Sunday, August 2, 2015

Vanessa Must Buff Jackie for 24 Hours #BB17

So this punishment is a weird one, but I can appreciate the creativity that Production is putting into these punishments this year.

I think this punishment was supposed to be worse for Vanessa, but to me it looks like Jackie's role is just as bad, primarily due to that horrid costume she must wear.  

Jackie is a Knight, and Vanessa is some sort of servant who must keep Jackie's armor shiny.  She has a little buffer and must buff Jackie's armor every minute of the day.  She is allowed to stop once Jackie falls asleep, but must sleep on the floor next to her.  She even has to eat with one hand in order to continue her work on Jackies' armor.

Vanessa:  Oh, but when the voice comes over the speaker and says "Time to Buff" I have to buff until the voice says "Thank you".

Jackie says she still gets to sleep, though.  But how is she going to sleep in that costume?

They are already having a rough time with the leg pieces. Vanessa wants to see if they can use hair ties to hold them on.  I know Jackie was probably hoping for a costume that is a little more flattering, but I guess she can handle this for 24 hours.

Vanessa says that it took them a long time in the DR because they had some "costume issues".  Vanessa was supposed to wear tights, but she says you could see her underwear through them, so they switched to some sort of "frumpy pants" for the time being. They look like thick dark red velvet, and will likely be comfortable, yet warm.

Vanessa's little red cap is scratchy, too, she says.  But her costume is cute compared to Jackie's costume.

(Love the feather, though. I think Vanessa should wear that hat with her designer shades at her next WSOP event.)

You can see Vanessa buffing Jackie's leg while she talks.  I guess this punishment is going to hinder any game talks she may have planned to have before the PoV ceremony tomorrow.  Vanessa and Jackie kind of pretend to have a good working relationship, but I think they both are very wary of the other and would strike against each other at the first opportunity.

Vanessa says that she's not allowed to buff Jackie's helmet unless Jackie is in the shower. They laugh about Steve sitting there, watching them

Jackie: He's watching you clean me.

Steve:  Well, you said you wanted company.

I'll bet in real life Jackie would throw a hissy fit and storm off stage if she had to wear this sort of thing for a performance. 

(Kind of like she did during her performance with the Cher impersonator in Mexico City.)

Vanessa got down on one knee, asking if that is the required stance for this, and begins to buff the bottom of Jackie's breastplate. They guys are all making mild sexual innuendos and there is a lot of laughter.

Vanessa, giggling:  This is the weirdest thing I've ever done in my life!

James tells Meg that she better be glad he's not having to do this to her.  Steve clarifies a few things for me by calling Vanessa a "Squire".  Someone requests that Vanessa do her Scottish accent while she works, so she does.

Vanessa, as a Scottish Squire:  How are you my Knight?  I'll just shine your foot a wee bit.

Jackie, in a grumpy tone  I'll just sit here.

(Yeah Jackie...but what else is new?)

(I'm sure Production would have much preferred that Steve be wearing either the Knight or Squire's costume, because they are obviously having a VERY hard time finding storylines for him on the CBS episodes, which would explain that odd scene of him with the cameras making ET-like noises.  Allison Grodner is likely TERRIFIED at having a Steve scenario in the final three because how in the hell will they craft usable scenes out of that?  It's not like they can shoot B Roll footage at Steve's fraternity, since they shunned him before officially making him a member. Sorry to hit Steve with shrapnel here, but this is a very real issue going on behind the scenes right now for Production.)

Vanessa reports having some static cling issues.

Vanessa wants the leg pieces to fit better without falling off, but is worried that using hair ties will cut off Jackie's circulation. She requests "better ideas from the peanut gallery".

Vanessa:  Steve, you're an engineer, can you look at this and engineer something to help us?

A Twin:  The Knight has to look perfect at all times-ah.

(I will never tire of The Twins' manner of speaking.)

Steve kneels down to take a closer look at the situation. Steve says we don't have safety pins but Vanessa assures him that he can figure out something as he gets up in search of materials.

