Sunday, August 28, 2011

Dick at Nite 8-25-11

This episode of Dick at Night was taped on Wednesday, 8-25-11, basically the night before the double eviction.  Dick did this show live in California---hence no fringed window valence behind him.

Evel Dick has two guests--Mark Long and Crazy James (BB9).  Dick introduces Mark Long as one of the grandfathers of reality TV. Mark was on the first season of Road Rules about 16 years ago and there are numerous jokes about how old Mark is.


Dick points out that Mark's season was just after Puck's season on Real World.  (Dick is a friend of Puck's.)  Dick says that he went out with Puck "just after the accident"  (I guess he is referring to Puck's DUI accident where he drove off the road with his kid in the car.) and while they were sitting at In 'n' Out Burger a guy came up and asked to sit with them, saying in awe that he knew who they both were.

Dick:  That guy is probably still talking about his lunch with Puck and Evel Dick!  (I know I would be...)

Dick introduces James from BB9, saying "he's not dead, he's not in Europe, he's right here in Southern California" and asks James what bar he is opening up.  (Escondite in downtown L.A.) Seeing James makes me sad.  He's not "Crazy James" anymore....his twitter name is ApexJames.  I'm not clear on if he owns the bar or just works there.

Oh snap.  James is all business and asks for Dick's take on the Production Scandal with Daniele.  He mentions reading on Jokers that two camera operators and a segment producer will quit if Dani leaves.

Dick, acting confused:  Well, when you go in the DR, there is a guy with an English accent, and a hard-edged girl.....I don't think anybody is going to quit their job over Dani getting evicted.

James summarizes the rumors again, saying that Jokers is "pretty specific" and just wanted to get Dick's take on it.

Dick:  Those jobs are too hard to get to quit like that.

Mark:  It still amazes me that Dani is your daughter.  You are so ugly and she is so damn good looking.

James is drinking a Schlitz beer that he says they "get wholesale at the bar".  His eyes are so sad to me.



Dick asks if he has any crazy new tattoos, besides the "Dr. Suess" arm.  As you can see his left arm is striped now.  (I kind of like that.)


He also got a tattoo of his ex-fiance on his foot.

Dick:  Faith?  You got her name tattooed on you?

James:  Yeah, but the guy did it in a red skull but I have to have it colored in now because she was cheating on me the entire time in France.

Mark takes two minutes off to go feed his dog, who is heard wailing at Mark's feet.  James met Mark at the Reality TV awards.  They joke around about some porn star that Dick knows who wanted to hook up with Mark but Mark wussed out.

Dick points out that he has Mark the All American Boy as a guest, but also James who is anything but.  James does seem to be up-to-speed on BB13, and has opinions on the houseguests.

James has a female friend over that Mark flirted with.


Dick says that Adam is "the Zach of this season".  He takes shots at Jeff as well and Mark says, "C'mon... you don't like Jeff?"

Dick: I didn't say that!  But I want people to give me Fan Favorite and give Jeff this (the middle finger).

Mark repeats the Zingbot's line about Porsche's big ass and they all crack up.  Zing!

Dick says it is painful to watch Jordan try to string two sentences together. He likes her, but her whole game is too be nice.  She is the ultimate coattail-rider.

Mark repeats the Zingbot's line about Dani not needing a car because she rides her Dad's coattails. Dick missed that episode and says he would want to see her face when the Zingbot said that.

Dick says how Kalia and Porsche will not know what to do when Dani leaves. (Uh, not what happened, Dick.)

Dick asked James if he has taken the "behind the scenes" tour of the BB house.  James has not.  Dick explains that when you're in the DR it feels so safe and intimate. You feel like it is just you talking to one person.  But on his tour he says that someone was crying in the DR and on the other side of the glass were about 50 news reporters.  He can never look at the DR again the same way.

Mark asked if they are blindfolded before they enter in the house, to mask the fact that you are in a production studio on the movie lot.

