The hot tub crew just clapped loudly and appeared to be urging someone to do something, but I couldn't see it.

(Damn damn damn damn)

15. Oh snap.  Mike came outside and commented on how cold it is.  He always forgets how cold it is in the BB house.  Only two pair of his sweatpants were cleared for the show, and he wants to go in the DR to ask for another pair.  They have the Champion logo on them near the waist and Mike says it will be covered with his shirt,so what's the big deal.  He knows he has to pick his time carefully, or the DR will deny it.

Janelle:  They're getting out of hand with the logos...

Mike:  I don't want to be like Erica and wear the same gray sweatpants every day!

Janelle:  Ooooo.  Scrubica! The thing about Scrubica is that she never bathed, though...I think she was just depressed....

Mike grins and appears to be trying not to laugh or comment in any way.

Now they discuss Natalie (BB11) and how dirty and greasy her hair was.  Mike is careful to tell the camera he is talking about Natalie's hair, not Ericas.

Janelle:  Oh no, Erica had beautiful hair.

16.  Now Dan pulled Danielle inside to counsel her not to get so drunk and he is making her drink some water.  Britney comes in and starts hammering Dan about letting Danielle have fun, and not to be such a buzzkill.  Britney is a little looped, for sure.

Dan says to count to 60 and Danielle will be back outside to rejoin the group.  Danielle said they split a bottle of wine and had three beers.  Dan doesn't want her to get sick and left her at the counter drinking a mug of water and went out to the hot tub to monitor the action.  It is likely no coincidence that Britney gets up and leaves, going in to find Danielle, and Shane leaves too.

Danielle looks very thick standing next to Britney, particularly from the waist down.  They want to do a hot tub session together in the HOH.  Now Ashley comes in to eat a cookie and says "it is strange that they were talking game out there".

Britney: Can't we have any frickin' fun without parental supervision?

17.  Britney and Danielle go to the HOH bathtub and get in, running the water as they sit in the dry tub.  They tell Ashley they have room, so she gets in wearing a black strapless bra with her green bikini bottom.  They pass a glass of the white wine and Britney repeats twice that it tastes like camel piss.  She is wasted and is wearing what I recognize as a Links of London friendship bracelet.

I know some people will think this situation sounds hot, but it is kind of a sloppy mess.

***continue reading after the jump*** 




18.  The cameras agree and travel down to the kitchen where Shane gets himself a chocolate pudding.  JoJo is nervous and scared about the vote so they go into the arcade together to talk.

JoJo thinks the "cigarette thing could work..".  Janelle said she only has 8 cigarettes left for the entire summer and asked JoJo for one. So I guess JoJo thinks she can buy Janelle's support with cigarettes.

JoJo:  I don't understand why everyone is always jocking Janelle...

Shane:  What?

JoJo:  Everyone is up her ass all of the time. I'm not that impressed....I mean, I now she's a lot bigger than me..

Shane:  Yeah, I'd like to see you in a competition against her...but she has played this game two times before..

JoJo's anger now turns to Ashley and they think she is up Janelle's butt too.  Shane brings up the notion that they should all fire their coaches and just play.

Shane:  It's too bad that Britney is kind of intoxicated tonight, or we could talk to her...

They start whispering like mad, pointing and counting votes on fingers. Joe is called to the DR and Frank comments that Joe is wasted right now.

19.  Danielle tells them that Dan called her in the kitchen to ask how much he had to drink.

Britney:  You should ask Dan that when he drinks!

Danielle says her ex-boyfriend is older than Dan.  All three of them say Dan is a nice guy and they like him.  Ashley said that Britney was nice to her the first week, even though she wasn't her coach.  Britney says even with the HOH that time was very stressful, due to Willie.

Britney thinks her hands look old and makes everybody hold their hands up to compare.  Britney squeals that her hands look the oldest, but Ashley points out that at 26 she is the oldest.  Britney will turn 25 next month, then she fishes for compliments about her figure.  (She does that frequently.)

20.  Mike and Janelle chat in the kitchen about how the newbies are "so afraid" to do anything wrong in the house to piss off BB.  Like singing, etc.