Vanessa:  But Steve...what about that glass on the floor?  (ha ha ha) Even a lowly Squire can ask that things be kept tidy around here.  I'm in the presence of greatness so often that it's beginning to rub off on me...get it?

A Twin:  Ah...rub off on you!  Ha ha I get it.

James:  Nice.

Steve returns and reports that when the storage room is available, he'll try to find something in there to fix the problem.  The Twin wants to know what Jackie's Knight name is.

Vanessa:  Her name is Jacqueline the Great.

James implores Jacqueline to "get control of your peasant, because he is insulted to hear her speak to them in this manner".

The Twin, probably Liz:  Yes, get control of your peasant-ah.

Austin: Get control of your vassal.

Jackie: After 10 PM, there is no speaking.

Everyone loves that line, and how Jackie is putting her Squire in her place.


Austin certainly knows what a vassal is, with all of his post-graduate work with medieval matters.
I'm sure Production had Austin in mind with the theme of the PoV, but unfortunately he was not picked to play, nor did he even host it.  (Julia hosted the PoV.)  I heard Austin talk to Vanessa one time about his study of romance literature.  He said that we only know basic facts about what happened in medieval times--like who was king and who was executed, etc.

But his graduate work focused on figuring out the social morays of the day and trying to determine the feelings behind some of the actions.  He said there had been a big shift in the way women were viewed that likely played into many of the royal decisions and initiatives.  I think he was saying that women went from basically slave roles to semi-deities that inspired devotion. 

All of which might help us understand the Hairy Beast that is Austin, I guess.


Becky:  I want to hear that mean voice that comes over when you stop buffing.

Vanessa:  Really?  How bad do you want to hear it?

She doesn't stop buffing, but says that they will hear that plenty of times, particularly overnight.  Vanessa says that Jackie has a special unitard for swimming, and buffing must occur during that process as well.

Vanessa:  24 hours is a long time.

They talked about how long Jackie and Vanessa were in the DR.  Jackie joked that they were learning a dance (ala Whackstreet Boys) but Vanessa said they had to do interviews and figure out the costume issues.  Her original tights were like "Squire Porn", she says, and were clearly inappropriate.

Vanessa:  Only 23 and a half hours left.

Becky:  But it could be worse, Vanessa.  I'm trying to be an optimist. You won when you came in the door, Vanessa.

Liz says this is better than last year's Adam and Eve costumes, though.

Vanessa:  But I'm in labor the whole time!

Becky thinks that costume last year would have been very hard for any female who didn't want to show their body, since you were nearly naked, wearing just a bathing suit and leaves.

Vanessa:  All I know is after all of this, my arms will be very buff!

Everyone groans, and says that is a "Steve" type of joke.  Vanessa explains she has nothing much to do right now, besides working on her puns.

Vanessa, as a Scottish Squire:  What would make me happy is just a wee chalice of wine right now.

Jackie, grumpy:  Or a whole bottle.

Vanessa:  Oh, but I can only dream of that!


Enjoy this moment from BB16, when Victoria and Caleb had to dress like Adam and Eve, tied to each other for 24 hours.  The two of them were hardly friends at the time, too, making it even more unlikely as a nearly-naked pair.

And speaking of enemies chained together, surely you remember Britney Haynes and Brendon Villegas being chained together during BB12.  Brendon was fighting for his life that week, and accepted every punishment he could in order to win the PoV that week.  So he also had to do the "Chum Dunk" for 24 hours, and also shaved his head.  Needless to say Britney was not thrilled at having to participate in this, but they both handled it like professionals.

The Weight of the Kingdom is on Shelli's Shoulders. #BB17

Shelli has been up all night in the backyard, completing the punishment she "won" during yesterday's PoV competition.  She has to complete a series of movements that are apparently supposed to replicate a knight's challenge.  Or something like that.

Her costume is a little flimsy-looking, like something you'd buy in a plastic bag for your kid at Halloween.  She's not allowed to go inside to sleep---I think she can only sleep outside if she needs to rest.  Clay is sitting out there keeping her company, as they try and talk through a deal they are trying to make with James to save one of them with the PoV he won.