James says no, he remembers "driving past Gilligan's Island".  Dick is surprised that he wasn't blindfolded but says maybe he was before BB8 so he wouldn't see Daniele ahead of time.  He felt like a kidnap victim.  And when Dani and Amber left the house to appear on the Power of Ten they were blindfolded and had to wear earplugs.

Dick says he is waiting for the Fortune Teller to come to life.  (Which looks like it is about to happen!)  Dick says it is so weird looking in person.

Mark says the Zingbot's voice is too high and he could barely understand him.  (Me too--I had to google to find out what he Zingbot actually said.)

Dick says he went to visit James in Paris.  He was in Europe at the time and swung by to see him.  James' ex-fiance Faith was going to Spain or something, so Dick and James went to Amsterdam to party.  James says they got so stoned.

Dick:  We didn't even eat regular food!  We went to the Bulldog and ate pot brownies and cookies and we met some tourists who bought them drinks.  Then they went to a live sex show with some fat lady on a bed.

James:  I was tripping my balls off!

They also went to Tours to see Suicidal Tendencies in France.  They got shout outs from the stage and had a blast.

Dick went to LA for an audition that went well and doesn't want to talk about it, despite prodding from Mark.  Dick is staying with a friend now.  Earlier, Mark razzed him about leaving Big Brother so soon this year.

Dick:  Look.  They called me two days ahead of time and then some personal stuff came up and I had to go.  That's it.

(I heard Rachel say on BBAD that Dani got the call from BB two days ahead of time---so that fits with what Dick just said.  They must have been last minute additions to the cast.  And my personal two cents:  Dick didn't have time to taper down his drug use.  Alleged drug use, of course.)

Dick ranks on Adam some more and James says that Adam is friends with a friend of Jamess--Dave who owns Idle Hands in New York (?) and the minute Adam's casting was announced, Dave contacted James to let him know he knew Adam.

Dick hates Lydia from BB11 and has said previously that she will never be invited on his show.  He has invented a new Lydia Dumb Bitch Award of the Week and Mark says unfortunately Dani should get the award for this week.

Mark asks James where casting found him.  He says "I was homeless traveling around the US and I was in New York and I went to a bar with a bunch of Australians who bought me drinks and that's it.."

(I heard Chelsia say on her SuperPass show that everything James said was a lie---that he actually had an apartment in LA and wasn't homeless.)

Mark says that James' story is funny and reminds him of how Puck was cast on Real World.  Dick repeats how Puck was discovered and how he threw a chicken wing and hit Mary Alice Bunim's white shirt with it.

Dick:  Puck is one of the most unique people ever on reality television.  And he was real, too.

Mark tells a story about Puck dipping his balls in the milk container in the RW house and then seeing his castmates drink out of the milk the next morning and feeling like he won.

Dick wants to get Puck on the show but knows he doesn't watch BB.  When he appeared with Dick on his old Superpass show the ratings skyrocketed.  Puck had an outstanding warrant out at the time and TMZ reported on it.

Dick discusses how the DR tries to get you to discuss all sides of an issue and James said the DR wants the soundbytes, as well, to make the story flow.

James, giggling:  They also use the DR to break up threesomes!

Dick:  Oh, with you, Chelisa and Alison?  (the poker girl from BB9?)

Dick mentions that Alison told everybody that Chelsia had an odor issue and James laughs.

James says the only people he would want to win at this point would be Adam for the Newbies or Jeff.  Dick agrees that Production would probably want Jeff to win to save the season.  I'm sure that was hard for him to say.

Mark watches the live feeds and kind of appreciates that Shelly is trying to break up Jeff and Jordan.  Dick mentions that tomorrow night is the double eviction and says that Production "would shit a brick if both Dani and Jeff go home during the same hour".

(Yep, that is what happened.)

Mark just turned 40 and is only 8 years younger than Evel Dick.  (That should scare the kids from smoking, huh?)  Seriously Mark look super hot.

They end the show voting on their guesses of  Dani's fate this week---they agree she will be evicted.



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