21.  Now we see Britney acting out upstairs---I've never seen her this drunk before.  Now Mike Boogie comes in the HOH room and they invite Mike to come in the bathroom.  Britney wants to trade for another beer and Mike says no.  (i.e. one now for one later)  Mike says he only has 3 beers left and if he keeps trading he won't be able to catch a buzz. He already "did Britney a solid" earlier when he let her trade a Heinekin.  (Mike has A LOT of experience talking to drunks, I'm sure.)

Mike:  Here's the deal.  You'll regret this later.  It's been a while since you drank, so if you have another one you won't get more buzzed.

Danielle agrees.

Britney:  What are you doing up here?

Danielle:  Well his bed is right over there...

Britney:  Oh yeah...

Mike brings up that there isn't much for the group to talk about except the game tonight and he just spoke with Janelle about how he's over it.  Britney pounces on that and wants to know what Janelle said.  Mike has to break it down again for her.

Mike says Joe is outside talking about the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" issue again.  Apparently he worked for the company that made it, and submitted the product name in a company pool.  So now he is upset and feels he got screwed.  I suspect he starts talking about this every time he has a few too many.

22.  Frank comes in and Britney is taunting him in a suggestive way, calling him in several times to discuss feeding the fish.  Frank gives short, curt answers but is patronizing in a friendly way.  You know, like when you are the designated driver at a bachelorette party.

23.  Now JoJo is on Skid Row trying to have a conversation with Joe about needing to apologize to Frank about her past conduct when Willie was in the house.  Joe tells her the vote is 50/50 at the moment.

Joe:  Sometime between now and Thursday, you've go to come across as Not JoJo.

JoJo:   What?

Joe:  Not yourself.  Not like JoJo but like a team player.

She doesn't realize he just slammed her.  He advises her to visit people and ask what it is they want. She agrees but I don't think she could possibly understand, because I think that would require JoJo to listen to people.   Joe spells it out again that she can't be "Staten Island up to here", but to be humble and sweet and giving.

She babbles like an idiot and shushes him up over and over.

Joe:  No bitchin, no "fucking", just lay your heart on the table....

(JoJo doesn't babble like an idiot, she actually is an idiot.  I can barely handle listening to it.)

Joe doesn't commit to vote for JoJo, but he says, in confidence, that he would like for Dan to be eliminated. There is a possibility for his team to work with JoJo and Shane.

(I would, too, to see what BB will do when a coach's team is eliminated.)

JoJo wants to know why Janelle is treating her so differently.  Joe says, do you know what Wilie did to her?  (i.e. threw pork rinds  ha ha)  JoJo doesn't know when to shut up and goes into her Have Not room, chattering the entire time.

24.  Britney sobers up with a cookie and glass of milk, discussing the vote with Janelle.  Janelle tells her that the plan is still to vote JoJo out. Janelle thinks the HOH competition will be a crapshoot, probably involving the bocce balls. Britney whispers and I can't hear a damn thing since the camera is not focused on her face.  Oh now they are whispering about what to do if the Coachs come into the game--they think the newbies will go after Mike and Dan first, so that is a good reason to keep Danielle around.  Janelle does "not want to sit next to Boogie".  (At the end, I guess.)

Britney thinks Danielle would be good at mental competitions, but JoJo would be better at physical games.  They don't know if they want Dan around in the "next phase"  Janelle says he will just throw competitions.  Britney points out that everyone can't stand being around JoJo so keeping her would leave a HUGE target in the game.

25.  Then we see Frank and Mike in the HOH.  Frank plans to touch base with Jenn again to be sure that the issues from last night's Final Two fiasco have been solved.  Mike thinks Jenn is street smart, but is not sure she is smart enough to strategize properly---he had to explain what "backdooring"  someone meant in painstaking detail so he doesn't think she was a big fan of the show.  Frank reminded him that Jenn was "found" by casting (on Facebook) and Mike forgot that.

26.  Dan told Janelle that he threw the Coach's Challenge, but he told Britney that he went slowly, depending on one of the other Coaches to drop the money like Britney did.  Now we see Dan supervising Danielle's nighttime face washing routine, asking stupid questions about the products she uses.

**I must be honest.  For the last 45 minutes of the show, I fast forwarded through any scenes with JoJo.  I just can't take anymore of her right now.**

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