OK, so the "Knight's Ritual", or whatever they are going to call it.  Shelli has to use her sword to knock down a pole.

And then she has to put the pole back up.  No one is allowed to help her with this, which is similar to Brittany's soccer kick challenge last one was allowed to help her retrieve soccer balls after she kicked them (often missing the goal, too).

Apparently either the sword or this stick has already broken once, and had to be replaced by Production.

And Shelli has to touch the tip of her sword to the bullseye on the target.  Note that the bullseye is already messed up, pushed in and probably hanging by a thread.

Then Shelli has to hit a hanging bag with her sword so it smacks into another target.

The cameras show us Shelli's progress.  As she reaches 1,400, she tells Clay she only has 1,000 more to go, in a sarcastic voice.

Clay:  The first 1,400 wasn't too bad.  You're doing great.

Shelli:  The thing is, you start to get tired.  My legs are getting tired.

They discuss the possibility of getting some ice cream during their next break.

After Shelli reaches 1,400, there is another part of the ritual that must be performed, probably after every 100 rituals, or maybe before she is allowed to take breaks.

Shelli puts on her crown and grabs a cowbell and walks through the living room, calling out what I'm sure is the required announcement.

Shelli the Knight:  Hear ye!  Hear ye!  The Kingdom is safe, the Kingdom is safe!  All is well in your Kingdom! Only 1,000 more to go!

This ritual is surprisingly elaborate, right?  The bell is very loud and clangy, which I'm sure is the point.  Shelli is being a good sport about this, and has a good attitude.  She and Clay cracked up a number of times outside, laughing about how stupid this all is.

As Shelli comes outside she tells Clay she heard someone cheer for her from the bedrooms.

Shelli stops for a cookie break.  They both are getting weird feelings about Vanessa now, and realize she is getting paranoid about them, too.  They have a plan to approach Meg to try and put something together with her for the rest of the game.  They may use a threat, and Clay says they will sit next to each other, and Clay will tap Shelli's leg twice if he wants to make the threat, and Shelli will tap back twice if she doesn't think that is a good idea.

They discuss different things to say to James, and might use the money they can make being on the Jury as a way to appeal to James on a friend level.  (They get paid a stipend of about $1,000 per week for every week they are in the house or sequestered in the Jury.)

(But something tells me James will be thinking of Jason, who could have really used that stipend...)

Shelli:  I can't believe he is able to get this whole house wanting to backdoor one of us...


Last night, after the PoV, the air in the house was crackly with tension. The girls made small talk about how handsome Clay looked standing up there in his costume.  I was hoping that Clay would be wearing tights, but alas that costume includes shorts, not tights.

Clay:  Watch me have to get a job at DisneyLand, walking around dressed like this.

(But Disney would require tights, right?)

Becky Burgess, looking $5,000 richer than she did this morning.

And I have to say that I went back and listened to what Shelli and James discussed at the end of the HoH competition.  When you watch a live competition like that on the live feeds, the video is kind of choppy and slow as so many people tune in to watch.  And when someone falls, it gets extra choppy because I think people are filming it and making gifs.

So anyway, when I listened back, I could clearly hear Shelli mention keeping both her and Clay safe from both nominations and backdoors.  I only heard the backdoor part when I watched it live, but she did request safety from nominations as well.

So, was it clumsy and ill-advised to say that right in front of the entire cast?  Yes, but at least she did ask for more than I thought she did.  So there's that.

Now, Shelli must have been in the DR while all this happened.  Meg finally got Clay alone in the bathroom and tried to talk some sense into him, after hearing him beg everyone to vote him out instead of Shelli.  (Previously, Clay was saying he would use the PoV to save Shelli if he won, but that is a moot point now.)

Now, the tone of this conversation is friendly, but if you just watched the video or saw these pictures you might think differently.

Meg was almost whispering, trying to keep this conversation private.  She implored him to fight, saying that he has friends in this game, he has people he can work with.

Meg:  Clay, you know how I feel about you. You picked the wrong girl if you expect me to cheer you on for just giving up like this!

She started crying, saying she wanted to come into the game like a tough New Yorker, and look at her now.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want Meg standing between my boyfriend's legs like that.  Especially when you know how Meg likes to lean over and leverage that cleavage in most of her conversations.

I was very uncomfortable, watching this, waiting for Shelli to come around that corner and get a load of this conversation.  Because remember they are whispering....and Meg is kind of crying and is very passionate about what she's saying.

She's smashing them right into his face, practically.  Probably hitting his chin.

Meg: came into this game alone.  And you can win alone!

The camera are all over this.  Kind of like Meg being all over Clay, right?

Now, Meg didn't move her hand, because I was definitely watching for that, but she left it there, making it easy for me to snap this picture.


Enjoy this memory from BB16, as Brittany is in those deadly morning hours, when her goal to kick 2,400 soccer goals seems impossible.  And Cody wasn't happy about those penalty kicks-in-the-butt, either.

And here is another post, when Brittany was in the early hours of her soccer challenge.  And Nicole is still enjoying wearing her Germantard.

And from BB15, let's not forget how Amanada had to spray tan in the backyard, over and over and over.  That punishment got old fast, too, and everyone stopped being supportive so Amanda had to tan alone in the wee hours of the night.

Saturday, August 1, 2015

PoV Aftermath - Punishments & Prizes, Tortures & Treats #BB17

Well, any learned scholar would tell you that history repeats itself.  So why would Production tamper with a tried-and-true PoV format that leaves some house guests with cash and prizes, and others with humiliating punishments.

The theme was Game of Thrones.  But I'm sure they can't call it that, of course.  Julia was the host, and the spectators got to enjoy wine while they watched the proceedings.  There was a Crown, probably the PoV Crown.

But rarely does the PoV go to the person who really needs it.  Because it is one of those competitions where whoever goes next knows what you have, and can take it.

Prizes & Treats

James won the PoV.
Clay won a trip to Ireland.
Becky won $5,000.

Punishments & Tortures

Shelli has to do a knight's routine, waving a sword 2,400 times in 24 hours
Vanessa is chained to Jackie for 24 hours, and may or may not have to "pet" Jackie.
Jackie will be wearing some sort of costume.  (A dragon, perhaps?)

That is Shelli wearing her knight's costume in the picture above.  And in the pictures below.  Shelli and Clay have been grieving since their nominations yesterday.  I don't think they have a lot of tears left.  And Clay has been begging everyone to please vote him out, to let Shelli stay in the game.

Such a noble, stupid, short-sighted gesture.  He just met Shelli, and they don't even know if this relationship has a chance outside the BB house.  They live thousands of miles apart. And it's not that Shelli is ten years older than Clay, it is that the particular 10 year difference that they have is gargantuan, when you consider Clay is just 23, fresh out of school and in the midst of so many crucial life decisions.

Granted, Clay is not your typical 23-year-old guy.  He's incredibly grounded and mature, and obviously has a great family background.  But even if he does plan on pledging himself to Shelli, at least for a few years, that $500,000 would come in handy.  He has at least the same chance to win as Shelli if he stays in the game, or as many fans think, a much higher chance to win.

Shelli primps for their planned relocation to the Hammock Room, with it's pervasive camera coverage. Vanessa is finishing up her shower routine, and pledges vengeance on Shelli's behalf next week, for "that asshole". Shelli just kind of laughed and said she'd like to see that.

Shelli and Clay are resigned to their fate.  But do they know what their fate is?  Clay is begging people to vote him out so Shelli can stay, but James and his crew want Shelli to leave.  And they think Clay is nuts to sacrifice his game for Shelli, and James wants to pound that into Clay's head and set him straight.

Vanessa would rather Shelli stay to better her own chances in the game. But can she convince Austin, the Twins, and one other person to vote for Shelli to stay? Because they need five votes for Shelli.  Clay flat out lied to Meg last week, and is still bitter about it.  So maybe that is a lever they can pull to get Meg's vote.

Earlier today, an interesting exchange occurred as Vanessa primped before the PoV comp.  Austin visited James in the HoH earlier today, and Vanessa asked Austin about it.    Austin claimed it was a short conversation, with James asking what Clay has been up to, and what the chatter downstairs is about.

Vanessa isn't buying it, and let him know.

Vanessa, in a low, scary voice:  Don't you fuck me Austin.

Julia stood nearby, concerned.

Austin immediately started blabbering in that mile-a-minute way he has when he's nervous.  In one sense it seems really guilty, but watching Austin as much as I have, I think he's scared.

Austin is scared of Vanessa.  And I think she knows it and knows he needs a good scare now and then.  Austin needs discipline, and he knows it.  And probably enjoys it, too.

Vanessa:  If you think he's your friend now, you are delusional!  There are only four of them, so they may be in power this week, but if you think you can do better with them then you are sadly mistaken!  Shelli and Clay are in there and she is CRYING at the suggestion that she was plotting against The Twins. After all of the work we've done to build this, do you really think they would plot against The Twins at this point?  USE YOUR GUT, dude.

Austin:  **mumble mumble mumble***

Vanessa:  Look, they are trying to send someone home from our group!  Don't let it happen!  Don't let it happen!

(For the record, when I saw Austin in the HoH with James, I heard him complaining about Clay begging him for help. He certainly seems amenable to James, but there was no scheming or betrayal that I could see.)

You can see Vanessa was using a curling iron, which seems so old-fashioned to me.

Before the PoV Clay and Shelli rested. They know they are getting split up one way or another.  But they wanted to win that PoV. Sometimes there is nothing better than a good nap.

Julia was excited about hosting the PoV, and started getting ready hours ahead of time.  While she was doing her makeup using a camera window as a mirror, she suddenly screamed and said she saw a "purple dot-ah right in front of her face".  She said  it moved from side-to-side.

Then a few minutes later it happened again.

Julia, shreiking: Stop-ah that, beefcakes!  Stop-ah!

No one else saw it, or seemed very concerned, to be honest.  They thought it was funny though.

Clay and Shelli intertwined while they speak with Jackie, who wants them out, by the way. You'd think they'd try to tone it down so they could work on getting someone else who would go home nominated, but maybe that doesn't fit into the storyline right now.


Enjoy this moment from BB16, when Brittany Martinez had to kick 2,400 soccer goals within 24 hours, and ended up in crutches.

And that is the week Brittany was evicted, right before the Jury.   Will Shelli draw the reference?  Will Steve tell her?

Scenes From Last Night - The Survivors Carry On #BB17

On Friday night, there were really two types of house guests....two that were nominated that afternoon, and everybody else.  I'm sure you know Shelli and Clay were nominated by James, and are not demonstrating a lot of grace under pressure, to say the least. Both of them had outbursts after learning they were nominated, causing a disturbance during the nomination ceremony for the first time this year.

Meg said that it was really awkward for James to end the ceremony after that.  Can't wait to see that on Sunday night's CBS show....

OK.  So while Shelli and Clay are isolating themselves in a dark bedroom, whispering and whining, the rest of the house guests did what they could to make time fly.  They're locked in the house tonight, so they're hanging around, talking.

Steve bounced his beach ball up and down and around while a group talked about various reality show topics, as follows:

*  Steve heard that many contestants on reality and game shows forfeit their prizes because they can't pay the taxes, citing The Price is Right as a specific example.  Vanessa is very surprised at this, and wonders they wouldn't just immediately sell the car and use part of the proceeds to pay the taxes.
*  They discuss the trip to Germany that Zach won last year and also Meg's Gronk Party Cruise.

(I have actually heard that the BB contestants will also be taxed on the fair market value of competition costume items like new sports shoes, etc,---they get a 1099 for those dollars at tax time.)

*  Steve describes how when he was standing on the cliff last night, that he did a lot of smack talk with production, asking them if that was all the rain they had, to bring it on, etc.  He points out that this may not have been the best uses of his energy, since he was one of the first to fall.

*  Vanessa says it was strange to watch Steve up on the cliff, since he never likes to stand still and is usually moving around or fidgeting.

*  Someone made some sort of sex joke about slapping noises that Johnny Mac attributed to James.  Then Steve said that he wouldn't know anything about that, and then said he didn't think Vanessa did, either.

Vanessa:  Excuse me?  I was married to a man!  I've had sex before.  I'm not a gold star lesbian....I'm not even close...

*  This led into a discussion of what a gold star lesbian is, and Vanessa's estimate that it is a much smaller population of women, since most people experiment and try different things out as they discover themselves.  She mentions Jason having sex with a girl, saying it's the same thing.

*  Steve brings up Vanessa applying for TAR with her ex-husband.  Vanessa says they got really close to making it (they were an alternate team) but ultimately got sent home and she says she never applied for TAR again.  Steve asks if she was too bitter to apply again, but Vanessa told him that her husband "got really sick" after that.  Steve didn't process this information, and made  her repeat it, which is a common occurrence with Steve.

*  Vanessa applied for both Survivor and Big Brother after that, and says she will probably still keep applying for Survivor, and maybe even try TAR again after this.   The year after the TAR situation, she says she also came "really close" to being on Survivor, but her husband was very ill at that point (implying she might not have actually traveled to play).

Steve:  So, you just really want to be on a TV show?

Vanessa:  No, I'm very big into games and competitions that are on TV.

She has to repeat this for Steve twice, actually, before he accepts it as an acceptable response.

Vanessa:  So I'm big into Suvivor, but I'm not really that into bugs, so maybe....

John:  On Survivor, the bugs get into you, though, right?

They discuss how contestants have had to eat bugs on the show.

*  Steve said he would never do Survivor, because the competitions are too hard, and the living situation makes the Have Not room seem luxurious.  Vanessa says Survivor is stressful, but it seems pretty fair because people usually get voted out based on what they contribute or don't contribute to the team's camp life or competitions, at least up until the merge.

*  Vanessa learned to drive a stick shift, she says, but only did it once because she wanted to learn how for TAR.  Steve tells them that on Jackie's season a team got eliminated because they couldn't drive the standard gear car.  (Bergin and Kurt, the gay blind date team)

*  Julia told them that she was so irritated that Jason always talked about BB5 being his favorite season, because it made her nervous. Steve said Jason was a big Diane Henry fan, and told them all about how Nakomis influenced the game with her six finger plan.  Julia says she wasn't a big Nakomis fan, but Steve says he doesn't want to hear anyone talk smack about Nakomis.

Steve:  Nakomis is the reason why we have to pull players randomly for PoV.  She had a huge impact on this game.

*  Steve then mentioned Drew Daniel, and his arrest for domestic violence.

Julia:  What?  With his partner?

Steve: I think so.

(You can read about that here, of course.)

*  Julia asked Steve a lot of questions about the BB5 twins, but he couldn't remember the exact eviction order, nor who voted who out.  She asked Johnny Mac again about how he noticed her tooth, and when he realized that she was a twin.  Johnny says he noticed her tooth, but didn't know she was a twin until Jason told him.  (That is Liz in the picture below...Julia is sitting across the room in a yellow T-shirt.)

Austin and Liz went in to the Hammock Room to strategize, and Austin wanted to sit like this.  She didn't like it, and said she was uncomfortable.

So she moved to this position.

Meg came in and they had some laughs about how painfully horrible the HoH competition was.

Liz:  I was so happy when you were up there and you started saying "I'm gonna go...I'm gonna go", because I couldn't take it anymore!

Meg:  I was like, clearly I will not be winning this competition!

Jackie had to have a medic look at that spot on her chest that was bright red from the birds attacking her.

Jackie:  I had an angry bird.